Limitless Evolution As a Snake

The frozen guy’s face is doing this thing where his eyes are the only part still working, and honestly, watching him try to scream with just his eyeballs is the most entertained I’ve been all week.

He looked at Lyra like she was something on a menu, and now I’m eating his lunch in front of his paralysed face, and there’s a kind of poetry in that I’m not going to examine too closely.

I slither up his neck slow, taking my time about it, letting every scale drag against his skin so he feels each individual inch of me arriving. His pulse is going off like a fire alarm under his jaw; good, he should be scared. He looked at my woman like she was free samples at the food court, and now there’s a snake climbing him like a tree, so yeah, fair’s fair.

I look at him, really look, at his frozen eyeballs rolling around in a face that can’t move, at the sweat starting to bead on his stupid forehead, and I feel the rage cool off just enough for a single thought to slide through. What am I actually doing right now?

Actually, nah. Never mind, don’t make him hard forever; that’s kinda weird. Cancel it, we’re not doing that.

[System: Cold feet, mate?]

No, it’s just- that’s weird. Like, genuinely weird, even for me. I’ve got a whole list of things I’m fine with, and this one just walked straight off the end of it.

I flick my tongue again, tasting the fear-sweat on his skin, and something about the whole idea just sits wrong now that I’ve said it out loud, even if out loud is only inside my own head.

We’re better than that. I’m better than that, maybe, probably.

[System: No worries. Filing it under ideas we don’t talk about again.]

Good good good never happened.

This freak is still frozen, still staring at me with those wide, terrified eyes, completely unaware he just dodged a fate worse than death by roughly four seconds of my own hesitation. I’m already forgetting about the debuff idea because honestly, some doors just shouldn’t get opened, not even by me.

I take a second to look around while the guy stays frozen like a lawn ornament. I settle my coils more comfortably on his frozen shoulder, taking a proper look around. The world’s still moving, even if he isn’t. Might as well enjoy the view.

The lane is packed with people doing that thing where they walk fast but go nowhere, all dressed up in whatever they could grab, some in stuff that costs more than a car and some in stuff that looks like it survived a fire. I spot a girl with a neon pink handbag glowing so bright it should come with a warning label, and there’s a tiny dragon thing curled up inside it, snoozing like it doesn’t have a single problem in the world. Lucky little guy. Everyone’s got something strapped to their hip too, guns mostly, some tucked away nice and polite, some just hanging out like accessories; hell nobody even blinks at it. Just normal Tuesday night stuff down here, I guess.

The air is thick with all kinds of smells, sweat and blood and something spicy that I’m pretty sure is curry, mixed in with oil and rust and whatever’s leaking out of the pipes above us. Somewhere off in the distance there’s music playing, some old hip hop track chopped up and slowed down into that lo-fi stuff, all soft beats and vinyl crackle, ugh hipsters alive and well even 100 years later, can’t escape them, not even under a city.

Down the lane a bit, I watch a few big guys, one that’s clearly made of stone and moves like it, a couple wolf-looking men with too much muscle for their shirts, and some regular humans in suits, waving people off into a side alley. Nobody’s asking questions; they’re all just going along with it, quiet, quick, eyes down. Yeah, that’s the mafia alright, moving whatever needs moving without anyone official noticing.

I glance to my left, and there’s a couple of cops just standing there, looking anywhere but at the alley, sipping coffee like they didn’t see a thing. Course they didn’t, nothing new under the sun, or under the city I guess.

Alright, enough sightseeing, let’s get back to business.

I look at my guy, still frozen, still terrified, sweat dripping steadily down his neck now. Time to wrap this up.

I sink my fangs in nice and slow, right into the soft part of his throat, and for one very brief and deeply unwanted second I think.

Oh my god, I’m basically a vampire right now.

And the System actually groans in my head.

[System: Oi. Shut up, sparkles.]

Fair enough

The venom drips in, thick and acidic, spreading through him like ink through water, and I watch the last bit of panic drain right out of his eyes along with everything else that made him a person. His whole body just goes soft under me, deflating in this weirdly gentle way, and I slide off him right as he starts folding in on himself.

I don’t stick around to watch the finer details. I’m already up the wall, scales gripping rusted metal, slipping into the gap in the pipe above his stall before the last of him hits the ground.

Behind me, there’s a soft little collapse, skin and clothes crumpling down into a heap, nothing left but bones and fabric where a person used to be.

Ahh old mate. That felt good, not gonna lie.

[System: Properly cooked, I reckon. You little psycho. Love that for you.]

Gee thanks, I guess. I’m not sure I like this side of me; I would have never dreamed of doing something like this, maybe thought it, but here I am.

[System: Here’s 500 exp for the quest, mate. Oh, and you can flip back to red whenever you feel like it, ya weirdo. Bonus 15 IP too, for the whole pissing-and-eating-his-lunch-in-his-face bit. Genuinely inspiring levels of unhinged, truly proud of you.]

Thanks, I guess. I really do miss being red. Red’s just my colour, you know? Feels right.

I try to shrug, if that’s even a thing I can do without shoulders.

Wait, do snakes have shoulders?

[System: Honestly ya muppet, not a clue. Anyway, you’re 2 out of 3 on the stolen food thing now. Good job, little thief.]