About my hopeless brother and sister

Or is it the pain of knowing you can't but still having to do it, the pain of knowing you've failed?

I looked at Qin Lan, I looked at her angry face, I looked at her beautifully sculpted face, I looked at the face of this childhood friend I had known for a long time, I looked at her and said softly, "So, are you in pain?"

"I..."

She was trembling, maybe she didn't expect me to ask that, I looked at her calmly, I waited for her answer. Qin Lan's hand slowly turned into a fist, her body was trembling gently, as if, she was thinking, what she wanted to say, what she wanted to do.

No, it shouldn't be, Qin Lan should know the answer to the question, this question was just like the one I had asked her before, in the darkness. At that time, Qin Lan didn't answer, at that time, Qin Lan chose to leave. The current Qin Lan is still in great pain. Some questions even if you know the answer, you still hope to hear the answer from someone else's mouth.

I would like to know the answer to Qin Lan's question. I want to see the proud Qin Lan, able to say the words.

"Qin Lan, are you in pain?"

I asked again.

She raised her head, her expression was fierce, no, this was not a fierce of anger, this was a fierce of self, this was a fierce of openness. She seemed to want to say something, but for what reason could not be said, and this so-called grimness was not to me, but to herself, to what?

Is it self-esteem? Or the past? Or the future? What does this answer mean to Qin Lan? Perhaps being able to tell this answer, Qin Lan would no longer be Qin Lan, perhaps being able to tell this answer, Qin Lan would be able to leave the past behind, perhaps being able to tell this answer, Qin Lan, would no longer be the proud Qin Lan.

"...Yeah...I'll be in pain."

Qin Lan's tightly clenched teeth desperately squeezed out a few unspoken sounds.

"What did you say?"

"I said...I'm going to be...miserable!"

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, those almond-shaped eyes staring at me, and yelled, "I told you I'd be in pain! Yeah, I'm gonna be miserable! I'm in pain no matter which girl you talk to! I'm in the same boat as them! I'd be sad and jealous and angry too! Yes, I've done outrageous things to you before, but enough already! Enough already! There's no need for it...there's no need...there's no need to be ambiguous with other girls in front of me anymore...whether it's Wu Mo Xi, or Lin Yiran, or Song Yixin ...are...all...enough of that..."

The angry low roar gradually turned into a sob, the pair of eyes that looked like a hunting lioness were also engulfed in tears, the clenched fist gradually loosened, and large tears rolled down her exquisite face.

"You've had enough! I'm begging you! You've had enough! No more of this! I was wrong in the past, but you don't know why I was like that...you don't know...you don't even know...don't date other girls, okay? ...I beg you...to stop...torturing me like this...I ...it's my fault...it's always been my fault...it was my fault the moment I said yes.... It's all my fault..."

Qin Lan's crying gradually took over and she sat back on the couch, covering her face and sobbing. I sat there dumbfounded, this is the time, I should go over to hug Qin Lan and comfort her, comfort her, promise her, and then maybe even kiss or something. Is this development, isn't it very youthful love?

But, my life is definitely not one of those simple teenage romance comedies.

Or it had the potential to turn out that way, except, in the end, it didn't.

If it was the original me, I would have gone and hugged her at this time, I guess. Because that's the Qin Lan I like, that's the childhood sweetheart I like, that's the girl I made it clear from the first chapter that I like. I should have gone and held her, comforted her, listened to her, assured her, and then, settled my love with a kiss, right?

Nope.

Even in the past, even before, when faced with this moment, I would never go over there and hug her. Because I know that if I say that I'm past now, then I'll never be able to, follow the dream in my heart. I know the pain, I know the pain of knowing that I love it but can't say it, I understand it all, because I share the pain, and if crying is all it takes to make the other person hug me, then I will cry too.

But I know that crying doesn't solve all the problems, or anything for that matter. Life isn't a fairy tale that can peak after it's said to incite. I won't accept the past, I can't accept the present, I can only watch Qin Lan cry in front of me, but I can't extend my arms to her.

What's more, that person, is right behind the door.

"Hey..."

Well, that guy, he was right behind me.

I looked back and saw the chairman in his pajamas, impatiently pulling out his ears, and said, "What are you doing up at night, brother? If you want to play a game, play a game. Why did you play with Qin Lan? And you didn't say anything to comfort her when she cried? Are you gonna let me sleep now? You know, brother, if I say I'm still awake in half an hour, I'll force myself to go to your room and use you as a pillow ah."

"If you take one step into my room, I'll break your legs!"

"There's no need to be like that for now, so go comfort Arashi first. Making a girl cry and not caring, that's not the kind of manners my brother should have."

The president patted me on the head and smiled. I trailed off and said, "I'm fine with that, but what about you?"

"Me? What's wrong with me?"

The president tilted his head and said, "Isn't Barbra a good friend of yours? Ah, no, I should say, our best friends. Although I didn't really like being with you guys when I was little, I like your smiles when you're together. Ah no, I should say, I don't have to care about you as long as Qin Lan is with you. But now I mean, Elyssa, it's always been the one, who likes you Elyssa."

"What? Didn't she hate me for a while? That was a pretty long time..."

"Idiot! There's a reason for that!"

The president heavily patted me on the head, then looked at the weeping Qin Lan, sighed and said, "That matter can be said to be both very complicated and very simple. In any case, it's very strange for me to be the one to tell you about it, so I'll leave it to Lin Yiran and Qin Lan and you. You should also know about this matter, brother, I can say that this is the matter that changed your opinion of Qin Lan, and the current result, whether it was deliberately done by Lin Yiran or coincidentally I can't say."

The president said a whole bunch of things I didn't quite understand, what was it? What exactly is this matter, is this between Qin Lan and Lin Yiran? When and where and for what was it done? Why does it matter to me? And, if it was in the past, why would the effect affect the present?

"Clack..."

The door was gently pushed open and Lin Yiran stood in the doorway, kicked his boots and said, "What's up everyone? I thought you'd be asleep by this time. Are you all waiting for me? Ahhh, dear you are so gentle, you don't actually have to wait for me...ugh, what happened?"

Lin Yiran walked into the room and saw a weeping Qin Lan, tilted his head in puzzlement, looked at the Chairman and me, and asked, "What's wrong? Honey, sis, what's going on? Although I don't really mean it, I'm still quite worried about Qin Lan, has something bad happened?"

"Ah..."

As I was about to speak, the chairman held my head down, laughed, and said, "Yiran, I should say that it wasn't 'what happened' or anything. You know what happened before, right, and neither of you want your brother to know, but now it looks like Elyssa is going to say it already. It's just as well that if you just let Mashiro say it, it will turn into Mashiro's unilateral accusation, right, so you guys still need to say it together at this time."

The smile on Lin Yiran's face disappeared in an instant, and I saw for the second time the intense anger and contempt in Lin Yiran's eyes as she stood in front of us with a defiant smile and said, "Well, then, if we're going to say it anyway, then it would be better, up to now, to say it together."

Chapter 198 about my ultimately clear day.

To put it simply, I am very much at peace right now, with no ups and downs at all.

That is to say, such a thing that happened to me was in the past, but I didn't think that the effects could really reach this point. This matter, although I wasn't involved in it, but after all, it was also related to me. This matter is the root cause of the change in my relationship with Qin Lan, right?

This matter isn't complicated, and the simplest way to explain it is that at the time, Lin Yiran and I were considered lovers. No no no, it's not that I don't want to admit it, it's just that we were really still young at that time, can what we said at that time about lovers and liking really count? But nominally it is true. The first thing you need to know is that you can't be sure that you're not going to be able to get the right person for the right reasons. Friendship and so-called morality told Qin Lan we were good friends, good friends can't steal each other's things, and he liked Qin Feng very much wanted Qin Lan to protect Qin Feng from being snatched away by others. And Qin Lan was in the way of her friend's face at that time...but that was normal because Qin Lan really didn't have many true friends, so Qin Lan chose to help Lin Yiran.

But Qin Lan was very angry and took her anger out on me, but Qin Lan was afraid that another girl like Lin Yiran would appear, so she started spreading rumors to prevent other girls from getting close to me. However, I was also a very cold person at that time, and no one was friends with me per se, so Qin Lan counted that as achieving her goal.

In the meantime, Qin Lan liked me all the same, but had to put on a cold face in front of me, just hoping to wait until I thought of my former vow and went to apologize to her, according to her, as long as I said sorry in front of her, Qin Lan would forgive me. But I didn't understand at all, instead I felt that since Qin Lan hated me, I shouldn't go and make her hate me, and so we had a standoff for several years.

Overall, I felt that Qin Lan's heart was really like a child's, holding on to her pride to death and not wanting to let go, and suffering for this pride for a long time. All this, should be regarded as Qin Lan's own fault? It's because Qin Lan's own choices led her to where she is now, and no one is trying to deliberately provoke our relationship, and even if something like that had happened, Qin Lan would have understood it if she'd just talked to me, so why do I have to be the one to find her?

There are some things you don't say, and I don't understand.

However, without this pride, without this arrogance, without this persistence, Qin Lan, would not be the Qin Lan. The Qin Lan would not be the Qin Lan that I like. Qin Lan is a proud girl who can endure pain for herself up to now, Qin Lan is a girl who will never lower her head, Qin Lan is such an arrogant and proud girl who is confidently somewhat conceited.

However, I just like this kind of Qin Lan. The smile that such a Qin Lan shows is a genuine smile, the tears that such a Qin Lan sheds are genuine tears. The weak side of such a Qin Lan that is revealed is genuine, and the Qin Lan that gritted her teeth and shed tears is the most pitiful.

I just like this, the proud Qin Lan.

I hugged Qin Lan and carefully stroked her back, as she shrank in my arms, sobbing quietly. I didn't understand this at first, but now I've come to understand how much pain Qin Lan is in, obviously liking someone but still not being able to say or even tell anyone. This pain, I understood, was more of a comfort to myself than a comfort to Qin Lan, and rather than helping Qin Lan right now, it was more like Qin Lan and I were licking each other's wounds.

"So this matter, Qin Feng, have you chosen to support Qin Lan? Do you think that Qin Lan is the victim in this matter?"

Lin Yiran looked at me, her face a little scary. After all, I didn't pay any attention to her, but chose to hug Qun Lan after it was over. I didn't say anything, but it was like I felt sympathy for Qin Lan and felt that she was doing the right thing.

"No, it wasn't. It's been a long time. I don't want to say who was right or wrong. You know I never go around saying who is responsible for this."

I shook my head and looked down at the Qin Lan in my arms. Instead of that pride, she was trembling slightly in my arms, like a puppy that had done something wrong. I sighed and said, "There's no point in finding fault or sympathizing with anyone, and this matter doesn't need any solution, either. Besides, it's not like I can say anything about this matter, so I can't say who's right or who's wrong."

Lin Yiran nodded, sighed, and said, "I didn't expect things to turn out like this, so I can only say that Qin Lan was too serious. But to be honest, I'm also very angry, Xiao Feng you obviously promised me that I'd miss you over there all the time, but when I came back, you had another girl by your side."