Faithful to Buddha, Faithful to You

Chapter 35: Where's the Warm? --Xiao Fu's Outside (top)

How much do people remember what happened when they were four? I'm not the same. Memories at the age of four, in me, are watershed. Before I was four years old, I had parents and a brother at home, and after I was four, it was just me and my father.

I remember my brother holding my hand in the yard, not playing with me as before, but holding his breath and staring at my father and mother's room. Anything I wanted to know at the time, I would ask my brother. My brother sees everything, knows everything. So my brother told me that my mother had not eaten or drank for six days, in order to run away from home.

What's a runaway?

Running away is when the mother moves out of the house.

I ran into the room while my brother wasn't paying attention. I want to ask my mother not to move out of the house. But I didn't see my mother in bed, but I saw my father crying with long brown hair. When he saw me, he rushed to hide his long hair behind him, rubbing his face and asking his brother to take me out.

I asked my brother why he didn't even want such beautiful hair when his mother moved out of the house.

Brother said that when you leave home, you can't ask for anything.

Mother did move out of the house and didn't bring anything, as my brother said. When she left home, her mother was taken out, and the mother in the lounge chair looked very pale and a beautiful redhead disappeared. Suddenly I felt scared, that kind of mother, that I didn't know. A few days later, my father took me and my brother to Wang Xinji Temple, a mother who had always liked to wear beautiful clothes, but wore an eye-catching robe. Beautiful mother, never to be seen again.

Since then, my father has taken me and my brother to the temple three to five times apart. Mother seemed to be a different person, she used to smile when she saw Father touch Mother, now Father wanted to touch her, she would hide, then put a gift I later understood. And I, when I wanted my mother to hold me, my mother hesitated. Whenever this happens, my father will always hold me up and look me in the eyes that I don't like to see. When I grew up, I knew that look was sad. And I, too, stopped haunting my mother to let her hug her.

My father would spend all day in the temple with me and my brother, listening to people who were dressed the same way as their mother, and who also had no hair, saying things I didn't understand. It was really hard for me to sit down, but I couldn't help but sleep. But my brother is different. He could listen very carefully, and after that he could actually tell the old man what he heard. The old man seemed to like his brother very much and kept whispering to his father and mother. Later, my brother told me that he was leaving too.

Are you moving out of the house too? Who's gonna play with me?

My crying still didn't stop my brother. My father and I watched my brother put on a robe like his mother's, and he knelt on the floor, and the nasty old man cut his curly shawl off a little bit of red hair. Father grabbed my hand so tightly, I felt a little pain. If I wanted to shout, I would see the look in my father's eyes again that I didn't like. For some reason, I held back from shouting the pain.

My brother accompanied me to a small yard in the temple to hide and seek. My brother grabbed me blindfolded and I flashed. I haven't had so much fun in a long time, my brother will still play with me. Brother jumped a man, he shouted, "Gotcha!” I couldn't tell him it wasn't me, and my brother found out. That was his master, Buddha Tutsumi, a high priest of Wang Xinji Temple. My brother looked bad when he saw him. He lowered his head and listened to what he said about meditation. That was the last time I remember my brother playing with me.

Since then, when my father took me to the temple, he has always seen my mother and brother carrying thick books. When I saw my father and I, I just laughed. Nobody hugs me, nobody plays with me, I'm getting sick of going to the temple. It's just that Father likes to go. Well, I'll pretend I like it. Since I was four years old, I've known how to make my father happy.

When I was six years old, my brother could hear praise for him everywhere in the royal city because he could carry many memorable scriptures every day. The mother told her father that she could not let her brother be bragged too much in such a famous name to go to school with her brother. I can't remember the name, I just know it's a very far away place, it takes years to come back. My father took me with him, and he looked at me like he was sad. I thought my father would want to see me cry, so I cried. But in my heart, I'm glad I can finally stop going to the temple.

My father, who didn't have to go to the temple, seemed to lose his support all of a sudden and would always hold me in the yard to see the sky for a long time. Father was always excited to hear from his mother and brother. Then they would whisper and tell me what they were doing there now. For four years, my father had been telling me how my brother had been recognized and how much praise he had received for his worship of high priests as teachers. My blurring brother seems to be a big shot.

At the age of ten, they finally returned, and Uncle Wang went to pick them up. I heard that my brother won an argument in Wenjuku. All of a sudden, no one knew my brother. There were people on the street who mentioned his name. Am I supposed to be proud? Have such an excellent and famous brother. But when so many people pointed at me and said, "That's the brother of the Prodigy Morosh," I began to resent it for no reason. My name is Fursatilla, remember, I'm not just Fursatilla's brother, I'm me, Fursatilla.

Remember how big the ceremony was for my mother and brother, and I finally met them four years after I left them. They weren't as familiar to me as the servants in the house, but I fell into the arms of my mother to make my father happy. Four years without a mother's memories, but this time the interdependence didn't make me happy. The mother's arms, they're cold. I put my head on my mother's shoulder and wondered when I was going to get out of it. And suddenly I had a pair of flexible eyes, and those eyes, straight bones, spinning around on me, looked clean as a turtle's blue sky.

Her face revealed that unlike ours, she was smaller than the Turtles and the whole person looked so comfortable. I've seen people in the city with dark hair and yellow skin like that, and my father says they're called Han people, from far east, and it takes an infinite amount of desert gobies to walk a year to get here.

I was measuring her while she was looking at me. She smiled at me. Actually, she had a beautiful smile, her tiny mouth rising, revealing a shallow wine cellar. Just, I don't know why, I always thought she was laughing a little silly, silly pure, just like her eyes. Then she snuck up again and made a ghost face at me. I suddenly thought she'd be a fun person.

She's really fun, unlike anyone I've ever met. Since she lived in my house, I couldn't resist going to the palace during the day to study and fight with my cousins. With her at home, I looked forward to hurrying home from school every day, because it was more fun to tease her. She doesn't speak standard Turz, and I always tease her with her accent. When she was angry, she exaggerated her expression and glared at her mouth, not at all like the women in the palace who pretended to speak as if they were fine.

She has a big bag full of novel toys. She made a lot of drawings with the kind of paper brush that she could wipe repeatedly, but it didn't look good at all. She used to draw me a copy that kept me from moving on the stool for half a day, but it was really ugly, not like me. She still stuffs things in her bag from time to time, as if a piece of rag could be seen for the first half of the day and then stuffed in the bag. So I often take something worthless and tell her it was used by Uncle Wang, my mother, or my brother, and she would swap paper and pens for me with both eyes open. I was surprised that the bag was like a pot of clubs and seemed to fit everything.

She taught her brother Chinese, and my father told me to follow her. That unforgettable Chinese language, my father had asked a Chinese man to teach me before, and I was pissed off. And she's different, she's not like that guy who calls me endorsement all day, she's more like a joke when she teaches me. She taught me about scissors, rock cloth, little bees flying into the bushes, and when I lost, I had to carry a silent postcard from "Theory," and she lost the next day as my soldier. Every time I have the most fun, my brother always shows up, and then we all calm down. My brother can talk to her directly in Chinese, and he can tell her things I don't understand. I'm a little uncomfortable, I have to learn and play with her in her language in the future.

While studying in the palace, the prince's cousins pointed a little at me and laughed with disgrace. Turns out the big prince and the second prince always rushed back so early, snuck into the house, saw her, they made fun of me to find a big daughter-in-law.

“So what? I like the bigger ones. Like those delicate princesses, knowing that pretending to cry is annoying. ”

“You think of her as your mother, don't you?” The Fourth Prince danced with me, "your mother ran away from home. If you don't want to, you'll find a mother to be your daughter-in-law. ”

I had a fight with them. They were older than me, and I had a couple of bags on my forehead.

When she came home, she saw me wrapped her hands around my feet. I wanted to tell her that I was a man, and that a minor injury was nothing. But he swallowed it up again. I actually loved her hands brushed over my face, warm. I suddenly wanted to see if her arms were so warm, poured into her arms and cried fake. She was so easy to fool, she really held me to comfort me. The embrace was so warm, soft and tactile, even her voice coming from the top of her head, so warm. For the first time, hugging was such a comfortable thing. At that moment, I really want to be held by her all the time, never to be disturbed, especially by my brother.

Father went to Auntie, it took days to come back. I was actually happy, pretending to be scared as planned, and I managed to sneak into her quilt. She patted me on the back and sang a Hanzi song in my ear. I sneer, I'm not a kid anymore, and I sleep in this way. But her voice was so beautiful, so clear and bright, those songs surrounded me warmly like a sun quilt in the winter. I fell asleep in this warm song, in the warmth that came from her. Before going to bed, I thought that my daughter-in-law would have to be this warm in the future.

Since then, I have added one more reason to haunt her: to ask her to sing to me constantly. She always drowned on me, singing to me over and over until I fell asleep. I found that as soon as I fell asleep, she would cover my quilt especially gently and scratch my nose, whispering and whispering in Chinese. It's all so funny, I often pretend to sleep. But that night, when my brother found out, I hid in the corner of the wall and heard her sing to my brother, and my brother, who never laughed, actually laughed. Somehow, I got angry. Why would she sing it to him? She should just sing to me alone.

And the next day, even more upsetting to me, when I flew back from school, I couldn't find her. The servant said that his brother had taken her to visit the royal city. Why did you let my brother take her? She wants to go shopping. Can't I show her the way? Brother stole my mother, even she wants to rob me? I exasperated with anger at the big yellow dog in the house, staring at the door to see when she would return.

She finally came back before dinner. I was going to show it to her angrily, but she pulled me to play hide-and-seek, and I was laughed at by her, and the sullen disappeared. It seems that it is only to smile at her that she really wants to smile, not as tired of crying and laughing because of speculation about her father's heart.

She looked at the strange bracelet on her wrist that day and suddenly shouted, “Oh, it's New Year's Eve tomorrow!” Then she said she was going to spend New Year's Eve, and the next day she gave it to me and my brother. For my brother is a string of sandalwood buddha beads, but for me it's strange. It was a monster she drew herself, not like a cat, not like a dog, and a strange name called Dora A Dream. She said the monster had a pocket where he could pull everything he wanted out of it. I don't really like this monster. She still thinks I'm a child. Give me something so childish. But at least she painted it herself, so I'll just barely accept it.

I knew she'd leave in the spring and go to Chang 'an, which took a year to get there. I really don't want her to go. Is there anything I can do to keep her from leaving?

I just came up with one way, and that's the weird bracelet she's got. Something on that bracelet seemed to move, and I wanted to see it, but for the first time, she was so serious about me that she warned me not to touch anything on that bracelet. She wore it all day and even stuffed it under her pillow when she slept, only to take it off when she took a bath. The bracelet was a little weird, and I got more curious, so I snuck into her room while she was in the shower and figured out that weird thing.

Somewhere, the bracelet suddenly emitted a green light and a ticking sound. She came back when she had no idea. I can't let her know I want to steal this bracelet. I quickly said, "“ Ai Qing, this stuff is fun, it tickles and jumps. Can you give it to me? ”

Years later, I can still remember the scene clearly. I used to wonder if it would make a difference if I hadn't stolen that bracelet. She strangely disappeared in that light, and I searched everywhere for her until a month later. Is there really a god in this world? Is she really a fairy? I don't believe in Buddha. The only thing I believe in is that I actually met a fairy when I was 10. Otherwise, how could a mortal woman have such a spirit show, such a difference?

I didn't tell my brother she left a message asking him to go to China to promote Buddha Law. She said my brother would be a great man. What about me? She's a fairy. Why didn't you tell me what would happen to me? Somehow, it annoys me to see my brother in her room, step by step, looking for her. It annoys me to see my brother carefully put away what she left behind. It annoys me to see that the people in the brotherhood ordered him to keep the house and clean it every day. It annoys me to see that he has everything ahead of me.