Life, Once Again!

* * * *

Ji-yoon smiled at his reflection on the mirror. Standing with the script in one hand was well learned. I have seen actor-related programs on TV since joining the theater department. I watched the video that captured the daily life of actors with astonishment. He was a novice who had not yet started walking, but there was hope that he might become like them one day. Standing onstage, getting spotlight, and putting on a different act. On the other side of the curtain, a wonderful male actor comes out and strikes a glamorous ambassador, and the audience looks at the scene and flirts.

‘…… I don't think that's going to work. ’

I gave up my happy fantasy and came back to reality. Ji Yun glanced at the self-expression in front of the mirror and slightly smiled. Yesterday, Ji Yun, who fell on a blanket that smelled good doing laundry, read the script again several times. Four days have passed since I received the script. I've been reading the script in order. Suyeon said it was important to master the flow.

Like reading a language book, it was hard at first. All I had to do was read the words in front of me, but it was not worth it because I had to pronounce them correctly one by one. Maru and Daemyung also spoke in a different accent than the middle first graders, whether they were instructed separately by Suyeon.

“Oh, you said you'd play the line. ”

Every time I learned that term, I felt like I was really preparing for the play. Ji Yun opened her mouth according to Suyeon's instructions and asked for a ballpoint pen with both teeth. It looks ugly, but I can't help but think it's good for correcting pronunciation.

Suyeon said that the reason for biting the ballpoint pen is to use the tongue more flexibly. Obviously, when I bite the ballpoint pen and talk, my lip intervention is less difficult to pronounce. In that state, clearer pronunciation required more control of tongue and breath than usual.

“Drinking a little water makes me sick. ”

‘Drinking a little makes me dirty. I have read’. I don't have much to look forward to, but I feel better than I did a few days ago. The visit was open when I tried to read the lines again, posturing straight and caring about breathing.

Ji Yun saw her mother standing at the door with an insecure face, pulling out her empty ballpoint pen from her mouth.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, that's ……. ”

I haven't told my mom anything about the play yet. My mother and I had a hard time since we were kids. I remember following it very well when I was very young, but it got away from me at some point. It was my mom who felt farther away than my dad who was traveling abroad.

“Stop doing weird things and study. If you don't have enough skills to go to the press conference, you'll have to make up for it. How long are you going to live in a daze? Don't think they'll take care of you forever. Do you understand?”

“…… Yes. ”

Ji Yun couldn't lift her head. My stomach will ache all day if I face my mom's cold gaze. Mom closing the door. A low voice enters through the closing door.

“Aren't you ashamed of the announcement? ”

Tuk, looking at the closed door for a moment, I put the script in my bag and took out the textbook. I have to... study. I didn't play in middle school. I didn't doze off in class, I took good notes, and after school, I went to the institute to practice and review. However, if I just took the test, I didn't get a score. The neatly organized notebooks were popular among children, but the writing itself was always a mess. I knew why. During the test period, my body was always in a worse condition, and my stomach tightened and I was short of breath at the test time. No matter how much I focused on my dislocated body, there was a limit, and eventually I hit the bottom.

At some point, it repeats itself. I think I heard that I was good at studying in elementary school, but it's completely different since I started middle school. Ji Yun thought she was broken. A body that cools down when it's time for a test. Eventually, I gave up on the humanitarian high school I wanted and turned the track with the announcement. I still can't forget the look on my mom's face when I met her at the meeting and got a recommendation. Of course, even though she apologized later, her mouth did not disappear in memory, trembling with silence, her eyes wide open, and her secret disgust. Probably since then. The dramatic decline in conversations with my mother.

Jiyun shakes her head and blows away the bad feelings of stickiness. Instead, I organized what I learned in math class into a notebook. Seeing the formulas beautifully organized with a colored pen, Ji Yun sighed and took out his only hobby, Grim Notes. There were two reasons why I went to work. The main reason is that the test scores were poor. The second was that there was a design department.

Whenever I painted with a pencil on white paper, Jiyun felt at ease. A world without competition and without shame. I didn't have a design dream, but I thought it wouldn't be bad to work there.

As I look at the pencil holder in front of me, I move the shaft, and I hear the door open. Do you think she's going out?

“Welcome. ”

I heard a voice welcoming my mother. Jiyun felt her heart beating rapidly. Should I pretend I'm sleeping in a blanket? Or maybe we should just go out and buy some supplies. Then the visit took place. In the living room that looked like a doorway, women of my age sat down.

“Come out and say hello. ”

Mom says that and turns around. Ji-yoon stood up quietly in front of the lady.

“Hello."

“Oh, Ji-yoon, it's been a long time. Remember her?”

The lady in the brown sweater asked. Ji Yun couldn't remember who she was, but smiled and said, "Yes.” I said. I was just standing there dazed, sitting and standing. The women looked at each other and laughed and talked. I thought Ji-yoon could come in, but soon my mom called me from the kitchen.

“Fly this thing. ”

I put the tea and snacks on the tray in front of the ladies. It was quite expensive chocolate and expensive tea that I brought from Japan.

“Hey, our next chairwoman's awesome. Giving you all this. ”

“My husband sent it from a business trip this time. ”

“You said he's in Japan, right? ”

“Yes.”

She covered her mouth and laughed. Ji Yun wanted to step back into the room, but one woman sat down because she was talking.

“Sit down and eat. But I think she's pretty because she's an outsider. ”

“No, you look just like your dad. ”

Ji Yun bowed her head to the inexplicable emptiness as soon as her mother's hands touched her thighs. My mom caressed me kindly in front of people because she told me to study until just now. He turned into a needle and stabbed Jiyun in the chest.

“I want Ji-yoon's mom. Husband's good. Daughter's pretty. ”

“Don't pull yourself up. Hyun-soo, you have two bright sons. ”

“I don't need my son. I used to say I was an out-of-towner when I saw my daughter, but these days my sons are outsiders. I brought a girlfriend that I met at the U.S. University last time. Phew. Now it's very polar whether his girlfriend is better than her mother. ”

The lady in the round glasses next to the brown sweater lady opened her mouth.

“By the way, Hyunsu, you're doing your Ph.D. this time. ”

“Yes, I don't like Hyun-soo's father or his head, but I like Hyun-soo. I sent him off to study abroad, and he said he didn't need a scholarship or a prize or allowance. ”

Jiyun saw the brown sweater lady's smile getting darker and darker. In proportion to that, my mother said less.

“I wish I had a son like Hyunsu. ”

“Oh, my God. I heard Mijin is in the big leagues this time. ”

“He got a job right away without going to grad school because he was eating. ”

“What's the point of studying now that you're stuck with a big company that says it's hard to get into? Our Hyun-soo should be jealous of Mijin. Oh, Mijin was in Seoul, right? ”

“Yes. I didn't do anything for you, but thank you so much for being so big. ”

“My Hyunsu went to college in Seoul. Oh, by the way, where's your amniotic fluid college? ”

The lady with the calm figure sitting to the left of the brown sweater said quietly.

“I'm still in high school. ”

“Is that so?"

“Yes. I'm a civilian. I can't even look at my face. ”

“Oh my God, isn't that the high school you're wearing there? ”

“Yes, it is. I'm preparing to study abroad as an international class, where only the smartest kids get together, so I can't even tell them I'm falling behind for a break. He's a cruel son.”

“It would be nice to grow up. He's a smart boy.”

The women who boasted about their children looked at Jiyun this time. Ji-yoon choked. I shouldn't say this, but it seemed like snakes were sticking out their tongues and shouting in front of their eyes. I feel like I'll get eaten if I get it wrong. Jiyun turned her head slightly and looked at her mother. My mom didn't say anything, and she didn't buy a car.

“Are you a high school student? ”

“Yes? Oh, yes. ”

“Where do you go to school? Since there's a famous Guangcheongo around here, will you go there? ”

“I'm sure you will.”

“or a scientific journal or something. You look good studying. Pretty kids are good at studying these days. ”

Ji Yun twitched her fingers at the spilling gaze and said in a small voice.

“Ooh, you're the dominant. ”

“The dominant? Where is it? ”

“Oh, you mean the announcement next to me? ”

It was a short moment, but Ziyun could clearly hear the laughter coming from among the women.

“…… Yes. ”

My voice grew ever smaller. I was worried that I would be heard by others, so I decreased and decreased.

“I see.”

And end the conversation. The women who were quiet for a while started chatting again because they said the interior of the house was good. And then my mom broke the silence, and she said, "The father is very interested in furniture.” I said.

Ji-yoon got up quietly, greeted the ladies and came into the room. I'm tired. My heart is pounding. I could feel the cold sweat flowing out just like during the test time.

I couldn't keep my eyes open. I fell on my bed and closed my eyes, and I heard the women outside. One of them came to my ear and said, “My mom is going to be upset.” was.

“Ha.”

Jiyun tried to smile, but the convulsing heart showed no signs of stopping. I feel sorry for my mom, and I feel sorry for myself.

* * *

On Sunday morning, Ji-yoon came out noticing. I keep thinking about last night. I glanced at my mom in the kitchen.

“Come and eat. ”

“... Yes. ”

Toast and milk and fruit. She didn't say a word until she had finished breakfast. It was time to finish eating and move the bowl to the sink.

“Ji-yoon.”

“Yes?”

“Let's go back to school. ”

“Schools?”

“I don't think so. You have a good head because you look like your mom, but you don't work hard enough. So let's get back to basics while we go to school. Announcement, that's not a shame. All you have to do is go to college. ”

While talking, my mom got a phone call. My mom explained something in English later, when she was speaking in terms she couldn't understand. It was fluent English even though Ji Yun did not know English well. My mom put her phone down to see if it was over.

“Let's get back to basics, then speak English. You're good at math, though. ”

“ ……. ”

“Why are you silent? ”

“Mom, I actually.... ”

I wanted to say that I couldn't go to school because of my inactivity. However, the words hovering from my throat do not come out of my mouth. For a moment, I felt a tingling sensation that I forgot to say. Jiyun glanced at her mom with her lips, and her mom frowned slightly.

“Why are you so grumpy? You didn't in the old days. He was such a bright kid in elementary school, but what's wrong with him? Are... are you being bullied? Is that it?"

My mom got up and grabbed my arm. Then I rolled up my sleeves to check my bare skin. Of course, there can't be bruises. I'm not being bullied.

After looking at my body for a long time, my mom finally let go of my hand. My mother said, palms on her forehead.

“Ji-yoon, I really don't know you. Why have you changed so much? You studied well. You laughed so well in front of everyone. Why on earth……. ”

Seeing my mom wrapping her face around my hand, I couldn't say a word. Instead, I ran away from him. It was difficult to stay in the house. Since I had theater practice this morning anyway, I left the house thinking I could go that way.

When Ji Yun arrived at the bus stop, she went into the store to recharge her bus card. And I said, "Charge me."

“Chu, Chu, recharge… please. ”

“Yes? Charge? ”

Jiyun nods. You duck your head away from the attendant's gaze, looking at you strangely. I feel like I'm stuttering more seriously today. Calm down, calm down. Jiyun came out with a card that was fully recharged.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

... and the weather.

I almost became a sunbaked squid.

Those of you who work outside should be careful of your health.

Well done again today.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Referrals, always appreciated.

Coupon, thank you. Thanks to you, I'm renting!

Completed:

Pharynx