Chapter 151 - 131: The Emperor’s Meltdown
Xie Che’s composure shattered.
He turned his face away, his tone stiff. "I don’t want to see you. Get out."
Jiang Xian nodded. "Then I will take my leave."
...
Xie Che looked up at her by the bed, the corners of his eyes flushed red from the high fever. "Why haven’t you left yet?"
"Because the Emperor hasn’t let go."
Jiang Xian looked down, and he followed her gaze. His hand, as if with a mind of its own, was gripping her wrist tightly.
In the end, Xie Che relented. "Stay away from me. But not too far away."
’Finally, a clear directive!’ Jiang Xian happily agreed.
Xie Che rolled over and drifted back into a groggy sleep.
After falling into a dream, he recalled his days as a prince. Back then, his mother was still the Pure Consort. She wasn’t particularly favored and often wore a lonely expression, her face only lighting up with joy when she saw her son. He heard his Mother Consort say that the worst thing a harem concubine could do was develop feelings for the Emperor. A life that was once bearable would become unbearable if you fell in love. It was too lonely, too difficult to endure.
Little Xie Che asked, "Mother Consort, do all the concubines in the harem have such a hard life?"
"A hard life in the harem is usually for one of two reasons. First, you have no silver, and the Imperial Household skimps on your food, clothing, and expenses. Life naturally becomes difficult. Second, you are in love with the Emperor. No matter the season, your heart yearns for someone you can’t have. That is suffering. Che’er, which do you think is more common in the harem, the first or the second?"
Without a second thought, little Xie Che chose the latter.
It wasn’t that he was some lovesick fool at such a young age. Rather, as a child of noble imperial blood, he had never known the taste of not having enough silver. He was, however, frequently denied things he yearned for—his Mother Consort wouldn’t let him eat too many milk cakes.
The Pure Consort smiled and poked her son on the forehead. Seeing him cover the spot with both hands, she said with a leisurely smile, "Everything in the Imperial Palace is about pomp and circumstance. The imperial banquet has a hundred dishes, each one exquisite, but can the Emperor possibly taste them all? The selected concubines are also part of the harem’s pageantry. They are people who have met the Emperor only once... The ones with lower ranks, the timid ones, don’t even dare to look directly at the Son of Heaven. They spend the night with him in a daze, are carried back in a daze, and become like a plate of cold leftovers. How much affection can there be? Take someone like Duan Pin. She isn’t favored but has a good family background, is willing to spend silver, and has family members serving as officials in court, so the Imperial Household doesn’t dare mistreat her. Her life is manageable. We are here to keep up appearances, and also to continue the imperial line."
Little Xie Che only vaguely understood.
Later, after ascending the throne, he gradually understood that the relationship between the harem’s concubines and the Emperor was not one of pure romance. Flipping a nameplate to summon a concubine was just one of his many jobs—one he performed calmly and professionally, occasionally choosing to play hooky. The concubines treated him the same way. He didn’t particularly like flipping the nameplates of low-ranking concubines, mainly because they were more concerned with not angering him than with pleasing him.
Until he met the fearless Jiang Daying.
Dancing in the snow of the Plum Garden to win his favor, staying up all night for a single word from him, clinging to him and not letting go whenever she had a chance to serve him in bed, completely unafraid of being hassled by the other concubines during the next day’s greetings—her energetic, courageous appearance was utterly adorable.
Before, the one who held the most of the Emperor’s heart in the harem was the Noble Consort.
But Xie Che, who had grown up in an environment rich in both spirit and substance, was not easily moved. His feelings for the Noble Consort never crossed the line; it was like a drama about a super-rich, handsome man and a beautiful woman.
Only Jiang Xian was so reckless with her life, abandoning her self, willing to carve the flesh from her bones to offer him her very heart. That energy of hers was what broke through his shell.
This was the Jiang Xian in Xie Che’s eyes.
’I just wanted to be a clear-headed Emperor who punched a clock and flipped some nameplates.’
’It was clearly this girl who charged into my life without a second thought, who moved me with her ardent love. Only then did I think of deigning to lower myself, to take a little more care of her, to dote on her more, to summon her more often...’
’But in the end, it was all just "doing the job that comes with the position"?!’
When Xie Che opened his eyes again, he subconsciously looked for Jiang Xian.
Soon, he saw her sitting on the floor in a corner of the room.
The moment he stirred, she got up and came over.
"Your Majesty, do you have any orders?"
"Why are you sitting over there?"
"Your Majesty instructed me to stay farther away."
Xie Che was instantly annoyed. "If you’re going to sit on the floor, then move my brazier over there! You’re a grown woman, don’t you know it’s cold over there!"
"How could I do that? If I move the brazier, I’m afraid Your Majesty will get cold."
"I’m so furious with you I’m burning up, I’m not cold," Xie Che’s entire body ached. He was angry but had no strength, a sick cat unable to even roll over. "Is my decree useless now? If you don’t listen and move that brazier, your father can forget about coming to the capital. He can take a detour into exile."
Since he had put it that way, Jiang Xian had no choice but to agree.
Far away on the road to the capital, Father Jiang had no idea he had just narrowly avoided being packaged up and sent into exile in some bitter, cold land.
The Emperor’s face was grim, a sight that would make anyone’s heart tremble with fear. But Jiang Xian wasn’t afraid of him right now. After all, they had spent a good amount of time together, and based on her understanding of him... ’Yep, the boss is having a major case of waking up on the wrong side of the bed.’ "I will move the brazier over in a moment. Since Your Majesty is awake, are there any other orders? Do you have the energy to eat?"
"I’m not hungry."
Xie Che grabbed her anxiously, blurting out all the questions he had thought of in his dream. "If you don’t love me, then why are you so good to me? Are you good to me because you truly want to be, or is it because of your duty? If someone else were the Emperor, would you be this good to him too?"
This barrage of questions left Jiang Xian speechless.
If this were a man transmigrated into a woman’s body, he would certainly find these questions extremely familiar.
Most men with even a little relationship experience have been asked some of these questions, as if the next one would be the classic no-win question: "You say I’m the love of your life, but what if you had met me after you were already married?"
After years of being a diligent worker, Jiang Xian’s mind went blank for the first time. She felt completely lost.
She was bewildered. "I don’t know how to answer these ’what ifs.’ What is it that Your Majesty actually wants?"
’Please, boss, just give me some clear direction!’
"I want you to love me."
"Do my actions not show love for Your Majesty? Am I not treating Your Majesty well enough?"
"They’re good, very good," Xie Che said with a smile that was practically a grimace, his words nearly ground out between his teeth. "I don’t want you to be good to me because I want you to be good to me. I want you to be good to me because *you* want to be good to me... Do you understand?"
He felt awful all over, and if he kept bottling up his words, a living person would suffocate from it. Afraid he would pass out and never wake up again, Xie Che decided to just go for broke, determined to get to the bottom of it. He also wanted to find out just how dense his beloved was.
Jiang Xian asked if the Emperor wanted to hear the truth.
"Speak," Xie Che said. "I can take it."
"I don’t understand..." Jiang Xian replied. "Your Majesty? Your Majesty?"
The Emperor’s eyes rolled back, and he fainted again.