Chapter 871: What Stops Them I
[Beckenham. Thursday 16 August 2018.]
We flew out of Gatwick on Tuesday with 1 trophy in the hold.
UEFA make the holders bring theirs. The Europa League went to Tallinn in a case with a man from the club sat next to it and it came home on the same aeroplane with the Super Cup next to it, and nobody on that flight had worked out until about half way over the North Sea that we were carrying 2.
Christian Benteke worked it out. Then he would not put either of them down.
We landed at 10 past 4.
Hnnnn.
There were 1,100 people in that arrivals hall.
Nathan had the number off the police afterwards. 1,100, in the south terminal, at 4 o’clock on a working Thursday, and about 200 of them had been stood there since half 1.
Half of them were in that airport before we had got on the aeroplane.
RRRRRRAAAAAAA.
I have come through arrivals at Gatwick about 40 times with this football club and there has never been anybody there except a man with a clipboard and a coach driver.
"AND IT’S GLAD ALL OVER."
"CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE. CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE."
They came through those doors with Tim Krul in front holding the Super Cup and Wilfried Zaha 4 feet behind him with the Europa League, and 1,100 people in an airport before dawn made a noise that set an alarm off somewhere in that terminal, and nobody could find out how to turn it off for about 90 seconds.
A woman from Gatwick with a lanyard tried to keep an aisle open for 40 seconds and then gave up and stood on a bench to watch it.
Michael Olise, 16 years old, came out 9th and a man in his 50s in a Palace shirt shouted his name and Olise looked at the floor and went red.
Ellis Cartwright came out on his own at the back with a medal in his pocket and a bag on his shoulder and nobody knew who he was, and he got about 20 yards before somebody in that crowd did, and then 40 of them did, and he stood there for a second like a man who had walked into the wrong room.
And Ron came out last with a folded programme in his coat.
He is 71 and he has been on that gate for 19 years and 1,100 people had no idea who he was, and Deano put a hand up over the barrier and about 30 of them clapped a man they had never heard of because Deano did.
Rebecca gave the entire squad Thursday off and put it in an email at 5 in the morning so that nobody could pretend they had not seen it.
Sarah told me to go home.
I went in at 9 o’clock at night on my own.
Clk.
There is 1 light on the pitch side of that building after 8 and it is a security lamp over the door to the boot room. The corridor to the analysts’ room is 40 yards and about 25 seconds. I have walked it about 900 times and every single one of those times there has been somebody else in the building.
Tk.
The folder was on the desk.
She said Friday. It was Thursday and she had put it there before she went home, and she had written nothing on the front of it, and I did not open it.
Marcus leaves that television on. He has left it on every night since 2016 and it is on a wall in the corner and it is always Sky and it is always muted.
Bip.
I put the sound up at 22 minutes past 10 because my own name was on the screen.
Tap.
David Jones. Sleeves down for once, because it is not a matchday.
Neville. Carragher. Keane. Henry.
The same 4 men who have been picking over this football club since April 2017, and every one of them has been wrong about it in public at least twice.
"Right," Jones said. "I have got 1 question tonight and I am not doing anything else with this programme."
He put both forearms on that desk.
"What stops them?"
Tap.
2 TROPHIES. 6 DAYS. LAST 2 MATCHES: 10 GOALS. 0 CONCEDED.
"Community Shield on the 5th. Super Cup on the 15th. 5-0 away at a promoted side on the 11th and 5-0 against the champions of Europe on Wednesday."
Tap.
REAL MADRID. 3 EUROPEAN CUPS IN A ROW. BEATEN 5-0.
"Before anybody says anything," Jones said, "I want to read 2 things back."
Ha.
I sat on the front edge of a table and said a word out loud to nobody.
"Roy. The 7th of August. Quote. He has never had a bad November. He has never been 11th at Christmas with a fanbase that has turned."
"I did say that."
"Gary. Same programme. Quote. I have stopped being able to predict what that man is going to do, and I do not like it."
"I did say that as well and it has got worse."
"So."
"So it is the 16th of August and he has won 2 more," Keane said, "and I am not withdrawing a word of it, and if anybody on this desk thinks the November thing has gone away because a club in Estonia gave him a cup then they have not been in a dressing room."
4 men went at that question over the next 40 minutes and all 4 of them took their own attempt apart.
Carragher went first, because Carragher always goes first.
"Fixtures. It is not a football answer and I know it is not a football answer, but it is the true one. 38 league, 13 European if they go all the way, both cups, and they have had a World Cup summer with 4 of them.
"63 matches. Nobody survives 63 matches."
"With respect, Jamie, that is the 2016 argument and it does not work on this club." Neville had a sheet. "31 senior players. 14 of them are 21 or under. He put a 16-year-old and an 18-year-old on the pitch against Real Madrid on Wednesday and won 5-0.
"And he has got a fitness coach with a written veto over team selection and he has done what she told him every single time. 15 months, and I have asked 3 people at that club to tell me I am wrong about that and all 3 have gone quiet on me."
Tap.
Carragher put both hands up.
"Then that is dead. Next."
"Zaha," Henry said.
It was the first thing he had said in 11 minutes.
"Go on, Thierry."
"Zaha, or Benteke. 1 injury and the whole thing changes." He had 1 finger flat in front of him. "This is the argument everybody in Europe is making tonight and I want to make it properly before somebody kills it."
Nobody killed it for about 4 seconds.
Then Carragher did, and he did it to himself.
"I cannot," he said. "I want that to be the answer and I have just watched a match where Wilfried Zaha scored 2 and got an assist, and then a boy of 16 came on and scored, and then a boy of 18 who was released in June set up the fifth.
"You cannot build an argument round losing 1 man at a club that keeps producing them."
"Europe is different," Jones said. "Somebody make it."
Neville made it and made it well.
"Group stage away in November. Kyiv, Moscow, Istanbul, wherever the draw sends them. Thursday to Sunday for a squad that has never done it. That is where clubs like this get found out and it is not close, it is the single most reliable thing in European football."
"It is a good argument," Henry said, "and it is wrong, and I will say why."
He let that sit for a second.
"He has just beaten the holders of that competition 5-0. Not a good side. The holders. 3 in a row. And their manager has been in the job 5 weeks and he is the only person in this conversation nobody has mentioned."
"Then somebody buys them out," Carragher said. "That is how it has always worked. City did it to Everton, United did it to Leeds, Chelsea did it to everybody. You do not beat a club like that, you dismantle it in July."
"Try it," Jones said.
"Try what?"
"Try naming the player and the number." Jones had a card in his hand and he had been waiting 20 minutes to use it. "10 days ago a Premier League club offered 55 million pounds for Aaron Wan-Bissaka. He is 20 years old and he has 34 senior appearances.
"Steve Parish said no in 25 minutes and did not ring anybody first."
Tap.
***
Thank you to Sir nameyelus for the support.