My Alleged Husband

Perhaps what you can never obtain is always swaying, and in the end, everything has a beginning but no end!

"Child, I know, even though you are comforting Grandpa with your words, your heart is still in pain. How could you not be in pain? That’s your biological father. The harm he caused you goes far beyond the harm to Grandpa. Actually, I believe you share the same doubts with me in your heart. Why did your parents leave me? Why did they heartlessly abandon me time and again? Am I really so insignificant in their hearts? Do they truly care so little about me? Every doubt in your heart, Grandpa once had too. But gradually, I no longer entertained these elusive questions because I realized if those things allowed me to return to my side, I could always question myself. But no matter how much I reflect on my actions, none of it would return to me because no one would believe me. If no one believes, why bother with unnecessary proof? Everyone has different thoughts in their hearts. Some people can happily live their own lives, carelessly all their lives. But some people live perpetually on the edge of pain. They have no happiness because there are no happy things in their hearts; their hearts are dark. When you gradually understand many things, you’ll realize that everything could be let go of, without any care. No one can live or die without another person. They can still live freely and happily after losing someone, but those who can never let go are only those who abandon others or are abandoned by others. The most important thing in this life is learning how to grow. As long as you learn to grow, what is there to fear? Even if, in the end, others are unwilling to return to your side, you still have all you have achieved through your efforts. Don’t care about those who don’t care about you, for living like that is not only exhausting for yourself but for those who are with you too. Don’t hurt those who care about you for those who aren’t worth it; it’s not worth it!"

"Grandpa, you’re right, I’ve been through all of this, and I know what I should do with these thoughts, but I can never let it all go. On one side is my biological mother, on the other, my biological father. How can I forget the harm they caused me in this lifetime? I valued them so much, cared so much about them, but what about them? They hurt me so deeply. In their eyes, what am I as their son? Something casually disposable? Even if I’m an object, one put so much effort into giving birth to should have some feelings. When they abandoned me, they didn’t even blink, so how painful my heart was, who could understand? Everyone thinks I’m selfish for doing this, shutting my biological parents out, refusing them back home. But who knows the pain in my heart? Maybe some think none of this matters, but to me, it’s all important. I can’t accept my parents abandoning me, who was born through so much hardship, just for their freedom. I don’t know why they had me in the first place; I don’t know if they had me just to leave a descendant for the Zhang Family. I don’t know why they did it, but is freedom really that significant in their eyes to abandon their own child? If so, why bring me into this world? Yet, I am quite grateful to them. If they hadn’t given birth to me and abandoned me, how would I have today’s achievements? Although every day of my childhood was tough, always spent in training, my life was still joyful because I had the purest emotion, the purest family bond, which is my grandfather. You gave me so much, Grandpa, you are the reason for my achievements today. None of this has any bearing on my parents, nor will I feel grateful for these things to them, for they don’t deserve it. Since they decided to abandon me, they shouldn’t think about returning to my side for a lifetime. I don’t have such parents. I once gave them a chance to reform, inviting them back home to spend the happiest times with us, but they personally gave up such an opportunity. If we were never in their hearts, how can we forcefully stay by their side, making them suffer as well? They want to go out and wander the world, so let them be. They’ve been accustomed to a life of drifting around, not used to staying at home. So why should I compel others, making it uneasy for everyone? Grandpa, I know, sometimes my decisions are excessive, but I hope you can understand my feelings inside. I can never forgive them again; the wounds this time were too many, unforgettable in this lifetime. I always forcefully suppress my hatred to forgive them, yet they repeatedly hurt me. I too am human, I have feelings, I can’t bear constant heartbreak from them! Now my heart is already shattered, and I can no longer build any trust or feelings with them. My heart has been thoroughly hurt by them, and with such a broken heart, what emotions are there to speak of?" Old Master Zhang knew that every word his grandson said was true, understanding that his grandson’s heart was already deeply hurt by his son’s actions. Wasn’t it the same for himself? His heart had also been thoroughly broken by his son. Yet, he still had no means but to bear the result because he is, after all, his biological son. How could he easily abandon him? Old Master Zhang also understood that once a heart is shattered, it can never be mended in this lifetime, and there’s no going back. They never thought it would come to this, so why should he worry for them when they brought this upon themselves? If this is the life they want, let them go through it themselves!

I know that time beautifies that fleeting thrill while also dulling the excitement.