I'm still alive

Every day, I get up before sunrise and draw blood at the hospital. Of course, I told people around me that it was a check for my health, and Kim Chul-chul, who draws my blood, lied casually.

But when I saw a lab man who took the blood every day, I felt like my stomach was rotting. The feeling of swimming alone in the black lake, the pressure to stay calm while hitting the bottom endlessly, weighed down on me. I sighed as I accepted the coffee from Kim Chul.

How's your condition?’

an already busy hospital routine Kim goes to work early because of me who comes to draw blood at dawn every day. But his face, full of tiredness, was full of laughter, and the mix coffee that he always gave me was sweet. I nodded and drank all the coffee left in the paper cup. I felt a little reassured now.

'Yes, thanks.’

After the detection of a strain-like component in my body, all rescuers working in the field had to take a physical examination. In particular, the Yongpal brothers and the elderly, who had suffered direct damage to them like me, were worried a lot, but fortunately there was no abnormality found except for a small disease.

a masked infection test called a medical examination On that day, the rescue team was able to return home with only the light prescriptions given by the medical staff without any doubt. Kim Chul sits in front of me and talks.

'Eat regularly, and don't overdo yourself.'

Don't strain yourself, it's a very difficult spell. Of course, Kim Chul would be speaking from the perspective of a doctor who treats me, but it didn't suit me with a day left before my immediate assignment. But for courtesy, he nodded and said, "I will do that."

A city where the sun had only begun to rise, I came out of the hospital and watched the year slowly. And at that moment, from one side of the hospital door came the voice of an old man calling me dimly, like the dawn of the morning.

'Let's eat.'

Discontent, worry, silence. The mixture of the three words was all the old man showed me for a week.

But the old man who came to me from the morning was very different from what he had shown me so far. Are you feeling better? I watched the lunchbox quietly as I approached the old man without saying anything because I thought the situation would get even more awkward if I let it out for no reason.

'Sullyeon packed it for me to go to the office and eat it.’

A lunch box full of sincerity in a floral case. Although the ingredients were poor, passing by Mr. Su-ryeon's hand turns anything into delicious food. Suddenly feeling hungry, I nodded, and the old man began to walk slowly, holding his hind legs like a grandfather out of town drinking.

Our destination, as always, is the busy office of the head of the group. Today was the last day of inspection for tomorrow's mission.

The cold wind was much warmer. Spring is coming after Ipchun. The snow that had fallen in the meantime slowly began to melt, and the spring breeze that blew our cold hearts comforted us.

The shorter sun goes back and now the morning sun greets us one step faster. And as always, the residents of Eden wake up early in the morning and take their steps toward their jobs.

When I see people engaged like cogwheels, I feel strongly alive. A moving person, not a dead invoice. Think for yourself and move when you want. That was the only stretch we could do in a gray city that kills everything. The elderly and I greet each other as if we are familiar. The children are running around. We looked at it as if we were familiar with it.

Upon hearing the news of the rescue team, the residents of Eden were not as confused as they thought. Of course it was angry at the government, but the anger never turned toward innocent people. The skill of the survivor, who had been through all sorts of hardships, brought the gem of reason into his heart and made him face reality faster than anyone else.

Who would have said that the public was haggard? One letter from me kept the people of Eden quiet, and within a day the plan for security was deemed unnecessary and discarded. Faith toward us and trust that follows it all together. Eden, as if it had collected the ideals of survivors, was no longer a greenhouse of the past.

'People look up to you a lot.’

A quiet alley was seen before the eyes as the residents passed the busy walking path. And the old man, walking ahead, quietly recited to me, enjoying the bright morning sun. I respect you very much, it was a very embarrassing and blushing sound.

I actually read the brief newspaper whenever I had time, which Eun-teh recommended me to read. And in the last issues I could not read, the stories and processes that I and my party had come to Eden were written in great detail.

How many people did you save today, and how many vicious vagrants you killed yesterday? And how I survived through countless dangers. Looking at people's reactions with vivid testimony, I could feel that I was a human being and that I was proud after a long time. I can see that what I've done so far has not been in vain.

And the old man, who was walking ahead of me now, was looking this way, turning his head from which side of the mountain. And his eyes were filled with joy when he had grown so big. Yes, I always had to be as frank as his son in front of an old man, who was always expressionless around me.

'I'm sorry for being stubborn.'

I looked down at the floor and said to the old man. The day when I and the old man quarreled in an unusual manner, there was such a harsh atmosphere that even the initial party could not intervene. But in the end, things went according to my opinion, the final decision maker, and the old man was helping me with my work without saying anything, continuing a strange relationship. And by the time the boundary faded away, the old man answered me.

'It's all right.'

It was a short answer that I thought was really old. But knowing how much meaning was implied in the answer, I walked quietly in the footsteps of the old man. It's okay, I get it, I'm worried. We exchanged many things even though we didn't talk to each other. The lunch box that Mr. Su-ryeon packed that day was cold due to late steps, but it was really delicious.

* * *

'Do I have to go this far? There's a lot of other people.’

I told Kim Chang-sik, who was filming this side with a camcorder. However, regardless of my grumbling, Kim Chang-sik diligently moved to find a better angle, burning his professional consciousness. He said he wanted to shoot a documentary about us. Of course, I readily nodded because I didn't know this video would be a vivid proof that we were alive, and I regretted it a week after I accepted it. This man, he had a knack for bothering people quite a bit.

Everyone else is asking me to take a picture of the group leader. What should I do?’

Kim Chang-sik also grumbles quietly, capturing himself in a camcorder for his own reasons. All the others? No matter how much I think about it, it seems like I just passed it on. I quietly frowned and sighed, and soon had no choice but to answer the questions he asked.

The story of my first encounter with a group of people, and the dangers that occurred when I arrived in Eden. He asked countless questions, and I answered as short as I could. And over time, as the coming and going questions and answers piled up like sand castles, he asked me, saying it was the last question.

Is there anything you'd like to tell people for the last time?’

I guess it's really over now. I quietly brooded over the last question Kim Chang-sik asked as I put down the document I had been franticly looking at. This long and long road of wandering and suffering. Now the road was coming to an end, leaving only the ending of life and death. What I want to say most to those who are bound by the bond of survival. No matter how much I think about it......, I couldn't think of a suitable word.

No, maybe there was a lot you wanted to say. But as always, the path I have treaded and countless griefs have choked my words. Thirsty with unflowing tears, many had brushed past before their eyes. Hell that had to be killed and killed. The heartless reality contained many processes that could not be defined in a single word.

Yeah, there was nothing I could say. Because we were just living in this desperate moment, and we had a solemnity that was not rewarded in any words of comfort. I shook my head, organizing the papers. And this was the end of the interview.

* * *

Kim Chang-sik took the answers he had not heard that day from a letter he wrote to the residents and inserted them into a documentary. 'Spring is coming after a long winter.' The title of his letter to the residents was this simple and quiet.]

* * *

The time has come and the daily routine has met with upheaval. There was a solemnity in the eyes of the workers who were pretending to be okay, and the rescue team swallowed up the tension for today's important mission. A huge clock called Eden, a cog in it, began to prepare to move the hour hand of fate.

'When was the last time you contacted them?’

I asked the silver-rimmed spectacles waiting beside me, wearing equipment that people brought me. Then, the silver-rimmed glasses lifted the satellite phone that the woman had brought up and raised the glasses. And he answered in a clear voice that he didn't forget my previous instructions.

'Kim Chang-sik called again 10 minutes ago. They asked for three times as much money as last time, so I prepared them all in kind. He wants to meet you at the last meeting we met.’

What the smuggler demanded in exchange for the deal was a considerable sum of money. Of course, it was too much for sending out two people, but we, who are not tied to money, had the guts to say anything but five or ten times.

Of course, we hid our identity meticulously in order to avoid unnecessary suspicion, and only through Kim Chang-sik and the station's woman on the phone. And the fixed date is this evening. It will try to escape under cover of night outside the containment area four hours away.

'Maybe he won't be back today. Please take good care of Eden.’

It takes eight hours just to calculate the round-trip distance to and from there. Besides, the appointment was in the evening, so it was virtually impossible to return to Eden today. It's been a long time since I did a one-night mission. I told Chae-yeon and her party not to worry, and I did not forget to tell them not to neglect their guard against Eden.

'We're here, sir.’

Eden's main gate is crowded with people. I saw Kim Chang-sik calling me gently over there. Two members of the station, who will be out on a crucial mission today, came to Eden's main gate on time. And as soon as Kim Chang-sik said he was ready, all the party members who were working on the guns stood up.

Now derailments and brakes are unacceptable. We were on a train that we could never get off in line with our interests. The people of Eden will help them escape, and the helped ones will do their best to get our truth out of the world. The last arrow I shoot out, I nodded quietly, confirming that the two had arrived.

'Don't forget what we told you.’

I spent a week franticly drawing up detailed plans. Maybe there is an unexpected situation and a corresponding action manual. Not only our party but also the two accompanying people were asked to memorize the manual. Although it was a short time-honored lesson, Kim Chang-sik and the woman in the mission uniform had been replaced by decent survivors.

Are you sure... are you sure it'll be okay? I hope I can get out of here safely, right?’

Now that she's just starting, a woman at a broadcasting station who has seemed anxious for a while is pouring cold water. Kim Chang-sik, who is well aware of the lines that do not match this spleen and that the woman made a mistake, poked her with a look around him, and a woman at the broadcasting station was surprised and shut her mouth tightly. However, I couldn't pick up words that I said without thinking like spilled water. Discontentious eyes began to pour toward this place.

'Stop.'

But when I raise my hand quietly, the chatter and eyes stop for a moment. I spoke calmly, looking forward at the party next to me and the people of Eden who helped me carefully on my journey with the last of my checks.

I'll be back safely.’

It's like destiny now. I could not fall down even if I had to, and if I had to die, I would not give up first. A mission, a hero, hope, sacrifice. I couldn't define with those words. The sublime of life sometimes had the power to move people even though they were not fully aware of it. I picked up the radio quietly and sent the start signal.

Spring is coming after a long winter.

Someone's recitation soon began to spread to people as if it were contagious. That short sentence, it was not a prayer to God, but a message of safe return to us now shifting steps. The cold winter wind disappeared, and a warm spring breeze brushed past our faces. Eden's front door opened and the snow under his feet melted away.

I'm still alive.