Chapter 20: How to Scam Your Dungeon Party With "Wife Tax"!
Kael’s finger stayed pointed at him.
"...Your first dungeon?"
Lucien nodded.
"...Yes?"
Silence.
Then Kael burst out laughing, loud enough to echo off the chamber walls.
"You’ve got to be flipin kidding me!"
Vex pressed his fingers against his temples like he was warding off a headache.
Rika just sighed, long and heavy.
"Some people really are born lucky."
’System? Hello you there?’ Lucien thought, half-joking.
’You listening? Feel free to keep this up if you are behind it.’
No response, obviously. The system rarely bothered explaining itself.
"So what exactly are Gold Chests," Lucien asked, mostly to move past the staring, "besides apparently a big deal?"
Kael recovered enough to answer. "The rarity tiers of chests are," he said.
"Wooden, Bronze, Iron, Silver, Gold, Platinum, Diamond. Gold’s already borderline mythical for E-rank dungeons."
"Most adventurers clear dozens of runs and never see one gold almost they get Iron and maybe silver but even that’s rare for E Rank dungeons," Vex added.
"I’ve done this dungeon forty-something times and never once got a silver."
’Forty runs, zero silver chests and then I show up once and get gold on my first run,’
’Yeah, okay, that’s genuinely absurd luck.’
---
The chest sat waiting, gleaming faintly.
"So," Kael said, glancing at Lucien,
"How do you want to split it?"
"We killed it together," Lucien said.
"We open it together."
Rika’s mouth curved into something like a smile.
Kael laughed again, softer this time.
Vex just nodded, satisfied.
They gathered around as the chest creaked open, golden light spilling out and washing over all four faces.
Lucien peered inside, breath catching slightly.
The first item they saw was the Goblin King’s Mana Core (Peak D-Rank), it was dense, pulsing faintly, and clearly the most valuable single material inside.
The second thing inside was a small mountain of gear, one C-Rank weapon, two D-Rank weapons, a D-Rank armor piece, several E-Rank weapons, a rare crown fragment marked as crafting material, bundles of medicinal herbs, assorted monster parts.
And then they struck the gold coins, stacked neat and gleaming.
’Right, money one of the most important part of a civilization’ Lucien thought, filing away a detail he’d half-learned from Alaric’s dowry delivery.
’In this world it starts with Bronze coins, then silver coins, then gold coins, then diamond coins at the very top, with a hundred of one tier making one of the next.’
’Simple enough, once you actually see the money in front of you.’
The fourth Reward in the gold chest was a scattering of E-Rank mana crystals, easily thirty or forty of them.
"That’s already incredible," Kael muttered, staring at the pile.
Then Lucien’s eyes caught the final item, resting alone at the bottom of the chest.
A fruit.
Golden-skinned, faint runes etched across its surface, glowing softly like it had a slow heartbeat all its own.
The system’s description bloomed into Lucien’s view.
[Golden Genesis Spirit Fruit — Legendary]
[When consumed by a being Peak E-Rank or below who has not yet awakened a Talent, grants a 50% chance of Talent awakening. If the consumer already possesses a Talent, instead grants a 10% chance of awakening an additional Talent. Consumable once per lifetime.]
Lucien’s mind went, instantly and without hesitation, to one specific person.
’...Evelisse.’
Kael let out a low whistle, peering over his shoulder.
"...Damn, man. We got a Legendary ranked item, that’s some luck you have there Luc."
"Looks like a Golden Genesis Fruit." Rika confirmed.
Vex stared at it like it might bite him.
"That’s an insanely lucky drop for an E-rank dungeon chest even if it’s gold."
---
"The fruit’s worth more than everything else here combined," Kael said, scratching the back of his head.
"Probably," Lucien agreed.
Rika studied him. "You want it?"
"Not personally but one of my wives can use it," Lucien said simply.
Nobody argued.
Kael grinned.
"Then take it, it wouldn’t do much for any of us anyway."
"We’re all past the point it’d help," Vex added.
"It has a Peak E-Rank cutoff, remember. We’re already Beginner-D ranks, edging into Mid D, so it’ll be wasted on us."
"Plus, trying to sell it would bring its on risks and dangers that I’d rather not get into." Rika said.
"Same." Vex agreed.
"You can have it, man, we have no use for it." Kael replied.
"Thanks guys, but let me make up for it then." Lucien said.
"Tou guys can take extra mana crystals and gold, I’ll take the fruit and less of the other stuff, you three take more of everything else."
Rika opened her mouth to protest but then seemed to reconsider, and simply nodded instead.
"Fair enough, we’ll do that then."
’Good,’ Lucien thought.
’Nobody walks away feeling cheated. Everybody’s happy. That’s how you keep people willing to work with you twice.’
---
The dungeon’s exit shimmered into existence once the loot had been divided, and they stepped through together, the cavern dissolving behind them into blue light.
They emerged back at the guild’s dungeon portal, blinking against actual daylight for the first time in hours.
"To the appraisal counter," Rika said, already walking.
"Let’s offload the stuff we don’t need."
The counter sat near the back of the main hall, manned by a small, ancient-looking imp perched on a stack of ledgers, enormous spectacles perched on his nose, with a long white beard he carried on rubbing and a calculator the size of his own torso balanced on the desk in front of him.
"Brim," Kael said, by way of introduction.
"One of the best appraisers in the guild and also the stingiest, we just had to get him here."
"Fair, not stingy, lass" Brim corrected without looking up.
Then he actually looked at what they were unloading, and his eyebrows shot up toward his hairline.
He whistled, long and appreciative.
"Now that’s one heck of a haul from thus dungeon, how many times have you guys cleared it?"
"Once it was just a lucky dungeon run with better drip rates," Vex said quickly.
Brim shrugged, already sorting items with practiced speed.
"Luck pays the same commission as skill."
He tallied everything with impressive speed, all the goblin parts, mana cores, the extra weapons and crystals while muttering numbers to himself, occasionally whistling again at something particularly good.
When the final total came through, he split it four ways without being asked, sliding Lucien’s share across the counter along with the rest.
"That’d be 387 gold at market price, I’ll give you 400 so 100 for each of you, how bout it lass?" He said looking towards Rika.
"Sure thing, Brim" Rika said confirming with the others.
"Even split," Rika confirmed, glancing at Lucien.
"For the boss loot, at least. You still keep the other thing separately."
"Appreciate it," Lucien said and meant it.
Kael slapped him on the shoulder hard enough to stagger him slightly.
"You had a heck of a lucky first dungeon, Lucien," he said, grinning wide.
"We’re doing this again sometime, and I’m standing next to you the whole time, some of that luck better rub off onto me."
"No promises it will Kael," Lucien said.
"Might be a one-time thing."
"Terrible attitude, but I’m going to do it anyway."
They exchanged contact information before parting ways.
Rika lingered a moment longer.
"You’re welcome to join us regularly," she offered.
"You held your own, in fact more than held your own, honestly."
"I like working solo, mostly," Lucien admitted.
"But I wouldn’t say no to teaming up again sometime."
Rika nodded, apparently satisfied with that answer.
"Next time, then."
"Next time," Lucien agreed.
---
He hailed a carriage home rather than walk, the sun already dipping low, and settled back against the seat with his newly-swollen coin pouch and one very special fruit tucked safely in his storage pouch.
’Okay. Let’s actually do the math.’
He tallied it up mentally, dungeon loot, the sold materials, the split from the chest, minus what he’d already spent on gear and repairs.
’That’s... considerably more than I expected walking in, one dungeon run, and we’ve basically covered the rest of the estate renovations with room to spare.’
’Not bad for being the family’s greatest disappointment.’
He glanced down at the fruit in the pouch, faint golden light pulsing softly through the fabric of the pouch, barely visible.
’Evelisse’s face is going to be priceless.’
He grinned, watching the city slide by outside the window, gothic spires catching the last orange light of sunset.
’First dungeon, first boss and first actual paycheck that isn’t dowry money or system charity.’
’For the first time since I opened my eyes as a child in this world,’ he thought.
’I feel like I’m actually heading somewhere. Not being pushed or waiting around for a golden finger that might never show up.’
’Just... moving forward, on my own two feet, well with a little help from the system maybe.’
The carriage rolled to a stop outside the estate — freshly fixed and tiled roof visible even in the dim light, a testament to the day’s renovation work.
Lucien stepped down, pouch of gold in one hand, legendary fruit pouch in the other, and walked through the front door with a grin he couldn’t quite shake.
***************
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