I'm still alive

a moment of crushing the ground The gun was facing my head, and my heart, facing the gun, began to beat fast. Time flows slowly, and visibility narrows. I would be facing death now, but it doesn't feel strange. I could only see him.

He couldn't fire a gun even though I was halfway there. Gambling is a success. My body, feeling a short jubilation, applied force to the hand that held the spear. He was very embarrassed with a face that he didn't know I would rush in front of the gun.

That short distance. And the short time felt too long and slow. He took every step of the way and took every step of the way. This feeling of movement in the water, this sense of resistance, slowly squeezing my body, was the fear of running through my body. The fear that I might die and that I might kill.

I overcame the resistance of disgust and guilt, and made a scream with my mouth. And precisely, he threw a spear at the opponent's neck. A clumsy conscience grabbed my hand, but I didn't hesitate. With a puzzled look on his face, he holds up his hands and guns to defend himself.

My spear didn't pierce my neck, and that gun couldn't stop my spear. The spear penetrated exactly half his right hand. As Chang-nal penetrated his right hand, he came out with a dreamy eye and looked at his hand.

And soon when he found out that the dream was a reality, not a nightmare, he screamed with pain. You look young. Early to mid-20s at best. Originally it would have been someone's son, someone's brother, and someone's man.

But I really wanted to ask the screaming soldier. By any chance, by any chance! If there was a bullet, wouldn't you have shot it? I let go of the window when my blade went through his hand. Then he rushed into his arms and punched him hard in the face. Blood bursts. He falls down, I climb up.

Clench your fists, hit his face in a row. Blood bursts, nose breaks. My eyes met him for a moment. Save me, stop hitting me, he begged me with his eyes. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream in his ear.

He was no longer defiant. Nevertheless, I didn't stop punching. As soon as I stopped the violence, there was a great deal of human distrust and fear that my opponent might change suddenly. You shouldn't hit people. You shouldn't kill people. He fills his head as it is natural, and his ethics and morals are gradually worn out and broken.

I had a splitting headache. Tears rolled down my eyes at the rejection from my head, and I'm suffocating.

My hands are shaking. He looked at me, bleeding from his nose and mouth, holding on to a hazy spirit. I groped around with my hands. And clenched something in his hand that was caught in his fist. A stone that fills the fist.

I looked up at the sky for a moment, breathing heavily. Then he looked down at him again and hit his head with a stone. The feeling of something breaking with the fingertips flowed through the fingertips. Disgusting and repulsion pierced me, but I didn't stop and threw it one more time.

His terminal was very soft and small. He must have muttered like this on the threshold of death.

'Mommy.'

* * *

'Hey! Stop it! He's dead! He's dead!'

I came to my senses with the feeling of holding my body. I don't know how much time has passed since I hit it. It was deafening, and so breathless. My lips were salty with tears and a runny nose. Turning his head in the direction of the sound, Jin-su was looking at me with trembling eyes.

I breathed out, and dropped down the stone that was held tightly in my fist. When I opened my hands, he was covered with blood, and his face was so crushed that it was hard to recognize the shape. And he didn't move, apparently out of breath.

Only then did I stumble out of my seat. My whole body was weak, and my mind was dim. The wind of the knife barely kept me awake. And looked at the body for a moment with blank eyes.

'Mr. Man....'

Jinsu called me in a small voice. When I looked at Jin-su, he looked at me with trembling eyes and closed his eyes tightly. Then he staggered and soon sat on the floor weakly. I didn't answer Jinsu. And with trembling hands, he began to smite everything the soldier had on his body.

There was no complete military commander, but he opened each of his uniform pockets or tandels to see what was there and took them out. No bullets or other weapons existed. A letter envelope and a military flash. Then he took out the house of the Supreme Prosecutors' Office on the left side of the belt. And slowly took out the Great Sword. The day did not stand. I slowly closed my eyes, and put the sword back into the house of the Supreme Prosecutors' Office. Then, he threw the items where he had collected them. Then he grabbed the body's feet and dragged on. It smells like blood. The body needs to be disposed of. That's all I had in mind.

Did you have to kill him? Why don't you go after her?….’

As I dragged the body out, I heard a small voice. There, Lee Hye-in was looking at me. Then she looked at me with her trembling hands and eyes, and as soon as her eyes met with me, she bowed her head.

I couldn't answer. Did I have to kill him? I asked myself that again. And he couldn't answer. So I couldn't answer her. I dragged the body out at a slow pace. I didn't even have time to think about whether they were around or not.

Just in a hazy spirit, he forcibly moved his body, trying not to move, dragging the body. Then I arrived at the public restroom where we had stayed before. I dragged the body back and put it down inside the bathroom plastered with red footprints. Then I left the bathroom and came back to the rest area.

Lee Hye-in and Kang Soo-ryeon were not seen whether they had entered the shelter. Only Jinsu was standing in front of the pump with a blank face. I approached slowly and moved the pump to turn on the water. Then I washed my hands with cold water.

The thick blood met with water and was washed away slowly. I soon got my hands full of water and wet my face. Jinsu stood beside me with a face that wanted to tell me something. I tried hard to ignore him and wipe my face with my sleeve.

Then he took the envelope, the bayonet, and the flash and the gun that the soldier had. Then, with slow steps, he went into the shelter. As soon as I entered the shelter, I felt a heavy feeling in my legs. It was obvious that Chae-yeon was there. I patted Chae-yeon's head with my hands and put guns and things on the table. Chae-yeon's leg was wet, as if she was crying.

I held her in my arms. Chae-yeon held me in her arms, sobbing as she was so sad. And as soon as I sat down, I saw a water bottle in front of me. When I looked up, Kang Su-ryeon was sticking out a bottle of water for me.

One side of the face turned red and seemed to have been hit pretty hard. I looked slightly down, took the bottle of water and took it to my mouth. As the cold water passed through my throat and into my mouth, I could feel a little cold until my fingertips. Cold warmth and cold water. And now my cold heart is beating the bitter mood.

We haven't spoken for so long. Jinsu also came into the shelter and closed the door. I handed out cans and biscuits to the party when the right time came without saying anything. And I headed to the bathroom with the items from the soldier's body. Chae-yeon tried to follow, but I asked Kang Soo-ryeon for her and came into the bathroom alone.

And closed the door.

He climbed onto the toilet and sat down. And when I opened the envelope, there was some money, some paper, and some old stationery. I read the letter over and over again. There was a letter to him, a letter he wrote, whether he was trying to send it to his family.

I sobbed under my breath, biting my sleeve. He had a mother, a good sister. And he was as scared of this situation as I was. I miss my mom. I miss my father, too. I'm doing well and healthy. And I'll be home soon. The letter I couldn't send left so little trace. He was not a monster.

When I opened the ammunition, there were three bullets.

The monster was... ...the monster was me.

* * *

I woke up late at night and the sun was up. When I looked around, the whole party lay asleep, perhaps tired. Is it okay where he hit you? Maybe there's something wrong with the body? Worried about doing so, he looked closely at his siblings and Kang Soo-ryeon.

Jin-su was asleep with a slightly swollen face, but he did not complain of pain. The same goes for Kang Soo-ryeon and Lee Hye-in. Chae-yeon was fast asleep with her fingers in Kang Soo-ryeon's arms. I put food on the table to eat when the party gets up. I have a bitter taste for fast-growing food.

I emptied a bucket of water at once in a rush of thirst. He then crept in so that the party would not wake up and opened the shelter door with a house of the Supreme Prosecutors' Office, which he had taken from the dead body of a soldier. Now I looked around like a habit. It was still quiet near the shelter. I closed the door and took a slow step towards the water pump.

The bloodstains were hard to find yesterday's traces near the water pump, as if the essence had erased them. Actually, it doesn't feel real. I just felt like I had a terrible nightmare. I moved the water pump and turned on the water and washed my face. When the cold water touched my skin, my mind felt a little clear.

Cold air grazed the wet face. Breathing out, the breath from the mouth dissipates in the air. Look up. The sky is cloudy. It looks like it's going to snow. When it snows and the weather gets colder, there are restrictions on activities.

The world seemed to want us to die quickly. Only the desperate situation continues, and the problem comes like a tail biting. I was heartbroken to think that I was struggling in the swamp of despair. I took out the house of the Supreme Prosecutors' Office from my seat. Then I took out the Great Sword.

When I swept the blade with my hands, it was also blunt. However, the firmness was clearly felt on the surface. I looked around because I thought I should sharpen the blade. I think I've been around for about ten minutes. I found a piece of sandstone that seemed to have been attached to this triad.

Compared to the whetstones sold on the market, it was terrible, but this is also good. I sat there and sharpened the blade for a long time. He sprinkled water little by little, then changed the whole day, then gave up, and only the edge of the blade continued. Thinking that I was sharpening the edge of a knife to stab something made me confused with yesterday's incident.

I kept swallowing bitter water and focused on the blade. A cold biting wind grazed the whole body. By the time the cold water slowly dulls my senses at the tip of my hand, I cut my hand at the end of the blade. a small blooming peak of blood I took a reflexively cut finger into my mouth, bit it, and slowly lifted up the Great Sword. It's clumsy, but there's a sharp edge.

I heard the door of the shelter open. Turning his head and looking at the shelter, Kang Soo-ryeon was looking at me with sleepy eyes. Below it, Chae-yeon peeped out her head. I wiped the sword clean with my clothes and put it in the house. Then he got up and moved to the shelter. She rushed to me and held Chae-yeon, who clung to my leg, in her arms, and came into the shelter and closed the door.

Looking at Kang Soo-ryeon, he looks terrible. A slightly swollen right cheekbone and swollen eyes. And I couldn't wash my hair. My hair is all tangled up. When I looked at her, she avoided my gaze, blushing slightly to see if she knew she was not a horse.

I also asked her to take care of Chae-yeon after eating food on the table, avoiding looking at her for no reason. Kang Soo-ryeon nodded and took care of Chae-yeon, who came down from my arms. Chae-yeon looked at me with a slightly sullen face, but I tried hard to avoid looking and took care of the Supreme Prosecutors' Office. Then I went back into the bathroom.

I closed the bathroom door and sat on the toilet. On the other hand, he took the gun he had put up and searched for the Supreme Prosecutors' Office. Then with trembling hands, he pulled out the ammunition and checked the bullet. As expected, three shots were loaded. I swallowed my saliva and put the ammunition back in. Heavy weight can be felt in the hands.

I slowly opened the bathroom door with a gun. Before I knew it, my brother and sister opened the can and took it to their mouths. As I opened the bathroom door and came out, the group's eyes turned to me, and soon I found the gun I was holding, and I saw a surprise.

I tried hard to put my gun on the wall and sat in a chair near the table. Then I opened the can and started eating. Chae-yeon came running before I knew it, and sat on my lap, and I continued to eat, stroking my head with the other hand.

Unlike yesterday, there was a clear difference in temperature. The siblings still looked at me and chewed on the food, and Kang Soo-ryeon glanced at me for no reason at such a temperature difference. Only Chae-yeon was looking at me. I sighed inward and stroked Chae-yeon's head.

I took the last piece of biscuit to my mouth and chewed it. Then he opened his mouth between the cold temperature difference. And I told my party that I would go back to the city. I'm going to keep as many things as I can before it snows and it gets colder.

And in fact... ...It was painful to stay here. Killed a man who did not resist. Killed someone who didn't shoot even though he had a bullet. What am I different from them? Guilt and self-deprecation flooded in. Lee Hye-in's eyes, which were staring at me yesterday, can't get out of my head.

As soon as the horse was over, Kang Soo-ryeon raised her hand slightly and asked me to come with her. But I shook my head to show my negation. There were two bags, so it was more efficient for two people to carry a bag one by one. At first, I wanted to ask Kang Soo-ryeon to come with me, but I noticed a small crack in the group. No one knows when the small crack will be filled.

That's why you have to leave Kang Soo-ryeon here. I remember the day Kang Soo-ryeon tried to protect Chae-yeon from the mysterious man. The most honest time is when the crisis is just around the corner. Struggling to protect Chae-yeon under such circumstances, she gained complete trust the moment I asked her name. Kang Soo-ryeon was the only one to trust Chae Yeon.

I looked at Jin-su, who was mumbling his mouth, and Lee Hye-in, who was still chewing biscuits. And I murmured that I would go alone. There was a murmur of solitude in my mouth. Silence as cold as the cold air with the speechless group occupied the interior of the shelter.

When the meal was over, I got up slowly, carrying an empty bag. Chae-yeon, as always, clung to my leg in silent protest not to go. However, Chae-yeon looked up at me with tears in her eyes as soon as she knew that I had no choice but to go.

I patted Chae-yeon's head without saying anything, and picked up the gun I had put up in one corner. And I look at Kang Soo-ryeon and take good care of Chae-yeon." She soothed and coaxed Chae-yeon, who hung on my leg, and took her off, and saw me off at the door.

The brother and sister slowly get up and stand at the door and look at me. Jin-su still bit his lips and lowered his head, and Lee Hye-in still dodged my attention as if she was afraid of me. I turned my eyes and opened the door as if I were calm.

I moved slowly. I didn't look back. The sound of Chae-yeon's whimpering slowly moves away. The hiking trails that have been several times were now familiar. I took a familiar turn and slowly followed the trail down the mountain.

The sound of the trees swaying in the wind sounds dreary. I looked everywhere in a sense of uneasiness. Perhaps because of the cloudy weather, the mountain, which should be full of life, somehow felt scary. I moved quickly, unable to hide my anxiety.

I am thinking of going to the convenience store where I found my siblings first. I didn't expect much because I was robbed once, but I might have some hidden supplies left. If you pack hot packs and ramen full, you'll be able to get to the shelter before sunset.

Slowly the snow began to fall from the sky. White snowflakes fell one by one. When I arrived at the bottom of the mountain, the snow lay thick on the floor. I slowly looked up and looked at the city. The deserted city was as silent as death. Until now, white snow had fallen as if all the pain and screams were lies, covering all traces.

I took a deep breath. Then I enter the grey concrete jungle leaving footprints on the snow.

I'm still alive.