Chapter 60: The Truth She Feared
Chapter 60: The Truth She Feared
The words struck like a bolt of lightning.
Seris’s pupils contracted violently.
"W-What...?"
"I..."
"No..."
Her breathing became uneven.
Every instinct screamed at her to reject those words.
To deny them.
To call them impossible.
Absurd.
She was kind.
She had always been kind.
She protected servants.
She defended commoners.
She had devoted herself to becoming the sort of knight people could rely upon.
How could someone like her possibly be—
A sadist?
"No..."
She whispered the word again, but this time...
It sounded less like a denial.
And more like a plea.
Then...
The memories returned.
Not one by one.
All at once.
The clash of steel.
The sharp scent of blood.
Andras stumbling backward with every exchange.
His desperate attempts to defend himself.
The moment his sword flew from his grasp.
The moment he collapsed to one knee.
It should have ended there.
She knew it should have.
Yet...
She had taken another step forward.
Then another.
She remembered the excitement surging through her veins.
Her pounding heartbeat.
The strange exhilaration that had spread through her body every time her blade struck him.
The satisfaction.
The unbearable...
Satisfaction.
She remembered smiling.
A smile she never should have worn.
A smile she hadn’t even realized she was wearing.
The image shattered something inside her.
"...No..."
Tears welled in her eyes.
"I..."
"I didn’t..."
Her voice broke.
Andras remained silent, allowing the truth to sink in.
He didn’t rush her.
Didn’t interrupt.
He simply watched.
Because some truths could never be accepted through persuasion.
People had to arrive at them themselves.
Finally, he spoke.
His voice was calm.
Steady.
"You enjoyed it."
Seris flinched.
"I..."
"You enjoyed watching me suffer."
"No..."
"You enjoyed hearing me scream."
Her lips trembled violently.
"And somewhere during that fight..."
"You stopped thinking."
"You forgot why you drew your sword."
"You forgot why you challenged me in the first place."
Every sentence stripped away another layer of the illusion she had desperately clung to.
"You were no longer protecting the servants."
"You were no longer teaching your brother a lesson."
His violet eyes remained fixed on hers.
"You were satisfying yourself."
Silence.
Absolute silence.
Seris felt as though the ground beneath her had disappeared.
The room suddenly felt suffocating.
Her chest tightened.
She struggled to breathe.
The memories she had buried beneath endless guilt resurfaced with merciless clarity.
She remembered raising her sword again.
And again.
And again.
Not because she needed to.
Not because Andras could still fight.
But because...
She wanted to.
The realization broke her.
Her shoulders trembled violently.
Tears streamed uncontrollably down her face.
"I..."
"I’m..."
A sob escaped her lips.
"I..."
She couldn’t finish the sentence.
There were no words capable of describing what she felt.
Shame.
Fear.
Disgust.
Not toward Andras.
Toward herself.
She had spent weeks believing she was consumed by guilt because she had nearly killed her brother.
Now she realized something far more terrifying.
What truly horrified her...
Was that, for those few moments...
She had enjoyed it.
Andras watched quietly.
After a long silence, he let out a small sigh.
Then...
He reached across the table.
With surprising gentleness, he brushed away the tears from her cheeks using his thumb.
The unexpected gesture froze Seris completely.
She looked at him with tear-filled eyes.
Confusion replaced shock.
"...Brother?"
A faint smile appeared on Andras’s face.
One devoid of mockery.
"At least let me finish before you decide your entire life is over."
His relaxed tone caught her off guard.
She blinked through her tears.
Andras leaned back in his chair.
Then asked quietly,
"Tell me something."
His expression softened.
"Are you crying because you almost killed me..."
"...or because you discovered something about yourself that you never wanted to see?"
Seris lowered her head.
Her fingers tightened around the fabric of her dress.
She wanted to answer.
But she couldn’t.
Because she didn’t know.
Was she mourning what she had done?
Or mourning the person she had just realized she might truly be?
The silence itself became her answer.
Andras nodded faintly, as though he had expected it.
"You’ve been apologizing to me ever since you walked into this room."
He smiled slightly.
"But I don’t think I’m the person you’ve been trying to convince."
Seris slowly looked up.
Her tear-filled eyes met his.
"You’ve been trying to convince yourself."
"You wanted to believe that what happened that day was simply an accident."
"That you lost control for no reason."
"That if you could just find the answer..."
"You’d prove to yourself that you’re still the same person."
He paused.
"But the answer you found..."
"...was one you never wanted to hear."
Seris closed her eyes.
Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.
For the first time since entering the room...
She stopped trying to deny it.
She simply sat there...
Silently confronting the truth she had feared .
The room remained silent.
Only the faint ticking of the ornate clock broke the stillness.
Seris sat motionless, her eyes lowered.
For the first time in weeks...
She stopped running from the truth.
After several moments, she finally found her voice.
"...Does that make me a monster?"
Her question was barely above a whisper.
It wasn’t directed at the heir of House Darkmoor.
Nor at the person she had nearly killed.
It was the desperate question of someone whose image of herself had just shattered.
Andras looked at her quietly.
Then...
He chuckled.
A small, almost amused laugh.
"Are you?"
Seris looked up.
He rested one arm on the table before speaking.
"Let’s answer that properly."
"When you sparred with students at the academy..."
"Did you ever lose control?"
She answered immediately.
"No."
"Never."
"When you fought monsters?"
"No."
"When you dueled ordinary opponents?"
She shook her head again.
"I always stopped when the match was over."
"And after defeating someone..."
"Did you ever feel the same excitement you felt that day?"
"...No."
His expression remained calm.
"And have you ever fought anyone else you truly believed deserved punishment?"
Seris thought carefully.
Long enough to search every memory she possessed.
Finally...
She slowly shook her head.
"No."
"I haven’t."
A faint smile appeared on Andras’s face.
"As I expected."
He folded his hands together.
"You don’t enjoy hurting people."
"You enjoy punishing people."
Seris froze.
Those words carried an entirely different meaning.
Andras continued.
"The more convinced you become that someone deserves punishment..."
"The easier it becomes for you to abandon restraint."
"It isn’t violence that excites you."
"It’s judgment."
"You stop seeing a person."
"You only see someone who deserves to suffer."
His gaze remained steady.
"And once that happens..."
"You stop asking yourself where the punishment should end."
Seris unconsciously clenched her fists.
Everything he said...
Matched her memories perfectly.
She had never enjoyed violence.
She had never abused innocent people.
But that day...
She had already decided that Andras deserved punishment.
And once she reached that conclusion...
She never questioned herself again.
A bitter smile formed on her lips.
"So..."
"I’m still a sadist."
Andras shrugged.
"If you want to use that word."
"I prefer something else."
She blinked.
"...What?"
"A judge."
Seris frowned.
He explained calmly.
"You have an unhealthy desire to punish those you believe are guilty."
"That’s your flaw."
"But your flaw only appears after you’ve already judged someone."
He leaned back in his chair.
"Compared to someone who simply enjoys hurting people..."
"You’re actually fortunate."
Confusion filled her eyes.
"Fortunate?"
"You still possess a conscience."
"You still feel guilt."
"You still know the difference between right and wrong."
He paused.
"A true monster wouldn’t be crying right now."
Those simple words pierced deeper than anything else he had said.
Seris slowly lowered her head.
Fresh tears slipped silently down her cheeks.
Not tears of despair.
But relief.
For the first time...
She felt that perhaps she wasn’t beyond saving.
After a long silence, she spoke.
"...Then..."
"...what should I do?"
Andras answered without hesitation.
"Accept it."
She looked at him.
"You can’t solve a problem by pretending it doesn’t exist."
"If you keep denying this part of yourself..."
"It will control you again."
He slowly stood.
"Understand it."
"Control it."
"Master it."
"Whether you suppress it..."
"...or learn to live with it..."
"That choice is yours."
He walked toward the door.
His hand rested upon the handle.
Then he stopped.
Without turning around, he spoke one final time.
"As for your apology..."
"I’ve already accepted it."
Seris’s eyes widened.
"You have?"
"I do."
He smiled faintly.
"I was planning to make your life difficult for a while."
"But seeing you cry this much..."
"I think you’ve suffered enough."
A weak laugh escaped Seris through her tears.
"...Thank you."
"And next time..."
Andras said calmly,
"If you decide to punish someone..."
"Don’t hesitate."
"But don’t complain when the consequences return to you."
He slowly opened the door.
"Every action has a price."
"The moment you choose to swing your sword..."
"You’ve already agreed to pay it."
With those final words...
He stepped outside.
The door closed softly behind him.
Several minutes later...
Andras returned to the main hall.
Evelyne was still waiting exactly where he had left her.
She looked up the moment he entered.
"How did it go?"
He walked over calmly.
"She apologized."
"And?"
"I accepted it."
For a brief moment...
Relief flickered across Evelyne’s beautiful silver eyes.
The tension she had quietly carried for weeks finally eased.
She smiled warmly.
"I’m glad."
Family wounds rarely healed overnight.
But today...
The first step had finally been taken.
Andras stretched lazily before glancing toward the tall windows overlooking the Capital.
Sunlight poured through the crystal glass, bathing the hall in a warm golden glow.
A small smile appeared on his lips.
"This is my first time in Valtharis."
"I’d rather not spend the whole day inside."
He turned toward Evelyne.
"You’ve visited the Capital countless times."
"Show me around."
Her smile widened.
"I was hoping you’d ask."
She rose gracefully from her seat.
"Very well."
"I’ll show you why Valtharis is called the jewel of the Empire."
The two left the mansion side by side.
The heart of the Empire awaited them.