About my hopeless brother and sister

That last smile of my sister's, in my eyes, was like the meat grinder that churned my beating heart into pieces, piles of shredded flesh. The pain was so great that I could hardly breathe, as if all the cells in my body, were screaming and crying, and that smile, with, the same despair as mine.

"So...that was my brother's choice...it's okay...I'm glad now that my brother is finally sane together for once, and It's just not possible to be with your sister, so don't say anything, brother, remember what I once said, don't say you like it when you're apart. Hopefully, you'll have a future of your choosing..."

The future I choose....

I've been....

No future to choose from....

I destroyed all my possibilities with my own hands, I destroyed everything I could have had, and there was nothing left around me.

"Qin Feng, it's okay, it's okay...you didn't do anything wrong...it's all your own choice."

Wu Moxie wiped the corners of her own eyes, took a deep breath, and comforted me with a voice that was trembling, but forced itself to be strong. She raised her umbrella above my head and said, "No matter what happens...I won't...I won't let Qin Feng be alone...If ...If Qin Feng is in so much pain...I...I'm also in pain...Qin Feng ...If it makes you happy...I...I don't care if I'm even just a substitute.... "

Wu Moxie looked at me, reached out her hand, and gently cupped my face, her eyes that were as timid as a rabbit's, her black eyes that glittered with glistening tears looked at me, and I could see my lost soul in her beautiful eyes.

"I was angry at you before... I'm so sorry... Qin Feng... I know... I understand... I know how much pain you're in right now... I know... I know you're regretting... I know you want your own happiness... I know... you're hurting yourself with your tenderness..."

In her eyes, tears, drops of tears, mixed with the rain, trickled down. Her face, filled with rainwater, took on tears that were even more painful and bitter and sad.

"I won't leave you... I won't leave Qin Feng... even if everyone leaves... I won't leave... as long as Qin Feng can look at me... can look at me... you see... you see... Qin Feng, now, in your eyes, there's only me left, isn't there..."

Wu Moxie held my face, her small, ice-cold, trembling body choking in front of me.

"Qin Feng... Qin Feng... you still have me... you still have me..."

Wu Moxie put her head gently in front of me, she was trembling with fear, her face was shaking, I could feel it, her small breaths, the coldness of the rain and tears on her face. She tried to touch me, she tried to get close to me, but she was in front of me, shivering and stopped.

Finally, she took a deep breath, fiercely, and kissed me....

The young girl's cold, soft, yet trembling lips were pressed against mine. Unlike Lin Yiran, unlike Lin Yiran, when I kissed Lin Yiran, I felt the warmth of Lin Yiran and the sweetness of lipstick, but what I felt with Wu Mo Xi's words was the bitterness of tears, and the piercing coldness.

I reached out my hand and gently embraced her, holding her tightly in my arms, Wu Moxie obediently let go, the umbrella rolled to the side and was blown away by a gust of wind. She threw herself into my arms, eyes closed, and kissed me silently, her hands gripping my shirt as tightly as she could hold onto me.

I closed my eyes, feeling the pain of the rain hitting me, and the softness and coldness of a girl's body. I held her hard and dead, like I was trying to melt Wu Moxie, and myself, together.

"Phew..."

Wu Moxie moved her lips, looked at me, wiped her mouth, smiled bitterly, and said, "Qin Feng... this is my first kiss oh... but, not asking you to give anything... just promise me... don't be like this... don't be in so much pain okay... it doesn't matter... it doesn't matter... I don't want to see you in so much pain even more... even if you see me as an alternative... I also want, to make you, feel happy..."

I hugged the girl in my arms tightly, hugged my last girl, this is the last girl who can forgive the stupid me, who is willing to stay by the cowardly me... This is also the one, the first girl who confessed to me... Wu Mo Xi, holding my clothes tightly, I can't see her face, I can't see, how painful her expression is now.

I felt that the thing I was choking on in my throat, instantly crumbling....

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

I never thought such a sound could come from the inside of my throat....

With despair, with a curse full of this world, with all of his disgust, with all of his displeasure as well as his anger, the bitterness that almost tore his entire body apart, along with this roar, shattered a mist of water.

"Qin...Wind..."

Wu Moxie's grip on my clothes is even harder....

I don't know how long I've been sitting here with Wu Mo Xi in my arms, because I don't know how long this rain has been going on, but I've just been sitting like this, holding Wu Mo Xi tightly. We were completely soaked, as if we had jumped from the shore into the lake and climbed back up again, and Wu Mo Xi remained tightly shrunken to my chest, and since then, never said a word.

Neither have I.

I don't know what else to think, myself. Perhaps, everything before me was a dream, my before, unreal as if it didn't exist. Qin Lan, Lin Yiran, Song Yixin, my sister, they are all gone... They, all gone, the body I once embraced, the hand I once held, the lips I once kissed, all gone.

I had hurt each and every one of them, and, completely. I know the pain, I was just tortured and delayed by the blade of betrayal and curse and resentment and all the negative energy of mankind. I believe that each and every one of them, too, is suffering from this pain.

Because of my cowardice, because of my meanness, because of me because of me because of me, everything is because of me, making all of them suffer, making all of them ache, all of them because of me. I had thought that I could make everyone happy, just by my three-legged gentleness, by making all of them, all of them, miserable.

I was really, so stupid... I really... I couldn't do anything, make everyone happy or anything, at all, I just couldn't do it ah.

Wanting to be with my sister too...I don't know...I really don't know, maybe, it's not wrong for me to do that. I was afraid, I was afraid of the world, I wanted to fight for my own happiness, but I was afraid of the curse of the world.

I didn't kiss on, I didn't, with my sister....

In the beginning, it was my confession that I was going to be with my sister, in the beginning, it was my mistake, in the beginning, it was my caprice. But my sister forgave my caprice, forgave my cowardice, and carried her own responsibility and pain that did not belong to her.

If I hadn't confessed first....

If I hadn't been scared after....

I'm...simply a...scumbag...who can't do anything and still holds everything in my hands....

So, it's normal for me to lose all of this, for me to lose these people who were never mine in the first place, right....

I'm an ordinary person, I'm not capable of anything, I don't deserve to be with my sister and the others, I'm not worthy of the likes of those girls, I think they should understand by this time... They, like a scum who doesn't deserve to be liked, like, nothing....

"Qin Feng...has the rain stopped?"

Wu Moxie, who was in my arms, moved gently and asked me.

"Yeah."

I nodded my head.

Wu Moxie moved, gently raised her head, looked up at me, and gave a, happy smile.

"Qin Feng's arms are really, really warm... Qin Feng, really, really warm..."

I lowered my head and looked at her.

I am, perhaps, nothing, and I am, perhaps, really a scum.

But, am I, also, able to, warm this girl's heart? Wu Moxie, has always been there for me, liking me, encouraging me, helping me. Rather than saying that I helped her in the beginning, now, it's always her, by my side, inspiring me....

"Is it really good to still be with me?"

I looked behind Wu Moxie, the gray sky, and asked hoarsely.

"Good."

Wu Moxie looked at me and nodded.

"I can't do anything, I can't help anyone. When it's critical, more than anyone else, I'm afraid..."

"Qin Feng can do it! Qin Feng you can do everything, I am, you help ah! Everything I have now, you gave me! Qin Feng is very brave, Qin Feng, very great!"

Wu Moxie looked at me and nodded.

"No one will be around me, no one will care about me anymore...no one!"

"It will!"