I'm still alive

The road to Eden was a smooth, quiet silent path. We went through the sad snow, through the doors of Eden so familiar. The medical staff, who had already been briefed and were waiting at the door, rushed to this side and began to take care of the survivors, and the newly created guards led them to the treatment with moderation. Everything rolls like a cog. And I took my seat quietly in the middle of the cogwheel.

'Hey, sir.

I called in Mr. Chung, who was following the lead with the children, and gave him a large number of food stamps left in the office. He was a responsible and good teacher that was hard to see these days. I'm sure they will lead and take care of children without parents even if someone doesn't force them. And I wanted to give the teacher a little help.

Jeong stared blankly at the meal ticket, and I told him that I needed it to receive rice and food. This meal ticket will be a great help for them, who come almost naked, to settle in Eden. Upon hearing a brief explanation, Jeong bowed his head and burst into tears, and began to express his gratitude without hesitation. You don't have to thank......none. It's just a small reward for the right man. I walked slowly, tapping him on the shoulder without saying much.

Thank you, thank you, sir. I could hear a lot of people thanking me behind my back. Instead of feeling proud, I came to think again about the nobility of life. What is life, what is man? In the face of endless philosophical questions and anguish, I finally gave up thinking. The more I thought about it, the faster I wanted to skip the problem of headache and meet Chae-yeon.

'Where are you going, you little bastard!'

The old man snatched me up and pulled me as I was about to sneak back to my quarters. And Kim Chul, who is looking at the patient on one side, calls for a quick look at my left eye condition. I rushed to this side to see if I knew my wound was urgent than anything else, and soon I looked into my eyes. The bandage that was closing the wound was released in an instant, and the pain was felt in my left eye.

Kim Chul's expression of looking at the wound with a small flashlight in my eyes is more serious than I thought. But I tried to swallow my breath and calmly waited for the result that I had already expected. I was already giving up in my heart, so I was confident that I wouldn't be disappointed no matter what Kim Chul said. But the old man next to me stomps his feet and asks Kim Chul if he doesn't.

'Well, doctor......... will it be okay? This guy's a little overloaded, so...….’

Kim Chul calmly answers.

It's not too much.’

Do all doctors do this? There must be a scar on my left face that was torn with his bloody fingernails. Kim, however, calmly examined my wound and began to mutter quietly. And he said so calmly that he should take me to the hospital.

I was led to the hospital by my party in a daze. While he was being dragged away, he asked Park Dae-bak to take care of the situation before and after, and Kang asked him to go to the office and meet with insiders. I had a mission for the rest of us, but....... Seeing Yong-pal, who was about to cry, and Kim Hye-jung, who was following, stamping her feet, it was not an atmosphere to bring that up.

The hospitalization process was over while I was doing, and while I was doing that, I went into the operating room. Is it a surgery wound? I thought I would, but I couldn't even resist because of Kim Chul, who nodded so freely. I checked the time and it was time for Chae-yeon to leave school. I have to meet him....... I was going to pick you up. No matter how much you say it, people around you all block your ears.

The surroundings are filled with the smell of familiar companions. When I was convinced that I was safe, my eyes were strangely closed, and all the tension began to disappear. It hurt. It hurt more than I thought. I knew I was alive in pain that I felt as if I were a child.

* * *

To begin with, Kim Chul's answer was 'It's OK, let's wait and see.' I had expected complete blindness, but his fingernails were lucky enough to avoid my eyeballs, and Kim Chul treated my wounds neatly. Is it because of his positive answer? The old man, who seemed ten years older, breathed a sigh of relief, and the dragon-pal beside him burst into tears.

Kim Chul is still so hurtful and severe that he cautioned that he needs medical care and treatment. And I didn't forget to explain that my whole body was filled with wounds that I didn't even know, and that it would be better to give first aid next time. The old man bowed his head, saying, "I understand," and Yong-pal bowed his head and thanked him. And as time went by, the night came, with the red twilight gone.

I lay in a quiet hospital room and took a rest after a long time. Outside the window was completely dark, and in the room only a small stand was flashing quietly. When the news of my injury circulated, Eden maintained a strange solemn atmosphere. And I didn't even feel any signs of popularity near my hospital room, as if I had been ordered not to disturb my rest.

The old man and Yongpal left the room to meet the head of the group, where only me and Chae Yeon took their seats. After school, Chae-yeon came straight to the hospital room and cried for a while to see my bandage and my injured face.

He is a quick-witted child. As he ran here, he must have instinctively felt that I was hurt a lot. I hugged the child who must have been very nervous all the way over and comforted him for a long time.

A lot of time has passed, and we ate together. I sat alone in the hospital room and enjoyed a peaceful time, just like when we first met. The child, who was crying a while ago, laughed at my mischievous pranks, and ran around for a long time. And I wiggle like a baby in my arms with a sleepy face as if it's time to sleep. And the child asked me this.

What's wrong with your dad?’

The child, who was not well suited to his age, would sometimes ask me questions that hurt my insides. At times like this, I was worried about whether to give realistic answers or give answers to children at eye level. And after a long silence, I patted the child's head and answered.

'To make Chae-yeon a friend.'

Most of the survivors were either students or children like Chae-yeon. Research and accommodation assignments will be conducted for a while, and soon we will be going to school as normal as our children. Chae-yeon used to be around a lot, but they may all be her friends. I gave the right answer by mixing right words with ideal thoughts. Chae-yeon then burps her face in my arms.

'I don't like my friend then.'

To get one, you have to throw one away. The child knew too well the reality that even adults didn't want to admit. The wound became more painful to see such a child. You've grown up too early, you're not old enough......... I think it's all because of me, so I'm getting heartburn.

I'm so afraid of tomorrow. I'm afraid I'll lose my party, and I'm afraid I won't see Chae-yeon anymore. I don't even know what day is waiting for me. I'm afraid what I'm doing will be meaningless foot stumps, and my eyes are blurred because I'm afraid everything will be in vain.

This was a lingering feeling, a lingering feeling. My greed will escape like a grain of sand in the water. Perhaps limits will come and the danger of dying like today's day may come. Nevertheless, I couldn't put down the sand. The child fell asleep, and I hugged him like a lingering attachment. I never wanted to let go of this warmth.

* * *

The bed in the hospital room was narrower than I thought. I took out my radio and called Kang Soo-ryeon, and asked her to help me stay in a comfortable accommodation, whether I was sleeping. Less than five minutes after the radio, Kang Soo-ryeon and Kim Si-eun opened the door of the hospital room and came to visit. So we talked for a while and said hello quietly.

After a short conversation, Kim Si-eun bowed her head, saying thank you instead of the elderly, and hugged Chae-yeon, who was soon asleep. But Kang quietly sat down on the bedside chair to talk with me. We looked at each other without a word, but we could not feel any awkwardness at all. The view of comfort and trust has been a mixture of solid relationships.

Kang Soo-ryeon held my hand quietly. I was surprised by the warmer temperature than I thought, but soon I closed my mouth quietly and looked at her as if she was about to cry. She is like a mother who always smiles and takes care of all the children and people one step ahead. But I couldn't bring up any words because it's been a long time since I've seen such a sad face.

It hurts a lot, right?’

There were many connotations in her words. She is the first of our party to meet me, and she has gone through a lot of work and hardship. Sometimes I feel that a string that neither the elderly nor the Yongpal brothers know is connected between her and me. I know. She always understands me.

Tough, painful, and afraid. Everything comes to me with pain and guilt, and binds me like karma. Everyone follows me in the back and looks only at me. His shoulders were heavy, but he could not complain of the pain. Because if I fall apart, everything will disappear, and I'm going to die. My will and heart painfully lift their heads between thin ice. So I was so lonely.

But she gently touched my hand as if she knew everything. And she covered my hand, weeping on behalf of me who could not cry recklessly. Tears fell on my hands, and my heart burst into tears, too. Tears sprinkle water over the essence of my soul. More than anything else, tears in my place than anything else sympathized and consoled everything.

'It's hard, right? It hurts. If it's hard, tell me it's hard. Tell everyone if it hurts. What? No one is blaming Dong-yoon. Please...... please say it's hard.'

Her voice shook like a branch in the middle of winter. Tears drenched the sheets, and my hands were caressing her crying face. The pain and memories that have been going through pass before my eyes. There were moments when I almost died. Nevertheless, I survived and met with my party. Soon the pain disappears and the pain melts. The moment I saw her tears and face, I realized again why I had been like that.

I'm fighting for them.

When I reached out my hand, she came up to the bed as if she had waited and hugged me. Warm body temperature melts the cold inside me. And her tears next to my face wet my cheeks instead of me. I don't cry. I couldn't cry. She's crying instead of me, so I won't cry. The wound didn't hurt anymore.

* * *

The morning sun flows down through the curtains. Waking up, I went down from the bed and trudged towards the window. And as he drew the curtains without hesitation, so bright sunlight came into the room, driving out the darkness and the chill. Oh, today must be a very good day to work. A little realistic thought passed through my head, and I had a false laugh in my mouth.

I took off my patient's clothes and started changing the old man's clothes. The scars and bruises all over my body were covered by the mission uniform, and my body was light as if I had been reborn. At that moment, the door of the hospital room opened and Kim Chul's voice was heard.

Dong-yoon, how are you feeling? Oh? Oh, you're getting ready to go out again."

He always offered me a break. However, I could not hear any more nagging as if I had always given up ignoring the advice. Nevertheless, he helped me to dress up and carefully packed me the medicines I had to take today. When I smiled an apologetic smile, he smiled brightly as if he had already thought so. And finally I put on my shoes and spit out my breath.

Are you going to the office?’

He asked and I answered.

'Yes, there's a lot of people waiting.’

When I was ready to stretch out, Kim Chul opened the door of the hospital room as if he had waited. And he looks at me with a gentle smile as if asking me to go out first. 'Thank you for the treatment.' 'Thank you for saving the people.' As always, we thanked each other and left the room door.

Eden had a busy morning. From students who go to school with school bags, to those who run by the roadside for an early commute. Obviously everyone knew where they were. And roll and roll like a cog for each other you don't know. So the hour hand on the cog began to move, and time began to flow. And I could know. I'm sure there's my seat among them.

Such a position where only I can roll other cogwheels.

Only me.

No one but me.