Chapter 64: A Favor 2
He then moved to kneel in front of Laurent. The gold thread between them grew taut. Strained against the distance that shouldn’t exist.
"Tell him he has to stop holding on to me and this dead bond. He is allowed to want things again. He is allowed to live again."
"He says..." I swallowed hard. "He says you have to stop holding on. To him. To the bond. You’re allowed to want things. He says you are alloowed to live."
Laurent shook his head violently. The tears fell faster. His whole body trembled with the force of his grief.
"I can’t." The words came out choked. "How can I be happy when you never got that chance? How can I move forward when you’re stuck wherever you are?"
"Tell him we loved. Tell him we loved beautifully."
The simple statement carried more weight than any grand declaration could have. I felt the truth of it resonate through the strange connection between us.
"He says you loved." My own eyes burned with unshed tears. "You loved him beautifully."
"So he has to know that the dead cannot love the living. Neither can it be the other way around if the table was turned."
"The dead cannot love the living." I watched Laurent’s face crumple further. "It doesn’t work that way. It can’t."
"Tell him he has to stop feeling guilty and let me go."
"He needs you to stop feeling guilty." The words stuck in my throat. "He needs you to let him go."
"I don’t—" Laurent’s protest died halfway through.
The words came without Theodore whispering them to me. Some part of my consciousness understood what needed to be said. What truth Laurent couldn’t see through his grief.
"He is tethered to you because you will not let him go." I moved closer and knelt beside Laurent on the cold infirmary floor. "If you think he deserves to be in a better place, you have to be the bigger person and let him go."
Understanding crashed through me with the force of revelation. I knew now what they’d been to each other. What they’d shared before death and duty and impossible choices had torn them apart.
It made me hurt for them.
"It is a kind thing to do to someone you loved."
Laurent’s breath came in ragged gasps. His hands pressed against his face as he tried his best to hold back emotions that refused containment.
"I don’t want to lose your memories." The confession came out from him muffled. "I don’t want to be happy when you didn’t get the chance to be."
"But I was." Theodore’s voice carried certainty. There was peace in it after I hadn’t heard in it since he reached out to me.
"But he was." I repeated the words gently. "He was happy. With you."
Laurent broke completely. Sobs wracked his frame. Months and most likely years of held grief poured out in waves that shook the air around us. His hands dropped from his face. His eyes lifted to where Theodore knelt before him even though he couldn’t see.
"You can go." Laurent’s voice came out wrecked. "You deserve that peace. You deserve better than being trapped here because of me."
The gold thread began to loosen from Theodore’s finger. Slowly at first, then faster as Laurent’s words released whatever supernatural hold had kept it attached.
It fell to the floor between them. It was still connected to Laurent’s finger but it was no longer binding Theodore to this plane. The thread pulsed once and then turned from gold to deep crimson. It slowly began to fade from my sight.
"Is he gone?" Laurent’s question came out small and fragile.
I looked at Theodore. His form had started to dissipate, with the edges growing transparent. But he remained long enough to face me directly.
"Thank you."
The gratitude resonated through my bones. I nodded because words felt inadequate for what had just transpired.
"I should return the favor."
Theodore lifted one semi-translucent hand. He pressed a finger to the center of my forehead and I felt cold burn where he touched.
"If you can see it, you can run from it. Right?"
What did he...
"See what?" The question came out confused.
But Theodore was already gone. His form scattered like smoke caught in wind. One moment he had been present and the next, nothing but empty air and fading cold against my skin.
I turned back to Laurent. He remained on his knees. Tears still tracked down his face but something had shifted in his expression. The crushing weight that had bent his shoulders seemed fractionally lighter.
"He is gone." I confirmed what he couldn’t see for himself.
"Thank you." Laurent’s voice came out hoarse. "Thank you for that."
I moved to sit beside him on the floor. My damaged body protested the movement but I ignored it. This mattered more than physical comfort.
"It is fine." I kept my voice gentle. "You are fine."
Laurent let out a sound between a laugh and a sob. His head shook slowly.
"No, I am not." He wiped at his face with the back of his hand. "But thank you."
He took several deep breaths. Each one steadier than the last. When he spoke again, his voice carried something that hadn’t been there before. Not quite hope but close enough to matter.
"I did get to hear his voice again." He looked at me directly. "Not many would have that chance, right?"
I nodded. The truth of that statement settled between us.
"That is true."
The silence stretched for several heartbeats. Laurent’s breathing evened out. The tears slowed. He wiped his face again with more purpose this time, composing himself through sheer force of will.
"How did you even see him?" The question carried genuine curiosity beneath the lingering grief.
I looked at where Theodore had stood. Where his transparent form had occupied space without displacing air. Where the gold thread had connected him to Laurent through barriers that should have been absolute.
"I do not know."
The admission felt hollow and insufficient because I wanted to know it myself. But those words were the only truth I had.
"You should rest." Laurent extended a hand to help me up. "The head healer will be back soon to check on you."
I let him pull me to my feet. My body screamed protest. Every muscle felt wrung out. Used beyond capacity. The bed looked impossibly inviting.
"What will you do now?" The question escaped before I could stop it.
Laurent’s expression shifted. Something passed across his features too quickly to identify before settling into careful neutrality.
"I do not know." He guided me back to the bed and steadied me as I sank onto the mattress. "But thank you. For being his voice. For helping him move on."
He moved toward the window. His steps carried purpose that suggested he needed to be alone in his mind. To process what had just happened.
"Laurent."
He paused. His head turned slightly to indicate he was listening.
"He did love you." I kept my voice soft. "That much was clear. Even in death."
Laurent’s shoulders tensed and then relaxed. When he spoke, his voice came out steadier than I expected.
"I know." He pulled the window open. "I guess I just needed to hear it one more time."
Laurent’s hand rested against the window frame. He didn’t step away from it. Instead, his grip tightened until his knuckles went white against the dark wood.
"I apologize."
The words came out quietly. Strained in a way that suggested they’d been building behind his teeth since the moment he’d found me bleeding in the garden.
I frowned. "For what?"
"For sending you to the garden." He turned back to face me. His expression carried guilt that made my chest tighten. "The moment Étienne knows I pushed that thought into your head, he will not forgive me."
The admission landed heavily between us. I watched emotions play across his features. Regret mixed with something darker. Something that looked like self-loathing.
"And I did it for a selfish reason too."
He stayed by the window. Afternoon light painted him in shades of gold that felt wrong for the confession spilling from his mouth.
"My love was..." He paused and swallowed hard. "Forbidden to pursue. And though we tried, fate was not enough for us."
His hands clasped behind his back. The posture looked military. Rigid in ways that suggested he was using structure to hold himself together.
"I see that tragedy in you and Étienne’s bond." His voice dropped lower. "I guess I projected. My desire to see a mate bond work despite everything almost got you killed."
The words hung in the air between us. Raw and honest in ways that made them hurt to hear. I understood what he was saying. What he was admitting. He’d seen his own failed relationship reflected in ours and tried to force a different ending. One where the mate bond triumphed over circumstance and duty and all the things that had destroyed what he’d shared with Theodore.
"I do not know about that."
Laurent’s head turned slightly. Not enough to look at me directly, but enough to show he was still listening.
"It did open my eyes to something."
"What?"
I smiled. The expression felt sheepish and uncertain. Heat crept up my neck and into my cheeks. The words sat on my tongue. Embarrassing in their simplicity but true in ways that made my heart beat faster.
"As much as Étienne claims to hate me..." I twisted the blanket between my fingers. "Some part of him still... cares."
Laurent turned fully then. His expression shifted into something that might have been hope if it wasn’t so carefully guarded.
"You felt it."
It wasn’t a question. For him, it was just confirmation of something he’d already suspected.
"Through the bond." I pressed my hand against my chest where the connection hummed quietly. "When he saved me. Both times. The terror he felt was..." I struggled to find words that captured the intensity. "Consuming. Like losing me would end him."
Laurent finally stepped away from the window. His movements carried purpose now, rather than the stillness of moments before.
"Well... he did throw himself through a third-story window." The statement came matter-of-factly. "The second he sensed you were in danger."
My eyes widened. "What?"
"Étienne was in his study on the third floor," Laurent gestured vaguely upward. "When you were attacked in the garden. He didn’t take the stairs. He didn’t calculate the fall or consider his own safety. He just..."
Laurent paused. His expression carried something that looked like awe mixed with concern.
"He went through the window without hesitation. The glass shattered, and he fell like what? Forty feet down. He even injured his ankle badly enough that he’s still limping."
The information crashed over me in waves. I’d known he’d come quickly. I’d felt his presence through the bond in those moments before unconsciousness had claimed me. But I hadn’t realized the extent of what he’d done to reach me. I had not even realized he had been limping.
"That is not the behavior of someone who hates you." Laurent’s voice carried certainty as he continued. "That is instinct. The kind that overrides everything else."
I swallowed hard. My throat still hurt from the attack, but the pain felt distant compared to the understanding settling in my chest.
"But he does hate me." The protest came out weak. "That is also true."
"The heart is complicated." Laurent sat on the edge of the supply table. His posture relaxed slightly. "Especially when trauma is involved. Étienne has spent years building walls around whatever he feels for you. Convincing himself that hatred is safer than vulnerability."
He looked at me directly.
"But the mate bond doesn’t care about walls. It doesn’t respect the stories we tell ourselves to survive."
The truth of that resonated through my bones. I’d felt it too. The way the bond pulled despite every rational reason it shouldn’t. The way being near Étienne felt simultaneously like coming home and walking into fire.