He died as Asuki, and a few hours later, he was born in Octavia. That was the feeling.
Sixteen years ago, the day I was born, the baby I was relieved. Time felt like it was flowing very slowly. I was just born, and all I'm free to do is think.
My thoughts turned somehow, and I thought, "Eight hits, I was".
- To that young man.
I think it was something else than the eight million gods I was familiar with in Japan. Whatever, just from a human being, something like God.
It was a terrible attitude because I was panicking with the fact that I was dead to such a being.
In the first place, that young man has no right to help me.
Even between humans, because we can do that, whether or not to take action for someone we just met is a completely different - a story based on the good intentions of the other person.
Involved in one man-made death, I died unexpectedly.
Even though it wasn't that young man who did it, he was still bumping his anger at the culprit. Just because I knew the culprit, I looked at him the same way.
... exactly, eight hits. Nevertheless, the youth spoke of being reborn in another world, leaving my consciousness behind. I have to thank you, it was.
But I wanted more than that - I even wanted it back. Even after the decision was made that I would be reborn into the world of the 'King of Immortality'.
Because there was a subject in front of me. Because a young man seemed to be able to do it.
- Because I was shocked when I was determined to be a 'soul without much'.
Cry, laugh, get angry. I can't say I'm an amazing person. However, the eighteen years of "Asuki Tazawa" were all denied to be worthless. I'm not the only one. He raised me, my mother and father... and my family.
Absolutely, but I felt ridiculed and so - because I regretted it.
There was a counter-invention. I wanted you to admit it. Even though I'm in a position to get help.
I wonder if this is why it's 'a soul without much'.
Unlike when I was in that space in the starry sky, my head was cold and I kind of stunned myself.
The loss of Asuki and the baby Octavia made me blurry as it were and reflect on my conversation with the youth.
... it was. For just a short time, I still didn't recognize a series of events until I remembered them as fucking abominable.
What happened, it doesn't change.
But I overlooked what I should have understood when I was in that space.
I'm looking forward to your possibilities.
The trigger was the last words that that young man said to me in a series of events and… the delightful and irresistible look he gave me then.
These two things, I was thinking back and noticing.
It's weird. He wants to see human potential... isn't that what his people are doing, not you? Why are you saying that and giving me that look?
But I died because I got caught up in what my fellow youth did. Young people themselves, irrelevant.
... buddies. A buddy, I wonder what kind of buddy you mean.
Equal to youth, not human. That's what I use as a bracket, 'cause I thought in that space.
- How could the youth have been so familiar with it when it was what their people were doing?
What human beings are being forced into harsh otherworlds for what reason, they traced, the end of it. A fellow murdered a young man who was about to cross a crosswalk. That in that chain, I'm dead.
Because it's God? Can you foresee anything? So, what makes you think the same way as that fellow?
It was not even negative to the fellow conducting the experiment. It wasn't even the wind I was trying to stop.
Above all, in those last words and expressions, he himself wants to know what happens to me and the consequences - there was such an atmosphere.
I can't grasp it because I think I can grasp it, and a disgusting sprout builds up in my chest.
I traced back the memories that were still fresh.
"For us, I think this mouse was human."
Why, for my people, it's not.
But don't you want to believe in the possibility? Doesn't that sound like overriding our expectations?
Why, we, what is it?
... us. That's what the young man said.
Our breakdown is youth and fellow citizens.
- Oh, shit. That young man, together, was on the side of experimenting. In that sense, buddy.
In the conversation, it was suggested. It was about me, and I followed the story, so it was full, and I was listening.
The youth, too, just didn't kill that young man, the side that created the cause of my death.
Difference, whether you are directly or indirectly involved.... It was the latter.
"I wasn't the one who killed that Neat in the first place. Then I'm not the cause of your death either. Right? '
So, I wonder if that's the way you put it. You know I don't understand?... Yeah, really, because I didn't think anything of it.
... I'm an idiot.
Inseparable, unspeakable emotions creep up.
A woman who hastily didn't know came to the room where the baby I was being put to sleep and peered into me. Because I cried like I was on fire.
That young man, in me, to him.
It was the moment when events in the starry sky space turned into fucking abominable memories.
If I had died as an adult and been reborn into this world, I could have done better.
That's not how I felt when I danced with Derek. I'm not lying, but in the back of it, there's another real thing.
I wanted to stay alive with Asuki. If that accident death was an inevitable thing, a compromise could still have been made. But I knew I wasn't actually supposed to die.
How is your mother and father doing in Japan?
The funeral is already over, right? I wonder if the flow of time is the same. Your sister may be married. I wonder if the mothers are becoming grandmothers and grandfathers.
When your father got mad at me, he answered me, and I used to get stuffed. It's nothing. It's not a good memory, why do you miss it so much and want me to scold you again?
How's your friend doing?
Chords (kazuna) who don't like BL, who have often shown each other the judgment of the mock together. That one incident allowed me to get along better than before with wonder. I guess I passed my first aspiration because I'm talking about college, chords.... Chords and Sissie are somehow alike.
- It's impossible. 'Cause even if you understand with your head, I want to see you.
Dead in itself, and after that.
I am reminded that I am just a tiny, hospitable person on the palm of my hand.
... So I've been trying not to remember. I totally wanted to forget if I could. Yet I can't forget. If I try to remember, I can play it in detail, in my head, without fading it. But I didn't want to think back again.
As a baby I cried and trapped that whole thing, which became a fucking abominable memory, in the bottom of my heart. I don't recall. I don't think.
For a while, I was depressed. Some of them were like rejections. I have no idea what people around me are saying. Makes me want to speak Japanese. Memories of previous life, to blend into the world, were harmful.
It's easier not to remember before you were born, because now I know what he meant.
Eighteen years of memories as an indelible homecoming and Asuki. It's me because I have that, but what if it doesn't?
The contents are me, and I still don't think I had the same personality as the original Octavia.... but maybe there was a different present.
- It wasn't until I grew up and learned Esphere's words, which were unknown languages, that I really became Octavia, that I found out about this world.
The place where I was born was the very world of the 'King of Purity'.
Whatever, my brother's Celius. And instead of his father, before that, and in previous generations, the king married same-sex. Such a world, becoming real, was spreading before Octavia - me.
So. I decided to reopen it.
I chose myself. It doesn't start because it was depressing!
I wasn't even reborn when I was given something like a directive.
If so, Octavia's role in the original.
I'll give birth to your inheritance. That's what made it mine.
Anyway, let's live to the fullest. Aim, bright and strong! Positively!
To lead a princess life, I don't care, because I don't have enough specs for the fundamental contents - heck of a lot of you, I'm a good dancer! What a weird assumption I had on the diagram - I was always desperate not to get bored. Instead, maybe that was a good idea.
At night, even if there are occasional nightmares, when morning comes, my day as Octavia begins. The moody feeling that I had just felt when I heard the word 'God' in Esphia's language gradually stopped feeling it.
- However, even if I lived and reopened as Octavia, I honestly worried about my brother and Master Sil. The two of you will meet and be attracted.
At that time, I'm like my original sister, support you? - Am I interrupting?
If my brother and Master Sil don't become lovers to each other, maybe they won't even pretend to have inheritance issues.
Why don't you just try to keep the two of us from meeting?
In that case, the source for this will be The King of Purity in the original novel. If you like dialogue or impressive occasions, you may remember cracking and precisely.
And the key characters.... a bit of a sidekick too. Except for those, what's on my mind is a general storyline.... awesome.
Uncertain information, how far can you go. Before that, I wondered.
If Master Sil didn't become his brother's lover, who the hell would he be in love with?
Rather than who, gender?
This is the BL world, and... isn't that, after all, a man?
A man other than Master Sil becomes a lover. The role that might sprinkle on me, it doesn't change.
Then Master Sil is better.
In the end, I did not interrupt and on the contrary I did something like advise my brother a few times.
In the original, Master Sil was the protagonist with a high injury rate. My brother's rival, who fell in love with Master Sil, came out a little bit, and he got hurt. This kind of thing was remembered as an unpleasant occasion, so it didn't happen.
I can't bless your relationship.
I can't, but I really couldn't abandon Sil because I feel like I was rooting for Sil as a reader.
- And until today, the days have passed.
Big, exhale.
I held my right hand up to the front of my face.
I was still shaking.
... I'm trying to stop you, but I'm not stopping.
Fucking abominable memories are sealed! What a breath, pretending I'm fine, pretending I don't care and fooling myself, but I know it.... said it was just a vanity.
- All this time, you've been looking away because you don't want to think about it.
And all of a sudden, you know, it's coming.
I witnessed that face, and it upset me, all the more.
The emotions that remained unprocessed were overflowing.
That when I was a baby, I acted as a fucking abominable memory and kept shelving it.
From above, I just forced myself to put a lid on it. So scared.
... yet. In all seriousness, "Death of Narcotics" and I'm not facing it. I didn't want to face it.
My emotions, like I punched paint in the palette, were a mess.
I don't like myself like this. I want to get back on track.
My eyeballs get hot. My nose is as a toon, and my tears are creeping up.
Don't cry! Enjoy!
The scolding was empty, and the liquid from his eyeballs struck the inside of the golden mask. Once it flows out, it comes out later.
When I brutally wiped my cheek tears with the back of my hand.
- Quiet, there was a sound of the door being knocked.
I look back giddy. I just closed it and forgot to even lock the door.
When I escaped from the feast, how long did I hear the footsteps I thought I heard?
... I don't know.
But you walked into this room, no one should have seen you.
I wonder who's here.
Removed mask. From there emerged, with impressive amber eyes, facing. His face just like that floats behind his brain.
What if it's Lust? Is it a coincidence that he and Lust are alike? Is that possible? Except for the mole, even though everything is the same?
I couldn't move. I can't speak up and ask there separated doors, or step out.
From the outside of the door, I heard a call.
"- His Highness Octavia. Are you there? Permission to enter."
A unique beauty tells me who it is, even if I don't see it.
"... Clifford?
The relief spread to his chest.
"Yes, Your Highness"
"... sorry. Jump out by yourself."
I wonder if we can talk as usual. I hope so.
If I could, I wanted you to stay here, back off.... just now.
"No need to apologize to me, but please allow me to come in."
But Clifford, loyal to his duties, couldn't be convinced.
I'm the one acting unsolicited and causing trouble. If you're in the castle, there's still no excuse for you to have acted unnaturally alone where you don't know what's going to happen.
Clifford, whether I'm alone or not. Is there a suspicious person indoors? I have a role to check.
What leaves him here is a mistake. I know it hurts, but I can't move it to execution right away.
It was like we were splitting into two parts.
I still don't like Asuki! I'm screaming because no one's coming in.
I at Octavia, even if I don't like it, say I have to think about my position.
Both, even though I am the undisputed self.
…………
Wipe your cheeks tears again. The room is dim. I'm wearing a mask.
Just look straight at it and convince them that it's no problem. For a little while, it should go up. He said he was crying, he might not have to be noticed. Tremors too.
"... it's not locked, so you can come in."
Leaving the door slightly open, Clifford enters the room. I wasn't wearing a black mask. Clifford looked carefully indoors and set his sights on me.
For a moment, my eyes are opened.... Noticed?
To deceive, I opened my mouth.
"Well, you know I'm here."
"Because I am Your Highness's 'obedience'."
Through "symbols," "obedience" learns of the crisis of the "Lord".
I see the back of my wet right hand because I wiped my tears. I lay my left hand there, trying to behave naturally as much as possible. Two days ago, 'Symbols' floated here. Is this because there is?
"- Yes. Thank you for coming. But I'm not in danger. I just wanted to think.... because it suddenly occurred to me"
"In a place like this, is it?
"... yes"
From approaching Clifford, off his face, lagging behind. It was to keep the distance.
The lacrimal glands remain loose. I don't want to be noticed.
... No more, I can't.
"Outside the room, I was wondering if you could wait. - Orders."
Conscious, strengthen your tone.
"... I understand"
After about a beat, Clifford lay down his eyes and drooped his head, turning back on his heels.
From the sight of me, who was chasing after him, there was another zero tear that I had managed to hold on to. Wipe hastily with the back of your right hand.
But, so, it should be okay, it was. I should have been able to do it.
Good timing, if Clifford can't swing this one.
Dark blue eyes are now clearly opened.
Biting my lips, I turned my back on Clifford.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
"Huh!"
Wipe the tears that keep overflowing like you cut a weir. The whimper leaked.
I can't believe someone saw me in such a weak spot.
Only my whimpering sounds indoors.
There was no way Clifford was leaving. Other than whimpering, I don't make a single sound.
Only time goes by.
But when I heard the conversation, my shoulder jumped.
"- How's that room? Just over there, the door is slightly open. Doesn't that bother you?
"What would you do if you had a client"
"Look closely at your face"
"You..."
From the thin open door, the voices of two friendly men and the sound of their walking, reached inside this room.
Those who were willing to meet at the semiball went to the vacant room... People who visited for their original use.
The door is slightly open, that room......
Are you trying to get here?
If they come in, I'm sure, even me, they'll notice.
Of the First Princess, even Octavia.
Quickly, I have to fix the princess's face. Not if you're crying.
Yet, in a hurry, the tears never stop. Well, then I can't even explain it well.
Talking, getting closer and closer.
"Do you want to bet anyone in there? I'm here, right?"
"I'm not here, is I? Do as you please."
"It's settled."
The sound of the door moving...
I can't make it. I closed my eyes all the time.
At about the same time, the plush wraps my body. I heard a voice in my ear.
"- Please be patient. Punishment, let it be."
Clifford was holding me from behind.