Dream Life

You know Samuel Ullman's poem "Youth = YOUTH”?

It's a written poem that says, "Youth is not the period of your life, but the way you hold your heart."

It's a famous poem, and celebrities can be a motto, so you might know.

I hate this poem.

Yes, I've hated it since I was young.

Why?

I was the one who lost “Youthfulness = YOUTH” in this poem.

Honestly, the first time I saw it, I thought you might have seen and written about me.

You don't like people pointing out that you're aware of yourself, do you?

Same as that. This is not what poetry is about.

I just hate it because I want to say "I know myself”.

I guess the young people reading this never really thought about it.

When I was in elementary school, I thought I could be a sportsman, a pilot or anything, and I could do anything, without foundation, that's what I thought.

When I was in middle school, I realized I couldn't be a professional athlete.

And I wasn't going to be an entertainer, and I was beginning to think that I wasn't going to be able to live a glorious life that everyone would envy. But there's still so much I can do, I thought if I found that, I'd have fun living it.

When I was in high school, I suddenly saw reality.

Yes, I can't get into a first-class college with my own academic skills. That's how I realized that I couldn't be the kind of person that drives a society to the top of politicians and companies. Still, there's got to be something I can do, I was hoping I could find it.

But I've got insurance. When choosing college. Insurance that you choose an undergraduate that you don't even like, simply because you say it seems easier to get a job.

I went into the engineering department at the local national university.

By then, dreams had nothing to do with it. Because I was only thinking about having fun that day.

In the year before graduation, I had no choice but to come up with my own path. And I still had insurance here.

I had chosen a company that wasn't going to crush me as much as I could, and one that was going to crush me even if I was fired. I had assumed that I could no longer dream, that I had no choice but to live in reality.

I got married somehow at twenty-five. I couldn't have children.

When he was thirty-five years old, he said, "Live for your own dreams” and his wife left. Still, I still believed that I had no physical problems and that I had a future.

Forty years old, I also passed the middle of my life and realized that I had very few options in my life.

I realized what it meant to be called a year of confusion but not enough choice to be confused. And I don't have time to start over anymore.

Forty-five years old, he began to feel weakened physically, and stopped even thinking about starting over.

At this age, I often look back on my life. What an uninteresting life I've had, I've been thinking about all that every day. And I often thought, "If I were born again,"

Do you know what humans consume and live for?

People live by consuming their own "dreams = possibilities”.

When I was a kid, I had an infinite number of "dreams = possibilities." I live by eating them up.

Successful people in life refer to those who have successfully digested the possibility of disappearing, I think.

And I wasn't adventurous, I was easy. Those who lost what Ullman called "youth = youth”, were themselves.

Yes, I threw away the "dream = possibility” that I was supposed to have.

This story is a dream story about a man who has lived comically without challenge, giving up his dreams, and just for the purpose of living, starting over his life from scratch.

My name is Yataro Kawasaki, a middle-aged man who will turn forty-five this year.

I work for a plant related company in the port town of Kansai.

The chief stopped at this age, even though there are some department heads in the same period. Well, I didn't feel like coming out, so it's nobody's fault.

If the last name "River” is "Rock”, the founder of “Yokozo (Note)". Yet my last name is "Vertical 3 (Note)", so it feels like I'm halfway there, and I'm often teased in this city.

Well, I've never actually lost money by name, so I don't have a problem with that.

Note: "Yokozo" refers to Mitsubishi Heavy Industries Co., Ltd. and “Yokozo" refers to Kawasaki Heavy Industries Co., Ltd. Hidden language in the munitions industry a long time ago.

I eat dinner in a cheap tavern as usual and go back to the apartment where I still have a loan for over a decade. With so many transfers, I could have sold them off, but just saying it's a hassle to sell them is somehow the “home” I live in.

It's not like I'm home or anyone else, and all I have to do is see a porn site online or a posted novel site.

I hardly watch TV.

I wonder how many years I haven't seen a drama.

Even in the world of drama, it stopped sometimes.

No, you're not.

I stopped watching because I know I don't have a happy ending because watching drama makes me miserable.

I'm still peeking at the novel site today.

It rarely hits an interesting novel, but I feel that the novel of reincarnation almost goes through my eyes.

I want to reincarnate myself, because I'm delusional about not being able to do that, and I can escape the gray reality.

Hang your search by "reincarnation," "otherworldly," or "fantasy," as usual.

The screen displays nearly a thousand pieces.

Choose from among them as appropriate and click.

There are a lot of detachments today.

I look at about ten pieces and go get a can of beer.

Start reading a novel with a can of beer in one hand.

(Oh, is this off too? High school girls are the main characters, you can't get emotional...)

And when I tried to find another piece, my chest suddenly became bitter.

My vision is rapidly darkening.

When I fell down to poke at my desk, I felt like a can beer fell and wet my arms.

(Oh, I'm zero...)

There was no tension, no sense of urgency, I was thinking about that. And that was the last thing I thought about before I flew out of this world.

In my eyes, the title of the novel "Trinitas Mundus" appeared blurry on the computer screen.