Chapter 20 Recognition?
Qian Daoliu slowly lifted his eyelids.
After a long while, he finally spoke, his voice deep and raspy, carrying an indescribable weariness and age, yet possessing an unquestionable decisiveness:
"This matter... concerns the future of Spirit Hall, and also concerns Xue’er’s own fate."
"Let her... choose for herself."
As soon as these words were spoken, Gold Crocodile Douluo was stunned, while a purple light flashed in Bibi Dong’s eyes, and the corners of him mouth curled into a cold, ambiguous arc.
"Hmph!"
Bibi Dong let out a cold snort, said no more, and stood up abruptly.
Her brilliant golden skirt brushed across the polished floor; without looking at the two Enshrines, she turned and walked straight out of the meeting room.
Qian Daoliu remained seated, his gaze distant, his fingers unconsciously twisting his cuff.
...
Evening.
Jiang Bai finished his meditation and basic swordsmanship practice, walked out from the back mountain, and headed toward the cafeteria.
As he passed that familiar lake, his steps involuntarily slowed down.
By the lakeside, a slender golden figure was sitting there with her knees pulled to her chest.
The evening breeze brushed past, blowing her loose long hair and light-colored skirt; her back looked somewhat lonely in the twilight.
The same time, the same place, the same person.
Jiang Bai’s gaze swept across the surroundings; the woods were silent, with only the occasional cries of birds returning to their nests.
After a moment’s hesitation, he still stepped forward and walked over.
After all, they were "acquaintances," and... looking at her state, it was likely again because of that matter regarding her mother, the new Supreme Pontiff.
He did not know that at the same moment he was walking toward Qian Renxue, a figure in the shadows was casting a gaze toward them.
Qian Daoliu looked at his granddaughter’s lonely back sitting by the water and sighed in his heart, hesitating whether to appear and comfort her.
Or... whether he should find that little fellow who had once caused his granddaughter’s emotions to ease and let him try.
Unexpectedly, just as the thought arose, he saw Jiang Bai walking over there on his own.
Qian Daoliu’s eyes moved slightly as he watched quietly.
Jiang Bai approached and sat down beside Qian Renxue, following her example and looking out at the shimmering lake surface.
After a moment, he spoke in as calm a tone as possible: "Senior? What’s wrong? Sitting here alone again."
His voice broke the silence of the lakeside.
Qian Renxue did not turn her head, still hugging her legs with her chin resting on her knees, gazing out of focus at the sky dyed red by the sunset, her voice light as if it would scatter with the wind.
"Why... why does she never even spare me a glance?"
"I’ve clearly worked so hard, I want to satisfy her more than anyone... but in her eyes, I’ve never existed..."
Her words lacked the breaking down and crying of the last time, leaving only a bone-deep exhaustion, confusion, and sadness.
Those beautiful purple eyes were currently swollen, yet they were so dry that no new tears could flow, containing only endless bewilderment.
"Tell me..." She finally turned her head slightly to look at Jiang Bai, her gaze as fragile as brittle glass, "Am I very useless?"
She sniffled, her voice low and thick with nasal congestion, sounding more like she was talking to herself.
"I... I only want a single word of approval from her, even if it’s just a nod, or just looking at me... but she didn’t."
"She... she even wants me to execute a very secret, very dangerous mission, to go to a very far place and live under a false name for ten years, twenty years, or even longer..."
"You’re going to be an undercover agent?"
Jiang Bai asked directly; he remembered that in the original story, Qian Renxue did indeed begin her infiltration of the Heaven Dou Empire at this age.
Hearing this, Qian Renxue blinked blankly, her swollen eyes making the action look somewhat comical.
She tilted her head and looked at Jiang Bai: "How do you know it’s undercover? I don’t think I said what the specific mission was?"
"..." Jiang Bai was momentarily speechless.
What a silly kid, they’re actually sending her to be an undercover agent.
Looking at Qian Renxue’s "I’m sad but don’t think you can fool me" puzzled expression.
Jiang Bai quickly covered for himself, saying without changing his expression.
"Secret mission, using a false name for many years, going to a very far place... aren’t these the typical characteristics of an undercover agent? Could it be that you’re going on a study tour?"
He tried his best to make his tone sound like he was making a reasonable deduction.
Qian Renxue thought about it and seemed to find it logical, then lowered her head again, giving a muffled "oh" and didn’t ask further.
Jiang Bai shook his head helplessly and said in a serious tone: "This isn’t being useless."
Qian Renxue lifted her eyelids and looked at him.
"Wanting to get approval from others, especially from someone you care about, wanting to talk more to someone, wanting someone to see your efforts and strengths... this is human nature, it’s perfectly normal."
Jiang Bai’s voice was steady and clear, as if stating a simple fact.
"As for whether she can see it, whether she treasures it, or whether she’s willing to give the response you expect... that’s her problem, not your fault."
"You can’t just negate your own value and efforts because of her coldness and neglect, can you?"
These words might have been somewhat clichéd, but to Qian Renxue’s ears at this moment, they were like a clear spring flowing through her parched and aching heart.
No one had ever spoken to her like this.
Although her grandfather loved her, it was more about protection and indulgence, and he rarely touched upon these delicate emotional entanglements.
Jiang Bai’s words were simple and direct, even somewhat "unreasonably" standing on her side.
Qian Renxue lowered her head and slowly, somewhat clumsily, wiped the remaining moisture from the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand. She didn’t argue or agree, but suddenly said,
"You don’t seem to care much about others’ opinions, nor do you seem to want to climb up?"
"Everyone wants different things," Jiang Bai said, looking at the rising night.
"To me, being able to do what I want to do well, and being able to control my own power and destiny, is more important and more grounding than getting someone’s approval or climbing to some preset position."
He paused, turned his head, and let his gaze fall on Qian Renxue’s exquisite profile, his tone becoming more serious, even carrying a hint of inquiry.
"So what about you, Senior Qian? Do you still... want to choose to execute that long, dangerous undercover mission just to get that ’approval’ which you might never obtain?"
"I... I..."
Qian Renxue was stumped by the question; she opened her mouth but found she couldn’t give an answer immediately.
Before, she might have thought out of spite, "I’ll go then, I’ll prove it to you!" or thought out of grievance, "Will you be able to accept me once I’ve finished?"
But being questioned so bluntly by Jiang Bai now, she suddenly felt an unprecedented sense of loss.
It wasn’t fear of the mission’s danger, but the fear of "giving everything yet potentially still being in vain."
Watching her hesitation, Jiang Bai spoke slowly, his voice not loud, yet it struck Qian Renxue’s heart like a heavy hammer.
"Gambling your pride, talent, and youth to go to a completely strange and hostile place, pretending to be another person for half your life... is the ’approval’ you get in return really what you truly want deep in your heart?"
"Go undercover, and if you succeed, you might get a ’well done’; if you fail, you might be beyond redemption."
"But regardless of success or failure, the final right of interpretation, the standard of judgment, whether that ’approval’ is given, and how much is given... are all held firmly in her hands alone."
Jiang Bai’s tone carried a calmness and insight that transcended his age.
"This is like a game where she sets all the rules while you have to bet your entire life. Even if you win, that ’approval’ is very likely just a light, charity-like ’you were supposed to be this way’ or ’at least my arrangements weren’t in vain.’"
"By then, you’ll find that what you gambled everything for might not be a warm hug or sincere praise at all, but a cold, preset ’qualified’ label."
"And what you lose is the vibrant life that should have belonged to you, which can never come back."
Qian Renxue’s body began to tremble uncontrollably along with Jiang Bai’s words.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought of these things, she was just blinded by strong desire and grievance and was unwilling to think deeply.
Now that they were being exposed so nakedly by Jiang Bai, that cold reality caused her to feel a bone-chilling coldness.
Even Qian Daoliu, hidden in the shadows, couldn’t help but feel a shock in his mind, his gaze toward Jiang Bai filled with astonishment.
This kid... only six years old, how could he see through the games of human hearts, power, and emotions so clearly?
This speech didn’t sound like a child at all, but like a wise man who had experienced many vicissitudes and seen through the world!
He had originally just wanted Qian Renxue to choose for herself, thinking that whether she stayed or went, with the foundation of Spirit Hall and the Angel God, Qian Renxue completely had the capital to make mistakes.
Even if the undercover mission failed and delayed her cultivation, she could make up for it through the God’s Trials.
Seeing Qian Renxue’s pale face and trembling shoulders, Jiang Bai knew his words had taken effect. He shifted the topic, his tone becoming slightly more relaxed.
"Senior, want to hear a story?"
"???"
Qian Renxue looked up in disbelief, her swollen eyes staring at Jiang Bai.
That look seemed to say: What time is it now? I’m heartbroken and facing a major life decision! You actually want to tell me a story? I’ve almost cried myself into a mess!
But for some reason, perhaps because the impact of Jiang Bai’s words just now was too great, or perhaps because she subconsciously wanted to escape from this suffocating reality.
Her small mouth spoke uncontrollably, with a heavy nasal tone, asking honestly:
"Wha... what story?"
Looking at her awkward appearance—clearly aggrieved and angry, yet unable to help being curious—Jiang Bai couldn’t help but curl his lips up, revealing a somewhat mysterious smile:
"The Death of Fusu, the Crown Prince Wei Liu Ju, the Incident at Xuanwu Gate, the Jingnan Campaign... which one does Senior want to hear first?"
Qian Renxue was a bit dazed, her beautiful purple eyes filled with big question marks.
Fusu? Liu Ju? Xuanwu Gate? Jingnan Campaign?
What on earth were all these?
She blinked blankly, looking at Jiang Bai’s "I have many stories to tell" expression, hesitated for a moment, and eventually, curiosity won out as she said softly,
"You... you tell them one by one."