I'm still alive

Chae-yeon, seen through the window, was fast asleep on the bed. How many times I cried, my eyes were swollen and my face turned pale. I reach out and touch the window carefully. I felt like I had committed a great crime to my child.

Next to me, Kang Soo-ryeon grabbed me by the collar and shook and whispered quietly.

Go in. I've been waiting for you.’

I nodded slowly, shaking head. Then he quietly walked to the door and pushed the doorknob. The door opened gently and I poured all my nerves in every step of the way, wondering if the child would break it. Then he brought a chair on one side and sat down carefully next to the child.

The sound of the child breathing quietly rings. Chae-yeon was chewing her lips as if she was dreaming, and she was holding onto the bed sheet as if she would never let go. I gently reached out and handed the child's bangs to the sideways.

Chae-yeon was clean. I took a bath and my hair smelled good and my skin was soft. And Chae-yeon, wearing cute children's clothes instead of dirty clothes, was like a scene that existed in ordinary daily life. I smiled gladly as I looked at Chae-yeon, who was sleeping soundly.

'......bba.'

Chae-yeon murmured quietly. Who is he looking for? Is he calling the man who died on the road that day? Watching Chae-yeon mumbling with her lips, I breathed a small sigh and lifted up the flowing quilt.

I heard you cried half a day. At first, I was going to wake up the child and show that I was okay, but when I saw Chae-yeon sleeping, I changed my mind. I woke up quietly from the chair, being careful not to wake the child. And I looked at Chae-yeon for a moment and began to walk towards the door.

But at that moment, there was a voice from behind that caught my ankle.

'Daddy!'

When I turned my head in a hurry, Chae-yeon was calling me there, raising her upper body. Looking at me now, not my dad in my memory. I ran quickly to Chae-yeon, who was reaching out her hands for a hug and a hug quickly.

I'm not a dad, Chae-yeon. I felt a strong sense of guilt for the child, recalling the terrible memories of the day. But there was too much selfish joy hidden in the guilt. I'm not a dad, I couldn't get this word out of my mouth.

I held the child in my arms. Then Chae-yeon burst into tears and buried her face in my arms as if it were so natural. I was worried that the child's mind would be devastated in the face of the ever-repeated crisis and reunion. I resent myself for not making a safe daily life, a certainty that it is okay.

Did you eat? Did you get some sleep? Are you surprised? I comforted the child and constantly asked questions, and the child just whimpered and shook his head. My mouth was so bitter. I had to sit on the bed like that for a long time.

And as time passed, Chae-yeon stopped crying. The child regained his bright appearance, as if he had cried, and held me tightly around the waist and did not fall out of his arms. Maybe I'll keep this posture today. I hugged Chae-yeon and slowly got up from my seat.

It's been a mess outside the window for a while. A familiar voice came from outside and the often seen silhouette began to pass by. The party seemed to have arrived one by one after hearing the news, but I quickly approached the door and pulled the doorknob.

'......brother?'

As soon as I opened the door, I saw a dragon arm. Yong-pal was looking at me with a startled look, as if he had no idea that the door would suddenly open. And when I made eye contact with Yongpal, I freaked out. Because there was no hair of Yongpal.

'......what's wrong with your hair?'

Yong-pal's colorful blonde hair was all cut off. He had shaved his head, but he looked like a prince of grasshoppers because his head was ugly. He also blushes to see if he knows such a thing. And it was very strange to avoid me and eyes by scratching my back head.

What's wrong with her? Did the old man scold you?

I couldn't adjust to the dragon arm showing a different side of me than usual. So I looked at the old man just in case, but the old man shook his head as if he was falsely accused. If you're not an old man, why are you doing this all of a sudden? I shrugged and slapped the shiny head of the dragon arm.

Yong-pal bowed his head again when I pressed for an answer without saying anything. And murmured in a voice as if not audible.

'......I'm sorry.

Did you do something wrong?’

I asked because I really didn't know. Of course, Yong-pal has shown his usual teasing and light appearance, but that doesn't mean he doesn't listen to me or take a bad attitude. Unlike his appearance, he was never very angry with Yong-pal because he knew that.

But Yong-pal voluntarily apologizes? Why? I put Chae-yeon down slowly and waited for Yong-pal to answer on his own. Then Yong-pal hesitated for a long time and replied in a deeply intimidated voice.

You trusted me, and you made a mistake there.….’

Mistake? Oh, you mean a cough? I burst out laughing at the moment. Of course, I was dumbfounded at the time, but I didn't mean to blame Yong-pal now. After all, Yongpal played his part and he got it safe.

I must have had a hard time after I collapsed, but the nagging that I was going to do went into my head because I was reflecting on myself. It was obvious that he couldn't tell anyone and struggled alone, but I felt proud of it, so I tapped Yong-pal's shoulder without saying anything.

Thank you, brother.

We exchanged glances without a word, and Yong-pal soon looked up at me with firm eyes, swallowing his tears. Yong-pal, who has become a prince of grasshopper, looked more reliable than before.

* * * * * * *

Are we all here?’

As soon as I finished speaking, all the people nodded. The whole party at the mart returned to me without missing a single one. If they had seen Eden, which is a better situation than they thought, they would have felt a little harsh, but the party beat the temptation so easily.

The sparkling eyes looking at me seemed to see the puppies, so I felt burdened, but I felt reassured. They are all on my side. When I had a smile on my face, the party began to whisper among themselves with a big smile.

And a moment later the man of silver-rimmed glasses, watching us from behind, called me carefully.

Can I go now?’

'Oh, yes.'

I'm a little sorry. I think you've been standing for more than two hours waiting for me, but there was no sign of hastening or irritating us. Is he that desperate or is he that gentle?...... I led the party and followed the man's lead without a word.

As we walked out the front door of the hospital, the cloudy sky and chilly weather welcomed us. I started walking along the man and looking around. There were many other people on the street besides us, and they were walking along the street without any qualms.

Perhaps Eden and the group blocked the road itself and used an area as a shelter. As I vaguely exclaimed in front of the size of the Shelter that I had imagined, I quietly exclaimed, and the party also looked around to see if it was awkward to walk a safe path.

Everyone passing by was dressed in clean clothes and their faces were full of hope. Adults are busy running around, and children get along with each other and burst into laughter.

I remembered the man who offered to join us in the search group. In my memory he had clearly said this. Eden, the last bastion left by man. The words were never exaggerated or distorted. In front of my eyes, there was clearly a civilization that was a human paradise.

I slowed down and headed for the old man at the very end of the line. The old man was gazing at the solar panels hanging heavily on the roof of the building, perhaps noticing that I was approaching. When I poked him in the waist with my elbow, the old man finally came to his senses and looked at me.

I whispered quietly to the old man.

Have you got anything?’

I'm not an old man who would have stayed still while I was down. The old man also noticed at once what my intention was and quietly began to walk next to me. In fact, there are many suspicious things. The first doubt that came to mind was their huge scale.

Fully equipped hospital facilities and photovoltaic generators. And safely secured zones and systematized systems were like a small country. It's only a month. I couldn't believe I had this much system in just a month.

What should I say... ...everything was perfect, as if preparing for this end. And everything was suspicious because it was so perfect.

The old man looked around and soon took a small notebook out of his arms. The old notebook was scribbled with letters and soon my eyes turned to the top of the notebook. It clearly reads like this.

a truth club

Have you ever heard of the Truth Society?’

Truth Society? What came to my mind was one of many religious organizations in our country. There were so many religious sects and organizations in Korea, and some of them were called pseudo or large foundations or schools.

The Truth Society was one of those organizations.

Of course, there were controversies, big and small, and the issue of whether they were real or not was noisy. However, people who don't believe in God like me generally responded by turning off their nerves or wearing their tongues if they don't harm themselves.

But the old man whispered quietly to me as if to warn me of such indifference.

'Most of the executives here are from the Truth Society. Hospitals and schools are your foundations.'

Oh, a little exclamation came out of my mouth. I felt like the puzzles that had been messing my head were finally in place. How they were able to cope with things that the government couldn't do, and how they were able to organize in that short period of time. The question slowly began to unravel.

There was no organization as organized as religion. They weren't preparing, they were just living like this. Making paradise what the gods say......... words.

Eden.

Obviously this is where they say Eden was right.

I gulped down my saliva. And asked the old man just in case.

'......do the other survivors believe in the Truth Society?’

Then the old man shook his head with a limp and began to turn over a few notebooks. And whispered to me, looking through the notes one by one.

'That's not true again....... there are more common survivors like us here. Even Christianity, Catholicism, and Buddhism, there are many religions that believe.’

That meant at least it wasn't a protection based on faith. This is an organization that is increasingly hard to define. It has been a very just and humane organization, but the doubts in my head have made me distrust it.

We had arrived at our destination before I knew it while I was walking. The building in front of us was a big modern building, and it was an exceptionally crowded place. It was located in the center of the building and there were a lot of guards in uniform, so it seemed that we had arrived properly.

The silver-rimmed glasses looked back at us and said,

'Let's go. Dinner is ready.’

* * * * * * *

The interior of the building was as clean as a new one. Judging from the sound of people's words and prayers everywhere, it was probably the main hall they used. This atmosphere was not comfortable because I was far from the church.

We walked through the first floor and soon up the stairs and could reach the top floor, the fourth floor. When I arrived on the fourth floor, the number of people walking around was significantly reduced, and somehow, there were guards everywhere.

The silver-rimmed glasses guided us to the room at the end of the hall. It had a door that looked different from the surrounding rooms, with guards standing on either side of the door boasting a huge body. The silver-rimmed glasses approached the door carefully and knocked.

Sir, we have a visitor.

I took a deep breath. And make the group stand behind me as if protecting them, and I look up at the door from the front. The door in front of me felt so large and splendid, as if boasting of Eden's power. I was as shabby and shabby as a beggar standing before the king.

But that was also a moment.

"Stretch your shoulders!"

The old man struck me on the back and whispered quietly. When I turned my eyes gently, all the parties gathered there and looked at me. The faith and trust in me, the intangible being, began to be passed on to me through my eyes.

My shoulders spread like a sail in the face of a fair wind. I took a brisk step in the breeze.