Life, Once Again!

I couldn't say anything. What the hell is this guy talking about? To save a life in exchange for a life.

- I predicted that your ego would come from a moment of stumbling. You've thought about it endlessly. Reason for existence, value, purpose to live. Fuck you, too. They know joy, they know sadness. You also know the horror that death brings. But the reason he gave his neck as a bargaining chip is because of the body down there. I've decided it's more profitable to save the one down there than you are. It's actually a computational answer.

“I'm afraid to die as you say. But if there's one down there, I'm doomed, too. ”

- We could live here forever with the spirits still alive.

“You know that. That's an even worse punishment. No matter how hard I tried, there was only one answer. The body that can feel the density of life is more important than anything else. I think the ground floor with the flesh is closer to the essence than I am to wandering around without a soul. If the pile can sacrifice itself for the original, it's not a bad deal. ”

- It may be most similar to the one you experienced your first death a long time ago. There could be an empty shell down there dying. Isn't that a shame? Disappearing like this.

I looked at him silently. He squeezed the question of God, then opened his mouth with a light smile.

“I can't hold someone I love. You can't travel with your child. It's impossible to make money for your family. But that guy with the body is capable of all of that. The presence of a body made of bones and flesh is more important than the uniqueness of the mind. And that's okay, because I have faith that he's going to do great. I believe in a man named Hangul. ”

- I accept your request.

As soon as the two conversations ended, I interrupted. I looked straight at him next to me and said,

“Do you understand what you're saying? ”

“I understand perfectly. ”

“No, I don't understand at all. If you die here, it's over. Nothing. You just disappear. ”

“Rather, it might be good. ”

He approaches. He looks calm. I felt like I had forgotten my senses. I have a headache and a bad breath. The husband downstairs and the man down here were both one and the same. I wanted to grab this man's collar, which is easy to say, like a simple calculation. Don't give up yet. There's got to be another way.

“This is for the best. ”

He said as if he had read my mind. His head gets complicated. He says he can live if he gives his life. It will be done with God's permission. Is that gonna be okay? Should I be happy to be alive in the end?

He hugged my body.

“When this is over, all the memories will be gone. Remember that promise to erase your memory? I can live in that world again, forgetting the lonely cruel times I've had here. I will meet Mr. Maru, I love him, I will fight sometimes, and then I will get married, and I will meet Autumn, whose eyes are so round. ”

“And what about you? ”

“I'm the one who's forgotten. What no one remembers from the beginning doesn't exist. A moment of gratitude for forgetting. ”

“I can't do that. ”

“I think I've been rewarded enough for saying that. I'm done playing games here. If you can't finish it when you can, all you have to do is regret it. ”

I struggled to get out of his arms. I didn't want it to end this way. But he wouldn't let go. I could feel his resolve through his body. It was an unwavering will to die.

- They say it's famous. You have to listen to people. This is something that works between us.

God said, "What did he mean when he was waiting to die?"

- I'm going to save the one that's going to die. But do you remember the law of this game that I set? There are only three ways to end this game. One suicide, one suicide in the sky. Finally, living a life where the two of you are not tied together by fate. If you save one of your own, you have to keep playing. That's what rules are for.

I felt the power slip from his body, which held me firmly. I turned around and looked where the voice of God was coming from. It was a blue sky with nothing to see, but God was definitely there.

“Are you really God? Why are you so malicious? ”

- I'm the one who wants to ask. Why must God be good? Before that, why are you trying to judge me based on your lines? I told you that all the goodness, morality and laws you have created are for your convenience. You should have asked me first. What is God's good for? And I would have said, I think keeping promises is the foundation of good. You can't end the game without breaking the rules. If you bring one back, we will continue with the last scheduled game. You could say, You get another chance at spending your life.

I smiled naively and thought of a child who had cut off the legs of a cricket. Does God resemble that child? There is a creature that seeks only the pleasure of the phenomenon without any malice. For a cricket, it may be hell, but a child who bites his leg is a mysterious experience.

- I respect your choices. End the game here and live your life, or take more chances for your life.

“Opportunity? What chance? You want me to play this game over and over again? ”

I thought you said you didn't know people. Maybe this is the only time we'll get results that won't run in unison. It could be a probability problem, so if you take the case of failure, it might work this time.

“You are a terrible god. ”

I cried out to God. The gods continue. It was a dull voice, but it sounded to me like a laughingstock.

-Do you know what the common idea of a gambler is? I know a lot of people lose money at gambling grounds, lose their lives and their lives, but I don't think so. I won't fail, but I will be able to stop myself from doing the right thing. When I first gave you a chance, you thought the same thing. I'll be different, my husband will be different. It's very absurd to blame me for not responding to the results.

“Are you saying it's my fault? You already made the wrong choice? ”

- I can't say it's wrong. It's just that you've been racing towards a victory that only a fraction of you can enjoy. I like to think of human beings as being flexible. But I can't give you the benefit of being plump.

“Let me ask you a question. How many happy endings have you had? ”

- What is the definition of a happy ending?

“A normal life, both of you. ”

- It's not a small chance of us forgetting each other. About a bag?

“What are the chances of ending your life with someone you love? ”

- A couple of things from the old days.

Some of the words made me feel embarrassed. How many humans have lived and died before God? Probably more than sand scattered on the white sand. But only a few. That means it's close to zero.

- Now you're starting to think you might not be the main character? But what do we do? The game has begun, and the game has to end.

“Will you be happy when I suffer? ”

- Don't sell me out. I love you guys. I feel the same kindness for you as you do for those around you. If he was a dodger and a hater, he wouldn't have created it in the first place. "Made" means loving. Of course, I didn't mean to make you. I was somewhat involved.

I stopped talking to God and looked at the man standing next to me. He had been staring at the world beneath his feet ever since he heard the word of God that even if one were alive, the game would not end. It was never a look of giving up or discouragement. We're still working on it. How to get out of this shitty game.

I saw the sky with my husband standing in front of the signal sign. Not far from here, there was a rainy car. When the world moves, the car will rush towards her husband. A sharp scream will embroider the road and blood will settle on the stubborn asphalt.

It was an inevitable future. If I said I would save my husband again, it would happen again someday unless the game was over. I saw him still troubled. He offered a deal, and God was pleased. I also held God's hand and the game began. God was a trader and gambler who really liked the word "compromise." One answer came to mind. Maybe this is the answer. It can be foolish. Still, it would be better than standing still and doing nothing.

It was then.

I hear the laughter of God.

- Tell me, I'm ready to hear.

God was already watching me, I guess. I smiled at him, looking at him anxiously. He holds his hand. It must have been instinctive. I have to feel it. We've been together too long. I held his right hand with both hands. And I looked up at God.

“You said this man's life could save the one below, right? ”

- Yes, sir.

“Then what about me? What is the value of my life? ”

-Equal value.

God said without smiling. There was a strange smile between the sounds of words.

- Tell me what you want from me.

“I want to end this game. ”

- I know, they all did. Here's the thing. What will you replace your life with?

“Is it not enough to end the game? ”

- A life is worth a life. The game is a separate story. The man next to you saved the life of the man below with his own. There's an equal exchange of value. I will accept any negotiation like this. But it doesn't make sense to ask me to end the game because I'm willing to give my life.

“I see. ”

I knew. I was just telling you, just in case.

- Now say what you were going to say to me. I'm waiting for it.

God really knew everything. It was time for me to try to bring out the words in my heart. He grabs his hands tight. I was drawn to the power and looked at him.

“What are you trying to say? ”

He looks at me with tense eyes. I'm worried about myself, even when I've risked my life as collateral. Who you can't hate, who you want to be with forever. I touched his cheek.

“Let's stop resting. Me, too. You've lived too long. In retrospect, I can't already call myself a person. You know, I've been watching you, or my husband's life down there, and I've been thinking, Oh, this life is wrong. It's not a good job, so I have to die and start again. The scary thing is that I had no hesitation at all. It's numb. Death, life. ”

“I can't help it. ”

“Yes, I can't help it. So I want to rest now. ”

“When this game is over, your memory will be erased. You can have your freedom back. ”

“Then it would be a world without you. I'm not interested in a world without one. First of all, it's gonna erase your memory, so what happened doesn't go away, right? You said it wouldn't happen if you lost your memory, but I don't think so. ”

“Honey, don't do that. ”

I grabbed his shaking head with both hands and slowly pulled him towards me. It was a light kiss. Now I feel like I'm getting a little bit of the first kiss I don't remember.

“You're so careless. He keeps saying he's going somewhere alone. Wherever you go, you have to be with me. I can't help it if I'm bored. Because that's how I do it. ”

I spoke with my eyes to him who was about to open his mouth again. He gives me a lip. I went to God after saying thank you.

“You said one life is worth one life, right? ”

- Yes, I did.

“If risking your life is possible to save your life, is it possible to do the opposite? ”

- Possibly, but if you think it's unreasonable, we'll need to review it.

“It wouldn't be that unreasonable. It's not like someone's avoiding it. ”

The eyes are darkened. The appearance of God. The darkness that surrounded my husband, who had been looking for me in my dreams, was holding on to me forever. He who was next to me disappeared. I realized that this is a space that does not belong to this world, this world, or anywhere else.

A black rabbit appeared before my eyes. The rabbit in a graceful watch and hat comes forward, thumping. I recognized it at a glance. That it's God.

“Are you mocking me? ”

I'm gonna take you to a strange country, so I thought this might not be a bad shape. Just like you did this and stood in front of your husband.

Everything was said by the black rabbit, snoring. I calm my excitement. Playing God's pranks makes me sick.

- Let's talk about the value of one life.

I nodded.

“I want to take something with my life. ”

- What is it?

“You know. ”

- The predicted future is not yet confirmed. It's confirmed by you coming out of your mouth. So tell me, what are you going to offer me?

“As collateral for my life.... ”

I remembered my husband's face. When I came back to the company and sat on the couch exhausted, I remembered the face she was smiling at when she walked in. I remembered the face of the house I had promised to live in and embarrassed myself. He asked me to marry him, and I thought of him with a ring on his face. Much earlier, I remembered the man who asked me to go out with him shy.

“I want you to erase what's left of your husband's memory. I want to take my name with my life. That's my offer. ”

- Together, your life will take the name of the sky beneath your memory. That is, remove it. And with his life, he saves the life of the one below.

Yes, I answered small.

“If that happens, the game will start again, right? ”

- Yes, it will.

“I'm disappearing in his memory. ”

- Yes, sir.

“Nothing will happen between them after all. ”

- It will be.

“What happens to the game? ”

- This is the happy ending you wanted.

I looked into the rabbit's black eyes.

“You are a terrible god. ”

- I hear that a lot.

The darkness clears. The world of tranquility rests at the feet of time. I looked at my right hand. I held hands with him. Even at the moment when God cut off the world, I was connected to him.

“It's over. ”

I smiled and said. He was crying. Hanging her like a child. I hugged his neck. I wanted to cry, but suddenly I didn't remember how to cry. Maybe he was crying out for me too.

“You should have lived. ”

He said.

“I'm afraid to be alone. So stay with me. ”

I wiped his tears with the back of my hand. It was hot enough for Dale. I looked back. The god who looked like a rabbit was watching.

“What happens to us now? ”

- When there's a start, there's a end.

“At least I want you to go to a world that's not sad anymore. No, you don't even feel that, do you? ”

- Disappearing is like that.

I exhaled slowly. As long as he was warm, I was not afraid to disappear.

- Last but not least, say hello.

I lift my head slightly and look up at him.

“If there's a next time, then we'll be strangers. ”

He said.

“When the time comes, I'll catch you again. You're gonna say it, silly. But I can't help it. A good thing is a person who wants to be with you. ”

I held him tight with a smile.

I'll be a part of that foolish, stupid thing.

- I'm not that desperate. I'll protect what I said was the last time. The game is over. One rebirth is over. It will destroy the memory of being reincarnated. About the sky. Everything will be a dream. It'll just be a normal young man.

The voice of God subsides. Darkness shifts. I open my eyes at the last moment. But I didn't see anything. It was okay, though, because the feeling of holding him was all over the body.

“I want to eat the miso stew you boiled. ”

He said.

“Shop when you wake up. I'll boil it for you.”

I told you.

And everything was gone.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

The next painting is an epilogue.

It's trimming, so it should be between two and three o'clock.

It feels weird.