My Alleged Husband

My smile became forced.

"Do you think there’s anything different about you to me now? Every single thing you’ve done has completely destroyed my trust in you. Do you think we could ever return to the friendship we had?

You said it yourself, trust between friends should be mutual, but since you chose to exploit my trust in you, what right do you have to negotiate with me? Everything you’re doing and saying now just makes you a clown to me. I won’t trust you anymore because there’s nothing about you worth trusting. You used my trust in you against me. Why should I see you as my truest friend? Do you even deserve to be my friend? We’ve been through so many ups and downs together, and this is what you do?

I’ve never cared whether you trust me completely or not. Yet, I never expected that one day you would use me. I always thought we were the best of friends, but when you used me, I realized we couldn’t even be good friends, let alone just friends anymore. So why not just live our own lives peacefully? Please leave my world completely. You’ve already become a threat to me. I can’t keep someone who threatens me near me; it would make me uneasy."

"In the end, aren’t you just afraid? Aren’t you scared that I might use you again? Aren’t you worried that one day you might fall for me? Aren’t you just trying to prove to your husband that there’s really nothing between us?"

Ran Zhihan suddenly realized that no matter what she said, there was no way to communicate with the man in front of her. There were things she didn’t want to lay bare, yet he kept forcing her to make painful decisions. Is it really so hard to understand what she wants? Why treat her this way? In his eyes, what is she? A tool to be used again and again, but she is a living person with her own soul and rights. What gives him the right to do this?

"It doesn’t matter why I came to this decision, but you should at least know that there will absolutely be no possibility between us. You’ve hurt me. Why do you insist on comforting me with these empty words? We are really not suitable for each other. You have no trust in me, so why bother? Moreover, I already have my own close family, my own family, my own child. Please don’t embarrass me any further, okay?"

"Did I really make you look bad? Have you ever considered all these things you did? Don’t you know who’s right or wrong? You hurt me so deeply, why should I regard you as my true friend? I’ve waited for you for so many years, yet I didn’t even get an apology from you. And now you say you don’t want me to embarrass you anymore. Who is really embarrassing whom? Why say such ruthless words, do you really want us to end things so badly? Is that what it takes for you to feel at peace? Stop saying things that make it difficult for both of us. You claim I threatened you, then please tell me truly, aren’t you compromising because deep down you’re afraid of me threatening you? I don’t know what to say to you, maybe my words would make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s because you mean something to me!"

"Shut up. Please don’t keep repeating these things; it only makes my heart hurt more. There are so many things between us that didn’t have to happen, but you, you retaliated against me, hurt my family, with actions like that, how do you expect me to care?

Everyone has empathy. Now that you’ve hurt me, I won’t sincerely care for you. Everyone has moments of heartache. You’ve treated me like this, why should I regard you as so important? I’m not a saint; I’m just a man. I need my beloved woman to sincerely care for me. Since you can’t be completely devoted to me, don’t force me to be with you without betrayal!

In the end, I just used you, and that alone was unbearable for you. Then how do you expect me to cope with the pain you’ve caused me? For years, I hoped to be with you, but reality mercilessly slapped me in the face. When I returned, how did you treat me? Though I won you over with improper means, I had no choice. What I want, no one can take from me. I just want you by my side..."

"I told you to shut up. Stop saying those hurtful words. You wouldn’t want me to attack you verbally, right? Everyone has a heart that can feel pain. You’ve hurt me; why should I sincerely care for you? Everyone has scars in their soul; how could you be sure I haven’t sacrificed so much for you? Back in school, I genuinely hoped to be with you. At that moment, I was truly moved by you, but eventually, I realized there’s too much difference between us to make it possible.

Don’t you know everyone has different depths of heart? There used to be a place for you in mine, but your actions caused me so much pain that you’ve been wiped from my heart, leaving no trace of your existence. All of this is a consequence of your actions. Who can you blame? Nobody owes you anything. You must bear the consequences of your actions. I can’t always be moved by you as I used to be. The day you left for abroad, I let go of you. I won’t persist my whole life for one person. I just want to find someone who can accompany me through life. Someone who won’t hurt me over anything, won’t bully me for anything, won’t use me. But you did all of that. Do you think you still have the right to say you love me? Do you think you have the right to live with me?"

Cultivate the courage to let go, and back then, the dark clouds seemed to have broken your heart.