Chapter 213: You’ve Never Been a Burden
It was late into the night.
Marcus lingered in the doorway of the guest room, listening to Kanao’s steady breathing in the room next door.
He drew a breath and knocked on Shinobu’s door.
"Come in..."
When he opened the door, the light was still on.
Shinobu was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing a plain-colored yukata, her hair down and still damp, spilling over her shoulders.
She held a dry towel but wasn’t using it—she barely gripped it between her fingers, listlessly.
"Marcus-kun?" She looked up at the figure in the doorway, her light purple eyes glinting with faint surprise. "I thought you were Tamayo..."
"Still awake?" He didn’t step past the threshold.
"I can’t sleep." She set the towel aside and brushed a few stray strands from her face. "To what do I owe your visit?"
"I came to see how you were doing... You just got out of the hospital, and it was on my mind."
She glanced at him sidelong and one corner of her mouth curved up. It wasn’t the smile from earlier that day—there was no mockery or wariness in it.
"Come in. If you came all the way to my room, it must be because you have something to tell me."
Marcus smiled faintly and came closer without the slightest hesitation. He even sat down on the bed, less than three feet away.
Shinobu’s scent, mingled with the steam from her bath, and her flushed skin quickened his pulse.
And not only his. Shinobu’s heart was racing too.
Even she didn’t understand why she’d invited him in; she knew perfectly well that a man doesn’t show up at that hour with good intentions... And yet she hadn’t hesitated for an instant, nor had it crossed her mind to turn him away.
Now, in the silence of the night, with him seated beside her and that masculine presence—somehow warm and strangely comforting—enveloping her all at once, her heartbeat spiked even higher.
"You—"
"Want me to dry your hair?"
They spoke at the same time. But she wasn’t as forceful as Marcus, and she fell silent the moment she heard him.
As his words sank in, her eyes went wide, genuinely taken aback—she hadn’t expected such a... such an intimate offer.
"Good, I’ll take that as a yes."
Without giving her time to refuse, Marcus took the towel as if it were the most natural thing in the world and began to gently dry the strands that still held droplets of water.
She instinctively leaned back a little. She wanted to say there’s no need, wanted to say, I can do it myself, but the words caught in her throat.
She didn’t even know why she was hesitating so much!!
She simply watched the way he held the towel and, without quite deciding to, didn’t pull away any further.
One look at the way she laced her fingers together was enough to tell that this composed young woman was nowhere near as calm on the inside.
Neither of them spoke: he dried, she waited.
Except that, little by little, their bodies drew toward each other.
In the end, Shinobu was almost reclining against Marcus’s chest. The yukata, so thin, couldn’t contain the heat rising between them or their breathing, growing more ragged by the moment.
"Marcus... Marcus-kun... What you’re doing... isn’t this taking advantage of the situation...?"
His hands paused for a moment; the towel slipped free, and his palm came to rest, unhurried, on Shinobu’s shoulder.
"In that case... why don’t you pull away?"
The warmth of that hand on her shoulder, and the voice—warmer still—beside her ear, made her shiver from head to toe.
Instinct told her to move away.
But just as when she’d invited him in without thinking, this time too she neither stood up nor pushed him away.
She didn’t know since when, but in front of Marcus, her defenses had fallen away entirely.
Was it when he punished her with spankings at the Butterfly Estate and she took off her mask?
Or when they were on the rooftop and Marcus opened his heart to her?
Was it when her life hung by a thread and he pulled her out of that hopeless cold?
Or over these past two months, seeing each other almost daily, when he’d manage to exasperate her until she could barely breathe?
She didn’t know...
All she knew was that now, with Marcus’s arm around her shoulders, there was no rejection or aversion in her chest.
More than that... she felt a strange calm in the most fragile, lost, and defenseless moment of her life.
Without realizing it, Shinobu tilted her head and rested it against Marcus’s shoulder.
Noticing that change in the woman he held in his arms, Marcus couldn’t help the corner of his lips curving up.
"Are you comfortable?"
"I’m fine..." Shinobu’s voice was soft, but it couldn’t hide a deep melancholy. "It just feels a little... unreal."
"Unreal?"
"I feel like... this isn’t where I’m supposed to be." She let out a faint sigh as she looked down at her hands. "I should be at the Butterfly Estate, treating the wounded, preparing poisons, heading out on missions. Not here..."
She didn’t finish the sentence. Marcus didn’t interrupt her either.
After a silence, she let out a soft laugh. "Look at me—now I can’t even use Breathing anymore. Back at the Estate, Aoi can’t manage on her own. Kanao used to help her, but I’ve dragged her all the way out here with me..."
Marcus rested his chin on the crown of her head and rocked her gently. "No one thinks this is your fault."
"I know." Shinobu gazed out at the moon through the window, lost in thought. "But no one saying it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t think it."
"...Marcus-kun, have you ever wondered... what you’d do if one day you couldn’t do anything anymore?"
Marcus considered it for a moment.
"In that case, I’d find a quiet place to retire."
Shinobu smiled. "You really do know how to take it easy."
"It’s not about taking it easy. It’s that there are people worth having by your side, whether they’re useful or not."
Shinobu’s smile froze.
The moonlight bathed her face—a delicate face, sharper than it had been two months ago, with faint shadows under her eyes.
Fragile...
"Shinobu."
"Mm?"
"These past two months, have you thought about what you’re going to do from here on out?"
She was silent for a long while.
"I’ve thought about it. But I’m not sure either."
Her tone was calm, as if she were talking about someone else’s life. "I used to believe mine would come down to slaying demons. Killing until I couldn’t anymore, or until I got killed myself. But now that I can’t fight, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do..."
"Tamayo said you could lend a hand in the lab."
"That’s different." Shinobu shook her head.
"How is it different?"
Shinobu parted her lips, but said nothing. Marcus said it for her. "You’re afraid of becoming useless."
Shinobu’s fingers laced together tightly. "I’m not afraid of being useless." Her voice dropped. "I’m afraid... of becoming a burden to everyone."
Marcus looked at her. "You’ve never been a burden."
She avoided his eyes. "Marcus-kun, I know you’re good to me. But I’m not used to it."
"I’m not used to being taken care of. I used to be the one who took care of everyone—the wounded, the girls at the Butterfly Estate. And now, all of a sudden, I can’t do anything; I spend my time eating, sleeping, taking medicine, going for walks..."
"And you feel like your life has become too boring?"
Shinobu didn’t answer.
"Is there really anything wrong with a life like that?" Marcus said.
He wasn’t challenging her—rather, he was trying to get her to admit it herself.
"It’s fine. Of course it’s fine." Shinobu gave the faintest smile, tinged with self-mockery. "I even used to dream of a life like this. Not having to think about anything, not having to do anything..."
She fell silent for a moment.
"But now that I’m actually living it... something churns inside me." Her voice dropped even lower. "I still have so much left to do. I’m still alive... And all that’s left for me is to watch. To watch everyone else work themselves to the bone while I can barely take two steps."
"And on top of that..."
Her voice grew even quieter.
"I’m afraid that one day... even you will end up seeing me as a nuisance."
"A nuisance? You?"
Marcus’s voice sounded genuinely puzzled.
"Hey, don’t slander me. From the very first day I saw you, I’d already made up my mind: whether you liked it or not, I was going to turn you into a vampire. How the hell could you be a nuisance over a measly scratch!?"
"...?"
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