Chapter 193: What He Couldn’t Tell Her
Kaden’s POV
Around midnight, my eyes fluttered open.
The soft, slow rhythm of Rebecca’s breathing filled the quiet space. I looked down at her fragile body tucked tight against my chest. Her face was so peaceful in sleep, completely free of the cold glare and angry tightness she usually wore whenever she looked at me.
My heart felt like it was going to burst. I tightened my arms around her waist, pulling her closer and burying my face in the curve of her soft, warm neck. My lips found the sensitive skin right above the shining silver edge of her collar, pressing a long, desperate kiss against her skin.
I knew she couldn’t hear me. She was fast asleep, lost in a world where I couldn’t hurt her.
So, in the dark silence of the room, I decided to say all the things I wished I had the courage to say when her eyes were open.
"Rebecca..." I whispered into her skin, my voice breaking under the weight of feelings I had spent months trying to hide. "I’m sorry... Goddess, I am so sorry for everything I put you through."
I took a shaky breath, holding her small hand in mine, tracing the delicate lines of her palm.
"In this lifetime, before you came into my world, I had only ever loved one person... and that was Helen," I murmured, a tear burning the corner of my eye before spilling over onto her shoulder. "So when I lost her... when I lost her and our unborn baby in a single night... I went completely mad. I lost my mind, Rebecca. But my grief... my temper... it was never an excuse for the terrible, unforgivable things I did to you."
My chest heaved as the horrific memories flashed behind my eyes. The brutal way I had claimed her, taking her virginity in a dark, ruthless manner of misplaced vengeance. The cruel public humiliations. The whips that tore into her soft flesh. The heavy, burning slave collar locked around her neck.
I had treated her like a beast, a monster, an object to break—when all along, she was the purest thing to ever enter my dark life.
"I thought you were guilty..." I choked out, pressing my forehead against her shoulder as my voice broke into sharp, silent sobs. "I truly believed you took them from me. But what I did to you was inhuman. And now... now that I know you never did it... I am terrified, Rebecca. I am so fucking scared."
I tightened my grip on her, terrified that if I let go, she would vanish into thin air.
"I know that once your innocence is proven to everyone, I will have no right to hold you," I whispered desperately into the quiet room. "I will have no right to keep you in my pack, to demand your time, or to touch your skin. And I am scared because I know... I know even if I fall to my knees, even if I lay my crown at your feet and confess my feelings for you... you will never want to be with a monster like me."
I pressed my lips against her temple, letting my tears wet her dark hair.
"I love you, Rebecca," I breathed out, the words feeling sweet and painful on my tongue. "I love you so much it’s tearing my wolf apart. I am so scared... so scared of losing you. Tell me, what should I do? How do I fix a soul I deliberately broke?"
A heavy, agonizing silence filled the room, answered only by her soft, steady breaths.
"In three weeks..." I whispered, my voice trembling. "Three weeks from now, on your birthday, I’m going to give you the one thing you’ve cried and begged me for all this time."
I swallowed hard, tightening my arms around her sleeping body.
"I’m going to stand before the Council and tell them everything. I’m going to tell the entire kingdom the truth. I’m going to clear your name, take this damned collar off your neck, and give you back the freedom I stole from you."
My voice cracked.
"And then... when you’re finally free—when you no longer belong to me because of a collar, a punishment, or an order—I’m going to ask you to stay."
I pressed my face deeper into her hair, squeezing my eyes shut as the thought of what would come next tore through my chest.
"I’m going to ask you to choose me willingly, Rebecca. Not as your Alpha King. Not as your master. Just as the man who loves you more than anything in this world."
A broken breath escaped my lips.
"But deep down... I already know what your answer will be."
My arms tightened around her.
"I know you’ll leave me."
I swallowed hard and continued. "The next three weeks are going to be the most horrific moments of my life... because I know every sunrise is just a countdown to the day I lose you forever."
I squeezed my eyes shut, hiding my face in her neck, holding her tight against my heart as if I could keep her with me forever.
I must have finally drifted off, holding her tightly against me as the hours slipped away.
I was suddenly jolted awake in the early morning light by Rebecca violently twisting in my arms, tearing herself out of my grip with great strength.
"Rebecca?" I grunted, my voice thick with sleep as my arms fell empty against the mattress.
Before I could even sit up, she was sprinting across the bedroom floor. The bathroom door slammed shut behind her, followed by the sharp sound of the lock turning.
I threw the duvet aside and scrambled off the bed, my instincts instantly on high alert. I rushed to the bathroom door, placing my palm flat against the wood. From inside, I heard the clear sound of her throwing up.
"Rebecca? Are you okay?" I called out, my heart beating fast as I rattled the handle.
No response. Just the harsh, rough sound of her gasping for air.
"Rebecca, talk to me!" Panic hit my chest, making my wolf growl inside my head. I banged my fist against the thick wood. "Open this door right now or I swear to the Goddess I will break it down! You’re scaring me!"
The retching slowly stopped. After an agonizingly long pause, the lock clicked.
The door swung open, and my breath hitched in my throat.
She was leaning against the doorframe, clutching her stomach with one shaking hand while wiping her damp mouth with the back of the other. Goddess, she looked so terribly pale. Sweat glistened on her forehead, and her dark eyes were red-rimmed and filled with pain.
"What’s wrong?" I asked softly, taking a quick step toward her, my hands reaching out to hold her steady. "Are you sick? Did you eat something bad yesterday?"
"I’m fine," she rasped out, her voice flat and dry as she flinched away from my touch. "It’s just a stomach bug. A food allergy. Leave me alone, Alpha Kaden."
She brushed past me without waiting for a reply, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist.
I turned around and stared at her, a strange, heavy knot tightening in my chest. Something felt horribly off.
I knew she hated me. I knew she resented every single second she had to spend in my presence. But right now... the way she was looking at me felt so different. The bitterness in her eyes ran deeper, colder, and far more intense than usual. It was as if a fresh, agonizing layer of hatred had settled into her soul overnight, making her recoil from my very shadow.
Did Kane say something to her? Did someone hurt her while I was away?
"Rebecca, look at me," I started, taking a step toward her, determined to get to the bottom of whatever was troubling her. "What is really going—"
Alpha!
Logan’s urgent mind-link snapped through my head like a whip, cutting off my words.
What is it, Logan? I snapped back internally, my jaw clenching in annoyance.
You need to return to the packhouse immediately, Logan’s voice sounded tense, breathless. The regional pack leaders are already arriving. The summit meeting regarding the border patrols starts in less than an hour, and they won’t begin without the Alpha King.
I let out a heavy, frustrated sigh, running a hand through my messy hair.
For a second, a dark, selfish thought crossed my mind. I wished I wasn’t the Alpha King. I wished I was just a normal wolf, free from the heavy crown, free from council politics, so I could just stay right here in this room, kneel at her feet, and figure out how to heal the woman I loved.
I’m on my way, I told Logan coldly, severing the link.
I turned back to Rebecca, who was staring blankly at the floor, deliberately avoiding my gaze.
"I have to leave," I murmured, my tone softening as I stepped closer to her. "Pack business. But I’ll be back tonight, okay? Just like yesterday."
She didn’t answer. She didn’t even blink.
Desperate to see even a tiny flicker of warmth in her cold eyes, I dropped down onto both knees right in front of her, placing my hands gently over her knees. I looked up into her pale, distant face.
"What do you want me to bring you tonight?" I asked softly, my voice filled with a quiet, pleading tenderness. "Anything, Rebecca. Name it, and I will get it for you. Sweets? Dresses? Books?"
Slowly, her eyes drifted down to meet mine. The glare she gave me was so piercing, so full of raw, burning agony, it felt like a silver blade plunging straight into my chest.
"My freedom," she whispered, her voice cold as ice.
My throat felt tight. I swallowed hard, her words taking the air right out of my lungs.
Soon, baby, I screamed silently at myself, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces as I stared at her bitter face. Just three more weeks. Soon.
I didn’t dare say it out loud. Instead, I leaned up, pressing a long, gentle kiss against her cold forehead. She stiffened, but didn’t push me away.
Without another word, I stood up on unsteady legs, turned around, and walked out of the room before I lost control of my feelings.