I'm still alive

The temperature, which had fallen below zero when the sun rose completely, began to rise slowly. The child, who had been sleeping and waking up all night shivering with cold and fear, fell asleep comfortably with a slightly milder face as the sun shone on his face. I gently put the child on the toilet.

The child reached out in his sleep and was looking for me, but now he had something to take precedence over, so he turned away from the child for a moment. And I opened the toilet compartment door with a trembling heart. I saw the inside structure of the bathroom that I didn't know when I came in.

The toilet showed signs of being left unattended for quite a long time. The strong smell of ammonia still grazed the tip of the nose, and something soggy air made the whole body soggy. And the inside of the bathroom was quiet as if it were all a dream last night.

I walk to the window on one side of the bathroom with a trembling heart and look out.

The men who were passing by fiercely couldn't see where they had disappeared, and the view outside was still. Sometimes I was surprised by the shaking of the trees, but soon realized that it was the sound of the wind and breathed a small sigh. Clearly they weren't around.

When I checked the surroundings for safety, I went back into the toilet compartment and shook the child to wake him up. The child crouched as if he didn't want to get up, but now he had no time to sleep talk. I held the child and forced him to stand up, and the child kindly accepted my stubbornness.

When I wiped the corner of his eyes with his sleeves, the child opened his disheveled eyes and gazed at me. I also took out a bottle of water and ramen from Kitty's bag, which I was carrying, making eye contact with my child. The child had no change of expression, but his eyes were shining at the sight of water and ramen.

I opened the water bottle and held it out before the child, and the child received it with both hands. And even though I noticed for a moment, I smiled as if I was okay. Then the child hurriedly took the water bottle entrance to his mouth, and quickly began to gulp down.

I crush the ramen into small pieces and hold it in the child's hand while he drinks water. I wanted to cook it for you, but it was impossible.

As if to represent long-time hunger, the child concentrated on food for so long. I was thinking for a moment, waiting for the child to eat. A safe place was needed. And water and food were needed. As soon as that idea came to mind, the idea stretched out in an endless and extensive direction.

Who's alive? What about the government? What about the army? Where'd all those bodies disappear? Where should it be headed? Where would be safe? A lot of thoughts flashed through my mind in a short time. Of course, he was aware that one corner of his mind, the prospects were dark, and the chances of survival were slim.

But I decided to focus on just one thought, trying to erase it.

By the time I had finished thinking, the child was looking at me with a bottle of water. Exactly half the water bottle was left. And the contents of the ramen remained exactly half. And the child gave me that bottle of water and ramen.

'I'm not hungry.’

I shook my head, saying no, but the child didn't put down his hand. Maybe he was worried about me who didn't eat anything. Obviously the child was up to the plate in this reality. He overcame it firmly, and now even other people were worried.

an extremely human figure As a child, I felt a subtle tremor in my heart at the clean appearance I could show. Touched? Or moved? I couldn't find a word to express this feeling in writing.

Only then did I receive the ramen and water bottle that the child had put out. When I accepted it, I was under the illusion that all the tension and malice were taken out of my body. My legs were relaxed in front of the child, and soon I collapsed in that position.

I leaned against the bathroom wall and exhaled a long, long breath.

The beginning was no different. I asked the child 'What's his name?' but he didn't answer. He just stared at me like a fool. Was the child mute at first? I thought I would, but when I ran away with my family, I withdrew the idea, remembering the scream my child had made.

And soon I began to understand the situation.

He was the child who watched the death of his mother and father before his eyes. And he was isolated under the car watching them pass by for a day. It's no wonder this child can't speak. The child is only shocked, and sick for a moment as if he had a cold.

Nevertheless, I patted him on the head for a while because I was proud of him. But I wanted to know the name of the child, so I put out my diary and Monami ballpoint pen. Then he wrote in his diary, 'What's your name?' and looked at the child.

The child took hold of the ballpoint pen I had put out, and began to write with every word pressed down.

(Lee Chae Yeon)

It's an ugly, crooked letter. For the first time, someone other than me writes in my diary. Lee Chae-yeon, the name of the child who let me out of the isolated room and the one who took me out of the room.

In a way, it was a funny feeling. I can't believe I feel the same way and gratitude to a kid who's only been dating for a day. If someone reads my diary, they might be scolded for having all these crazy guys.

But I will be a strong protector to protect this child until he is headed for a safe place, and the child will be a small lantern to help me never to be trapped by myself. We met each other because we had nowhere to turn. I just wanted to think so.

I don't think I can forget the water and ramen that my child gave me. I smiled at the child for no reason and then poured water and ramen into my mouth. Ramen was savory, and the water was cool.

The child took my hand without delay when I reached out after the meal. I slowly opened the toilet door, raising the child up. Then I gently walked up to the front of the window and looked out of the window, and soon, when I confirmed that there was no one around me, I gave a deep sigh.

I led the child's hand with a trembling hand. And walked very slowly at the door, clearing away the broken pieces of glass. The child's hand holding my hand shook slowly, too. I clasped the child's hand as if not to worry.

As I stepped out of the bathroom door, a cold and bitter winter wind hit me in the face.

I automatically crouched and looked around. The neighborhood park, packed with signs, trees and sports equipment, was not seen at all. We carefully shifted our steps in the direction that had come up here.

The road down the park was very peaceful. As if all the waves of light I saw that day had disappeared into nightmares, none of them existed around me. It was as if God was helping.

We could reach the entrance of the neighborhood park before we knew it, even though we walked slowly along the peaceful path to the child's steps.

I held my breath and lifted the child up, and looked carefully around. I could see them standing in the street far away. They followed us all the way here and soon missed us, and they all seem to be heading back to their places.

Fortunately, the distance between them and us is quite far. But in spite of that, I let out a small breath of tension in fear that I could not shake. The child was in my arms, trembling with his eyes tightly closed. I walked slowly, hugging such a child tightly.

I thought I should head out of town first. No, if it was impossible, I had to head to a deserted place. They're walking endlessly in the city looking for game.

And hunters gather in a hunting ground. It was natural to think simply. Many places in my head start to pass by momentarily. And in the thought, various possibilities flowed out. After thinking about it, I looked around and moved quickly.

Before I knew it, I was keeping my lips tight and straightening my fighting spirit.

* * *

The first place we got out of the neighborhood park was a small convenience store just below the neighborhood park. There were no plans to head to the convenience store, but by chance the convenience store came into our eyes and we needed water and food. And I couldn't see them around because the convenience store was located outside.

This was the best place to procure water and food.

But there was no guarantee that we were completely safe. I put all my attention into every step of the way just in case. With the child, while walking that short distance, I naturally broke out in a cold sweat out of fear that they might come.

Chae-yeon looked up at me anxiously like that. But I couldn't afford to look at the child. Now I have to protect not only my life but also my child's life. Everything can be done by a single mistake. Never move rashly.

I moved my steps to the door of the convenience store. I looked inside the convenience store through the window, and of course, I couldn't see the part-timer. Unexpectedly, however, the interior of the convenience store was very clean and there was no sign of it.

If only part-timers were standing, I would have thought it was a perfect scene of everyday life. Judging that there was nothing wrong on the surface, I carefully opened the door, hiding Chae-yeon behind me.