My Alleged Husband

My life belongs to you. I don’t want to continue living in this unclear way anymore. I just want to shout it out loud!

"Dad, actually, I know deep down you hope I could live a loving life with him forever, but I really can’t continue anymore. The harm he’s done to me hasn’t been just once or twice. If the outcome was already destined, then I don’t understand why I stubbornly chose to be with him back then. To be with him, I was willing to give up my own life, but ultimately I got nothing but his constant suspicion and mistrust. Without even the basic trust between spouses, how can we possibly live a long and lasting life together?

Maybe everyone wonders why I chose to be with him in the first place, but I feel no guilt about it. I ask myself, and I am not ashamed before heaven or earth. Being with him, I genuinely wanted to walk through life with him, not because of his money, not because he’s from a wealthy family, and certainly not because he has a powerful father.

I tread carefully, always thinking that as long as I could be with him, I would need nothing else. What was the result, though? He hurt me so deeply, and in the end, I don’t even understand how I was abandoned. Is there any woman in the world as foolish as me? Knowing well that my husband doesn’t love me, knowing my partner always doubts me and mistrusts me, yet I still wholeheartedly want to be with him, never doubting him. Maybe that’s just who I am. But because of this, I’ve made everything so hard to accept, causing immense pain in my heart, but I can only silently endure the pain because I chose it. I can’t blame anyone else; I can only blame my own stupidity!

We have all once been willing to sacrifice everything for the one we love, even forgoing our own lives for them. I believe you can understand the pain in my heart. Your love for mom is nothing less than my love for my husband, and perhaps even more. If you can’t accept it, how could I?

I believe that when I chose to be with him, everyone doubted me and thought I was blinded by money, choosing to live with such a man. But I never cared about others’ idle gossip. I always felt that living happily myself was enough, never mind what others said behind my back. But what was the reality? I abandoned everything, and ultimately received his mistrust in return. I spared no expense for him, yet he ultimately treated me like an enemy, heartlessly kicking me away. Am I truly so unknown to him? Am I truly unable to be with him?

I once thought the distance between us was too vast, and I couldn’t shorten it. So I tried desperately. As long as I could shorten this distance, I believed I would be able to stay with him forever, and the thought excited me each night, keeping me awake. But the reality slapped me hard, making me realize that love alone wasn’t enough. He didn’t love me, and no matter how much I loved him, it was futile!"

With tears streaming down, Xia Jing couldn’t help but feel aggrieved. So many years of love still ended in destruction.

She gave everything for this man, even her life, only to have to accept the reality of being abandoned in the end.

Though she was willing to give up everything for him, his heart only saw her as a tool, never truly treating her as a person, making it impossible for her not to feel hatred, not to harbor grievances. No one would understand the depth of her heartbreak, the pain so strong it couldn’t be expressed in words, yet nobody could empathize with her sincere efforts. Everyone seemed to think every action she took was wrong. Who would have thought the once proud mercenary captain would end up being abandoned by others?

"Child, no one in the world can grow without experiencing pain. Pain is always part of the growing path. To grow, one must experience these pains, right? Only through constant trials can one grow up happily. Perhaps not everyone understands this principle, but I believe you will, as your experiences are deeper than others. These experiences are etched deeply into your soul.

Maybe we did commit unforgivable mistakes, and because of these mistakes, we don’t know what to do. But I hope you understand, one day you’ll meet again, because the choice you make today will lead to regret in the future. Don’t give up your happiness because of temporary anger. I know how much pain you’re in, but I also know this decision you’re making is inevitable. Since things have reached this stage, you must face them calmly. I understand your helplessness, but helplessness always has solutions. You can’t just randomly find someone to spend half your life with; that would be impossible. A marriage without love can’t be happy, and likewise, a relationship without trust can’t last..."

"I understand all these principles, but precisely because I understand them, I have to make this choice. I don’t want to give up everything for a single man anymore. I should enjoy my life and live as I wish, not compromise myself because of a man, only to be abandoned in the end. This life, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be a person called weak and incompetent anymore. I’ve given enough for him, and my heart is truly chilled. Since the ending is already predestined, why should I cling on painfully? Why don’t you let go? Alas, for each of us, this is the greatest pain. He might not care, but I can’t erase the harm he did to me in my heart.

The old love and affection should end; all of it loses meaning now. He has abandoned me, so why should I persist for him? Even if he begged me to return now, I wouldn’t look back..."

The moment you turned away, I suddenly realized you have always been my greatest love!