Faithful to Buddha, Faithful to You

Chapter 38: A Man's Carnival

I sat on the train, staring out the window at the rapidly retreating view. It's been a cold winter in January, and the leaves are fading, and a shawther, just like my mood. Hand over a paper cup in front of you, it's hot green tea. I took it. Say thank you.

The boss sat beside me and sighed: “Forget it. When you get back, finish your book and graduate officially in July. It's time to think about finding a job. ”

I shouted, my hands warming up on the cup, my eyes still staring out the window.

Three months back, I've been in bed sick. The doctor said I was lucky to be back in time, otherwise my arm would almost die. The two NORTHFACE large bags on my back blocked my impulse as I landed without further damage to my arm. Surgically clean up the rotten meat and let the new meat grow slowly. But hands are not as flexible as they used to be. Is that the price of changing history?

Report the physical condition in detail and then perform a full body exam to conclude that I did accumulate radiation over the course of four crossings and that I am no longer suitable for this project. I tried to convince them that I could wear it again, and my boss ruthlessly killed me before I reached the level of group discussion. The boss says I need to rest now, keep taking my pills every day, and drain the toxins out of my body a little bit. I'm still young, and he doesn't want me to have any sequelae.

The boss was always guilty and heard that he had a big fight with the research team and then left the project angrily. He warned me never to think about crossing again, and our school is completely out of touch with this crossing project. Then, when I recovered, he took me back to school. Of course, I got a lot of bonuses, enough that I didn't work at all for years. But when I got that fold, all I could think about was bitterness.

How long has it been since I've been back to school? I don't know if I can make it up to you. The boss comforts me, and he helps me with credits and classes. The value of the two large bags brought back was incalculable, and my notes and many other lonely books required me to work with a group of experts to study them. I handed over all the artifacts, leaving only a few pieces: the Adeles silk scarf from Rosh, a handkerchief he put in my locker for me, and a lion's jade to commemorate Fursati.

Is that how it ended my career? I've been running around this crossover project since I went to graduate school, and I haven't had a few classes. Twenty-two years old prepared for the trial, twenty-three years old successfully crossed and twenty-four years old returned with scales all over his body. For over two years, have I been dreaming? I can't believe I lived, breathed and loved 1650 years ago without that Adeless silk and that lion peyote hanging on my neck... Zhuang Sheng dream butterfly, am I Zhuang Sheng or Butterfly?

Going back to school naturally caused a sensation. Long time no teacher friend, all staring at me. That evening, they opened a PARTY for me in karaoke, drinking, karaoke, playing dice, until 2: 00 in the morning. 2: 00 in the morning? Oh, it's been too long since I slept after 10: 00 with my eyelids open.

After a long time of falling back into reality, it suddenly became a little uncomfortable.

Turns out she's really on the moon, running around the moon. It turns out inflation has changed and the price of buns in the cafeteria has changed and you're practicing shaping. The stock market, where individuals could have earned pleasure, now holds many people together. So the price of gasoline went up, so no wonder teachers started riding school buses and even yelled at BMW bikes instead. The most popular now is to see the "Color Ring" degree, the most popular topic is to cancel next year on May 1st.

The girls in the dorm talked about love, and every night flowers and branches ran apart. I was often left alone in the dormitories of six people on weekends, and the others came back the next morning with an ambiguous smile.

My friends feel sorry for me. Claims that if I hadn't disappeared that long, I would have talked about it by now. Unfortunately, the boys in our class who were supposed to be interested in me couldn't wait to get to know each other. I said with a smile, otherwise I wouldn't have your share.

Shopping with my sisters, they always make fun of me and don't know that the fashion has changed again. Not that I'm behind, but that the world is changing too fast. Sometimes I really miss that pure world, no pollution, no hustle, a slow, relaxing pastoral life, clean days, sweet grapes and hamamelis, bright and clear people.

Walking down the street, suddenly looking back, seemed to see that lonely figure in the crowd, catching up with him, but he was an unlike anyone else. In the crowd, when you hear a gentle voice, you try to find it, but you always apologize with disappointment. One person walks, looks in search, and then suddenly squatts on the side of the road and cries, no matter how many shots are fired. Modern man's nerves have been so strong that when he cries and wipes his tears and continues to walk, no one will ever come forward to greet him.

It turns out loneliness isn't born, but starts from the moment you fall in love with that person.

Leaves are wings that don't fly. Wings are leaves that fall in heaven.

Heaven wasn't supposed to be a delusion, but I'd forgotten how to fly.

Loneliness is a party for a man. Loneliness is a group of people.

Love was originally about company, but I gradually forgot how people were there.

I was eating, traveling, walking, stopping, reading, writing, talking.

I just can't even see where my heart is going. I guess I didn't just lose you.

Late at night the most heard is this "Leaf", repeated over and over again, until you hear the power failure. “Wherever my heart floats, I can't even see for myself. I guess I'm not just losing you.” Every time I hear this place, I can't help but cry. I could still feel the warm kiss on my lips, but I finally lost it. What the hell did you lose? Just a love? I have completely lost my heart...

When I came home for the New Year's holiday, my mom saw a scar on my arm, and it hurt so bad that I lied to her that I fell. After the New Year's Eve, he usually gave me his 25th birthday, blew candles, and ate cake. I chewed on the sweet cream and suddenly remembered the sketch Rosh painted for me every year. Is he still painting? No, right? Where's what now? Everything about him, to me, is past time.

Back from cold vacation, there are no classes anymore, everyone is busy looking for a job to jump the chicken dog. It's hard to find a professional job like this, staying in school as a teacher, entering an archaeological institute or museum, it's not a lucrative business. Some classmates can't hold on to it. They come into the company as secretaries, all of them when they sell. The topic of “the future" was the one that everyone talked about most together, and I was the only one who wasn't interested in thinking about it. Wrote several papers on the Kezil Thousand Buddha Cave, which aroused excitement and controversy in academia. The boss told me about the job, so I stayed in school, read the blog, and teach. I didn't immediately say yes, I wanted to have a day of "alone eating, traveling, walking, stopping, reading, writing, talking to myself”.

Days are flat and water bills are running every day. When you're extremely bored, go up to Jinjiang and look through the language, and only look at the super funny ones. "Wearing X and Reverse X", "When a woman wears X meets an ancient X man", "When X falls in love with Yang X", "I am Grandma Kang X". After watching Haha laugh and sincerely bless the girls who were happier in ancient times than I was. In this laugh, I also learned how to forget.

When April arrived, I finally couldn't help but carry my back, I didn't dare to go to Xinjiang, I was afraid that I would have to go to the garage car. Looking at the ruins after 1650 years is completely different from what I was looking at. In the same place, thousands of years apart, in love and not being able to observe each other, that kind of torture drives me crazy. So I chose to go to Tibet, a place where I could purify my soul.

I entered Tibet from the southern line of Chuanjin, from Chengdu, passing Ya 'an, Kangding, to Ritang to remember the VI Dalai Cangguanzhou. His white crane, lend me your wings. Don't fly far away, just go for a spin in Ritang ”makes Ritang an unspeakable rhyme. The beautiful Mount Niger and the endless furry grasslands, on a plateau four thousand meters above sea level, look so pure and troublesome.

All the way past Mankang, Bomi, 81, the scenery on the road is a great photo, the diversity of scenery often makes people forget to breathe. When I saw the Budala Palace at the top of the mountain, I finally arrived at the holy place, Lhasa.

I'm on my way with different donkey buddies, and we're all traveling a certain way, AA. Go to the next place and break up with someone else. We met a lot of friends all the way, we were all young people, we also had a certain social experience, there was a lot to talk about. Frequent trips like this result in pairs of men and women. The girl who stays with me stays out of the house all night. However, love on this journey is fast coming and rarely returning to their respective lives is maintained.

In Lhasa, following a group of young people who had just met at the Youth Inn, went to the "Read” bar on Beijing East Road. Everyone drinks and comes up and plays "Truth, Adventure." I was having a good time at first, but when I saw that “truth” was all about sex, and “big adventure” was all about KISS coming to KISS, I was not interested.

When it was my turn to tell the truth, a young Beijing boy asked me, "When was your first MAKELOVE and where did it feel? ”

I sighed, embarrassed to say, "I haven't. ”

After a laugh, several boys stared at me naked and even told me in a joking tone that they could help me.

I almost escaped from the bar, and I don't know what's going on with young people today, but I'm not experienced at my age and they think I'm a monster. Now it's fashionable to have fast-food sex, fast-food love, eat fast, wipe your mouth, go on to the next meal, it's too late to chew. The kind of pure love I seek, the one who struggles to kiss me for half a day and asks if it exists? Or in the 21st century, has such love become a rare treasure?

I'm not going to drink in a club like this anymore. Isn't this kind of party lonely for a bunch of people? Well, I'd rather be alone alone, alone in a party. Lhasa walked aimlessly in the middle of the night, the night sky above her head was truly pure and the sparkling stars seemed to be within reach. There aren't many beautiful nights in the city. Once upon a time there was an oasis in the desert, and there was an equally beautiful night sky.

In Dazhao Temple, in Budala Palace, in Zhebeng Temple, I pray with the devout Tibetans and kneel. When I hear the sunken spiral blow, I tremble and feel my soul drift away from the unknown at that moment. After a hundred times of kneeling, I finally understood that wherever I fled, I could not escape that deep end of my soul.

Back at school, my senior brother came to me and now works at the Archaeological Institute. He twisted and pinched for a while and finally confessed to me. And I, I said yes immediately. His blush at that moment reminded me of that bright, cloudy figure...

I don't want to confess to myself that I can't stand loneliness, that I actually miss that person all the time. I accept him for a simple reason: because he is a real person, and I, after all, live in reality...