About my hopeless brother and sister

This is the gathering of the future, where everyone's choices and expectations for the future can be found. The hesitations and hopes of youth for the future are all here.

It was purely beautiful.

My sister followed that path to the back of the shop, but there was such a large space behind the shop, which was supposed to be a place where the school grew its own plants? The stubs of sunflowers cut off last year still grow in the land, weeds cover the wreckage, and the cherry tree on one side has green buds, and maybe, by the time it's ripe, this will be full of that red fruit.

I hadn't been able to find the place.

My sister sat down on a stone bench, with the cherry tree behind it, and there was no one here, just the two of us. My eyes snapped to attention, and when I noticed again, I was looking at the gray of the sky. And the jaws of my sister, who looked down at me, her eyes not filled with the usual banter towards me, but, instead, helpless.

"How's it going, have you calmed down?"

My sister looked at me and asked.

"Well..."

I lay on my sister's knee pillow and looked at the sky, just like when I was small, sitting on the balcony, watching the sky with my sister and the stars. Back then at night, the sky was filled with stars, and at that time I would ask questions about constellations, but my sister didn't know either, so I soon gave up, I didn't care what the constellation was, what was the meaning of the constellation, I just, simply loved the stars. But now, the sky was gray, like a shroud over us, with only a few stars of light still lingering.

"Phew... looking at the stars?"

My sister raised her head and looked at the sky along my line of sight, a nostalgic and pitying smile on her lips, and continued, "There are no stars anymore. As a result, brother, you never asked again."

"But now there's nothing."

My sister's eyes were a little lonely, and she followed up. I looked at the gray sky, nodded and said, "There is nothing, but it's not the stars that died, I guess it's the air pollution or something, and the reason I didn't ask back then was because you said before that you didn't know, I didn't continue to ask, I'm not taking the blame."

Breathing in my sister's scent and feeling her body heat, my heart gradually settled down. My sister was beside myself, and my wildly beating heart was settled by my sister's tenderness.

My sister smiled, looked down at me and said, "But it's too late for you to ask me, there aren't even any stars in the sky now. Ancient navigators had to rely on the stars to orient themselves, but now the stars are gone. What else in this world is there to rely on. There are times when, if you're wrong, you really will, never get another chance."

"Yeah...some times, if you're wrong, you really, really don't have a chance."

I sighed and looked at my sister.

This was an apology of sorts. I knew it was very weak, and I also knew how puerile my words were, as were the questions I hadn't asked before. I thought the sun and moon were long and the stars were big, but in a few short years, the sky doesn't even have stars anymore. All these seemingly unchanging ones will be gone, what about us, maybe, tomorrow. Humans are never stable things, there is no stability in this world, they are so fragile, maybe the next second, the next moment, the people around us will change drastically.

If we don't apologize at this point, maybe, really, it won't be possible.

"But I'm not blaming you brother, on the contrary, I'm rather now, thanking you very much."

My sister gently touched my forehead and said with a smile.

"No... I... I confessed to you without permission, and I didn't last... ...to make you suffer so much...even in the end...I ran away...I.... ...I...I've done something to hurt my sister, I guess...I don't need comfort, I really don't need comfort from my sister...instead ...Sister your reproach is what I want!"

I want to jump up, I want to scream out, I know I have done something that has hurt my sister. I don't want my sister's forgiveness right now, that forgiveness will only make me torture myself, I want my sister's scolding, my sister's resentment, that's my salvation, that's the only way I can be at peace. I must be punished for my mistakes, otherwise how can I settle myself? How can I...forgive myself....

But my sister's hand was extraordinarily strong holding me down, not making me sit up. My sister listened to my fragmented words that didn't become words, the smile still on her lips, she didn't get angry or argue, but waited quietly for me to listen, her eyes weren't angry or resentful, but incredibly calm.

And loving....

"Brother, I didn't comfort you."

My sister let me vent, then looked me in the eye and smiled, "What my brother did didn't hurt me. So I didn't comfort you, but of course if my brother awakens to Shake M's particular sexual fetish, it's not like I can't scold you... If not, then I don't have a reason to scold you now ah. Didn't I tell you that I'm really, really grateful to my brother."

"But I..."

"My brother confessed to me, and I said yes. The boy I love confessed to me, and the boy I love loves me, so why would I resent you?" My sister stopped me from going on and instead said on her own, "I have no reason to resent my brother. You understand that we must not be together, brother, and I know that, so what cannot exist, just the unreal time in the dream is the best, that period of time when I became my brother's girlfriend and played and lived with him, is for me the happiest thing in the world, the most perfect dream. I knew the dream would wake up, it wasn't my brother's fault, it was something that was bound to happen. As for my brother's final choice, I'm proud of it to this day."

My sister lowered her head, her eyes with the pride that sisters are known for, as if she was looking at her successful brother, she looked at me and said confidently, "My brother made the right choice, choosing the best girl for him and starting the normal life he wanted the most. My brother didn't get emotional and didn't give in to anyone, that was the choice my brother made, with his characteristic rationality and emotion, the rightest choice."

"But I betrayed you sister...I clearly...I clearly said I liked you.... ...and said he loved you..."

"Do you remember what I said, brother?"

My sister looked up at the world in the distance, at the neon glow of the distance, and there was society, that was the place we would step into later. That's the world we'll be fighting in, and that's the least gentle part of the world. She looked there and continued softly, "Adulthood is about erasing your edges, putting away your feathers, ending your untamedness, giving up your struggles. My brother was not foolish enough to rebel against the world, to drown with this unrealistic dream of his own future, but chose, instead. Do you know how proud I was when I saw your choice, brother? I, alone, have raised you to adulthood. Adulthood and all that, brother, is never about age, it's about your heart."

My sister stretched out her delicate fingers and dabbed at my heart, and I looked into my sister's eyes, which seemed to be covered in some of the most beautiful dew in the world. She gently misses my heart, smiles and says, "Congratulations, brother, you are still two years away from the law, but now, without edges or feathers or untamed struggles, you are an adult."

Chapter 234 - About Me... (xiv)

Adulthood.

Congratulations, you're an adult.

Being fingered in the chest by your own sister and pronouncing judgment with a smile. Yes, it's not something to celebrate, and it's not a mitzvah that I've finally come to. It was a mitzvah that came too soon for me, it was a sentencing of my life. What period of time did I seem to have skipped over, I skipped a period of years and stepped right into adulthood.

Was I missing out on something? Am I, like, losing something? In my hands, there was a period of time that slipped away, yet I felt nothing, time softer than the current and finer than a grain of sand, for such a time.

What was it...although I wasn't rejecting adults, I still wanted to know what I had lost.

My sister looked at me with pity as she gently moved her hand over my forehead and said, "Perhaps, my brother has had a hard past, too. Because of my indisputable sister, my younger brother has absolutely no time to be capricious, although it's not good to be capricious, but if a person doesn't even have someone who can be capricious, then that person is really pitiful. My brother has never been capricious, not even now. As a sister, I feel sorry for my brother, I feel sorry for me."

A few drops of glistening but cold liquid hit my face gently, and when I opened my eyes, the black eyes were filled with stars. My sister wore a smile, but she was crying. I stuck out my tongue and felt only a bitterness. My sister looked into my eyes, wiped her tears, and asked in a calm but choked voice, "Brother, it's been hard on you for so long, my untalented sister. Taking care of me, forgiving me..."

I looked at my sister, shook my head, reached out, cupped her face, carefully wiped away the tears from her face, and said, "No, I feel happy, I'm happy, I'm satisfied. I don't feel anything unhappy, and I should say that you are the best sister in this world."

This time, there is no need to add any qualifiers, no need to go through your head, just your heart, just say what you want to say, just say what your heart wants to say. That's fine, that's the best comfort for my sister.

I didn't feel anything bad, I had no faults or complaints from my previous years. I don't have my parents anymore, but I have my sister, and I have a family I love. There's nothing wrong with my sister, she's been, like, perfect.

"Yeah? I'm glad...really...really glad...really am. ...It was fun..."

My sister wiped the tears from her own eyes, took a deep breath, and with a wide smile, looked at the sky. I looked at my sister's face, I looked at her, I looked at this body I had chased, I looked at this body I was still chasing, I looked at her, I looked at this girl I loved.

I am an incredibly lucky person, the best sister in the world is my sister. But I'm also the brother of my favorite girl in the world.

"Sister, can I, right now, just be wild?"

I looked at my sister and whispered.

Can I be, let it be, let it be. I didn't want it to end like this, I wanted, at the very least, to be unseen, when I could see my sister without anyone else noticing, to be capricious, to face the world, to face all of this, to face all of these people, to be capricious, to do once more what I hadn't had the courage to do last time.

Even if it's just this one time.

My sister looked away, not answering me, her smile didn't even change, she didn't even seem to hear anything, she looked into the distance, into the neon distance. Watching, the place we must go before.

And I didn't say it again, it's redundant to repeat such questions. My sister had only two answers, one was agreement, the other was rejection, and at this point, my sister's silence should be considered, a rejection of me.

As expected, even at this point, I'm not qualified to be capricious. This world, didn't give me the chance to be capricious, perhaps what I've lost for me is that capricious, squandering, rebellious youth that could rebel against everything.

"Brother, I should be leaving the country soon. After the entrance exam, I should be leaving."

My sister didn't answer me, but suddenly said.

"Well..."

That didn't make me feel shocked, I should say that I already saw that it would end, because uncle would never just let us go, he would definitely do it to the end. Moreover, Lin Yiran was deeply hurt by me, she will definitely not stay here and stay to help me, she will definitely choose to leave. Then, the family will definitely need someone to manage it, and that person, then, is my sister.

I understood that it was bound to happen, no, I should say, I knew it was bound to happen but I kept encouraging myself to take chances thinking it wouldn't happen. But, it happened anyway. Like a student who fails a test and expects the teacher to lose the paper, I've been lying to myself, yet I know it will happen.