Chapter 2083 - 1916: Unending
Weak candlelight illuminates the corners where the autumn leaves swirled by the wind, decorating the dusty old grass, while the faint moonlight sketches mottled memories as I open the photos and piece together the yellowed recollections.
Life is like this, continually losing the things I cherish most, only to realize later how much they meant to me. When I had them, no one ever thought about what these things might ultimately lead to; why is everyone always so selfish, prioritizing their own ideas, disregarding the comfort offered by others?
Everyone encounters grand national matters in their lifetime, but ultimately, their life is filled with pain. Some people sacrifice everything for themselves repeatedly, yet no one truly knows how they spend their days.
Has anyone ever wondered how they will spend this lifetime? Over and over again, bound in suffering, has anyone considered how they should endure it all? With each lethal blow, who knows the latest pain? During the day, I numb myself with work, but what can numb me during the deep night? My longing grows deeper and stronger with each day, until I become a walking corpse, unaware of what I should be receiving. No one knows what conclusion one will face in this lifetime.
Perhaps life is such, suffering through hardships and ultimately experiencing love and separation; yet how does one truly know how this life was acquired? Again and again, enduring pain, one gains repeated injuries. Who knows what kind of harm one will eventually bear? Each life is the same, but everyone, due to their actions, ends up in the deepest abyss of despair, unable to free themselves. Who truly knows what kind of life they seek to achieve satisfaction?
Many people’s hearts are inherently greedy. Some sacrifice everything they hold dear without scruples for their own interests, yet others willingly give all for those they cherish most happily.
Zhang Zhentian really doesn’t know how to console his wife. He knows she is trapped in a deep pit of suffering, unable to extricate herself. No one can save him. Time and again, he is woken by nightmares; she repeatedly makes decisions that alter her life drastically. Each time, she hurts herself, just hoping for that person she longs for will glance back at him, to stay beside her even for a day. Is the human heart really so fragile? Why is it that people’s hearts never withstand the washing of time, and time changes everything, making it seem insignificant and shattering.
Xia Jing also understands what Zhang Zhentian is thinking. After years of sharing a bed, how could there be no mutual understanding? If there’s no basic understanding, what meaning is there in living together for so many years? Even if it’s not due to emotions, years of marriage still result in relative understanding. Often, those who understand you the most aren’t friends but enemies. You may not understand yourself, but do you know how well those around you understand you? They’ve spent much of their lives studying you, aiming to crush you one day, yet you don’t realize, their understanding might help you. The heart cannot exchange for another; only after repeated hurt and torment do we understand everything was futile.
"Xia Jing, maybe you can’t hear what I’m saying now, but I hope you know, as your husband, I will never harm you.
Over the years, haven’t you felt the sincerity I’ve given you? The sacrifices I’ve made for you over the years, haven’t you sensed them at all?"
"The greatest pain in life is witnessing those you love most leave you one by one each month, being abandoned without a way to prevent it. None can understand the pain in my heart over these years, nor comprehend or empathize. You all think my selfishness prioritizes my own thoughts, ignoring everyone’s views. But do you know? When you face me repeatedly, how agonizingly innocent my heart feels as you accuse me. I wish for a joyful life, yet find no way to achieve it!
Over the years, I’ve given so much, yet what have I gained? I gave everything, only to be met with indifference. Do you know how speechless that leaves me? I’m so tired, sometimes wishing to close my eyes forever, never to awaken again, wishing for eternal slumber, blocking all chances for happiness. Now, I just want to sleep infinitely, never to awaken, yet every time I open my eyes, realizing I’m in a deep abyss with no sight. Do you know this darkness? Do you know this emptiness? No one knows!"
"You always think your pain is the greatest in the world, imagining no one else can understand what you’ve endured. But do you know? You’re not the only one who experiences such suffering; who hasn’t gone through such trials, honing themselves through pain? Though it leaves scars, destroying any chance at happiness, do you know how much I care and wish for you to stay by my side, akin to your desire for your loved one to stay? I’m akin to you, facing the darkness and loneliness of night, the sense of defeat shattering my heart repeatedly..."
Who remembers the ancient songs hummed softly in my ear once, while now the years have stolen your appearance, leaving traces of life’s path upon your face.