Chapter 490 - 405: Siyao, Dad is Leaving...
Qin Siyao shook her head hard, trying to banish the terrible thought from her mind.
Qin Siyao turned her head and glanced at her father.
Seeing that her father’s expression was as well as usual, she breathed a small sigh of relief.
Before she knew it, Qin Siyao and her father had arrived at the palace where her two older brothers once lived.
Normally, the Princes of the Qin Kingdom lived in the Imperial Palace, each in their own residence, until they turned sixteen. After that, they would move out and establish their own manors.
But because the two brothers, Qin Jingsu and Qin Jingyuan, were very close as children, they lived together until Qin Jingyuan turned sixteen, at which point they both left the Imperial Palace together.
Although the palace had been uninhabited for a long time, its layout and furnishings were all preserved exactly as they had been.
Looking at this familiar place, Qin Siyao couldn’t help but think of her two older brothers. Her gaze lowered, and her slender hand involuntarily clutched the hem of her skirt.
But she quickly composed herself, putting on a brave face, and continued to follow by her father’s side.
"I remember when your older brother was born. I was pacing back and forth outside, my heart filled with anxiety. The moment he finally came into this world, my heart could finally rest.
"But, as the eldest son, I never showed Jingsu a kind face."
The Sovereign of Qin gathered his sleeves and spoke with a smile, his way of addressing himself shifting from the royal ’We’ to a simple ’I’.
"Back then, I was extremely strict with Jingsu. Whenever he made the slightest mistake, I would scold him at best, and beat him at worst.
"And he was only a three-year-old child at the time...
"In truth, I knew that Jingsu was already doing very well.
"But I always felt it wasn’t enough.
"When your mother saw me scolding and hitting Jingsu, she couldn’t bear it either.
"But even though she couldn’t bear it, your mother knew that your older brother might one day be the Sovereign of Qin and had to be disciplined strictly, so she never stopped me.
"Later on, your second brother was born.
"When your second brother was born, your older brother was overjoyed.
"First, because he was going to have a younger brother.
"And second, because he thought that with a younger brother, my attention wouldn’t always be on him, and I wouldn’t always be scolding and hitting him.
"On the day your second brother was born, your older brother waited outside the door for a long time.
"When your older brother finally saw his little brother, his whole face lit up.
"After that, your older brother took better care of his little brother than I, his own father, did.
"He was only three and a half years old then.
"The two of them gradually grew up, and your second brother was always trailing after your older brother.
"Your older brother was much happier than before, too.
"Because I no longer focused solely on your older brother; I now had your second brother to keep an eye on too.
"And with a younger brother, he no longer felt so lonely.
"Later, after your mother had you, your second brother also started acting like a proper older brother."
As he spoke, a gentle light flickered in Qin Shengtian’s eyes:
"To be honest, I knew it all along. Your older brother had no interest in the throne whatsoever.
"Compared to being the Crown Prince of Qin, your older brother would have much preferred the life of a carefree wanderer. He wanted to be a Loose Cultivator, finding his peace in nature.
"Your older brother saw things too clearly.
"He knew that power isn’t some wonderful prize.
"For the incompetent, power is merely a tool for greater amusement.
"But for those with ambition and a sense of duty, power is a weight to be borne for a lifetime, from the moment you accept it until the day you die.
"Originally, your older brother thought that if he just had a younger brother, Jing Yuan could become the Crown Prince, and he himself could leave the Imperial Court.
"But unexpectedly, your older brother started to feel he couldn’t go through with it.
"Jingsu knew that Jing Yuan had a stubborn personality and felt that if his brother ascended the throne, he would likely work himself to death in that position.
"And it was at that moment that Jingsu truly accepted his destiny as the Crown Prince.
"As for your second brother, he was naturally competitive. He admired your older brother and wanted to surpass him. So when it came to the matter of the Crown Prince, he really did want to compete with him for it.
"Originally, I was happy to see it happen.
"Under that kind of competition, the two of them would grow much faster.
"When Jing Yuan proposed marrying the Eldest Princess of the Jin Kingdom in order to plot against them, I knew it would be an incredibly perilous mission for him.
"But in my heart, I hoped Jing Yuan would be able to turn disaster into good fortune.
"And that our Qin Kingdom would utterly defeat the Jin Kingdom, perhaps even annexing that great menace in a single stroke!
"When your older brother wanted to lead the expedition against the Jin Kingdom to avenge your second brother, if I had been just a bit firmer and forbidden him from going, perhaps he wouldn’t have met with disaster.
"But at the time, I thought it would be good for your older brother to resolve the turmoil in his heart. Besides, having the Crown Prince lead an expedition, especially to avenge his own brother, would be a massive boost to the soldiers’ morale.
"But I never expected the outcome. Both your older brother and your second brother died on the battlefield because of my selfishness.
"It was I who failed them..."
"Father..." Qin Siyao’s eyes were red as she clasped her father’s hand. "Father, you mustn’t say that. I believe that neither of my brothers would ever blame you."
"Yes." Qin Shengtian looked up and let out a long breath. "With their personalities, how could your brothers ever blame me? But how can I not blame myself?"