Dream Life

Tria history September 20, 2023.

I went to talk to Mr. Zach today.

To discuss wanting to be an adventurer, wanting to go to a different land than here.

I don't really want to be an adventurer. Just because it made it harder to be beside that guy. I just wanted to escape.

Because the thoughts in me get bigger and bigger. Because it feels so much darker that it falls into self-loathing.

Until then, we lived together apart, but from the time I was married to Mr. Mel and Mr. Sharon, I started living in the castle. Because I didn't want to see the happy faces of that guy, of his wives.

Of course I have a good reason. I also said that I cared about Zach and the others, but he also said that Molly was just right for me to teach her how to cook, and both my stepfather (oh wow) and stepmother (oh wow) admitted it without any doubt.

"Right. Because Luna is about the same age," so much so that her mother-in-law laughed.

I really always want to be nearby, and I want to hear my voice. But when I'm with you, I can't help it.

Especially when you feel jealous of Lydia and the others.

I wish those people didn't like them. Because I can hate it.

But you're all good people, and you really care about me. Plus I love those guys, too. Especially since Mel and Sharon seem like real sisters.

I really hate myself for even a moment thinking that without those people. It's not like Mr. Zach will look back when he's gone. I know that. But the darker things in me don't mind pushing the bad feelings.

When did this black, unconscious thing (thought) come to be in me? I can't remember at all, but maybe I've been there ever since I was in Japan.

I feel like someone else is here. Even though it's my heart, I hate this comatose thing so much that I want to think it's not me.

So I want to go where no one knows. I just want to escape without thinking about it.

Even though I have lived for more than thirty years when combined with the world of Japan (beyond), I have a sense that I can only think like a child. But that thought really didn't go away.

The first thing I thought about was the Kingdom of Sartooth in the north. With so few Dwarf blacksmiths and so few people coming to the village because of their alcohol relationship, it should be small to see someone you know.

But I couldn't think of a reason to go. And because of Lydia's hometown, I also thought they might find it in that relationship.

The next thing I thought about was Periclitle, the city of adventurers that I told Mr. Zach.

There are plenty of Dwarf blacksmiths in that city, but they rarely see each other unless they go to the blacksmith district on the edge of the south district.

They used to come to the South End Inn where the adventurers lived for a scotch, but I hear they rarely see a non-adventurer dwarf since Scotch started appearing in a blacksmith's tavern. I'm pretty sure this is because I checked with a merchant named Henry Norton who's coming to buy Scotch.

Besides, PericLittle is a big city of 50,000 people, so it should be unlikely you'll happen to meet someone you know. Because if you're a merchant, you don't get out of the commercial district much, and the mercenaries at the escort were talking about living apart so you wouldn't get into trouble with adventurers.

I hardly know any adventurers other than those in the village of Rasmore.

So I thought if I left just to be an adventurer, I'd be able to spend time without seeing anyone I knew. It doesn't mean I don't want to see you in the future. If this thought turns into memories in a few years, I even think I can come back.

But not now.

Because I'm going to hate this world (...) as well as myself as it is. I don't care if you hate the world, but I feel like I shouldn't.

Somehow, but I think it's because Mr. Zach loves this world. So I don't think we should even think about "I wish this world was gone”.

When I talked to Mr. Zach, I regretted it a little. Because he looked so sad.

Still, we managed to talk because it's better than it is now, but they disagreed as expected. It feels more like a hold than a disapproval.

I always think what Mr. Zach is saying is right.

If a sixteen-year-old girl goes out to the metropolis by herself, who has nothing to say about this one, I know full well that it's dangerous. Even though it's dangerous to have laws in place, like Japan, this world should be tougher because you have to protect yourself.

Still I want to leave. So I'm trying to figure out how to convince you all.

So what I came up with was convincing Mr. Beatrice. It's surprising, because the sweetest of the four is to me.

Mr. Lydia usually doesn't seem to think much of anything, but when it comes to that guy, he gets a great idea. So it's possible you realize what I'm thinking. Instead, I'm probably already noticing.

Mr. Sharon is a sweet man, but feels close to Mr. Lydia. Besides, when it comes to Mr. Zach, I feel more scared than Mr. Lydia.

Mr. Mel is one of the candidates, but he decided to talk to Mr. Beatrice. Because this looks most natural.

This kind of thinking has become more recent as well. Maybe the reason I feel sloppier than when I was in Japan is because I'm mentally old. But that didn't grow spiritually. I know that.

I really don't like myself when such a deliberate thought comes to mind right away.

I decided to talk to him, but Mr. Beatrice doesn't spend much time alone. I just have to aim for the time I'm taking care of my gear before dinner.

That's what I thought, got in the mood and then headed to the room. As expected entering the room, Mr. Beatrice was caring for the spear.

"I need to talk to you..."

"What's wrong with you?" He recommended the chair as he cleared the spear.

"I want to be an adventurer. What should I do?"

I asked straight.

"You're a stick from a servant," he laughs, but soon he gets a serious look.

"Have you talked to Zach?

"Yes. I just went to talk to him. But it's a lot harder for a young woman to be an adventurer, so you should talk to Beatrice."

"Right. But it's really sudden."

"I want to try and see how far I can do it on my own. I would just rely on you if I were here..."

"Right," he nodded, then told me with the usual smile, "I'll tell you if it's my experience," he said.

"As Zach said, I wouldn't recommend having one young woman. I struggled a lot at first too..."

I had heard of Mr. Beatrice becoming an adventurer since he became a mercenary at Fortis, but I had never heard of any details.

"... a woman with a big, bad eye for Gatai, like me, isn't, but a lot of guys come to a young daughter like you. Some of them are trying to trick me into selling them to a whorehouse. That's why it's hard to get a request by yourself."

"Why not? I heard Mr. Beatrice was alone."

"Solo is impossible without strength. I worked with a lot of guys at first."

It was unexpected, so I accidentally said, "Really?" I heard.

"Even I had it when I was younger," he says, laughing.

That's what I'm saying, but it's not like Mr. Beatrice looks old. I should be over forty, but Mr. Zach's “esteem" using healing magic is working, so if it's just the way he looks, he only looks like he's about thirty.

If I had thought about that, Mr. Beatrice would have returned to a serious look.

"Think about it. As I go into the woods by myself, what happens if I get traced..."

That's where I realize I wasn't thinking about anything.

"... he attacked me with a bandit when he was terrible. That's right, because there's nothing left in my orb. There are other demons out there who will be grateful."

Indeed, I was right, and now I realize even more that it would be difficult to get into the woods without my people.

"How do you find your people? Aren't you going to use your good offices in the guild or something?

"Basically, the guild doesn't do anything. Well, if you get along with the staff, they can talk to you..."

The story was surprising, too. Because I thought the Adventurer Guild was a mutual aid organization for adventurers, so they would do a lot of good offices.

"... so basically you have to do it all yourself..."

Continuing to talk like that, I found what I had in mind to be reckless.

"It's hard......" I shrugged unexpectedly.

Mr. Beatrice smiled at me and said, "That's right," he put his hand on my shoulder.

"It's best to start with a good veteran and then have him introduce you to a party that looks good. It's hard to begin with."

"Really..." he replied, thinking about what he would do in the future.

The best thing to do is ask Mr. Beatrice to come with us. But that's hard. Maybe because all of Mr. Zach and the others will come with us.

Doesn't make much sense when it does. I figured I might as well give it a little more strength around here before I do.

"Maybe we should go through this once," Mr. Beatrice murmured thinking about it.

When you tilt your neck wondering what you're talking about,

"It may be difficult soon, but it means you can try to be alone."

"Really..." he answers vaguely.

"But, you know, this is all I remember. That it's really hard to live alone. A year or two would be fine. If it lasts more than ten years, I think it's normal. You said you'd live your whole life on your own. So finding people is important."

You seem to have shared your experience, but I am surprised by the next word.

"Well, I wouldn't have that if I were in this village, but in your case it would be hard to be here..."

I didn't expect my thoughts to be known to this man. When I'm surprised by that, I gently stroke my head.

"Because I was the same. I wondered why we didn't meet sooner when we met that guy in Doctus."

I heard the words and regretted that I had come to talk to you.

This guy was the one who could find his place in that guy. But I'm not.

Also, I felt like the darker things in me had gotten a little bigger.

■ ■ ■

Luna came to my room.

I somehow guessed that because Lydia had told me, but I thought that was pretty thought-provoking.

Luna is not retarded just because she comes from the same world as Zach.

Of course, he's not as deep as Zach or Sharon, but he still has more "imagination” than any normal person in this world.

She was surprised to hear me talk like that.

It's hard to imagine what you haven't been through, but you still knew to some extent the difficulty of running an adventurer from our story.

That's what I wasn't thinking at all.

You thought it was dangerous. I felt like I wasn't seeing around. Let me tell you from my experience, I always make big mistakes at times like this.

So I wanted to tell you that I still have a place here.

As I found it, when you found it, I wanted to tell you so. But apparently that was a failure.

I wouldn't even call the look on that last kid hateful, because it included something that was never good.

I'd like to talk to Zach tomorrow, but I'm worried about how to talk. 'Cause I don't think you can tell me that well.

So think about what Luna wants to do.

That kid wants to get away from here, no, it's just temporary from that guy. But all I could think of was how to be an adventurer.

Then I can teach him.

I hate to live away from that guy, but still, it's worse to end up with the relationship between the two of you twisted.

I don't particularly want to see Zach get scratched. So you just have to put up with me a little bit.

It's been about six months since I've been away. Then I can put up with it somehow.

That's what I thought. I felt a little load off my shoulder.