Actor, Search for Hope

“Ah.”

More than ever, the shout of 'cut’ could not be blamed instantly. When Yun Sik Kim tries to tell a story about his friend. It was because the balance was tilted momentarily and hard feelings flowed through my mouth. I wanted to hear the back story myself. I can't do that. What's left is Kim Yoon-sik's world, including complicated ones.

What I've been going through with him. Laughing, chattering, sometimes hating. Everything I went through until my last breakup. Feelings that were as gruesome as the years of many memories. And it's not in the drama. Sunwoo was really glad to meet him, and he really thought so.

After so many times I don't know how long it's been.

A friend of mine stumbled upon me and said,

“I'm sorry about that. ”

“What?”

Since the day I said goodbye. Yoon-sik Kim said that he went through as much time as he did. Things that I didn't accept at the time. People who didn't understand. We are increasingly discovering that we are too complicated to understand in a single instance.

“Even so. I shouldn't have ignored you like that. Would it have been better to curse or fight? ”

Kim Yoon-sik thought the world was so small. Now that I've found weakness buried in the repetitiveness of the seasons, I can't believe I found it. I was really disappointed. I wonder if tomorrow will ever exist to me. For a while just, just keep going. I hated my friend so much, and the world hated me so much. I fled in painting.

“It hasn't changed to now. I couldn't understand it or accept it from my values. I heard that my best friend was transgendered, so I didn't know what to do. You know, right after that, he fled to the army. I'm not as good at painting as you are, but I wasn't painting well because it got complicated in my head. A talent for painting if you confess now. Jealousy, qualifications. ”

A friend who only touched the disposable cup without drinking the coffee he ordered while talking asked for a straw. And for a moment there was silence. The air that was comfortable, it was full of blisters. I don't know what to tell you. Relationships are not sealed, but it's vague to call friends.

“Is that still the case? ”

Yun Sik Kim wondered as he pondered several things.

It contains a somewhat unfair emotion.

“What?”

“Transgender. Still disgusted? ”

I thought while painting. The day I was ignored for one reason only. No matter how much time went by, there was still some residual negative emotion.

“No, it's not disgusting. I just know that there can be people like that now. You just completely changed your mind. At that time, you thought the whole world was falling apart. I don't know if I'd like to hear you say that. I didn't know his heart, but I thought he was close enough to take off a kidney. Honestly, it's still hard to live up to my values. ”

The silence that was restored.

Kim Yoon-sik opened his mouth because the air was so uncomfortable.

“Hard, though?”

“I just know there can be people like that. And whether I admit it or not, There are many people in the world, and transgenders are also people. How long did it take you to think that? That's how hard Moore is. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you later. I'm sorry. That's why I wanted to see you today. Thank you for coming out like this. I'll see you one day. I'll buy you coffee today. Next time, you buy it. ”

Our streets, which have changed so badly, seem to be a little better now.

But it still hurts.

I really tried.

People don't change that easily.

Friends do, but only by the people I've been with so far. He still did not accept the fact that his son was transgendered, and those who initially treated him without prejudice are still being treated with one side. Those who were still leaning to one side were on a squeaky line.

When I fled in painting.

A passage from a tombstone of a bishop at the Westminster Abbey, which I happened to see on TV while walking down the street, came into contact with Yunsik Kim.

When I was young, I had a dream of changing the world. As I got older, I decided to change my country. At the age of dusk, I decided to change my family. But nothing changed. Now I realize that in the face of death, If I had changed myself first, my family would have changed……. Who knows? Then the world would have changed.

On hearing that, Yoon-sik Kim decided.

Let's change ourselves first.

In that case...

But the world did not change even the family.

The only thing that changed was Yoon-sik Kim alone.

Kim Yoon-sik was out of sight, seeking his identity and gaining happiness, but the world did not change. No, it was still the same. I was sorry to hear that.

.

“Sunwoo, I'm done... filming. And the next scene. ”

The last time I saw FD carefully, I opened my eyes that were still closed after the sound of ‘cut’. What a pity, what a shame. I don't think the observation's going away right now. I thought I'd get another chance like this one.

Clearly, we can talk again if we meet certain conditions. Just hope it's not too late to know what you need to do to cause that phenomenon. If we find out after the shoot, we'll lose our chance to talk to Kim Yun-sik forever.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I have a lot to think about. I'm going in.”

“Well, well. Yep!”

Atmospheric

What's so admirable and embarrassing? The emotions conveyed through the ability to feel the atmosphere and the sudden red face of FD. Chosun suddenly felt strange after thinking about him for a moment. It is because I think of it as a face and outfit that is more than 180 degrees different than usual, aiming for a soft and smooth condition.

“Are your legs okay, Sunwoo? ”

“What?”

And how many steps did he take? He tilted his head in response to Kang Tae Hyun's question from the car.

“The, uh, high heels. It's hard at first. ”

“Oh, I just got better when I was dancing. Time passes and God is worth it. Can I get some more coffee than that? ”

It's a trick from an observation phenomenon. Kim Yun-sik liked high heels quite a lot, and after some hormonal treatment, he tried very hard. To get used to it somehow.

“Oh, I'll be right back. ”

“You're in the car, right? Come with me.”

Sunwoo took a familiar step in the way that women walk. And most of the staff at the scene are hard to keep their eyes peeled for. His hands were moving diligently, but a lot of eyes were tingling towards the Sun.

“Crazy, crazy. Is it a boy?"

“I heard it doesn't matter if a man is pretty, even with a joke on the Internet. I think I know a little. ”

“Hey, but that's not true. ”

“Who would believe a man with that face at last? However, if you say Lady Lee Sunwoo is not a new actress, it will be chaotic. ”

.

It was a little while after I declared my separation with my friend. Kim Yoon-sik took out the house he had unintentionally stayed in after handing over five million won of the security deposit he had split in between and entered a high school near the school. It was hard to find a suitable room nearby right away.

“So you're not coming home this holiday? ”

“Yes, I have more studying to do, more work to do. You can't fall off scholarship. ”

From issuing a diagnostic letter to entering the high school single compartment. As it was the most stormy time in Kim Yoon-sik's life, vacation was somewhat over. And I got a call from a house I didn't even care about.

“Can I fix you something to eat? ”

“It's okay, and the address has changed. ”

And then all of a sudden,

“Why, what happened? ”

“It's hard to live with friends. Don't worry, I got it under control. ”

“So live alone in the first place. What about security deposits and rent, by the way? Isn't that enough?”

Five million won is not a small amount of money, but it is a ridiculous amount of money when it comes to finding a house in Seoul. Besides, the rent was being split equally, so there was not enough money to pay the rent alone. I knew the situation at home about the price of such a house, and it took Kim Yoon-sik a long time to reassure Mother.

“It's really small, by the way. ”

With the art tools I had, the space to move was almost gone. Because the bathroom is shared, it's a slightly wider high rise. Anyway, I think we should get a separate room. A deep sigh pours out.

It's hard to think about hormone therapy right now, and how to tell your home that you're transgenic. Maybe he'll flip over. What about her? I don't know. I don't know at first, but I think you'll admit it later.

But that's just your idea. This time, I knew Kim Yoon-sik for sure. that predictions about people are too easy to miss. There's a limit to how many people you know. Especially when it comes to values.

Your appointment for the attending psychiatrist is tomorrow at 10: 00. We look forward to seeing you soon.

“Ha.”

While my head was aching from a complex situation, the text that came out of my head was even more disturbing to Yoon-sik Kim. The day I went to get my report card. The psychiatrist did me a favor and told me something else besides talking about other people's eyes.

“What are you going to do about the army? ”

“Yes?”

“Military. I've got a Transgender diagnostic, but that doesn't exempt the military." ”

The story you just heard with your identity at your fingertips is complicated. Kim Yoon-sik was embarrassed when unexpected military stories came out.

“Fortunately, I'm a college student now, so I don't get a warrant right away. I'm also telling you about the military because Kim Yun-sik shouldn't go to the military. It's because of someone else's gaze. It's obvious when I go to the military, I'll see things get worse. Do you like dirty jokes? ”

I'm embarrassed if I don't. Yoon-sik Kim was stunned by the contextless question. But the doctor continued to say whether it wasn't a question for questions.

“I know you don't like it, or it's uncomfortable to say. Don't give me that look. I did a few tests. We can see that. Anyway, he was uncomfortable with the story, and now he knows who he is. I don't know if you didn't know, but if you go to the army now, it won't be easy to stay alive. ”

The doctor added a supplementary explanation about Kim Yun-sik's psychological status and told him about the conditions under which he could be exempted from military deployment from the transgender position. The sad thing is that the baseline itself has recently gone up.

“Until a month ago, I only needed a psychiatric diagnosis and six months of hormone therapy. At the time when you already have a diagnosis, you just need to apply for a document, and the longer the hormone treatment period, the more likely you are to be exempt. But now I need a state-appointed psychiatrist, a six-month internal history, and an additional psychiatric certificate. ”

Continuous visits with at least 2 weeks of Tum for 6 months. Compared to the past, hormone treatment records have declined.

“The easiest and easiest way to do this is to do a sex change surgery. and you get almost 100 percent immediate exemption. But we can't do it right away, and at least a year to two years after constant hormonal therapy, I'm not paying for a surgery or two. ”

Sex change surgery is more likely to be done in Thailand than in the country. It is because Thailand is the best at sex-reversing surgery. And the cost of entry is about 20 million dollars, including expenses.