Four Split Personalities

March 25, 2049

Real Time AM07:01

With a burst of soothing and melodious music, Motan, who had just logged out, gradually came to consciousness inside the Game Cabin and was taken aback by the somewhat familiar tune by his ear. It took him a while to snap out of it before he opened the cabin’s hatch from the inside with mixed feelings of amusement and resignation. He then got up to set the Game Cabin to sleep mode and turned off the flowing birthday song.

He remembered that today was his birthday according to the Gregorian calendar, March 25th...

To be honest, Motan didn’t have any particular feelings about his birthday and had never seriously celebrated it – not during his time in the orphanage when he was young, nor in the years since he had been living on his own. He had never taken this day, which seemed to hold significant commemorative value to others, to heart.

Of course, if one were to be pedantic, this day might not even be Motan’s actual birthday, since it merely marked the anniversary of the day he was picked up from the front door of the orphanage twenty-two years ago, not necessarily the day he was truly born.

Nevertheless, his attitude towards his birthday was indeed too casual; he had never once lit a birthday candle, let alone remember it, having forgotten countless times. Yi Dong mostly remembered, and under normal circumstances, would usually take it as an excuse to treat him to a nice meal.

The reason why Motan didn’t care about his own birthday was quite simple: he felt no gratitude, nor had he ever sincerely felt fortunate to have been born into this world.

Whether under the states of Absolute Neutrality, Chaotic Neutral, or Orderly Good, his views on this matter were similar.

It wasn’t baseless misanthropy or an affected adolescent rebellion – he truly had never felt fortunate about his arrival in this world. Of course, he was merely not grateful, for if he truly opposed it, ending his own life would merely take a minute.

The reason for this was not complex at its core; ultimately, it boiled down to the ’illness’ he was born with...

Schizophrenia, atypical, multiple personalities - these terms sound cool and impressive, whether spoken aloud or used as plot devices in movies and novels, but are they really as great for the person affected?

Of course not.

Far from being great, most of the time, the huge disparity between one’s perspective on life, worldview, and values – especially when varying among three different types – makes it genuinely hard to laugh about it.

Imagine, in most cases, your actions often contradict your initial intentions; your decisions mostly lead to self-regret; your plans get disrupted, and you can’t even voice the most basic of protests, as the person affecting your actions is none other than yourself.

If it were mere schizophrenia, at least one could consider it multiple tenants living in the same body, where conflict or destruction, even mutual annihilation, would all seem rational.

However, Motan was different. Even if his thinking and behavioral styles varied wildly across distinct personalities, he was still one person – not Hei Fan, not Tan Mo, not Mor, just an ordinary person named Motan.

He had many facets but was also united. No matter the situation, he could clearly understand every thought that came to him as he did anything, be it the initial intentions or goals; because it was ’his’ business, he knew everything yet was also helpless to change it.

Just like the example given before, a person might crave noodles in the morning but prefer rice by noon, with a faint aversion to noodles, yet he remains the same person; one day a person might give up their subway seat for the elderly, and the next day not do so – but he is still the same person.

Such contradictory experiences are normal for anyone.

The difference with Motan was that his personal contradictions were countless times more intense and irreconcilable than others. To exaggerate with an unrealistic example, others might just struggle with the dilemma of giving up their seat or not, but for Motan, the same issue might escalate to the point of giving up the seat or blowing up the subway.

This may sound humorous, but for the person in that situation, it’s painful...

Motan has always been himself, but precisely because of this, he’s never been able to truly be ’himself.’

Perhaps Motan under the state of Absolute Neutrality fares a bit better, yet he still suffers from agitation, confusion, and speechless discomfort due to various issues.

An irreconcilable contradiction with no solution in sight, despite nearly mastering psychology and medicine through self-study, his ’condition’ has shown no sign of progress.

And this is after nearly two decades of coming to terms with himself, having learned to compromise with his own differing aspects.

As for worse times, such as the days when his nightmare-like side had not been sealed away, he had indeed contemplated suicide. Every time he involuntarily switched to ’that side,’ the other personalities of Motan struggled to maintain mental stability afterwards, feeling as if they might be consumed by some indescribable entity.

Fortunately, those days are long gone...

"So getting a registered ID card is not only useful for calling the police but also for setting up songs on days like this?"