A Heartwarming Decade

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not my business.

Left hand, or right hand.

I moved my hands quickly, the complex flashes, and I looked at the young man in front of me.

He smiled and glanced at him: "Lu Liu, how old are you and still play this."

"Guess it."

His feet are on the glass table, red cloth shoes, and mud.It just rained outside.

He took the new game console, lowered his head to play, and said indifferently: "Left hand, just left hand."

I moved Zippo quietly from left to right, opened my palm, and told him-wrong.

He raised his eyes, squinted, looked at the silver lighter in my right hand, lowered his head, and said casually.

Yanxi loves to talk casually.

This is his habit, a habit he only has when facing me.

In fact, this is very common, when you know that he often smiled at the handsome Wen Si and shouted "Fuck you, hurry up", and raised an eyebrow at the straightforward Sindayi-"Pig, you lied."

Since childhood, I went to school with Yanxi, after school together, ate together, played games together, and played pranks together.

We are wonderful brothers.

Primary school classmates, one handbook, we sent each other, everyone in the class received a stack.

What Yanxi wrote to me was very perfunctory.He often laughs, brother, this is written by an unfamiliar person, right?

——The first impression of him?

——8 years old, banquet, grabbed him three cups of juice and four spare ribs and five stacks of caviar and laughed, so cheating.

-His character?

-Stubborn, hypocritical, weak, shameless.

After I read it, I kneaded it into a ball and stuffed it into the drawer.

I scolded him: "Yanxi, you beast."

Yanxi raised her eyebrows: "You son of a bitch."

We get along like this when no one sees it.

Obviously, when I was ten years old, I had learned how to scold Beijing and scold the three-character scripture, but some people said that I looked like a little Buddha.

Just like the twelve-year-old Yanxi, she looked at the blackboard upright for a while. After class, the girl at his front desk would still blush and ask, "Yanxi, you have been looking at me in class, right? Do you like me?"

Yanxi smiled gently: "I like your family."

Born to provoke peach blossom life, there is no rescue.

I sympathize with him: "One day, you will die among the rotten peach blossoms."

Yanxi wanted to laugh, "If you dig a few holes, I can live ten years longer."

Ten years, how long is ten years, is it enough to erase the woman in his life?

When he said this, I didn't know, nor could I predict that in the future, there will be a woman who will exist for ten years, and I and Yanxi are totally different.

Secretary Chen, besides Yanxi, has been with me the longest time.

I call his brother, stick to him, be gentle and angry, obedient everywhere, but hopefully, when he is reporting to grandpa, he will play down the existence of Yanxi.

For example, we are inseparable. For example, we play a game until we die on the carpet.

As long as it is slightly downplayed, as long as it does not hinder the father's eyes.

Chen is a warm person. Although he was adopted by the Lu family, he seemed to have a little human touch. He did hide it, but the methods were not clever, and things were not balanced as I thought.

The old man is a person who doesn't rub the sand in his eyes and wants to drive Chen away.

I cried so terribly that day that I thought that I had a deep relationship with this person.

The old man kept looking at me to see if I was acting.

I had to alienate Yanxi and get closer to Chen.

I said silently, brother, brother, it’s not easy for everyone to live, don’t blame me.

Yanxi went to the park to feed the dirty kitten, then threw it on me and said, "Go, Pikachu." Then I remembered the way he laughed clearly, but the kitten ignored his appearance, I I have long forgotten.

During that period, he was a little silent. I don't know what we look like in the eyes of others, but such words of hope are indeed not normal words of hope.

He didn't go to class, but only paints. The teacher told Yan Lao. Yan Xi was locked into the study on the first floor hungry.

I surreptitiously brought him food, and he scolded me: "You beast, how come you? I'm starving to death."

I was also annoyed: "Yanxi, you bastard, it would be nice if I send you food. I'll hire you, shit, I'm so cheap, I came to you to scold me."

He immersed himself in eating, picking and choosing, and threw all the things he didn't like to the window.

The same was true when he was eight years old.

I touched his hair and sighed: "Brother, I will dig the last pit again, will it work?"

The hair in my palm paused, and he smiled faintly: "Is this a conscience discovery? I still know how to inform."

I was cruel, but my tone was helpless, and I said, "Yanxi, I must go abroad and have been away for a while. This is the only time to get rid of my grandfather and my mother. They both lose, so I can..."

He interrupted me and said yes, whatever.

He smiled and bent his eyes: "In a foreign country, if you can constrain your nature, make more friends who are not under pressure."

I was sure: "Yanxi, you know what I did, you will hate me."

Consistently, I love to bluff in front of him.When I was eight years old, I said with a straight face, Yanxi, what I wanted was never such a weak you; how did you know that Yanxi sang well, just pretended to cry, but made a grimace in a blink of an eye-I see.

I don't know who is weaker.

Putting down his chopsticks, he sat on the swivel chair in the study. Suddenly, his eyes were as cold as water. He stretched out his hand, grabbed my neck, and asked with a smile, "Are you afraid? Tell me, Lu Liu, are you afraid?"

I couldn't breathe, but looked into his eyes and shook my head gently.

He said word by word: "Why? Lu Liu, tell me your reasons."

I said: "In this world, there is only my brother... Yanxi, it won't... harm me."

He let go, fingers as white as jade, and placed it on the windowsill.With an arrogant face, he said flatly: "Remember your words. I hope that one day, these words will also become my reason for forgiving you."

And I, after all, harmed him.

Looking at his unbelievable eyes, in the madly hot flames, for the first time, it became clear that the betrayal is never alone.

I have no time to take care of myself. If I want to have someone who can be with me for a lifetime, he must be as hard as iron.

I often think about that fire, if Yanxi died, if he died, would I regret it?

However, he couldn't get through it. Even if he was alive and so weak, he would eventually be strange to me.

And instead of being a stranger, it is better to be a dead brother.

He said, Lu Liu, I will not hate you.I want to stand in front of you, even if I live a day longer than you, let you watch me live with your own eyes.

I lay beside his ear and said softly: "Yanxi, four years, give me four years."

The old man, finally believed that I and Yanxi had no feelings, but left Chen as a bargaining chip against me.

I left the country, but I didn't expect that my mother would be so resolute and drive Yanxi into the dust.

I took pains to hide it from the old man, but not the woman.

why?

I ask her.

She said: "Son, keep your eyes tight, if you really don't care about a person like this."

I murmured to her: "Do you know what a brother is? Brother, brother, not a bargaining chip, not a bargain, not an enemy."

She looked at me with sympathy and pity, this is a self-proclaimed gentle and kind mother.She was very grand, and threw the negative of the photo in front of me: "Lu Liu, if these, let him stay by your side forever, you good brother, are you willing to destroy it?"

Land flow.

Lu Liu, ask your heart.

She said: "Yanxi missed you very much, and missed him very much. I gave him a desperate situation, and he can't go back, and you, if you can't beat me and your grandfather and completely master Lu, you will never be qualified to save him."

Her eyes looked deep, deep love and despair, like a deep pool.

I stay in Vienna.

The dark night often had nightmares. Someone crushed Yanxi's spine inch by inch, but I stood by and watched quietly.

I can't help but keep swallowing sleeping pills to help sleep.

Forget it, go to sleep.

I met Chen Juan, a very interesting person, as Yanxi told him, there was no pressure to get along with him, and he was often amused by his funny and deliberate dressing.

This is an American child, with an American openness and an absurd behavior.

His eyes are clean, like doves.

He asked me: "Lu Liu, can Chinese men like men?"

I laughed and shook my head: "I don't know."

Understanding his desires and intentions, this intercourse, this friendship, has become very sad.

For the first time, if you make friends without purpose, you still cannot end well.He confessed, I refused, and this man returned home in anger.

After taking sleeping pills, dreams are good dreams. In the dream, back to back with people who can't see the appearance, he handed me a big red apple, which was very sweet.

We, leaning on each other, draw the remaining warmth.

The mother became more rampant in the Lu clan, using his relatives to go up and down, and the blood ran into rivers.

Grandpa kept silent and handed me a few projects and asked me how to deal with them.

He accelerated his pace and trained me.

But I don't know, no matter how weak the wolf cub grows up, it will tear people.

In this world, black is not black, and white is not white.

It's ridiculous.

I often switch to the only Chinese channel and stare at the weather forecast. The capital is cloudy, sunny, rainy and foggy, and the weather is good.

In 2000, there was no snow.

I learned from Si Wan that the genuine girl Wen had returned home, and she also received Sun Peng's phone. When she mentioned Yanxi, she occasionally hung up her name inadvertently.

Yanxi and Wen Heng are in pairs of four characters, as if they were originally created in nature, not abrupt.

When I hung up the phone, my heart became more painful, but I didn't know where the pain came from, and what effort did I have to go to it.

Pity.

Lu Liu, Yan Xi.

It used to be so.

The amount of sleeping pills increased. When I was in the black and sweet country, I often looked at the vastness when I was a child, but the people behind me disappeared.

Years ago, I invited four people to Vienna to enjoy the snow, but Wen Heng was the only one who missed it.

I finally saw my brother again.

He hugged me and laughed softly: "I'm still alive, you see."

I hug back, so comfortable, so harmonious.

I don't want to ask, do he forgive me, or, this has nothing to do with me.

Standing shoulder to shoulder with others, why not ask the dust.

He always has to marry a wife, have a child, and he has to be a hundred years old. At that time, we were grandfathers, sitting in front of the chessboard and laughing at each other.

My mother asked me: "Do you know why everyone loves to call you little Bodhisattva?"

I laughed: "They have glaucoma and myopia plus astigmatism, how do I know?"

My mother laughed too: "You are often easy to be at ease. If no one is forced, you will never be able to take the next step."

She showed me the photos of Yanxi and Wen Heng together, and each one was very clear.Yan Xi was gentle and indulgent, and she opened up her infinite warmth, as if she waited, this girl bumped in.

He drank soup with her soup spoon, squeezed toothpaste on the window she had just cleaned to pretend to be a grandfather, laughed at the corner of her clothes, and opened his mouth into a heart shape.

I put these pictures on the head of the bed, took too much sleeping pills, and couldn't sleep.

I finally know why Yanxi treats me without hate.

He was extremely intelligent, afraid that each other would dig too many holes for each other in this life, and hate too much, so he left me first and found a way out.

He is very intelligent.

My mother smiled and asked me, he is so happy and left you alone, Lu Liu, what are you going to do?

Those photos were washed again. The most intolerable thing in Yanxi's life is that others trample on his dignity and abandon him.

The first time I looked at those photos, my fingers clenched into fists, and still couldn't restrain the shaking. My mother said, "You shouldn't touch such a dirty thing."

She sent it in person and threw the receipt to Yanxi.

Yanxi froze for a long time and understood the receipt. After a long, long time, she knelt on the carpet and looked at me. It was so painful that what he called was not my name, but I could almost hear his heart cracking. .

He whispered Aheng.

Aheng.

Aheng.

Aheng.

Over and over again.

Suddenly got up, crazy, stumbled in the snow.

I know where he is going, he is afraid of being abandoned by Wen Heng.

Such a dirty thing, for such a gentle and clean girl, Yanxi was bruised and bruised, thinking about retrieving it, it was terrible.

Sindayi looked at me and my mother, alert like a little beast.

He hurriedly returned to China with Si Wan and Si Er.

Mother has always been complacent, smiling, I go back, there is another play.

"Lu Liu, you can only get back your things by yourself."

She said so.

On the third day, my mother called and laughed: "The game has increased a little more difficulty, do you dare to continue?"

The so-called difficulty refers to Wen Heng's persistence to Yanxi.

I couldn't laugh, looked at Qingxue outside the window, and said lightly, can I not continue?

Yanxi got hysteria and made a lot of noise. The garden turned a patient upside down. Benefits, affection, and trade-offs never ended.

I never doubted that Yanxi would come out on her own, even if I heard that the doctor almost sentenced him to death.

How arrogant Yanxi is, how could he tolerate being in such a foolish state all the time?

Wen Heng?

Wenheng is nothing but a catalyst.

Without temperature and balance, the ending will not change halfway.

I have been so convinced.

In the past eighteen years, I always thought that I understood the meaning of suffering.Because I personally experienced the suffering and saw the suffering.Even if you have no worries about food and clothing, even if you are human, you can't get rid of these two words.

For example, Yanxi is the most distressing one of my many sufferings.

The first time he was crazy, I was not by my side; the second time, he was already numb.

I hate myself and ask myself, why did it become like this?However, my heart is always anxious and still desperately thinking, Yanxi will wake up, and Yanxi will forgive me.

This kind of determination stems from my belief that the right hand that is cut off by righteous indignation will always forgive the left hand.This is the nature of human beings. Although Yanxi hates this nature, in this life I rely on his nature.

In my spare time, what I have portrayed thousands of times in my mind is not the change in Yanxi's appearance, but the stranger Wen Heng who is in the rumors that people cannot ignore.

I see Wen Heng as Yanxi’s betrayal of me, but when she really disappeared from the compound, when she watched Yanxi in a daze in the broadcasting studio countless times, I realized that maybe everything was in my absence. At that time, too much and too profound subversion occurred.

I hated, mocked, and then threw Yanxi a Chen Wan, a teenager who looked like the woman in the photo about eighteenths.When Yanxi saw him in Cutting Diamond, he never blinked from beginning to end.

I want him to be gentle and considerate, I want him to be able to cook ribs, I want him to learn to be single-minded to Yanxi, I want him to be the ultimate in gentleness and balance.

However, he failed.

I still remember that day when it was raining, Chen Wan walked into my office, covered with rain.He grabbed my sleeve and looked at me sadly. He said, "You lost, Lu Liu."

I lost?How could I lose?Stupid love is not the only criterion. The so-called only one is Wen Heng, not me.I didn't lose, I won't lose.

In college, I once did a logical analysis problem.

Europeans admire China's "High Mountain and Flowing Water", which is a gem of Chinese classical music.So, how does William, as a European, feel about "Mountain Flowing Water"?

The answer is love.Because it's not that I don't appreciate it, I have to love it.

"Mountain and Flowing Water" is to William what it is to land flow.It is because there is no choice, so the love is so strong.

Lu Liu could never love Yanxi.His love, his forbearance, and his inexhaustible feelings all aimed at Wen Heng.

If it is possible, if you want to kill a person to interrupt a love, then Wen Heng must have been dead and resurrected thousands of times in Yanxi's heart.

Wen Heng is like a drug that cannot be quit, discarded, or ignored. Even if it is weak, even if it is hidden, even if there is nowhere to live, I cannot cut off this existence, not to mention self-control since childhood.

I once saw Yanxi and Wen Heng hanging out on the road. They got so close, but they didn't hold each other's hands.After a long time, in the sunset, Yanxi lowered her head.The posture of his hand is very strange, far away from Wen Heng, but it has been maintained stiffly.

I also lowered my head, but the moment I lowered my head, my steps staggered a bit and held the tree trunk beside me.

Yanxi maintained stiffly, originally just to hold the shadow of Wen Heng's hands.He refused to give in a step, suspicious and humble.This is not like me, but at such a moment, I was forced to helplessly, but I can only stop at a long distance from them.

I watched them go away, sitting quietly under the tree.When the wind blew, I remembered the moment when I was still young, sitting quietly with him counting the fallen leaves.

I thought we were still me and him, but he didn't want us.We are the only one left.

I am the only one of us who is constantly reminiscing about the past like being eaten by a poisonous snake, accompanied by painful memories that are constantly unwilling to forget.

At this moment, I realized that if friendship and family affection cannot contain all my feelings for him, then all the feelings for him who turn to love will teach Lu Liu to be happy.

It is also at this moment that we are far away, no matter how we have been, how we are with each other day and night, no matter how we have been, how much we have been looking forward to, such an eternal life day and night.

I love Yanxi very much.

When I was alone, I once listened to a piece that no one hummed.The vinyl record has been worn for too long, and the original writing is no longer visible.I don't know its name, but I keep listening.

Some people always boast about how nostalgic they are. They refuse to discard used ballpoint pens, reluctant to replace the streets they have walked, and refuse to forget the first love they once loved. This is the pride of fools such as Wen Heng.However, only if I keep hypnotizing myself to forget, every one must be forgotten. If I forget everything completely, I can be reborn. If I forget everything, I can be justified. If I forget everything carefully, I can lose the despicable me.

Yanxi agrees with me, and he is also forgetting.He tried to forget me, and I was also trying to forget him.He forgets quickly, I forget slowly.I have no choice but to force him to break up with Wen Heng, and see him every day and see his forgetting each other to comfort me, and I still cannot forget each other.

I heard that when he was in a car accident, I was sitting in the office all afternoon, but I didn't see a word in the documents in hand.

This fool, even the IQ gradually converged with Wen Heng and his like.

I brought him back home, who was still alive.He went on a hunger strike, started to flee, and started to demonstrate to me.

This is what I think in my heart, you wait, Yanxi, you beast, you don't have to be so arrogant, you wait for the day I forget you, you wait, wait for me to no longer like you!

I listened to the vinyl record and squeezed the armrest of the swivel chair I was sitting on.

I firmly believe that such a day will come until, I am tired of this person who has been deeply loved.

However, in the end, it did not wait.

Sun Peng made a break for me and him.

He personally cut off the "left arm" and "right arm" until no one could ever expect to be forgiven by the other party.

However, I smiled deeply at Sun Gongzi's childishness.

What's the use of this?Just as I still listen to my unknown vinyl records, this fool-like person still loves someone I can't completely forget.No matter, past or present, no matter how much I want to forget.

I can still hum the song in its entirety, so what if it is unknown?