... How long have you been doing that?
I don't know anymore.
In the corner of my memory, I feel like I've seen the morning sun several times.
But I don't know if it's true or not because my memory is flawed.
Instead, memories with him disappear when they come to mind, and disappear repeatedly when they come to mind.
The fact that we went to the orphanage together, every time we worked together, the fact that we had help during the battle against Darryl religion, inspections in the east......
It was full, full. The memories I shared with him, time after time.
Remember them, immerse, and weep.
Seems short and long...... again and vice versa.
Either way, we've spent a lot of time together.
If I recall, all are gentle and loving memories.
'The lady should just keep pushing as she always thinks you are. I will protect you from anyone. So, lady. … leave you with me.'
Two, I remembered his words when we ran through the eastern city together.
"... liar. I hate it."
And unintentionally, I whine and mock myself like that.
I wondered which mouth would criticize him.
"... Shh. I love you."
You sound trembling like you're crying, the word I love you.
That sounded heavy on my chest.
... so that's why. Everything was better now, I don't care.
The world keeps turning as if nothing had happened after so much pain.
Leave him.
What a well, are we tiny beings?
Then what is the meaning of our being, and what is the meaning of what we do?
I thought I was dead, but I was overflowing with tears again.
... and get up and flutter out onto the balcony.
Where I once talked to him about a lot of things.
Thoughts about the family, the future of the territory, and then stories about the past.
It's in the office, so although it's slightly different from the view you see from your own balcony... still, I just miss it now.
He put his hand on his forehead to block his eyes as he narrowed them to strong sunlight.
I kept crying in my eyes, and I try to make it worse.
"... sama!
Two, I thought I heard a toddler in my ear.
You went crazy to your ears...... but I do think I heard you and I stare at the garden that spreads downstairs.
And I found the appearance of the children in Mina and the orphanage.
It only looks really small, so somehow... but in that outfit, I can be sure.
How could they be here...?
What springs up is pure doubt.
"No way, worry about me...?
To the whining, there was no one to answer.
But I soon found out the answer.
"Dear Iris -!! Get well soon -!
Because such a scream was heard from those who were there.
The children were blamed by Mina for screaming, though the voice stopped immediately.
... I accidentally laugh at Mina for putting my hands on her hips and looking angry.
"Me, it's funny..."
Myself, I'm surprised by myself.
It's bitter, it's hard, it's sad.
Even though he resented the Twile country, cursed this country, and hated everything.
Still, I did laugh now.
I even feel like I had a warm thing on my chest.
"You are the country's gear. And me, too. But you never overlapped. I keep looking in the same direction, even if the road is divided. Then I can go anywhere. I can do anything."
I remembered what I once said.
At the same time, I ask myself:
Did you mourn everything?... really?
To my existential significance, doesn't that make sense?... really?
Think that far, I deny nature and everything.
And at that moment, I felt like the shell that until then had seemed to isolate me from the world had broken with Paris.
I don't care about my existential significance.
However, the result of my own walk… is the sight in front of me.
Mercy them and the people who live here, protect them and build their future.
You will deny me the past, who have come about me, and the presence of the children earlier… all of them.
The thing that mourned, it sure is big.
Being heartbroken makes no difference.
But I didn't mourn everything.
Because I have my way to go, and there are numerous people's lives and lives in the course of that road.
Most importantly, there are people who walk with me and support me.
"... Iris, excuse me"
My mother just walked into my room when I was back from the balcony.
"Oh... for that matter, you're going to be okay."
Nicole, your mother looked at me and laughed and said:
"Yeah, sorry for your concern."
"Sounds good.... you loved him enough to be so disturbed?
To Mother's point, there is blood on her face for a moment... but it cools quickly.
"Yeah, you're right.... Mother. I'm an idiot."
"Oh, I wonder what that means?
"I started mourning and wondered how important he was... I felt in my bones"
I can't believe I liked it. I was passing through.
What was in me was... similar to obsession, love.
To my words, my mother listens with a serious look.
"Once with him, I made up my mind. But I never lost my mind. Whether he takes a different path from me, if he exists, that's fine."
"... that's not what love is?
To your mother's words, I leaned my neck honestly.
"Even if the other person doesn't follow the same path as himself... I can believe and keep thinking. The very existence of the other person is loving. Is that what this is all about?
I laugh bitterly at your mother's words.
"Right. I love him."
... I'm sad that I couldn't share that thought.
I'm sure you'll always regret it.
"Though... I have other things I love"
To my words that followed, now your mother tilted her neck.
"... what is it?
"This is the territory and the people who live here. He said he found out about the spiciness of mourning, but I just dipped in that mourning and thought it didn't matter what another thing I loved. I'm sure if you even mourn it, you won't be able to regret it this time."
So much so that you can never put it on the scale...... both beings are essential to me.
If I lose both, that's the same thing the world lacked for me.
"Most importantly, I would not allow it to have been with him. To scorn the people. I want to be me, not ashamed of me who was with him."
"... lovely"
Pottori, your mother was squealed.
"Iris is so nice right now.... I am, Iris. I came here to scold you if you want to cry and make me despise your precious existence."
Mother's words gave me zoster goosebumps.
So much power has been unleashed by your mother that I tremble to see what the hell that scolding is like.
"But you were worried. You know what's important. Things you value yourself, things you care about yourself."
"... thank you"
"... I'm sure you will grieve and suffer many, many times in the future. But don't forget. It's also important sometimes to mourn and suffer, but don't be trapped by it.... because you're alive now."
Mother squeezed my hand gently.
"I once told you that I lost my mother at the hands of a bandit, didn't I?
In that inquiry, I shook my head vertically.
There's no reason to forget. When I was worried, I asked about your mother's past.
Tell me about the kick-ass story that gave me the guiding light to move on.
"I was trapped in the grief of losing my mother... and I couldn't see the future. Live in training only for revenge, just to kill the bandit who killed my mother... I thought about all the things I lost, and I overlooked the important things that were there. As a result, I worry a lot about my loved ones... 'You're alive now! I told your brother."
It overlaps with what your mother just told me and what your mother said.
"I'm not the only one... though I wasn't the only one who was grieving. I thought I was sad and suffering first in the world. But that was my idea."
"... Mother"
"You can't take back what you've lost. That's why it's natural to grieve. But you mustn't be trapped in it and scorned around. If you're turning away now and looking at the past all the time, no. That's what keeps the dead from floating. Besides, if you lose someone you care about again... I'm sure you'll regret it even more. I wish I had done this then, extra because I knew the spiciness of losing it.... people lose their loved ones one day. That's something you can't do as long as you're a person. The time we can spend together is finite. But that's why people can think more. You should take care of your limited time without regret. And as Iris said... keep being the one you're not ashamed of because you're a loved one"
I rebel as I engrave my mother's words into myself.
"... thank you, Mother"
The moment I said that, Fuwari and her mother hugged me.
"You did your best, Iris. It's great, really...... You reminded yourself of your precious things."
"... Huh!
To its warmth, to its words.
I, once again, wept.