Chapter 302 - 190: The Chattering Court Jester’s Skull
A Gold-grade item!
Li Wei’s eyes widened. Other than the unranked [Ring of All Things Smooth], this was the first actual item he had ever received.
Just then, whether due to a system update or something else, an icon that looked like an inventory slot suddenly "refreshed" onto Li Wei’s system panel.
He mentally tapped the inventory icon, and two items popped up inside.
One was the icon of a ring glowing with a faint white light. Needless to say, it had to be the [Ring of All Things Smooth].
The other was a cartoonish-looking skull.
With a thought, Li Wei summoned the skull and held it in his hand, examining it closely.
It looked, without a doubt, like the skull of someone who had been killed.
The back of its head appeared to have been viciously smashed by some kind of blunt object, then repaired and pieced back together with brass.
Two rubies were embedded in its eye sockets, emitting a faint glow as if flickering with flames.
[Item: The Incessantly Chattering Court Jester’s Skull]
[Item Grade: Gold]
[Description: Before the outbreak of the Abyssal War, he was the most cunning jester in the Royal City and the King’s most trusted spymaster. His tongue was cut out and the back of his head was smashed with a hammer from behind for seeing through too many of the great nobles’ dirty dealings. A certain heretical Alchemist repaired his body and sealed his soul within this brass cranium. Though all he has left is a foul mouth, his ruby eyes can still see through all schemes and lies.]
[Effect: Gold-grade detection ability. Pros: It can chat with you constantly, with an extremely small chance of providing intel on higher-grade quests and treasures. Cons: It has a foul mouth and is extremely sarcastic.]
"A foul mouth?" Li Wei picked up the jester’s skull. "And extremely sarcastic?"
Suddenly, the ruby eyes on the jester’s skull lit up, and the entire skull floated into mid-air, circling Li Wei like a follower item.
Li Wei took a selfie with his phone. Good. As expected, he was the only one who could see the skull.
Suddenly, a large dialogue box popped up above the skull, just like in a game interface:
[Let me see my new master... Ah, another nauseating, pedantic Knight, spouting all that nonsense about practicing so-called knightly virtues. But in practicing these "virtues," what you truly pursue is supreme violence. Tsk, what a noble Knight.]
"Definitely sarcastic. What a damn smart-mouth," Li Wei said, taking a deep breath. He ignored it and casually turned on the TV.
A sports news segment was playing. Li Wei focused on the screen and realized they were discussing his game for the upcoming weekend.
On the screen, ESPN’s star commentator Joe Buck was sitting in the studio with his old partner Troy. The background was a panoramic view of the Dallas Cowboys’ home, AT&T Stadium, along with a clip of Li Wei’s post-game press conference quote: "If you’ve got a problem with it, come and get me."
"Troy, are you seeing this? The Dallas Cowboys fans have gone completely insane."
Joe Buck waved his arms dramatically. "The media in Texas is practically painting Li Wei as an arrogant New York tyrant. The Cowboys’ star defensive lineman publicly stated on social media that Texas doesn’t welcome Broadway stars who are all for show, and that they’re going to give Li Wei a lesson in college-level physics on their home turf."
Troy frowned and tapped the table. "There’s no doubting Li Wei’s physique or his performance, but this arrogant attitude of stomping on the entire league... In Dallas, a city that prizes tradition and toughness, it’s hard not to worry that this could lead to bloodshed."
"Exactly, Troy, you’re spot on," Joe Buck said. "You know, the Dallas Cowboys and the New York Giants are bitter rivals. Plus, the Cowboys are the exceptionally traditional ’America’s Team.’ Texas will absolutely not allow a rookie to run wild on their star."
The jester skull seemed to be watching TV with Li Wei. The rubies in its sockets flashed with a mocking light as it bobbed up and down in mid-air, issuing a scornful taunt.
[These jesters are like circus clowns, just shouting and screaming in front of people. Wait... I seem to recall I was a jester in my past life... That’s right, there’s no difference between me and a clown. A barbarian legion that champions so-called adherence to tradition? They’re like inferior horses in a stable that haven’t been properly gelded. Aside from kicking and neighing, they pose no real threat.]
’This thing’s mouth is venomous, but it seems to attack indiscriminately. When it gets going, it even insults itself.’ Li Wei couldn’t help but glance at the muttering skull.
But if its only purpose was to provide companionship, it definitely wouldn’t qualify as a Gold-grade item. ’There must be more special functions I haven’t discovered yet.’
Just then, the phone on the coffee table began to vibrate.
"Li Wei, I’ve figured it out," Elizabeth’s voice came through the moment he answered the call. "Remember that relative I mentioned before? His name is Richard Mellon. He’s an uncle on the finance side of the family."
"He just sold off the M&A assets of an old-money family and cashed out a full 1 billion USD," she said, speaking rapidly. "That money is supposed to be injected into our branch’s foundation and art center for circulation. To avoid the Internal Revenue Service’s scrutiny, Charlie is trying to swallow the entire 1 billion USD for himself and inject it into his Manhattan Art Center. That’s why he’s so desperate to make a move against me."
"So he needs your foundation to be ’unclean’ for the next few months?" Li Wei asked. "As long as Anya’s 50 million in bridge financing is held up, he becomes the only candidate of your generation?"
"Yes. Because besides him and me, the family’s main foundation won’t be used to handle this kind of external capital. It needs to be risk-isolated," Elizabeth said through gritted teeth. "Charlie’s move is truly vicious."
Li Wei switched the phone to his other hand, turned off the TV, and stood up to pace around the living room.
Soon, he had an idea.
"What if we nominally merge this money into the portfolio of that youth sports rehabilitation foundation we’re collaborating on with Woody Johnson?" he suggested. "That way, he won’t just be targeting Mr. Sergey’s money; the Johnson family will be dragged into it too. Woody Johnson personally attached his name to this project. If Julian wants to initiate an anti-money laundering block at this point..."
"With him facing pressure from two giants, Mellon and Johnson, would he have the guts to force the compliance review through?" Li Wei pointed out. "I don’t think he’d dare. And even if he did, the top brass at JPMorgan Chase wouldn’t allow it."
"And as long as this matter gets delayed," he concluded, "Mark can play tai chi internally at Merrill Lynch. Not only will Charlie’s plan fail, but Mark might even be able to gather some dirt on Julian. Then, the tables will have turned."
"Great idea!" Elizabeth was so excited she was almost incoherent. "I... Thank you... I’ll go handle it personally right now. What about Mark?"
"Don’t worry," Li Wei said. "I’ll talk to him."
...
Li Wei spent the rest of the night studying the jester skull’s functions, but he still hadn’t figured anything out.
Not until the familiar CLANK CLANK of colliding metal echoed from downstairs again.
Don Quixote had started sleepwalking in his suit of armor again.
Li Wei casually tossed the skull into the air. The jester skull hovered there, its ruby eyes gleaming, and followed alongside him.
Li Wei went down to the living room and happened to see Don Quixote, eyes closed, holding a mop handle he’d found somewhere to serve as a lance. He was patrolling proudly between the sofa and the coffee table.
"Good evening, Knight Don Quixote." Li Wei went up and greeted him practicedly.
"Shh—quieter, my friend." Don Quixote whipped his head around. Though his eyes were still shut tight, his expression was utterly serious. "The night is deep. The demons of the abyss love to appear at this hour."
"In that case, Knight, is there any task in the Kingdom I can help you with tonight? Or perhaps a wicked dragon has appeared somewhere?" Li Wei asked tentatively, trying to squeeze another quest reward out of him.
"No, there is nothing today," Don Quixote said, shaking his head. His tone was filled with pride and peace. "I have already swept the surrounding area clean of all evil. Tonight, I am merely making my regular patrol of the domain, guarding the safety of the people, so they may be free from the torment of fear in their dreams."
Hearing this, Li Wei pursed his lips in resignation. What a shame.
This had happened occasionally before. Even in his sleepwalking state, he didn’t trigger a quest or a commission 100% of the time.
Just as he was about to go back to sleep, the jester skull floating beside him suddenly spouted a series of dialogue boxes.
[HAHAHAHA! Look at this pathetic tin can! Look at his foolish, self-satisfied expression!]
The jester skull’s ruby eyes flashed wildly, its jaw clacking open and shut in a silent mockery as it continued its dialogue-box assault:
[Guard the people? Cleanse evil? What a farcical play! So-called knightly spirit is nothing but a mental shackle slapped on these brainless brutes by the greedy swine sitting on their thrones! Using honor and loyalty as dog food to make them willingly bleed and die for royal power—it’s nothing more than a despicable form of self-domestication!]
Just as Li Wei had had enough and was about to store the skull back in his inventory, a quest suddenly popped up:
[You have encountered the quest: Mediate]
[The Jester from the Royal City and Knight Don Quixote have erupted into a fierce argument, and it looks like it’s about to escalate into a bloody conflict. As a high-ranking Silver Knight, you must properly resolve the conflict between the jester and the knight to maintain peace in the royal court.]
[Quest Objective: Mediate the conflict between them]
[Quest Reward: +0.1 Free Attribute Points]
Li Wei stared at the quest prompt, stunned for a moment. Then, his expression turned rather peculiar.
’Conflict? What conflict?’