Actor, Search for Hope

“Don't say you're sorry. If that's true, why don't you model for me? I wanted to see the portrait in person for once. ”

“Portrait?”

When did that change? It hasn't changed in a moment. However, one thing I know for sure is that I learned about Kim Yun-sik this time. The heart of a person who is grateful to be alive. More importantly, I think it's a question of how to live. Still, it's good to be alive.

“This is the first time I've ever painted a model in front of myself. ”

It wasn't long before I started painting. I also felt the need to practice expressing people. There's a difference between looking at it and not drawing it. And certainly relying on memory and drawing objects in real time were quite different.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, really. ”

Kim Yoon-sik, who saw the observation, became fully aware of his identity. For a consistent identity between the inside and the outside, one and two of his physical characteristics were altered, and what he could see was his taste for painting.

Kim Yoon-sik painted a picture before that, but he had no preference for anything. That's how you change your identity. After that, the more you draw, the more people rather than the landscape. Saving the delicate details while painting people. But I still preferred to look at it with moderate distortion.

“Like this?"

“Yes, just natural and comfortable. ”

The influence was similar to that of Chosun. The difference was that Kim Yun-sik liked to stand up when painting the portrait alone, but the target was better to sit somewhere. I didn't have a reason, but I felt it. And I thought the distortion seemed to be the best thing to do.

Over time, will things be different now that I think or feel? As Yoon-sik Kim's life continued to change, as the time of the stopped self moved. They say you change your appetite when you get older. But you have to be careful because change doesn't always have good results.

As time goes on and on, so do the painting tastes now. The thought of the world. And feelings about people. It will be different now. Leave good and bad. You'll change your mind about her in front of you. A destiny that is inevitable as long as it is human. That's why I cherish this moment. And that change is a good direction. Seongwoo moved the brush with such thoughts.

.

Both formal and informal schedules end tomorrow. Twenty-four hours until the flight back to Korea. It's like the sky noticed. To say good-bye, it's raining early in the morning. Originally, the weather forecast said the sun would be high by tomorrow. It seems to say it's simply a person's expectations.

Sunwoo was obsessed with paintings until late, but his eyes opened early. Even if I tried to sleep again after getting a little bit of cold air and the warmth of the blanket, I didn't think I could. I think it's because the dragonflies changed. So I was about to go for a light walk dressed appropriately.

“Sunwoo, where are you going at this hour? ”

“I got up early, but I didn't think I'd be able to fall asleep again. I'm going for a walk. Don't worry, we won't get far. What are you doing at this hour? ”

“I'm sensitive to sound. He's, um... No, please be careful. ”

Is the weather changing? Before the deep darkness retreats. The sky is so lonely, it must be singing the loneliness of the enemy using raindrops. That's why Sunwoo welcomes me. A little harder.

‘I don't need this welcome. ’

As soon as I went out, the rain grew thicker. Like the whole world is ringing. Every street is filled with the sounds of nature that the sky plays. I wonder how many steps I've taken. You hear a familiar but unfamiliar voice next to you.

“Sawasdee Ka. (Hello)”

“Sawasdee Regency (Hello)”

Bring it back in Thai. In Thai. Kim Yoon-sik studied Thai, and he learned how to do a simple painting, even with Sunwoo. I wasn't as proficient as I was in German. Man B was as German as his native language, and was strongly influenced by it. It's not like that.

“ Did you speak Thai? ”

Kim Yun-sik was not that good, and the observation kept a distance. So the level of Thai in Sunwoo right now is really basic conversational. To put it in a parable, is it grade 3 or 4?

“ A little bit. Then why are you suddenly greeting me in Thai? ”

“ I didn't know it was you. At this time, I was glad to see someone... …. ”

The reason Sunwoo felt unfamiliar and unfamiliar was because he was not acquainted with Zia this time. Or because it was an awkward and awkward foreign land.

“Let's speak Korean. As I said before, I'm not very good at Thai. ”

“Oh, I'm sorry! ”

“Not that I'm sorry. So, what are you doing here at this hour? ”

I heard that Gia came to Thailand because she was also filmed outside of Sunwoo's filming. to take a profile photo. I don't know why I had to come all the way to Thailand. I heard it had nothing to do with "Transgender, Kim Yun-sik".

“I've been in Thailand for a long time. The rain sounds good, so I went for a walk. What about you?”

“It's my first time in Thailand, but I like the sound of rain. I'm going for a walk, too. Can I walk with you? Or the other way? If you want to walk alone, I'll go the other way. ”

Gia came close, asking if it couldn't be, and all she could hear was the rattling footsteps. Jia felt like a dream for some reason. About half of Gia's consciousness began to return to the past. Like taking out a watch that has been asleep for a long time. It seemed like it had been a long time since I heard voices beyond my memories through the clouds of hazy rain.

Jia's real name is Seo-hee Kim. Born in the countryside of Jeollabuk Province. But the memories of that time were too blurry. When I started elementary school without Bourne. It is because he crossed over to Thailand and lived until middle school. That's why Thai was like a second language.

I should have stayed in Thailand forever. The Korean fever in Thailand shook her whole life. The glamour of the celebrities on TV has fallen on me. So I accidentally crossed over to Korea. Fortunately, I had enough family and relatives in Korea.

“But Thailand is so natural with transgenders. ”

“It's just culture. ”

It still rains now, but before that, even more so. Days filled with clouds and rain. The road was blurrier then than it is now. The goal was clear, but it still looks too far to go. Days when you wipe and wipe the mirrors of your heart to try to get your mind together, but the tears don't stop.

“I mean, it's just really normal here. When you say transgender in Korea, it's not normal, is it? Thailand is just too common. I don't know.”

I did a lot of hard work coming to Korea with just a passion that I did not know. It was not easy to become a celebrity simply by willingness or effort. It must have been because it was an idol that was targeted at the beginning. I went around a little more and came back to the LU and endured for a short time until I became an actor.

“In Korea, it's almost natural to go to university these days. It's kind of like that feeling. There are very few families in Korea who oppose going to college these days, right? And since there are so many people going to college, it's not that special. In what we call a 0.1% prestige band, your gaze will change a bit. They're in the college category, anyway. ”

Gia passed the audition for Transgender and Kim Yun-sik, which basically worked as an excellent acting skill and chemistry with Seo Nan-hee, but also as a child in Thailand. Reasons for critical acceptance in the final in-depth interview. Because her support motive was connected. When she applied for the audition, there was a motive for Director Yoo Gangjin's name, but there was a reason that her values were deeply influenced by Thai culture.

“So I didn't really think much about the transgender, and I still do. I just really thought it was normal. You don't usually have to think about the ordinary, do you? How are you?”

Sun Woo saw Kim Yun-sik's life and forgot that the spectrum was too broad to judge the transgender. The transgender is just the same person. The world was too wide, and the existence of people was too complicated to judge by the word transgender.

“I thought it was a pity in my position. I think that was my arrogance. ”

Transgenders living ordinary lives without prejudice were here, as if it were perfectly natural. Kim Yoon-sik's last goal is here. And I remembered that what Sun Wu felt sorry for was not transgender, but Kim Yoon-sik.

What I really felt sorry for was not the transgender, but Kim Yoon-sik.

He changed himself first. And then I changed my family. Ultimately, what I dreamed about was wanting to move Korean society. I don't even think about the world. At least a little bit of my country's society.

In South Korea, there was a perception that the transgender was too far from normal. He's the same person. There's nothing special about him. It's not really normal. I wanted him to know that the gap was shorter than he thought, and that he was the same person. To do that, Yoon-sik Kim used as a means of drawing. I didn't even learn Thai in the first place. It was one of the ways I wanted to learn why.

“ Do not laugh, groan or curse, only understand." That was my favorite line from the role play. What we understand as a pity may just be the conclusion of ordinary people. ”

“Spinoza.”

The protagonist is a quote from Baruch de Spinoza (1632-1677) in Ethica. And at the same time, Spinoza says, "Happiness begins with understanding. .

“Yes?”

“That's what Spinoza said. ”

Normal.

There seems to be a difference between what Sunwoo thinks and what Gia thinks. It wasn't wrong, but it felt similar. There's definitely a difference in that. What was the meaning of Kim Yun-sik's "ordinary life"?

He seemed to know the limitations of what people can change.

Changing yourself is difficult, but not impossible. The same is true of changing a few people around you. It might be a little harder than changing yourself. One thing is possible. However, as the number increases, the probability decreases and the things to care about grow exponentially.

One of the things Kim Yoon-sik ultimately targeted was to allow the transgenders to naturally accept that they are ordinary people in Korea. I want you to understand that we are the same person. But that's what one person does when there's no chance of making it. And in fact, it didn't make a big difference until the moment Kim Yoon-sik died.

“Well, I thought the writer was purely scripted. That's why not everyone is a writer... ”

“You got the script, right? Maybe it depends on a footnote. ”

Sunwoo remembers another word Spinoza said.

All noble things are difficult and rare.

I'm going to change the world with pictures.

A little something.

So the drawings.

Not that it didn't work out.

Sunwoo really thought that way because Kim Yun-sik's consciousness was awake. What would have been a pity if Kim Yun-sik had drawn a picture and overlapped every single point. However, such efforts by Yoon-sik Kim do not guarantee change.

It is clear that Yun Sik Kim is very well aware of this fact. Nevertheless, Kim Yoon-sik did not hesitate to paint and did not stop pursuing change. At least it was the future that Sun Woo was able to look at for a while.

The sound of the rain drops getting less and less toxic.