Limitless Evolution As a Snake

Fair enough. I slide on past the crate, tongue flicking, keeping my scales dark against the wood grain, heart going a little faster than I’d like to admit.

Old mate, can you pull my status panel up for me? I wanna have a look at some stuff before we get any closer to that desk.

[System: Sure, whatever.]

Name: Matthew Vane (Matt)

Current Form: The Glass Phantom Snake (Rank E)

Rank: E

Indulgence Points (IP): 25

EXP: 5,500 / 10,000xp

[Pressure Point Intuition]: The user possesses immense knowledge of pressure points and nerve clusters, and can produce a variety of effects by striking said pressure points in just the right way, ranging from unconsciousness, paralysis, and even death.

[Squeaky-Toy Impact (Rank F)] Okay so. You know those rubber dog toys? The ones shaped like a hot dog or a little frog or whatever, and some absolute unit of a labrador is going absolutely mental on it? That noise. That’s the noise you make now, except coming out of a snake, and at 110 decibels, which is technically louder than a jackhammer.

Note: WEEEEEEZE.

Cooldown: no cooldown.

[Blood Venom (Rank D)] (TRULY OP)

Makes all the blood in something turn into air. Just, like, immediately. All of it, poof, dead.

Note: Highly lethal.

Cooldown: 24 Hours.

Current status effects — 1 week of insta pussy wet for Lyra when getting wet in effect.

Can turn red on demand.

I read it over twice, and my gut sinks a bit, cause the three skills feel like nothing when I’m about to get within earshot of whoever owns that voice coming from behind the desk. Deep, low, unbothered, the kind of voice that doesn’t need to shout to make a room go quiet.

Old mate. I think I need something new. Looking over at the desk, can’t see him yet, but I can hear him, and it sounds properly scary.

[System: You sure? I’m choosing it, not you.]

For once, yeah, I trust you.

[System: bad idea mate, terribly bad idea. Anyway, LET’S SEE THE ROLLS, here are your options.]

[Sad Noodles (Rank G)]

(PERMANENT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION)

Renders the target completely, utterly, and permanently incapable of ever getting hard again, just... floppy forever—absolute zero, non-responsive, limp-noodle energy.

Note: A fate worse than death for some blokes.

Cooldown: No cooldown.

Cost: 8 IP

[Handsy (Rank F)]

(THE T-REX SPECIAL)

Instantly gives the target hands, but the hands turn into two tiny, useless T-Rex limbs that barely work. To make matters infinitely worse, it locks their neck so they physically can’t even bend their head down to reach them or eat food.

Note: Good luck wanking now, mate.

Cooldown: no cooldown, permanent, till next skill swap.

Cost: 5 IP

[Disco-Ball Flashbang (Rank D)]

(RGB CHAOS)

Uses your glass body like a prism, trapping ambient neon light and violently discharging it in a 360-degree blinding flash. Charges up in one second and blasts every creature within ten meters with a headache-inducing rave flash, guaranteed to stun enemies, blind security cameras, and turn any dead-end alley into an impromptu EDM festival.

Note: Makes you glow like a budget glowstick for five minutes afterwards.

Cost: 15 IP.

I stare at the three options and just let them sit there for a second; I feel like my brain is wading through mud, trying to work this out.

[System: Let’s get ready to rumbleeeeeee, you’ve been asking for hands for quite a while haven’t you, well matty boy, today is your lucky day.]

No no no no no no old mate please. What if Lyra sees me?

[System: Perfect, she will see you trying your best to get stronger, like a fucked up fish coming to land.]

That’s not comforting; that’s the opposite of comforting, mate.

Also, how the hell is this gonna help me against the guy at the desk? I don’t even know what he looks like yet and you’re picking me a skill that turns hands into little stubby T-Rex arms.

[System: I don’t know, should be fine, I trust you, you need info and coffee!!]

Info and coffee, right of course, great plan. Very solid tactical advice from the guy running my entire evolution.

The System doesn’t even wait for me to argue back; it just goes ahead and locks it in anyway, because of course it does.

[System: Locking in — Handsy (Rank F)]

(THE T-REX SPECIAL.)

Cost: 5 IP.

I feel it happen before I even process it, this weird tug somewhere behind my ribs, like a rubber band snapping into place. New info scrolls up in front of my eyes.

[Handsy (Rank F)]

(THE T-REX SPECIAL)

Instantly turns the target’s nonexistent arms into two tiny, useless T-Rex limbs that barely work. To make matters infinitely worse, it locks their neck so they physically can’t even bend their head down to reach them or eat food.

Note: Good luck eating a sandwich now, mate.

Cooldown: no cooldown.

Cost: 5 IP

Total IP 20

[System: See! I didn’t even take that many IP points! you can try again for the next roll regardless!]

Ok then, roll again.

I see the big red reroll button in my head and go for it, mentally slapping it like I’m trying to skip an ad.

BEEP BEEP BEEP. NO, NO, NOPE AND NO, the system’s sirens in my head.

[System: you can’t skill reroll till this time tomorrow! Man, I didn’t know that, good to know!]

Yeah, would’ve been great to know that before you locked me into T-Rex arms as my emergency combat skill, old mate, thanks heaps.

[System: No worries!]

I just lay there against the crate for a second, tongue flicking at the air, trying to process the fact that my grand new weapon against whatever deep-voiced nightmare is sitting behind that desk is the ability to grow two tiny little arms.

And then I feel them pop out. Two tiny little arms, one on each side of my body, right up near the top where a neck would be if I had one. I can’t even look down to check cause the neck lock thing is already kicking in, but I don’t need to look; I can feel them, tiny, stubby, useless little things just kinda flopping there.