Limitless Evolution As a Snake

[System: Pulled it up for ya. Says here your next scheduled bout isn’t for two days; how are ya feeling then?]

I’m not shaking, and I’m not crying; I’m just hungry and tired and weirdly pleased with myself.

I’m feeling surprisingly good actually. Now can we look at the numbers, I wanna see what I got.

[System: Yeah no worries, ya little legend. Bloody oath for taking down all three of those things, twenty IP each since they were massive kills, plus three grand exp on top.]

The screen slides up in front of my eyes, clean and blue, and I read it twice just to let it sink in properly.

Name: Matthew Vane (Matt)

Current Form: The Glass Phantom Snake + tail knife Rank: E Indulgence Points (IP): 60

EXP: 8,500 / 10,000

Sixty IP just sitting there. Waiting to be spent on something stupid or something smart, and knowing me, it’s gonna land somewhere in between.

Sixty, sixty whole points and a bath and a tv, old mate i’ve gone up in the world.

[System: Don’t get used to it. reckon they only did this so you don’t kick the bucket before the next fight. You’re an investment now, mate, not a pet.]

Still counts.

I’m proud of myself if I’m being honest. New bath, new bed, and a body count that finally makes me feel like something other than a glorified pool noodle. Not bad for a guy who used to be dead.

I slide into my little wash basin, the water warm and shallow, and start rolling around in it like a rotisserie chicken that learned self-care. Scales catching the light, little red flashes bouncing off the ceiling. I twist and coil and scrub myself against the smooth plastic edge, and it feels good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just not the same.

It’s not Lyra.

Lyra Lyra Lyra.

God, I miss her hands. I miss the way she used to cup me, all careful like I was something precious instead of something that could probably fit in a shot glass. I miss her nipples, not gonna lie; I think about them more than I think about food, and that is saying something because I think about food constantly.

I wonder if there’s a way to speed things up. Get back to her sooner instead of later. Two days till my next fight and every hour of it feels like a waste when she’s out there somewhere probably busting down a company and not thinking about her tiny red boyfriend at all.

Old mate, question, hypothetical, purely for research purposes.

[System: Go on then.]

Is there any way, any way at all, that my next evolution could help me get closer to her, sooner? Like a lot sooner.

[System: Funny you ask. Yeah, there’s a few skill changes coming up that’d help your case, and I reckon she wouldn’t exactly say no to helping either. Plus, seeing as this is the indulgence system, there’s a few perks you haven’t unlocked yet]

Perks? PERKS! Old mate I have been quietly spinning around in a wash basin for god knows how long and you’re telling me there’s PERKS??

[System: Yeah nah settle down, don’t get too excited]

Too late, I’m excited. Tell me everything, what perks? Do I get a cape?

[System: No cape mate, capes are never good, they get stuck in everything. This is a do it pussy system if I’m being blunt about it. Your jizz, your literal love juice, makes the sheilas addicted to you. Proper addicted, like withdrawal symptoms addicted.]

I stop rolling around mid scrub. That’s a sentence I did not expect to hear today

Wait what.

[System: If you bond with them, and by bond I mean absolutely destroy their pussies, they walk away from that and physically cannot get off on their own again. Ever, only you. Only your setup, dual cocks and all.]

I sit there in the water letting that soak in, no pun intended, and my brain kind of short circuits a little

So they’re bound to me. Like actually bound.

[System: Yep, forever. Course there’s some maintenance required, jealousy pops up between the girls sometimes, you gotta keep the bonds even or things get messy. Oh, and they get a little tattoo too, marks them as yours. Cute little thing, shows up on the arm or thigh.]

My head is officially in the clouds now. I’m practically glowing, floating a few inches above the water like some kind of horny cherub.

I like that. I like that a lot actually. See, now that’s just good design; whoever built this system knew exactly what they were doing- absolute genius, honestly. Five stars, would recommend.

[System: Well, this system is broken; I’m kinda making it up as we’re going along, remember I was meant to be some hot goddess? And mate it’s built for blokes exactly like you, that should worry you more than it excites you, oh by the way they are all virgins.]

It does not worry me even a little bit. Actually, hang on, follow-up question

With Lyra, she looked right at me and knew, like actually knew who I was even in this dinky little form. Is that the bond thing? did the smell of my evolutions tip her off somehow?

[System: Correct you are, right cunt.]

I preen a little at that, coil up proud as anything in my tiny basin like I just solved a math problem instead of confirming my girlfriend can recognise my glow up.

See, I’m not just hot; I’m smart too, incredible, truly a whole package—

That’s when the shouting starts.

Loud, close, right outside the walls, and it’s not the good kind of shouting. Bullets crack somewhere down the corridor, sharp little pops that don’t belong anywhere near my nice new bath setup, and I freeze mid-coil with water dripping off my scales.

Well, that’s rude.

[System: Oi.]

What?

[System: You still in the bath?]

Yes.

[System: Get out of the bath.]