Chapter 167: No Sense of Security
[Dude, you can’t take this? I only get 600 a month for spending money.]
[There’s no point in getting married like this.]
[You men think women just love controlling the money? In a family with no money, every single cent has to be saved.]
[Honestly, some girls can’t even pass math. Can they really manage money?]
[A family man who doesn’t smoke or drink only needs 200 a month for an allowance. Having money will only make him go bad.]
Zhang Zhe hadn’t really thought about the issue of handing over his salary after marriage.
But hearing the guy’s calculations, he really felt like life wasn’t worth the trouble.
The hardest part to swallow was that this money could be transferred away by his wife. Then, when you hit middle age and need money, you discover your family doesn’t have a single cent in savings.
The thought was genuinely devastating.
But a glance at the bullet comments showed that this was a common situation for a large portion of men in the country, especially employees of state-owned enterprises and civil servants.
In fact, most people’s situations were even worse than the guy on the call.
Some of them had wives who were full-time homemakers. They shouldered the entire family’s finances alone, couldn’t keep a single cent of their salary, and had to ask their wives for a weekly allowance.
"Brother, while your math isn’t wrong, I have to criticize you for one thing: you’re reacting way too slowly."
"You’d already negotiated the bride price and formally proposed, and you’re only starting to think about this stuff now? Shouldn’t you have thought all this through when you first decided to get married?"
"I was too busy with work before." The guy on the call made an excuse, but he couldn’t even convince himself. He finally sighed and said, "I really didn’t think about it that much."
"I was already dreaming about our wonderful life after the wedding."
"Haha, then you should be thanking your girlfriend’s parents," Zhang Zhe said with a laugh. "If they hadn’t treated you so badly, you probably would have actually gotten married."
"Now that you mention it, that’s true," the guy said with a foolish laugh.
"Not only that, but let me tell you something you’re not going to like." Zhang Zhe figured since the guy had already woken up, he could handle some hard truths. "Your girlfriend wasn’t really that into you. Neither was her family."
"You were just her choice after weighing the pros and cons."
"She had no other choice. She couldn’t find anyone better, but she didn’t like you, so she could only control your money to console herself:
’Since I can’t find a good man, I’ll just find an obedient one.’"
[Host, you’re being a little cruel, seriously.]
[I really don’t get people who hand over their hard-earned blood and sweat money to someone else. You wouldn’t even give it to your parents, and they’re the ones who gave you life and raised you!]
[My ex-wife only left me 500 a month, said she was saving all the money. Turns out she was saving it to make the down payment on a new house for her younger brother. She claimed it was a ’loan,’ but it’ll never be paid back in this lifetime.]
[Mothers from the older generation managed money because everyone back then was frugal. Women these days spend money like water. What the hell do they know about managing money?]
"Sir, I have a question." The guy had an epiphany reading the bullet comments and asked Zhang Zhe, "My ex-girlfriend said she’d feel insecure if I didn’t hand over my salary. She’d cry and throw a fit. What do you do about that?"
"But as soon as I promised to hand over my salary, she’d go back to normal."
"I feel like there’s no solution to this problem."
"Huh?" Zhang Zhe frowned. "Dude, are you a natural-born simp or something? So what if she’s prone to insecurity? What’s that got to do with you?"
"She says she’s from a single-parent home. Are you going to help solve her mom’s marital problems, too?"
"That’s different, isn’t it?" the guy retorted quietly.
"How is it different?"
"..." The guy couldn’t answer.
"Honestly, there’s no fundamental difference. These are all the girl’s own traits. It’s just that when she says she’s insecure, you think you can solve that problem for her. But when she says she’s from a single-parent home, you feel you can’t solve it, so you treat it rationally."
"A viewer in the comments said this is just an excuse for her to control the money. Sometimes it’s really not, but that’s not important."
Zhang Zhe smiled. He wasn’t the type to condemn everyone with a single sweeping statement.
People who lack a sense of security are often sensitive. If he pandered to the extreme views in the bullet comments, those people would blow up his private messages tonight.
"We don’t need to worry about all that."
"You only need to stick to one principle: whenever she uses her personal traits as a reason to demand you spend money, you should think twice about all of it and make ’no’ your default answer."
"Even if she threatens divorce, you need to consider if getting divorced isn’t the better option."
"This doesn’t just apply to insecurity. She might say she needs money for skincare, for the gym, or for you to support her while she quits her job to study for grad school exams, and so on. For anything that costs money, think it over carefully before deciding."
That was as far as Zhang Zhe could go. Even so, plenty of the "sisters" online were already cursing him out.
They thought he was making sweeping generalizations.
But in reality, "insecurity," just like "Yu Yu," had long since gotten a bad rap. It had even become a formulaic routine that could be executed step-by-step.
Step one is exploiting the indulgence:
’I feel insecure, so you can’t have personal space. Your phone can’t be private. I need your phone password.’
Step two is pushing the boundaries:
’I feel insecure, so even if you’re busy at work, even if you’re in a meeting with your boss, the moment I message you on WeChat, you have to reply immediately. If you don’t, I’ll throw a fit.’
Step three is making withdrawals:
’I feel insecure, so you can’t have money. You have to hand over your entire salary to me. And because I feel insecure, you have to give me a little surprise for every holiday.’
This step was the most absurd. A man with a 500-a-month allowance is expected to send red envelopes and gifts on holidays. If he wanted to send a "520" red envelope, he’d end up 20 yuan in debt to WeChat.
Step four is the ultimate checkmate:
’The money is with me, and I’ll manage it just fine. If you ask me how the money is being managed, that means you don’t trust me, and that makes me feel very insecure.
If you want the money, let’s get a divorce!’
The real kicker is, there’s no money even if you divorce. Hehe, I spent it all long ago!
Stories like this played out almost every day, each with a unique plot but nearly identical steps from dating to divorce.
But there was nothing to be done. There were too many simps out there. They’d say that giving your wife control of the money is how you show you love her.
(That’s what the other man says, too. He also loves a rich man’s wife.)
The guy on the call was actually pretty lucky. The woman’s parents didn’t approve of him, letting him dodge a bullet.
Otherwise, after getting married, you could see the end of his life from the very beginning. It wouldn’t be surprising at all if he one day decided he couldn’t take it anymore and performed a high-dive.
"Alright, thanks, Brother Zhang." The guy was deeply moved after hearing all this. "I originally just wanted to call in and vent to someone."
"I don’t really have many friends, and I watch your streams a lot."
"But I learned something new again today."
"Don’t mention it, brother," Zhang Zhe said modestly. "I wouldn’t go so far as to say you learned something. Just hang out in the stream. If nothing else, you’ll at least figure out what you really want."
"Do you still want to get married in the future?"
"I do," the guy answered quickly. "Marriage has its downsides, but I think it’s about not finding the right person. My parents have a happy marriage. I think if I find the right person, I can be very happy too."
"Nothing wrong with that, brother."
"With that mindset, just get back out there and start looking. If things really don’t work out, come back to the stream, and I’ll help you analyze the situation."
Zhang Zhe liked dealing with guys like this who were determined to get married.
While part of it was because this type of guy easily became a long-term client, the bigger reason was:
’These days, anyone who dares to enter the game is a warrior and deserves respect.’
’After all, the children they have after marrying are the future masters of this world. Zhang Zhe still hopes someone will invent holographic helmets and Yin Yang Pods, so when he’s old, he can live on in a game world.’
After disconnecting the call, Zhang Zhe briefly answered some questions from the bullet comments:
[Sir, I’m too obsessed with looks and can’t get married. What do I do?]
"On the matchmaking market, people obsessed with looks can sit with the dogs, thank you very much."
[My ex and I broke up over the bride price. It’s been almost a year, and now she’s come back to me. Should I give it another shot?]
"Isn’t that great? Your girlfriend has been ’re-calibrated’ and came back to let you experience her progress."
[Host, I’ve been on over 50 blind dates and haven’t met a single suitable person. Why is that?]
"Sister, come, come. Please, take the seat of honor."