I'm still alive

I woke up from the nightmare of being chased by them. In the dream I was running through a foggy street. And soon I found out that I was running on a road without a destination. At that moment, I stopped and looked back at them. And a moment later the waves of light came upon me, and I awoke from my nightmare.

When I opened my eyes, the sun was not up yet. Is it because of a dream? Somehow, with a rush of anxiety, I got up slowly and left the staff lounge, and began to look around the interior of the building slowly. He carefully wandered around the dark interior of the building, where he could only see the outline because of the darkness, and looked into all the windows and looked outside.

The bicycle path, with not a single lamp on it, was still dark and still. With no light, it felt eerie as if it had drifted alone into outer space. I listened carefully and looked into the darkness for a long time, but there was no movement. I came back to the room with relief only then.

I can't hear the woman who's been sniffing all night. When I glanced at the room, wondering if she had fallen asleep, the woman was stuck in a corner crying. I just sat beside Chae-yeon after looking at her for a long time.

And I closed my eyes and waited for the morning. Can we reach our destination tomorrow? I wish I could find a convenience store or a supermarket on the way. I wish I had another sturdy bag. I let out a deep sigh of thought and covered Chae-yeon with my blanket.

The child hugs the blanket like it's cold and talks in his small sleep. I tried to sleep but it wasn't easy. In the end, the dawn passes and the dawn begins to come, the dawn hangs on the window. The sun is about to rise.

I got up from my seat, warmed up in the cold, and took a deep breath. As the light shone in the room, I approached Chae-yeon and gently shook her to wake her up. Then she searched her bag, checked the amount of food and water, and took out the biscuits and a bucket of water that Chae-yeon liked. The child got up and rubbed his eyes without a murmur as he had been.

I didn't want to waste time. I didn't want to let the child walk as soon as she woke up, but I put biscuits in Chae-yeon's mouth in the sense of getting her together. And let me drink a few sips of water, and I started a quick meal too. When I chewed the dry biscuit in my mouth, I could feel the soft sweetness and savory taste. I chewed quickly and drank some water.

Then Chae-yeon put a bottle of water in her hand, and she left the other room and opened the door. I had to get to the mountain today. Anxiety of unsafeness continued to gnaw away at one's physical strength. I sighed deeply for fear of what I was going to go through and went out of the room. And I almost screamed in surprise.

There was someone squatting in one corner. I hurriedly held the spear and aimed it, and Chae-yeon was startled and grabbed my leg and hid behind me. Then the squatting man raised his head. It was her. Perhaps all night long I cried, my face was swollen, and one corner of my face was filled with despair. However, he didn't want to give up, but his eyes were filled with grief and desperation. As soon as she found me, she opened her mouth hurriedly and said,

'Please take me with you. I'm so scared.’

And she cried like a child again. I read too deep a horror in her eyes. She must have experienced hell like me. He would have had to run away without time to think about his daily life that had collapsed for a moment, and he would have witnessed the party he came with being torn to death.

She wouldn't have had the confidence to persuade me herself. Maybe that's why they're hanging on to me like a child. I just wanted to live because I was scared. It was a perfectly normal instinct for survival. I understood and sympathized with her. But that emotion and reality were so different areas.

She was begging me like this, but she knew I had no reason to take her. Therefore, he put up a lump of resignation in the emotion of fear and looked at me with despair. I couldn't see the eyes, so I turned a little coldly. And said the most realistic answer.

'There's no power or duty to protect you. I have to protect this kid.’

She burst into tears as soon as she heard me. A natural answer, but an answer that I didn't want to hear. She sobbed for a long time, leaving herself to one wall. I turned my head, shaking my hand at the rising self-hate. And I moved my steps to get out of here quickly. But I couldn't feel the child's hand that was always in my hand.

Turning her eyes away, Chae-yeon was not following me, but looking at her, munching on biscuits. And with so pure eyes and so pure a face, he grabbed her clothes and reached out his hand to me. The child's behavior seemed to say this. 'Let's go with me.’

The child was a good child. He learned that if someone reached out his hand because he was hungry, he should give the food he was eating, and if someone was in trouble, he should get it. I was acting out of line in front of the child.

Chaeyeon, that's not it. It's not like that at all. I swallowed a burst of words. And after a long pause, I finally lowered my head and looked down at the floor. I had to explain the reality to the child. You must teach this cowardly idea to that child.

Every time I swallow my breath, it's so painful. The child is my Achilles' heel. The child was my greatest weakness, and at the same time the last string that connected life. Therefore, in reality and ideals, I constantly agonized and clashed.

I close my eyes tightly and then open. And slowly lowered the spear blade. The child's eyes I met were clean and clear than anything else. The eyes mirrored me. And the old recollection passed by like a flash in the eye.

The image of the baby and its mother that I looked away from passed by like a movie. A chunk of meat falling in front of me. The meatball told me. 'Why didn't you save me?' I was suffocating and my hands and feet trembled incessantly. The trauma I had. The spectator who watched through the window. The cowardly spectator weighed down my mind.

And I came to my senses with the warmth that I felt at the moment. When I came to my senses, I saw someone holding my right hand tightly. The owner of the hand was a child. The child came up to me and held my hand tightly, as if he were dragging her clothes.

I let out a dejected smile. I agonized and agonized dozens of times over whether to hold that child's hand or not, but he held my hand so easily. I moved busily, as if to forget everything. I buttoned up Chae-yeon's clothes meticulously and put her bag back on.

And I looked back at her and said, 'You can follow me.' She came out with her eyes wide open and looked at the child in a row. And she asked again with her trembling mouth and hands, and instead of answering again, I patted Chae-yeon's head and asked her to thank her.

It was intended that she thought she had the grace and the heart not to look down on her child. The woman came here, crawling with trembling legs, and cried, holding the child's hand. And he shed tears, saying, "Thank you constantly.

Chae-yeon looked like a fool with a smile, and at the moment I was disgusted with the child, so I gave her a finger to the head and hit her. Still, the child laughs that he likes it. The smile was neither superior nor proud, but just a pure smile. A clean pure white smile that only children, not adults, can make.

I didn't want to break this impression, but I said I had to move quickly in a low voice soon. Then she staggered up with a puzzled look. Is it possible to walk fast? She bowed her head as she frowned at the worry.

I sighed and gave her half a bottle of water and the biscuit I was eating. She received the water and biscuits with trembling hands, then hurriedly took them to her mouth, chewed and swallowed. I looked at the figure quietly, and she greeted me with a bunch of biscuits around her mouth. I turned my head and headed out the door.

It was chilly. As soon as I stepped out the door, I told her and Chae-yeon to lower their positions and looked around. It was quiet and not as popular as it was then. But from a very far distance, they stumbled onto the bridge and came into sight.

It was a long distance, but there was no reason to be careful. I beckoned her and Chae-yeon to follow me quietly and moved slowly. She looked around with anxious eyes, and Chae-yeon was still walking out of the air, looking alternately at the road. I put all my nerves around me, wary of the guys who might pop out.

Did he walk for over two hours with such a slow pace? That far-sighted mountain is now just around the corner. I finally got out of Dorimcheon in search of a suitable location, and slowly headed toward the entrance of the mountain, looking around.

The asphalt road had already turned into a dirt road, and the density of the men seen from afar began to decrease. Choosing mountains was a good choice. We should be as far away from the city as possible. I climbed slowly, holding Chae-yeon's hand tightly on the non-climbing road to avoid them.

The following woman followed her like a regular mountain climber. The road is rough and steep. Chae-yeon was staggering dangerously, but she was not in a situation to make it convenient. I was sweating profusely and spitting my breath in the cold weather.

After so long walking and taking a rest, a gentle slope came out and a flat ground began to be seen. And as I moved further, I could see the exercise equipment and a small public restroom to see if I had prepared for the people for the hike. The city I looked down from there was like a deserted island where only I existed.

The whole party was exhausted. I felt a bit reluctant that the building to block the wind and hide was a toilet, but I had no choice. I said let's spend the night here, and she and the child looked only at me without answering.

She had a small tent. And had a burner and a camping pot. We went into the public restroom and pitched a tent in front of the sink. Then the door was locked, and just in case, the handle was blocked with cleaning tools and the glass was covered with paper coated with water.

She suggested making warm food, but I refused. I asked her that there was nothing good to smell. Still, I boiled and drank water that didn't smell, and I forgot one can of water. And now I sit down and take an early rest. She was curious about my diary, but she was quick to cry when she said she would throw it away if she saw it in secret.