Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka?

I'll never forget the first time I killed a demon.

You have skills, you have stats, and besides killing demons, you get a higher level.

I was reborn into such a game-like world, and I lived somewhere in a game-like way.

I found out that was a mistake when Natsume was about to kill me.

And when I took my life with this hand.

That was after school.

I have an internship to fight demons, and for the first time in my life, I was relative to demons.

An immature student fights an opponent in a school internship, and the demons were pretty weak at that time.

Something that can be described as a small animal, such that even humans who do not normally fight can be repelled if they are adults.

Still, demons are demons.

Demons are vicious beasts that aggressively attack people, and if you don't kill them, whether they are weak demons or not, damage will be done.

No matter how weak you are, there is no more danger at all than being a demon.

Even if you say that if you are an adult, you can repel it, which in other words means that you are not a child.

And even adults aren't always able to repel without injury, and if they do poorly, their lives are in danger.

Today, even such weak demons suffered less damage every year.

The internship made sense to let students go through the battle against demons, as well as to deduce demons.

So don't hesitate to kill demons.

But......

A demon who's seriously trying to kill me.

The will to live was there.

It's not like a game program, you're willing to think and act.

I watched sweetly fight demons, much less creatures.

I don't mean my difference in strength.

So to speak, my status was high in my age and I could easily win if I were a weak demon.

That's not what this is about.

It's hard to put that feeling into words.

But when I confronted the demon, I realized that fighting was more real and scarier than any of my imaginations.

Yes, it was horrible.

That an imminent demon is about to kill me, and that I have to kill it.

In the end, I couldn't kill a demon in the first war, and I could only keep avoiding demon attacks.

And the same squad Palton who missed it stabbed the stop.

Lightly.

"Why..."

That's what I was asking Palton.

I wasn't sure what I heard that about myself.

I just whined the words that came to my mind as they were.

"Oh, excuse me. He seemed to be stuck, so I followed him."

Palton's answer to my query was like apologizing for embezzling prey from me.

"We've gone too far. If you think about it, there was no way Master Schrein could have stuck to this extent of demons. I see! You were watching the demon move! Observe without alarm even weak demons. You'll learn."

No, it's not.

I'm not.

That's not what I wanted to hear or why I couldn't defeat the demon.

But I know.

I get it.

This is the difference between this world and Japan.

Life is light in this world.

Too light.

Demons are commonplace by killing them.

The Demons are enemies, so kill them and take for granted.

Even people kill each other easily.

And the people of this world are too indifferent to the lives they take.

You take your life as if it were a task.

Nor did Palton feel any special emotion for killing demons.

I'm not even a saint prince.

Even when I was in Japan, I used to eat meat and kill insects.

I can't say that life is worth a bug, but an animal, but a person, but equal.

You can also see that demons are a vicious beast that attacks people, and if you don't kill them, they will kill you the other way around.

But I felt resistance to killing demons as if killing bugs.

Still, I ended up killing the demon with this hand that day for the first time in my life.

I was afraid to betray Palton's respect.

And above all, remember when Natsume attacked me and I was dying.

From the thought that I had to be able to protect myself, I took the demon's life to increase my level.

At my own convenience, I took one life.

I won't forget.

Feel the sword rip the skin, cut the flesh, and break the bones.

The smell of splashing blood.

The sound of the end demon.

I burned it in my eyes, the moment my life disappeared.

There was a real death there, unlike the CG in the game screen.

Even in Japan, we sometimes exterminate the vermin.

More importantly, the meat lined up in the store was also originally lived cattle and pigs.

For people to live, they have to take their lives.

Indirectly, we humans are taking countless lives in our lives.

But I didn't know that taking a life directly was such a heavy thing.

And you think about it.

If it's this with demons, I wonder how heavy it would be if I killed people.

Scary.

Just think, I'm scared.

Natsume, how could you do that?

If you tasted the same thoughts as me, you wouldn't think this is a dream world.

This is not a game, even in a game-like world.

Even if life is looked upon lightly, the earth and its weight have not changed.

That's just what people don't understand.

I know.

As much as you can do without a relative light look at life in this world of constant strife.

They're killing demons and demons because of their lives.

You can't tell me not to do that.

Even I've killed demons for myself.

The cross will carry on for the rest of its life.

I also know how you want to lighten up the weight of your life in order to make that weight a little lighter.

But you can't change your mind until I say you can't.

Because while you know you can't, still, you know brave men who were pursuing their ideals until they died.

"Dreams are fine. You can be laughed at for being an impossible bullshit. But you should just do what you aim for. A world where everyone can laugh and live in peace. I keep following that ideal. Until I die."

Brother Julius kept fighting, saying so.

The paradox of fighting for peace.

Suffering from it, he still didn't show me the agony and kept fighting.

I wanted to succeed Brother Julius after his ideals.

I'm afraid to fight.

I'm afraid to take my life.

I'm also afraid they'll take my life.

You can't be a fine brave man, like Brother Julius, who kept fighting ready.

Because it's only a take-out, a imitation of Brother Julius.

What a brave man to make a halfway house without.

But I also thought there might be something I could do because I was like that.

I was wondering if knowing the weight of life would be the first step in that.

I was wondering if the ethics of being born and raised in peaceful Japan would help at all.

Even if we can't get rid of the feud, I wonder if we can reduce the feud at all.

I'm an outrageous brave disqualified guy, but I want to look for something I can do with that.

I want to do the best I can.

Yes, I thought until before they chased the kingdom in the summer's eye, and since then, it's come from what I can do in front of you.

That my thoughts, and the will of Brother Julius, had been told the truth about this world as if to mock it, and it had become emotional.

I knew right from Kyoya's expression that I realized I had lost my word.

Kyoya had a painful look like she could give something away.

The look on her face made it clear that Kyoya didn't kill Natsume because she wanted to, and she was somewhere horrified.

But the swirling emotions in my chest didn't cure me, and I couldn't overlap words to just chase after her, and I just looked at Kyoya's face.

"... sorry. I got a little emotional and said too much"

I apologized to Kyoya for finally getting some calm about how much time had passed.

Because I somehow thought it was a mistake to blame Kyoya here.

"No. You don't have to apologize. Jun is right."

Kyoya waves her head without force.

"I envy you. Piercing correctness, Joon."

I couldn't believe that the powerless, weak look belonged to the same person who mercilessly killed Natsume.

Kyoya, too, must have had a lot going on, and that's what I'm telling you.

Kyoya showed such weakness only for a moment, but once she closed her eyes and opened them again, she was returning to a powerful eye.

"Jun is right. But I'm not going to change my path. You don't regret what you've done."

There was a man there, who lived in faith, who would never give way.

Never incompatible with me, I dwelt in faith.