About my hopeless brother and sister

"Brother...I want to ask you a question."

After a long silence, my sister was on my back and asked gently.

"What?"

"What do you think, Lin Yiran?"

"Gentle, kind...likes me...smart, capable...girl I like a lot...I've been indebted to her...I've been hurting her."

"She's always liked you, you know."

"I know."

Of course I knew that Lin Yiran had feelings for me, she was one of the first to confess them, and one of the most eager. But because of that, I was afraid of her, and I was worried that I would fail to live up to that feeling. I knew I was not going to be able to enjoy her devotion for no reason, and that's why I wanted to be with her.

"You know, brother, for a girl, it's not the paperwork that she wants. Nor is it you being there for her, what she needs is love, a heart that will always love her. And not gratitude, nor redemption, nor compensation. Even more so for Lin Yiran, who did so much to make you love her, not, to make you feel guilty."

My sister let go of me, slid her hand gently to my face, stroked my face, little by little, carefully, stroked my face, smiled bitterly, and said, "But maybe that's why it's her fault. I know the choice you face, brother, and I hope that you will, for your own sake, and for mine, think hard about it."

XXXV: The End - TrueEnd

tadu.com

What the hell am I supposed to choose.

I looked outside at the weather, overcast clouds covered the entire sky, gloomy as the belly of a dachshund, the world's space is like a small, stuffy, suffocating, all the sounds seem to come from far away, and then hurriedly disappear. The weather is not at all suitable for a decisive day, but rather, the overcast clouds that can't be torn from the sky are more like my sad mood.

I don't have time to tear it up any further, because I'm going to make a decision today. I look at the sky, at the dense clouds, it has been a year ah, a whole year has left me. So much has happened in this year, from the cold and blustery winter, to the throbbing and unsettling spring, to the summer that almost broke me, to the fall where it all began. The year ended with so much happening, so much that meant so much to me, that I was so exhausted that I didn't even notice that it was the season of beginnings again.

In all seriousness, nothing has changed, just like the beginning of my high school years. After today, I make different choices and the beginning of a different new life for me. Fall isn't a season of endings ah, rather, it's a season of beginnings. For me it is. But it seems wrong to think of it that way, rather, autumn is the time to send what I did for a year into a result, and the result of that harvest determines my future.

"Um...brother?"

My sister's tired voice came from the bed and I looked back at her and said, "Wake up, but won't you be tired this early in the morning? Get a good night's sleep again."

"Of course I'll notice when the person sleeping next to me disappears, let alone my brother who I've always wanted to hold. Oh my gosh, it's been so long since I've slept with my brother in my arms, and this sleep is really nice! Don't worry about my brother! Because I can sleep anytime I'm fine!"

My sister looked in my direction and smiled. I'm rather ashamed to say that after I was tired of crying yesterday, I crumpled into my sister's arms and fell asleep. My sister's embrace is always so warm, and even now, she still makes me feel at ease. Although it makes me feel a little embarrassed to say it, but the one who did this kind of thing is me, I'm glad that my current sister can't see the redness on my face, otherwise I would be teased again.

"You're making me jealous and heartbroken, though." If my sister was in her normal state, she'd only make me frown when she's lazy like this, but my sister now has to be. Sister had to be bedridden for at least a year, and after she was discharged from the hospital because of muscle atrophy sister's strength was worse than even a child, and fully recovering would take more sweat and time. Looking at my sister now, thinking about the future just makes one feel heartbroken.

"So, brother, have you thought about what to do yet? You're not going to get away with this one today."

My sister shifted into a comfortable position, looked at the ceiling, and asked me. She sounded relaxed, talking about this thing that was important to me as if she was asking me how the weather was today, as usual. I looked out the window and said, "Thinking about it, I'm still mentally battling with it, but I wouldn't change it unless there was an accident."

"That's good, brother, to be able to make a decision. My younger brother never lacked the courage and perseverance to go on, my younger brother just lacked the determination to make a decision when choosing. To be honest, the younger brother in the past wouldn't hesitate even when making a choice, but I prefer the humane younger brother now."

My sister smiled and said, "Such a gentle younger brother is my younger brother when I was a child. As expected, a younger brother is still true to his nature."

"Rather, when did you become a perverted brother-controller."

"I've always been a disciple-controller!"

"You should admit that you're a pervert instead of a brother-controller."

I sighed, grabbed my purse, and said, "What do you want for breakfast? I'll buy it. Well it's futile to ask you because you have to eat it based on what I say."

"Ah... brother's porridge is getting weird lately... it tastes strange, what have you been adding to it brother!" My sister frowned at me and said, "I'm about to throw up from drinking porridge all the time, brother can't you change something for me to eat, it's not like the soft stuff is the only kind of porridge..."

"You're a wounded man who talks a lot, but I'm fighting for you to have a different porridge for every meal. Well I don't know how to make porridge in the first place... Just give me some time, I'm sure I can find a good porridge even though I'm making strange ingredients. You have to trust me! Besides, I'm not comfortable feeding you from outside, so if you want to drink something else, you'll need to wait for me to learn how to do that."

I said back spreading my hands.

"Ahhhh..."

My sister let out a desperate wail, well, it's not good to go on like this, later, ask Song Yixin. Ah, and Wu Mo Xi, ask these two.

I took the umbrella and walked out the door, accompanying my sister until 4:30, now out only enough to get to one place, besides I don't have a body to go to two places. I hold out my hand, the gloomy weather is still there, but it's good that it's not raining yet. But it might rain at some point. Is this weather really suitable for a decision day? Why don't I feel any resolve or courage, rather this weather is perfect for a funeral, will my future be so gloomy from now on?

Never mind, even if I changed my route now, it wouldn't make the weather any better. I took a deep breath and walked out. Two people, at the same time, agreed on two locations, exactly at opposite ends of the intersection after I went out. I chose one direction and walked on.

"Ah, there you are."

I had just reached the pavilion at the park's artificial lake and found Qin Lan waiting inside. She was sitting upright, saw me coming, smiled, and came over.

"Yes. I'm coming."

I looked at her, sighed, and said.

"Why are you so upset, come here." Qin Lan took my hand and ran all the way to the ticket office by the man-made lake, I was looking at the signage on one side in confusion while looking at some canoes floating on the lake, what was she doing. I really didn't understand what Qin Lan wanted to do, and soon she ran over to me and dragged me to the canoes.

By the time I realized it was bad, the crew had already put a life jacket on me!

"What are you doing..."

I looked at Qin Lan, a little scared. Sitting across from me, she left her mouth open and said, "You don't want to run away, this is a balance boat, and we're all going to fall off if we don't stand up or move at the same time. So, now paddle, to the middle of the lake. Hurry! Right away!"

I clumsily mimicked the way people looked on TV, gripping the painted wood pulp, and the boat spun around, sliding crookedly towards the center of the lake. I gripped the edge of the boat tightly with my other hand, Qin Lan was right, the boat was very unstable and I reckoned that as soon as I stood up, the boat would just warp up and lift us into the water. Who made such a dangerous thing! I'm so scared though when I see lots of lifeboats on the lake, and for the record, I can't swim at all!

"Okay."

Qin Lan looked around and finally spoke. I was relieved and put down the oars, the boat slowly spun around in the center of the lake, Qin Lan smiled, looked at me and said, "This time, Qin Feng you won't be able to escape, this place has the same effect as the Ferris wheel oh, here you won't be able to go anywhere, and if you want to run, we'll die together."

"Hey hey hey you just said you'll die right! You're gonna die! Are you trying to kill me with such a dangerous thing? You can't do that. We're still young and we can talk!"

"What are you excited about? The deepest part of this lake is only four meters!" She gave me a blank look, then sighed, looked at me and said, "It's still because, you always run away. Besides, if you come here you come to reject me, you must also now wait until I finish crying before you can leave. I can't have you, thinking about Lin Yiran in front of me and then running away."

I looked at Qin Lan, and Qin Lan looked at me with complicated eyes. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to tell her that this time, I wasn't thinking of running away, I just wanted to hold her, to hold her forever, I wanted to be with her. I understand that being with Qin Lan doesn't affect my ability to take care of my sister, Qin Lan will complain, Qin Lan will get angry, Qin Lan will even hit me, but in the end, Qin Lan will take good care of my sister, because she is Qin Lan, who never left me, who never betrayed me.

Lin Yiran is good, but guilt and shame are never a reason to love each other, and it's torture for me to face Lin Yiran's infatuation with other feelings. Lin Yiran can help me, but Lin Yiran is the sister who went to take care of her because she was with me, only Qin Lan, who came back to me because she heard about her sister's injury.

Even though Qin Lan can't do anything, even though Qin Lan can't help me with anything, she is Qin Lan. It's the girl I've always loved, and that's enough. I like Qin Lan, so no matter what Qin Lan is like, I like her. So, I chose Qin Lan at this time.

"I didn't want to run away, and I didn't come here to refuse."

I looked at Qin Lan and said.

The thunder roared in the distance, as if it was trying to tear apart the clouds that shrouded the world. Maybe this was the time when everyone was running back, and we were the only two idiots who were still staying on this boat that could tip over at any moment. I doubt if it rains later it will smash us into the water.

But, we were looking at each other in the eyes, and neither of us wanted to go back.

She was staring at me with a rare blush on her face, her eyes trembling slightly as she nervously gripped her chest shirt.

"I came because I wanted to ask a few questions."

I said gently as I looked at Q'uan.

"I have a burned sister who is blind in both eyes, and I have to go abroad to study, so I need someone to take care of me for a while."