Chapter 420: Viva the Middle Ages
An empty space with nothing prepared.
In the middle of the gorge, I sat atop my horse alongside Eila, who wore an Andras mask, and greeted Head Butler Erectile.
"First of all, welcome. I never imagined you’d find us this quickly. You said you came to buy something. So, what are you here to buy?"
"...."
The head butler’s eyes swept over the knight order he’d stationed at a distance, and then he spoke to me in a very quiet voice.
"The stamina supplement."
"The what?"
"We need more of the stamina supplement your side sent to His Grace as a gift."
"...He’s already used it."
The stamina supplement’s effects were apparently too powerful; it made my blood boil. Not only had the Marquis used it immediately upon receiving it, but the head butler had come to buy more before the market had even opened.
"I’m sorry, but we can’t sell anything right now-ras."
"What? Why?"
"Because we came here today to build structures, not to sell goods-ras."
"Nngh...!"
The head butler looked genuinely devastated. It was the face of a man who’d watched a limited-edition item sell out right in front of him.
"Hmm.... Does His Grace the Marquis really need it that badly?"
"It isn’t His Grace who needs it. To be precise... it is His Grace’s sons who are fated to need it."
"What do you mean by...."
"Master."
Eila whispered softly into my ear.
"It’s a hereditary condition of the Leo Marquis house. Once they pass the age of thirty... it apparently sets in rather early. Yes, erectile dysfunction."
"Good grief."
A condition that most middle-aged men gradually start to experience, hitting them at thirty. The fact that it wasn’t even a natural part of aging but a genetic disorder left me genuinely stunned.
"Ahem, I apologize. I didn’t send that as a gift on purpose."
"...You didn’t know when you gave it to us?"
"If I had, I would have been far more thoughtful about it. I am not the kind of scoundrel who mocks another man’s weakness."
After all, I was the one walking around with a glaring physical weakness of my own. I had absolutely no intention of ridiculing the Marquis over erectile dysfunction.
"This was my mistake. As an apology, I’ll give you this."
I pulled Eila toward me and slid my hand into her chest area. While the head butler recoiled in shock at the sudden indecent act, I fished out the slime jelly that Eila had been keeping tucked inside.
"Take this."
"Wh-what on earth is this?"
"Ah, it’s called jelly. Its effects are much milder than what we sent as a gift, but it should still be plenty effective."
"...I got that from Lime at dawn this morning."
Eila grumbled her displeasure at me from beneath the Andras mask. I’d just tossed away the very first batch of Imugilaim jelly that Lime and the Slamias had produced, handing it off to some humans. Her annoyance was perfectly justified.
"I’ll make it up to you with undiluted concentrate when we get back."
"Apply the undiluted concentrate and do me yourself."
"...Fine."
After promising Eila some future fun, I turned to the head butler, who was standing there dumbfounded with the jelly in hand, and explained how to use it.
"Take it thirty minutes before the act. Don’t just swallow it whole; chew before swallowing for faster results. I wish the Marquis nothing but the best in his bedroom endeavors."
"W-wait. How much should he take?"
"...One piece of jelly should produce about a third of the potion’s effect."
The jelly pouch that had left Eila’s inner pocket contained around fifteen pieces. The head butler stared blankly at the jelly for a moment, then bowed at the waist.
"Thank you. I see that... not everyone in the Demon King’s Army is impossible to reason with."
"We’re the exception; the rest of the monsters out there aren’t much different from before. But make no mistake."
I leveled my seax at the head butler in warning.
"This goodwill is a one-time thing. Next time, you’ll need to bring goods of equivalent value."
"...What sort of goods would suffice?"
"Food, clothing. General supplies that humans need for daily life. And from now on, wait at the midpoint of the gorge when you come."
Whoosh. I handed the head butler the same pass I’d shown Eila.
"If anyone tries to cross the gorge without that pass next time, we will treat them as hostiles. Trust is the most important thing in commerce, wouldn’t you agree?"
"...A human wearing an orc mask. You speak remarkably like a person. Very well. So be it."
The head butler pocketed the jelly and the pass, then turned his horse around. The knight order that had been waiting behind him departed with him beyond the gorge.
"Phew, that was a close one."
"The enemy’s forces were weak. We could have overwhelmed them with our numbers. What do you mean by ’close one’...?"
"I haven’t set the prices yet."
"...Pardon?"
I was, in all sincerity, in a cold sweat.
"I’d been thinking about what to sell and gave absolutely zero thought to how much to charge, and then they show up wanting to buy. God, I nearly got ripped off."
"...."
I couldn’t very well sell at bargain prices something so in-demand that the Marquis had sent someone within a single day to buy it.
"How much should I have charged for one piece of jelly?"
"If it were me, I would’ve paid about one gemstone per piece."
"Hmm... in magic stone terms?"
"Think of that one pouch as being worth one high-grade magic stone."
"Ah, son of a bitch."
I got played.
***
"Oh my, what ambition! You mean all of this combined equals five potions’ worth?"
"Indeed. He seemed a man whose generosity and vision matched his sizeable belly. I suspect... he may be their leader."
"We’ll confirm that later. For now, what matters is testing the effects of this so-called jelly."
The two men each picked up a piece of jelly from the table. The moment they bit into it, the rich chocolate flavor that burst from inside made both their expressions freeze.
"Th-this is...!"
"Without a doubt! It’s chocolate!"
A flavor worthy of a royal banquet flooded their mouths. Having served the Marquis for so many years, the head butler also recognized the taste of chocolate.
"How on earth did demons get their hands on...!"
"Hurrgh!"
The question of where demons had sourced chocolate was quickly shelved as the head butler choked out a gasp and clapped his hand over his mouth. Then he immediately dropped his trousers.
"Your Grace, look...! Mine is...!"
"...Let me see as well."
The Marquis also dropped his trousers. From the waist down, the two men had returned to how they’d been at birth. They gazed at each other with reddening eyes.
Slowly, slowly.
Like a spine curving with age, the pride that had long since pointed straight at the ground began, ever so gradually, to raise its head once more. Not quite horizontal, but their pride had lifted a full sixty degrees higher than before.
"L-let’s try one more each."
"Your Grace, what if something happens from eating too many?"
"...So what if something happens! Just get it up!"
"Understood. If Your Grace insists...!"
They each popped another jelly at the same time. As the sweet chocolate flavor filled their mouths once more, their pride responded instantly.
Rumble, rumble, rumble.
Their pride rose toward the heavens. Gazing upon each other’s members, which had climbed past horizontal to an even steeper angle, the two men found it revolting yet simultaneously on the verge of tears.
"At last, at last!"
"Yes! We can finally overcome the curse of erectile dysfunction that has plagued the Marquis house for generations!"
"Father, I’ve brought your tea—"
The door opened. A blonde, blue-eyed woman carrying a warm cup of herbal tea walked in and froze on the spot.
"D-darling! This is... a misunderstanding!"
"My lady, how did you open the... No, wait. More importantly, this, you see—"
"...."
The woman quietly set the tray down on the table. Then, bowing at the waist, she shuffled briskly toward the door.
"I had no idea you two were that sort of couple.... It’s quite alright. I am a woman who married into the Leo house. I shall take this secret to my grave."
Creeeeak, thud.
The door shut.
***
While the orcs and ghouls were busy constructing the market under the human carpenters’ direction, Eila and I returned briefly to Raspica and called out one representative from each species.
"Wanna buy this? See how it looks on me? Hehe."
"Too arousing. Elf, eliminated."
"Buy these stockings. If you fight me and win, I’ll give them to you as spoils of war. But if you lose, you have to buy them."
"I said sell the goods, not strong-arm people into buying them. Orc, eliminated."
Grrrrrr.
"We can’t even communicate. Eliminated."
"Valued customer, you know it’s been chilly lately-ras? These stockings, let me tell you, just putting them on warms you right up-ras. Ever wonder why elves walk around in skirts with bare legs even in the dead of winter-ras? It’s all because they’re wearing these nude stockings underneath-ras. Right now we’ve got a promotion where you buy three and get one free-ras."
"The ’ras’ tacked onto everything sounds obscene. Andras, eliminated."
"Buy something and I’ll give you the most wonderful dream. A dream where you’re drowning in money and women, soaked in pleasure... hehehe."
"I’m building an actual legitimate commercial district, not a black market. Sorry, but succubus, also eliminated."
As I assessed the species one by one, I despaired. How was it possible that not a single one of them was suitable? How could every last one of them only have talent for fighting and combat, with none showing any aptitude for commerce whatsoever?
"Do I need to put together a dedicated sales corps from scratch?"
"Even if you start training them now, wouldn’t that be a bit difficult?"
"The market will probably be finished before they’re ready. Especially since the Marquisate seems quite eager to buy."
"Exactly."
Building the market was all well and good, but there was nobody capable of selling goods at fair prices.
"Damn it. I can’t personally take the lead like I do on the battlefield. It’d be beneath a Legion Commander’s dignity."
It wasn’t that I looked down on the service industry. But a Legion Commander greeting customers with ’Welcome, we’ve got great deals today!’ was patently absurd. And my current appearance wasn’t exactly suited for customer-facing work, either.
"The foundation of sales is the salesperson’s appearance. Sad as it is, the better-looking the staff, the better a place does business."
"Master, I just had a great idea. We’re selling stockings to turn people on anyway, so why not put the elves up front as staff?"
"Indeed. Have the elves stand out front wearing black, white, and nude stockings, three pairs each, and everything would probably sell out in no time."
"That’s exactly the problem, Eila. That’s not a salesperson; that’s called a model."
The elves would essentially serve as mannequins in a clothing store. They wouldn’t sell goods directly; instead, they’d flaunt the outfits with an elegant, untouchable grace that no one would dare approach.
"Models can’t be the ones directly selling the clothes. That would diminish the elves’ value."
"So if elves aren’t going to do the selling, we’re back to square one again."
"...Master, why aren’t you deploying the most obvious candidates?"
Eila pointed to herself with a somewhat exasperated expression.
"You have us, don’t you?"
"What? Put you out front? Absolutely not. I’d sooner hit the sales floor myself before that. Eila, the thing about sales is that it’s harder than it looks... no, wait. I don’t think we’re on the same page here."
"Use the humans, Master. They’re the ones specialized in selling goods, are they not?"
"Oh, that’s right! They sold goods alongside Meri too. The fairies, I mean, the fairies!"
"...We do have them. But."
Employing humans as shop clerks. There was one major problem with that.
"...Will a tactic we’ve already used work on the Marquis a second time?"
"You’re the one who always says you keep using a tactic that worked until it fails."
"True. But I’m a little uneasy about it."
Having been burned by the exact same tactic I used when fighting the Imugilaim, I’d grown somewhat nervous about my own playbook.
"Human desire and the power of capital are like an unstoppable current. Once it starts, the chaos is beyond anyone’s control."
"What a strange thing to worry about, Master. You’re fretting over the oddest things."
In a rare move, Eila pushed back against my opinion head-on.
"I mean no disrespect to merchants, but at the end of the day, they’re merely subjects of a realm. In our terms, they’re just residents of the legion. If they ever tried to use capital to stage a revolt, you could simply crush them with force, confiscate everything, and have them beheaded. Sometimes, Master... in certain ways, you show more consideration for humans than even I would. Occasionally."
"...Oh right, this is a fantasy world."
Sometimes, getting nostalgic about modernity in my dreams made me lose sight of that.
"Eila, hypothetically, let’s say demonic essence were sold like a beverage. How would you deal with people hoarding and cornering the market?"
"I’d impose a seventy-percent tax. If they still refused to comply, I’d have them executed for defying their lord’s decree and take their heads."
"...Viva, the Middle Ages!"
My greatest weakness that wasn’t really a weakness: occasionally thinking about everything through a modern lens.
"Right. This is a world where the king’s direct orders carry more weight than any invisible hand of the market."
Those who disrupt the market economy shall be screwed to death.
"Good. We’ll put the humans out front as salespeople. Starting today, Avalon’s fairies will become the avatars of capitalism. A market is a place where desires run rampant anyway. Mixing in a little lust is no different from adding a splash of pink to black."
Stockings and every other type of apparel.
A stamina supplement slash erectile dysfunction cure.
And every other product infused with our legion’s essence.
"Let’s make the invisible dicks in their trousers stand at attention and get them to buy what we’re selling."
I was going to write a brand-new Wealth of Nations in this world.