"You know, I really don't like the ocean that much."
He was a voice that was likely to be wiped out by the sound of wind and waves.
Bern is also forbidden to shout, as if, why? and listen back as if you were just whining.
"When I was a kid, I used to go seabathing with my family."
My throat cracks.
You can have it now. Shall we stop after all? What if they think you're out of your mind?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No more words out of your mouth, no more coming back. Come on, we have to get you hungry.
Or is it because I don't believe in Bern that I get so cowardly?
See Bern kneeling next to him on the side.
He had it at all and was astonishingly faceless.
I wonder why he's only faceless at times like this!
On the contrary, I felt like wearing a shoulder watermark, and I sighed loudly once.
Something, yeah, well.... Say it.
"That's when I couldn't swim, and when I was practicing, your father suddenly let go. So brilliantly, I haven't really liked the ocean since."
Of course, I've never been to the sea, and it's more or less impossible for a noble child to swim in the sea, even if she lived in an area facing the sea. It's impossible. In this world.
And that's something that a smart Bern would have noticed.
Even so, he just decides to take his time.
"Don't you ask?
"Lizzie wants you to listen?
What the hell.
Kind of irritating.
No, because after all this grit, you're telling the truth, right? That was the last one, although there was no denying a slight sense of renunciation. Though!
"If you didn't want me to hear it, I wouldn't say it's deep down."
"Oh well."
That's right. That's what I said, Bern got up. Lightly tapping the dirt on the hem that got on the ground when he crouched, the paralysis and sand and the pebbles fell off. I follow its whereabouts with my eyes, but soon it assimilates to the rocks on the shoreline and I don't know.
"Do you think there's a previous life?
"Previous life?"
"Yes. When people die, they don't go to the kingdom of heaven, they're reborn into new humans again"
"Reborn..."
"... I have memories of my life before I became who I am"
Then pompous and I told him a fragmented story of a previous life.
That the world was peaceful and convenient. That I had a family and that I was a student. That there exists a game on this world stage and I was playing with it too. That Lila and Viola also lived in their previous lives, probably in the same world as me.
By the way, I was allowed to omit the spirit of the game or something because the explanation was cumbersome or embarrassing.
"Is that, like, a board game?
"Hmm. I don't know, I guess it was a game where a bunch of choices came up in the middle of the story and I wanted to see it end up"
"That means there are countless in the end"
"Not countless."
As annoying as it gets to count, there was.
Bern creased between his eyebrows and roared just a little low with a difficult face. Trying to solve a very difficult problem, it's bothering my head. Like that.
"I knew you used the word game when you talked to Lyla. This world isn't a game."
I guess.
"I wonder if it's even a popular game of dropping men among some women. Well, it felt different... Honestly, it's unacceptable."
Right? Bern is quite rationalistic, or realistic.
"But I'm also a little bit convinced that that's what happened when you were sometimes so unconceivably good at guessing"
"I feel like they're saying something rude."
In lieu of an apology, Bern flaunted his shoulder.
"There's an explanation for all the questions I've been wondering. Lila and Viola had no certainty that the future should be like this, but they were delusional."
"Did you ever talk to a viola named Bern?
"I just read the book. Viola herself claimed to be the result of fortune."
I felt so bitter staring at the distant island shadow, the mourning lonely island.
What we have experienced will not be understood at all. First of all, people have to understand from the idea that when they die, they will be reborn. It would be an unacceptable story for those who believe in the kingdom of heaven.
Looking at the lonely island of mourning, Bern's hand was softly offered in front of him as he was sinking into thingies. His expression on his mid back and offering me his hand, no, maybe it's too much of my thought, but I was kind of pissed off because it felt like I was ready.
"Is Bern going to believe me after all?
When I asked him to stare from the bottom, he looked a bit like he had had a bite to eat.
"If Lizzie wants you to believe me. Plus, I know how to do it."
For once, what?
I mean, I want you to believe me, which one is it after all?
No, I know. Bern probably says that from the bottom of his heart.
What I can't do with it is my problem. 'Cause I've never been, and I haven't been, many times. Every time I swallowed it, I just swallowed it and flushed it down so you could figure it out over time. So even this time...
Though I think so, I stood up ignoring Bern's hand and turned my back on him.
Something is bothering to make a scene at the bottom of my belly. I felt much stronger on my eyeballs, and when I was alarmed, I was about to cry.
I didn't like myself like that, I didn't want them to know, and I walked out with a big strand. There was a bewildered call of Bern from behind, but I don't mind continuing. If you had those long legs anyway, it would be easy to catch up with me.
I screw up and deliberately say it like a joke in bright shape.
"At first, I thought you were a terribly scary person. I know Bernhardt because that's what he was."
"Lizzie."
"And I was wondering if Lila might have the same memories of her previous life as me. I'm sure if I worked harder, I would...!
"Lizzie."
"I'm an idiot, and I really can't be prepared at all, and I was telling myself that halfway through that, I'm going to change my future to the best of my ability, because there's nothing I can do about it. Stupid, arrogant, cowardly"
"Lizzie!"
He grabbed my arm with a strong force from behind, and I stopped. At that moment, a burning tear spills over my cheeks.
"Yet no one knows. Nobody scolds me."
That was awesome and lonely.
I... I missed you.
"I guess I could have kept my mouth shut. That's not what Bern cares about, is it? I don't think I should be hiding anything, either. Still, I wanted Bern to hear it. I wanted you to know.... to you, not to anyone else"
As the bright red sunset lit up, we stood silently for a little while. The noise of the waves like having to fill the silence is nasty.
It was when I rinsed my nose and brutally wiped my tears. On the way down, Bern says.
"What should I do?
To that word, he seemed to have been hit in the head with a gut.
What am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to do?
I don't even know that.
But what about asking me that? It's just a doll like that to just do what I want you to do. I'm not asking him for anything like that.
At the same time I think so, a critical calm self says.
He doesn't know what I'm trying to say. I can't believe how I'm feeling.
I had noticed.
Bern is a bad person at understanding people's feelings.
No, maybe a little different. He doesn't know why, although he understands that the other person is angry or sad. Even if I can understand every thing on the surface, I don't know what really matters behind it.
Even the words I just said are probably the result of a sincere thought in becoming Bern.
So even though I thought there might be a slight difference with Bern, I kept my mouth shut.
I don't have a choice. If you do it with guts. If I fit, I'll be fine.
With that feeling, I've been running away from bumping into you from the front.
From Bern, from reality.
'Cause I didn't know what to do. I didn't know.
Though!
"I told you anyway, you're not going to do that!
With a loud voice to me, Bern opened his eyes and breathed in. The hand that was grabbing my arm is losing its power and walking away.
Something is going to explode from within me, but I can't explode, and it's painful. A ton of emotions are pushing me to say where I've been and I'm going to be swallowed up.
"Always! Bern pretends to listen to me and knows nothing that really matters! I ended up doing what I wanted, and when I realized it, it was like trying to tell me if you didn't like me... There's no way I don't like you! If I could be anything like that, I would be. Are you making fun of me!?
"What a fool..."
"I know that!
I don't know what that means. This is hysterical.
But soon the guilt of yelling attacked me, and I was anxious to have to say something like an excuse or an explanation.
"I mean, I just wanted to talk about my previous life and my pity, and so I was angry because Bern didn't even know how I felt at all, and he'd ask me what to do, but when I thought about it, I was extra angry that Bern had never figured out what I really wanted to say, and, uh, uh..."
I finally held my head and fell into a state where I didn't know if I was crying or groaning.
No more. My brain is melting because of too much thought and anger.
Unlike when I was angry with Lyla and Aloys, I dreamt it was ridiculous that I seemed like a hell of a terrible guy to be angry with Bern and want to melt like a slime like this, spill out into the ocean, and disappear.
Just thinking about disappearing more than the way this place fits in, Bern opened his mouth abruptly, not moving at all, as if he had been stoned since he yelled at me.
"Okay. Let's wrap up the problem."
"Yes?"
What are you talking about? This guy.
No, ma'am, huh?
"Lizzie remembers her past life"
"Oh, yeah."
"In that memory, you've read stories very similar to this world"
Well, it's slightly different, but I'll just snort.
"I used some of that knowledge, not some of it. You regret choosing such a halfway street."
"... regret, I didn't. But maybe there was a better way."
In a voice that seems to disappear, Bern hits one gavel more than he will.
"And I couldn't tell anyone about it, it was painful"
"Ha, probably"
This is also embarrassing to be analyzed calmly, but, well, that's the thing, isn't it?
Or if it was painful, yes, tell someone. That's what I'm doing. But I just told you. Uh, but this isn't a good place, but I don't know.
Shut up while I'm at it.
"And then there's my discontent."
Disgruntled... Disgruntled, will be, I wonder.
"But didn't you hate me?
Suddenly it's doubtful.
"That's not why."
"Okay."
Convinced of something on his own, Bern stared far away. Then I start thinking about something.
The expansion was too unexpected, or I was left alone, and I had no choice but to stare at Bern, who pondered on.
I don't know, this business-like conversation. We were fighting until just now, weren't we? On the other hand, I was just angry.
All right. And it seems that the conclusion was that Bern turned to me and said it in such a way as to tell the child.
"In the meantime, let's go back to the inn"
As Bern looked around with a bitter smile, I noticed, too, that people working in nearby warehouses were looking at us with a mixture of concern and curiosity.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, my God!
I completely forgot that it was in public. No, well, there are quite a few people compared to the street or something, but this, this isn't, quite embarrassing...
Turning bright red and starting to sweat cold instead of tears, I follow as I lean down to the street prompted by Bern's hand attached to my back.
Because of the shame, my anger was completely squished.
"I'm going to the harbor and I'm going to find someone to take the boat out, and in the meantime, you rest."
"Ship? What do you mean?
When I frowned, I felt tingling and cramping around my eyes. This will swell later...
With that in mind, my fingertips, cold as Bern stone, stroked my eyeballs. Maybe not long ago, what! I guess I was knocking it off, but now I have no idea what that feels like, and I don't even get the swallowing feeling of being cold and feeling good.
"Let's go make sure first"
Where?
Bern puts his finger on the horizon without hesitation.
"To the mourning island"