Faithful to Buddha, Faithful to You

Chapter 22: Take a Walk Out

After he left that night, he didn't come back. I thought I could calm down and I stayed in the house every night starting at 5: 00, staring at the door until the lights went out in the city. I wandered around the city of Subash every day with my sketchbook, walking and always wandering to the door of the Bird Leaving the Great Temple until a monk who knew me greeted me and suddenly woke up and fled. My heart hurts so much that it seems like there are thousands of little hands grabbing, pulling, I can't help but paint his face over and over again at work with my sketchbook, and then wipe it off again and again.

It was only two days before Su Mun was concealed and his whereabouts were still missing. Sue, the cover is over, and I have to leave Turtles anyway. Can I see him before I leave? In fact, the best way to do it is to understand it in your heart, not to see it. If you leave, you'll forget...

At night I curled up in bed, still staring at the door, and the pile of books that once fascinated me couldn't even mention it in front of me. Ten o'clock, in the 21st century, 10 o'clock nightlife is just beginning, and in this day and age, 10 o'clock is really late at night. I sighed and another night passed.

All of a sudden, the courtyard door was knocked, and the voice was not too loud, but it was particularly striking. Then there was the sound of Moxie talking to people in the yard. It's Sanskrit! It's him!

My heart snapped and jumped out of bed and ran out. He stood in the yard talking to Mobson and could not see his expression in the dark. My doubts grew, and if there were no surprises, he wouldn't be here so late. Something always felt like something had happened.

Mobo rubbed his sleeping eyes back into the house. He walked towards me slowly, as if he could not lift his feet heavily.

“In the middle of the night, Rosh shouldn't have come...” His voice actually shivered slightly. “It's just that my heart is full and I'm walking around and I'm walking here. After wandering outside the door for a long time, I couldn't help but knock. ”

He looked up at me, and the lights came out in the room, and he saw the sorrow on his face. What happened to Rosh, who was always calm, with such a sad look?

Look at him standing in the yard, a little overwhelmed, and I said in the softest voice, "Rosh, can we go for a walk? ”

He looked at me unbelievably, and in his eyes, a hint of gratitude flowed, and he shook his head: “You, put on a coat, it's cold at night...”

The whole of Subash was silent, the streets were long gone, and fortunately the moon was shining and the road could still be seen underneath. We walked all the way and remained silent. It's the first time I've been with him that late. He has some restraint, I'm afraid.

Subash is just a subordinate town with a greater religious significance than a military significance, so there are no walls that are normally necessary for a city pool. Just a few steps out of town and into the copper mill river outside the city. It was the summer when the river was rushing and the noise seemed clear on a quiet night.

We found a big rock by the river and sat down. I curled my knees and watched him quietly. The moonlight spilled on him, rendering a circle of glow.

“Here comes the teacher of Xiaozhi. ”

“Top of the plate?” The biography contains a record of Tamorosh speaking of the doctrine of the great multiplication for his master master.

“How do you know his name? ”

“Ah, I...” I stunned. Of course I read the information before I found out.

“By the way, I told you. I can't believe you remembered 10 years ago. ”

He told me that when he was a kid? Why can't I remember? (I can't remember a kiss going to chapter 12. Rosh said, "… I followed the high priest to learn how to ride Buddha...")

I shifted the subject awkwardly: "Did you tell him the doctrine of the great multiplier? ”

He nodded: "These days Rosh has been studying the doctrine of the great multiplier with the honor of the teacher, discussing the great multiplier, and has won the recognition of the honor of the teacher. The teacher honors Rosh as a Grand Master, acknowledging Roshley's new achievements, but remains Rosh's Little Master. ”

I nodded. In the Buddhist world, debating and winning recognition with teachers who take themselves to the gates of Buddhism is an important link if they are to establish their ultimate authority in doctrine, even for people like Rosh. And apparently Rosh was the final winner of this chainsaw debate. Though Dado ended up saying "Ritsch as a teacher," he did not change his theoretical stance, at least he did not give up his status as Rosh's “little passenger.” Is that why he's upset?

“Rosh, everyone has their own position. It's good that you can convince him to respect you as a Grand Master. Why should he give up? ”

He looked at me strangely: "Rosh was not so arrogant as to give up his little ride. ”

“Then why are you so upset? ”

He suddenly silenced and stared at the river for half a day. “My mother...” He bit his thin lip, seemed to bite the bleeding, trembling softly and said: “My master only told me today that my mother went to geranium three months ago... three months ago... has gone to three fruits. ”

I didn't quite understand. I asked, "What's the" three fruits in the den "? Isn't that a good thing? ”

He sighed and took a deep breath, answering softly: "The three fruits are the second highest of the four fruit slots that the family practice can achieve, Anāgāmin.” He looked at me still in doubt and explained, "Anāgāmin can be translated as non-repayable. In other words, to bear witness to this result, after living in the five pure heavens, the meditation is deeper, to the extinction of the thought, that is, to liberate, no longer return to the life and death of Fanfu. ”

He swallowed his throat and took another deep breath, but his voice was trembling: “Mother finally has to practice fruit, jump out of the round, eternal joy...”

Ah! I finally turned my head, he said so much, just to tell me that the old lady, the old lady, died in geranium... the history only records that the old lady left Turz alone and went to India. And then there was no record of her dying in India. And this news, he just heard from many places on the plate...

I looked at him stubbornly. No wonder he was so sad. His wife affected his life so much that no one could compare. It was the mother who brought him into the Buddha Gate, the mother who did not want him to be taken by too many pursuits in Turtles, the mother who encouraged him to study the grand multiplier, and before he was twenty years old, everything was arranged by his mother. The lady was not a good wife for the phylloxera, but for Rosh, she was a good mother, a leader, a guide.

“Rosh, if you're sad...”

“No!” he raised his voice suddenly, hurrying: “I'm not sad. When her mother entered Sango, she left the Buddhist family she was seeking to be freed and finally emerged. She entered the Western world of joy and since then she has had no more troubles. Why should I be sad? Why should I be? ”

His chest fluctuated so fast that fools could hear his words.

“Rosh,” I patted him gently on the arm: “It's normal for you to feel sad. Because you have love, you love your mother. Then why don't you spill your love for her? ”

“Love?” he muttered, as if it weighed a kilogram, sinking him to a trembling voice: “The Buddha says that everything is empty and everything is empty. Rosh is a practitioner. How can there be love? ”

“Buddhism tells us that everything is bitter, that old sickness dies, resentment, loving goodbye, whatever you want, so the root of bitterness is love. If you can extinguish love, you can get Nirvana, and from then on, you can leave the six circles and enter the eternal world. In fact, the Buddha himself, isn't there love? He's got a wife, he's got a wife, he's got connections, right? Is it because of his love desire? But if love is truly extinguished, does the Buddha need to die before he can be free? Nirvana, silence, annihilation, annihilation, loneliness, lifelessness, extinction, separation, liberation, however many of the terms are synonymous with death. Only death can destroy all desires, and the Buddha himself, afraid, knows this truth. So he portrayed a post-mortem world, a Western world of joy, to make up for the kinds of things that this world abandoned as a desire to destroy love. But why must..."

“Irene!” He interrupted me severely, trembling at the corner of his mouth and holding his head painfully: “Stop it...”

He missed his head and wouldn't let me see his face. His shoulders rose and fell in the moonlight and he could hear his impatient breathing. I stood up, turned to opposite him, stretched out my arms around his neck, and gently held him in my arms. All of a sudden he was stuck, but he didn't push me away, but he seemed to stop breathing.

“Cry, you're human, you're not God. There's nothing wrong with being sad for your family. If you want to cry, it hurts. Cry fast. That would make you feel better..."

I patted him on the back, and he was in my arms, though he was so tall, but he was so thin that it hurt. At this moment, I really want to be a maid and comfort him for her.

He paused for a while, and some pushed his hand forward, wrapping his arm around me. His movements were very light, as if I were a paper man and would be crushed.

“Irene!” I felt his chest fluctuate rapidly and his arms grew stronger and tighter.

“Irene!” He called me down again, on his shoulder, a little warm and wet, the wind blew through, cooled quickly, and immediately stained with new warmth and wetness. He finally, like a normal person, cried.

He cried for a long time, as if he had never cried in his life, and at this moment, he had to pour the tears of his life together. I cried with him, and we held each other like this until we had all the strength to cry, until... the wilderness was old...

I don't know how long it took for us to finally calm down. I've never cried so much, and I seem to have lost all my strength, leaning on him, to not be paralyzed. He also stopped crying, but still held me, warm from him, ironing my heart. I, so greedy for this embrace, dare not say a word, afraid to say something will break this atmosphere. Finally, he let go of me, the moonlight was gone, I could not see his expression, I could only hear him slowly say:

“Mother knew that the heart of Rosh had always wanted to spread the great multiplication to Han Di, and when she left, she said to Rosh: the great multiplication of the teachings, to spread to the east, depended on my strength. But this magnificent business, for me, is of no use. Mother asked me what to do. ”

I'm still in the mood, not talking, staring at him. He paused and went on to say, "I answered my mother: The way of the great multiplier, the rich forget who they are. If Rosh could spread the Buddha's indoctrination and enlighten the people, he would suffer from the soup of the fire, and Rosh would not have any resentment. ”

While her mother was there, Rosh was also a well-protected genius. He was brilliant, but like a flower in a greenhouse, untested. With the departure of his mother, at this moment he must rely on perseverance to uphold his ideals. His ideals, they've been around since he was a kid, right? Does he know that what his mother fears will come true in the future? He went to Nakahara to promote Buddha law, and the price he paid was the illness of a generation. Rosh, if you can, I really don't want to know about your future.

“Rosh, your mother is not with you, but she will always be with you. When you have a hard time, think about your promise to your mother, and you'll make it, okay? ”

Seeing him nod, I shifted the subject, hoping that he would no longer be immersed in grief. “Rosh, tell me about your childhood, something I don't know.” Actually, shifting the subject was just an excuse, and I really wanted to know about him as a kid.

We sat shoulder to shoulder and listened to him talk about his childhood: his mother's strictness and kindness; his teachers' esteem, his brothers' fun; his travels in the West; and I listened to every single one of them. Originally, IQ200's Humorosh was also used as a brother, and his mother would blame him for not being able to carry his tongue. Turns out he also had a childhood. I thought he was born the same way. To make him feel better, I talk about my own family, my parents, my classmates, my boss, books I've read, places I've walked. Of course, I translated it into a language he could understand, and it didn't reveal anything.

The distant back of Tianshan showed a faint rouge red, and the stars quietly disappeared. I looked at the watch, it was almost 4: 00, and I actually sat there all night. I looked at him and I said, "Rosh, go back. It's time for you to do your breakfast. ”

He was surprised: "I sat there all night. Elysium, are you tired? ”

I shook my head. I'm not tired, but I'm a little cold. That jacket won't stop the cool air at dawn either.

He held his hand, his hand had no hot air, his slender fingers grinding my hand, I laughed, watching his futile friction fever. He lifted his eyes, saw me smile, stopped grinding, and put my hands on his cheek. My laughter is frozen. If the flood washes past, the last line of defense at the bottom of my heart completely collapses...

And so we looked at him, and my hand was on his slightly hot face, and my palm touched a slight bandage, and it was a new beard. At that moment, like a daisy roof, an electric current from head to toe stirred me up all over the chestnut. I've totally figured out one thing--

I love him!

Yeah, I've been in love with him ever since I saw him again. It's normal to fall in love with him, but his brilliance, his superior appearance, makes all the women in the world happy. I no longer hesitate to refuse. If I love, I love. How can I deny this basic human feeling? I'm just an ordinary person. If I can't extinguish love, why do I have to struggle? And I used to struggle so hard and so resist because I looked at love too much in the minds of modern people. I always wanted to be rewarded if I loved, I always used my work as an excuse, I always thought I was going back sooner or later, and I always worried about falling in love with him without a future. But what if I don't return the favor? What if I don't ask you to stay with him? What if I don't want a future? Who said I couldn't go on with my work if I loved him? I just need to love him in my own way right now. I could keep him from knowing my love, and I could go back to the 21st century and think that he loved him. As long as I can love him, for the rest of my life, whatever. Why do I have to think so calmly right now?

“Su screen begins the day after tomorrow, you can go to King's City today.” The gentle voice whispered in my ear, "I went back and slept well, and then I asked Giodoro to escort you to the royal city, and I've booked a hotel for you. Or do you want to live in the National Palace? Didn't you always want to see Fursati? ”

Giodoro? Wait a minute. Oh, it's his driver. “Let's stay in the inn. I would scare too many people to go to the national capital like this. As for Fursati, I'd like to see him before he leaves Turz. ”

When Suzanne's cover is over, I'll have a chance to meet Fursati. He was so adhesive to me ten years ago, but now he's grown up to be a big and small guy, he's got his own life, and I don't want to get involved too much. If you can see him as an adult, you can do it. The thing I want most is actually this... “um... you...” hesitate, hesitate, and then hesitate, "will you... go? ”

He paused and gently put my hand down, “My master is still with me... besides..."

“I know you've got a song and dance ring." ”Press down on the disappointment that drifts through your mind and pretend not to notice," I'm just asking. You... don't have to go... don't go... ”

He did not speak, stood up, and the bright light stained his brown and red monk coat, and the wind swept through his collar, and his whole person was curled in the dawn like a sculpture.