Actor, Search for Hope

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Each person's feelings about time are different.

One cold day in December 1894. Maybe the weather's making a fuss.

I don't even know if he's got body weight.

Air dropping below minus 50 degrees.

A few of the death penalty men stood in front of the muzzle. Five minutes to execution.

The young man tied to the third column thought for a moment how to use those five minutes.

Two minutes to say goodbye to the people next to you.

One minute to reflect on the day you've lived.

And the last minute is a thank you to nature for its beauty.

Even in this cold weather, the wind is endless, and the white sky is clear.

“Leeches!”

Soon my senses will sink, and I will journey to a place no one will ever know if I am alive. I think about closing my eyes quietly. I wonder if I could say thank God I was born in this world. I hear horseshoes somewhere. It's time to die. Do you hear voices?

“Stop the execution! The Emperor has issued an edict! ”

It's too bad I can't confidently say I'm glad I was born in this world.

I'm glad you're alive.

The protagonist of this anecdote you may have heard somewhere is Dostoevskii (1821-1881).

He's a young man.

Five minutes on the 28th day.

Short for short, long for long.

Five minutes before death is very precious to a normal person.

No matter what the circumstances.

Sunwoo noticed Kim Sung-min's ideals as he recalled the past.

It was written in the original script that it was dull in emotion.

But this is not too late or too dull.

This is a little bit more.

Worse ecology.

The male emotion is castrated.

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Emotions are like human instincts.

I like it, I like it, I hate it.

Learning from one-dimensional emotions.

Low urine expansion.

It is like acquiring knowledge as you get older.

It is not taught by anyone, but emotions are learned naturally in life.

There are different kinds of good, there are different kinds of bad.

There are many kinds of affections.

Even if it grows in a domestic environment where it is abused, unloved, or indifferent, it still deepens. But then, it'll be dark and bad. gradually seeps in and deepens the root. And at some point it becomes a habit, and it's not going to be easy to fix.

A child born into such a family cannot have himself. You cannot trust others. He has a small voice and can't make his own claims. I can't talk even if I want to. Even so, we cannot trust others, so we cannot ask for help when it is difficult or difficult. Magnetic identity becomes close to zero. The ultimate wait is destruction.

The opposite is true for a child who only thinks he's coming from a good environment. Anything you want is in your hands. Despite knowing what is right and wrong through education, your feelings come first. Even when I thank others for their generosity, I don't really feel much. Because, of course, it is. Ahjussi's stubbornness.

Of course, the above two cases are extreme examples and are only one possibility. Usually it's more normal than extreme cases. Even though I grew up in such a bad environment, I am also a great and wonderful person. It is difficult to make judgments with just a home environment.

It still has a clear impact.

A lot of that, too.

Although it was not in the script, Kim Sung-min went through both environments.

When I graduated from kindergarten.

My parents had been in the hospital for a long time because of a car accident. All but a slight sequelae have now been cured and are in good health, but they were left in the hands of relatives for quite a long time. Ignore what happened back then. It wasn't abuse, but despite it, everything had to be according to the opinion of an uncle. I was also compared to others.

When I entered middle school, I received a lot of love. Fortunately, they all recovered from a little discomfort, just as they hadn't spilled. More than that. I wanted to do everything Kim Sung-min wanted because the emotion was too strong. Even if they hadn't worked for a long time, the money they had saved up was overflowing and their abilities weren't gone.

But what was unusual was the change in emotion.

Humans are environmentally different.

Kim Sung-min felt uneasy about most things.

Not completely, but too weak to say there's no gap between them. I noticed my ideal for a moment, but I didn't think it was scary, depressing or strange. No matter who I meet, no matter what I do, no matter how much I get treated. Because, what was left of Kim Sung-min was like a dead body, except for the curiosity that was left behind.

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One summer day in middle school, Kim Sung-min's world, which was a grey world, became silent because it was so quiet. I took a break from the water bath, a family trip, and was pushed down by the waves.

“Ah.”

One cloud dot, blue sky.

A blue world when you look around you.

Land is getting further and further away.

I don't think I can ever go back.

If you die like this.

If there's one thing I regret.

I wanted to know more.

I'm glad people say that.

A world you haven't yet experienced.

Bright, dazzling things in the world.

And the dark things in the shadows.

You don't know anything, you don't feel anything.

If this is what it takes to die.

If so,

I don't like it.

But curiosity, the tiny emotion that remained, worked.

I want to know more.

I can't do that if I'm dead.

The unknown fear of death.

You won't know anything from now on.

I hate that.

I hate it.

For the first time, the mood swings violently for Kim Sung-min.

I don't like the feeling that other people get early. 'It was the day I got one piece.

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Ordinary people have a variety of thoughts and feelings five minutes before death. Five minutes before Dostoyevsky's death. Someday Dostoyevsky organized and said about 5 minutes, but how could he put all that emotion into a sentence? And when I found out I'd really survived, The feelings I felt at that time would be hard to express if I did not have the same experience.

However, at that time, Kim Sung-min's feelings could be organized into relatively large sentences.

Sunwoo was curious, sad, jealous for a while, hated for a while.

He made a choice to take his own life, but that dark emptiness and emptiness cannot be spoken of.

Emotions that can never be solved with two words: nothing.

And when I realized I was back,

The feeling I felt at the time was devastating.

I couldn't put it all in one sentence.

Just before he died.

When I opened my eyes again after death.

It was a time when Sun Wu had so desperately experienced the limits of language.

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The curiosity that remained very little was strengthened after the near-death experience. I still couldn't grasp the convenience of other emotions, but there was hope. No matter what I did, no matter what I did, no matter how happy or sad I was, my emotions changed. But if there's a chance, the "I" will know. I can feel it.

I want to know more.

I want to feel more.

So let's live without dying.

The last thing I'm curious about is death.

I don't like not knowing. So, Kim Sung-min threw away his passive life and started doing things. Then I gradually realized the feeling of joy. However, a sharp change did not occur as a result of the acquisition of a piece of emotion. There were many things that were hard to understand. Logically, yes, over time.

Why emotionally? "There is also a lot of questions. Typical examples include physical labor. I think people don't like it when it's physically hard. But if it's physically hard, it's hard. Why do I get the feeling I don't like it? Because I had been drowning in the sea before and was about to die, 'I don't want to die.’ I understand. I felt it for a good reason, and I hated it myself.

Kim Sung-min knew that physical labor was hard, but he didn't dislike it.

Be firm about that.

So one of the things I still don't know emotionally.

“No, he can come out alone. What's the big deal? ”

“It's really dangerous around here. ”

It was the same with the sight that was opened before Kim Sung-min's eyes.

“No, and shame is your sin?! Just holding her without throwing her away will destroy her outfit. Do I even have to say this to you?

Today's bus day at the welfare center. They also bring people with disabilities in the morning and evening for daytime protection programs run by welfare workers, and they also use the public good to drive them. A caretaker and a guardian began to panic as they finished the weekly program and drove home.

“No, she's your daughter. You know that you are a class 2 with a delay disability.... If you're wrong, it's really dangerous. I heard from someone else the other day. I was wondering if you could come out with me next time. ”

“No, you have that much intelligence! What are you babysitting for?! ”

Grade 2 Delayed Disability refers to a person with an intelligence index and a social maturity index of 35 or more and 49 or less who can train simple behaviors in everyday life, and who can have a job that is not complex and does not require special skills with a certain degree of supervision and assistance.

But the levels are still distinguished within the second grade.

The girl in front of him was less intelligent than the second grade, and the social worker would say that out of concern. I come pick you up in the morning, I drop you off at dinner, but I can't take care of you when you're out of sight. In particular, it was a place where accidents were easy for this girl to get into a car.

“Oh, I'm doing enough. I've heard that a lot, and if I don't like it, I'll move to another welfare center. Stop saying that. ”

“No, sir. ”

“You, Xral! ”

It's a girl.

It's a shame that there is a class 2 delay disability.

Kim Sung-min didn't understand.

It's not a sin to be born that way.

I didn't want to cause any delays.

It's common sense that a father should take care of his children.

No, I'm taking care of her.

I said I didn't throw it away.

Do you feel ashamed?

I don't have a plan yet. I don't know if it's real.

If you find someone you love later, get married and start a family.

And have a baby.

But what if the child is retarded?

If my child is inherently intelligent and given the name disability,

But he's still a kid.

Kim Sung-min is ashamed of the man in front of him. I couldn't reach it. ’

“No, and you know what? Why are we discriminating against the suppliers? Aren't you the supplier who gave it to the poor guy? Hey, me. By the driver's seat, the one in the front. His father was on a Mercedes. You want your supplier, too? ”

A middle-aged man shouting that his father's Dory was finished was pouring out cursing speech at the caretaker as if it had been an explosion. Beyond the story of my daughter and the strange things I've seen together.

“Cut!”