Chapter 187 - 186: A Fool
"I kept telling myself I was the most outstanding heir in the family, that my father must be trying to temper my character and keep me from getting too arrogant...
"I naively deceived myself like that for many years, until my coming-of-age ceremony when I turned sixteen..."
Gray’s eyes looked a little hollow.
"For the Nobility, the coming-of-age ceremony is a very important day."
"On that day, the head of the family would invite many influential figures to introduce their son to high society. They might even arrange a marriage contract."
"I also wanted to use this opportunity to show how much I’d grown and make my father proud of me for once."
"So I excitedly went to find him. I asked my father, ’What are the plans for my coming-of-age ceremony?’"
"I still remember the look on his face so clearly."
"First he looked confused, then it dawned on him. He slapped his forehead and said, ’Oh! Right, that’s happening. I’d completely forgotten about it until you mentioned it.’"
"Then he added that there was no need for a big celebration, that we should just keep it simple. He told me if there was anything I wanted to eat that day, I should just tell the cook myself."
"That’s a bit... harsh, isn’t it?" Marcus frowned slightly.
It was more like he was humiliating his own son.
"Yes. It was more hurtful than any cold stare or silent treatment."
"So I couldn’t take it anymore. After trying so hard to please him my whole life, I confronted him right then and there, shouting my questions."
"Why have you ignored me my whole life? Why are you so harsh with me and no one else?"
"I told him I knew I was the youngest son and had no right of inheritance, but at the very least, he should treat me like his own flesh and blood, right?"
"For my older brother’s coming-of-age ceremony, you invited a great scholar from the Royal Capital for him."
"For my older sister’s ceremony, you threw a grand ball that everyone in the region knew about!"
"So why, when it came to me, were you not even willing to hold a proper ceremony? Is the youngest son of the Mans Family so unworthy of being presented in your eyes?"
The other four at the table leaned in, straining their ears, waiting for Gray’s next words.
Gray took a sip of his drink, swallowed, and then spoke softly.
"Then my father finally told me the reason. He said it was because of my mother."
"Your mother?"
Zelir sensed something was off. "Wait, haven’t you said you’ve never even met your mother?"
"That’s right."
Zelir thought for a moment, as if he’d guessed something.
"The reason my mother, Leanna, passed away was because she had a difficult childbirth when I was born, which led to a massive hemorrhage," Gray said quietly.
"But... what does that have to do with you?" Even Valles couldn’t help but ask.
"My father... his love for my mother, Leanna, surpassed everything else."
"Even though he was a nobleman of high status, with countless opportunities and temptations around him, women would have crawled into his bed at the snap of his fingers."
"But in his entire life, he never had a single mistress, nor did he ever touch any other woman. He loved Leanna with all his heart."
"It was my birth that took his beloved away from him."
"He wept inconsolably before my mother’s memorial, and from then on, all his love transformed into hatred for me."
"So, no matter how well I performed afterward, no matter how desperately I tried to earn his approval, he would never accept it."
"He said that every time he saw my face, it reminded him of the day Leanna died."
"Leanna’s hand, holding his, slowly loosened its grip. Her body grew cold, and it was as if all joy had vanished along with her."
"After learning all this, I asked him, ’Do you still resent me, Father?’"
"He lifted his gaze to look at me, opened his mouth as if to say something, but the indifferent expression on his face was impossible to hide."
"From that moment on, I knew there was no point in me staying with that family anymore."
"So I packed my bags and ran away from home on the day of my coming-of-age ceremony."
"I didn’t know where to go. My mind was a complete blank. I just hopped on a random carriage and ended up in a small town."
"That was the first time I ever felt free. No cold stares from my father, no lectures from the butler, and none of that tedious noble etiquette."
"I drank and caroused in a tavern, and when the midnight bells rang, I slept with a barmaid, treating it as a celebration of my coming-of-age."
"I woke up at dawn and looked at the sleeping profile of the barmaid. Even though she was my first, I still didn’t feel anything special."
At this, Gray tilted his head back and drained the rest of the wine in his cup.
"I was just thinking, ’What a fool my father is... right?’"
"Tormenting his living son for a dead woman... All that bullshit about loyalty and unwavering love... I fucking hate this thing called love."
"You’re right. Your father really is a fool." Zelir raised his cup to Gray from across the table.
The two clinked their cups in the air and drank together.
"Is that why you live such a debauched life?" Valles asked.
"I just don’t want to think about anything else. I focus on pleasure, living one day at a time."
Gray sighed.
"After that comes the story Maki is familiar with. I drifted around, met him, then joined an Adventurer Squad, caused a lot of trouble, and got kicked out."
"I didn’t want to go back south. I never wanted to see anyone from the Mans Clan again. So I headed north, stopping and starting, and eventually ended up in Black Stone Town."
"Then it must be fate that we met," Marcus said, also raising his cup to Gray.
After a long pause, Valles spoke again.
"Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you earlier... You’ve already paid the price for your mistakes, and I’m in no position to blame you."
Gray glanced at Valles, a little surprised.
"It’s nothing. I deserved it."
"So why did your mother have a difficult childbirth?"
"Maybe it was a breech birth? Maybe my head was too big? Or maybe my mother’s Constitution was poor to begin with... In any case, how the hell would I know."
Gray grunted, speaking irritably.
"Go ask the midwife who was there at the time. Maybe her delivery skills were just terrible. I’m actually surprised he didn’t go after her."
"Maybe he already did. Chopped off her head and hung it up to dry or something," Zelir chuckled.
The others also let out quiet laughs.
"Do you still resent your father?" Maki asked.
"He’s not worth my resentment. He’s just a fool," Gray said with a look of contempt.
"Then why are you still punishing yourself for his mistake?"
Zelir said, "Like Maki said before, drinking every day, letting yourself go to waste."
"I’m not letting myself go to waste. I’ve just seen through the true nature of life," Gray retorted.
"You haven’t seen through anything. You’re just a kid still living in the shadow of his past," Zelir said.
Gray froze.
"Forget it. Just chalk it up to me talking too much after a few drinks." Zelir shook his head and said no more.
The banquet finally came to an end.
Everyone left the castle, pleasantly tipsy.
A cool night breeze blew against them, dispelling the heat radiating from their bodies.
As expected, a carriage was waiting for them at the gate.
Gray walked alone at the back of the group, his hands in his pockets, kicking at the small stones on the road.
"Hey."
Just as Maki was about to get into the carriage, Gray suddenly called out to him.
"What’s up?" Maki turned back.
"Nothing..."
Gray’s gaze drifted, but he finally steeled his resolve and spoke. "If you have time... could you teach me Swordsmanship?"
Maki suddenly recalled how after their first mission together, frustrated with his own clumsy performance, he had called out to Gray in the exact same way.
"Hey, could you teach me Swordsmanship?"
And so, the expression on Gray’s face back then was the same one on Maki’s face now.
He broke into a grin.
"Sure."