Chapter 908 - 351: Self-Destruction (2)
Si Jiuyou shook her head, "No. Having it doesn’t mean you are it." She said seriously, "Wubing, I hope you don’t become the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon. Can you understand what I mean?"
Fan Wubing paused.
Si Jiuyou said,
"Everything you’ve done is pushing you closer to the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon. It’s not hard to imagine entering the Great Thousand Worlds, experiencing endless years, eventually becoming the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon, invincible in the entire Great Thousand Worlds. But what if... this is also a cage of fate for you?"
Fan Wubing was shocked. He hadn’t thought about it this way.
"But, why do you say that? Isn’t my fate supposed to become the ultimate eternal? Fate has designated me..."
Si Jiuyou raised her head and helplessly said,
"My understanding has its limits, and I can’t explain the essence to you clearly. But as your senior sister, my only thought is that I hope you gain true freedom. Becoming the ultimate eternal isn’t freedom, so does becoming the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon grant freedom?"
"..."
Si Jiuyou noticed Fan Wubing’s silence, thinking her attitude might have hurt him, she comforted,
"Don’t be upset. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it. It’s just that I don’t want you to become something else and hope you can always be the junior brother I knew."
Fan Wubing suddenly started laughing.
Si Jiuyou was a bit startled, thinking it was a side effect of the backlash from the Chronicles of Time, she quickly asked,
"What’s wrong? Is your spirit not stable yet?"
Fan Wubing laughed even louder.
Si Jiuyou couldn’t comprehend it. She usually gave off the impression of having everything under control, but in facing Fan Wubing, she seemed at a loss. In desperation, she simply pulled him into her embrace, like she did with him when he was young at the Eternal Immortal Sect.
At this moment, she was Fu Ming.
Fan Wubing said,
"I’m okay, senior sister."
"Then why laugh suddenly?"
"I’m laughing at how pretentious I am, just one step away yet still tangled up in figuring out who I really am. Clearly, everyone acknowledges my existence, yet I’m here wrestling and splitting hairs by myself." Fan Wubing said, "Where do I have the ability to see through everything, when in the end, I haven’t even figured out my own thoughts."
Si Jiuyou lacks a sense of security. However, her insecurity is not about herself but about Fan Wubing.
So she held Fan Wubing tighter, fearing that he might disappear if she let go.
"No. Your senior sister believes in you, you are the best!"
Fan Wubing said,
"Senior sister, don’t worry about me. This is an old issue of mine."
"What?"
Fan Wubing chuckled and said, "Everyone thinks I’m confident, very determined. But in truth, I sometimes doubt myself, and my steps forward occasionally waver. Man’Er, Qingyao, and Gu Lan all understand this about me... Whenever it happens, they always keenly notice my anomalies and help me regain my confidence."
He forced a smile as he spoke,
"My personality is quite troublesome, isn’t it?"
Si Jiuyou isn’t the type to say pleasant things. Even though she might have touched upon the Destiny Dao atop Everlasting Mountain and glimpsed countless Small Thousand Worlds, she wouldn’t consider issues from a grand narrative perspective when facing Fan Wubing.
She would only say the simplest and most direct words,
"No matter how troublesome, you are my junior brother."
Fan Wubing was stunned, lowered his head, and chuckled,
"Senior sister is indeed a fool."
"No matter how foolish I am, I am still your senior sister!" Si Jiuyou continued to emphasize.
Suddenly, Fan Wubing felt his mind clear, narrowed his eyes, shimmering with a magical light. He held Si Jiuyou’s hand tightly,
"Yes, senior sister is right! I shouldn’t absorb the Chronicles of Time as if it were the dragon soul of the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon. It’s only a book with countless insights in front of me. Just read it like a book!"
He said and then opened the Chronicles of Time once more.
And this time, he didn’t fall uncontrollably into the countless insights of the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon.
He couldn’t help but smile,
"Senior sister, look, I found the right way."
Si Jiuyou stared at his smiling face, dazed. This child-like innocent smile became clearer in her heart.
Fan Wubing immersed himself in absorbing the information within the Chronicles of Time.
Si Jiuyou didn’t want to disturb him at all, quietly sitting beside him. Just watching him reading so earnestly seemed enveloped by immense happiness.
This is the home she wants. It is also the fundamental reason why she always emphasizes "family bonds."
Such beautiful feelings, in her understanding, only exist in "home."
Fan Wubing was engrossed in reading,
Si Jiuyou was engrossed in watching him.
In the Chronicles of Time, the age-old and profound experiences of the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon filled the gaps in Fan Wubing’s understanding of the truth.
Meanwhile, in this twilight-illuminated Divine Phoenix Hall, the undisturbed atmosphere of tranquility filled the void in Si Jiuyou’s longing for home.
It wasn’t until Fan Wubing felt weary and closed the Chronicles of Time, that Si Jiuyou reluctantly withdrew his gaze.
Fan Wubing took a deep breath and smiled,
"An enjoyable reading experience."
"How much have you learned?"
Fan Wubing said, with a burning look in his eyes,
"Not much. But I’ve gained a rough idea about destiny. From the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon’s perspective, destiny is never a Dao that people can tread; rather, it’s the ’meaning of existence’ in all things. Ultimately, eternity, in the eyes of the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon, is the self-destruction of ’meaning of existence.’ Therefore, the Great Wilderness Cyan Dragon is not resisting destiny but saving it, saving the ’meaning of existence’ of everything that exists."
He took a deep breath,
"This is true dragon’s will! A true dragon is not born to resist, but to save. It can be said, without ultimate eternity, there is no true dragon."
Si Jiuyou pondered seriously,
"Is this the essence of a true dragon?"
"Yes!"
Fan Wubing humbly said, "But for now, I’ve only grasped a superficial understanding."
Si Jiuyou smiled faintly, speaking softly,
"But the path is found. Now, we just need to move forward."
"Hmm." Fan Wubing looked at Si Jiuyou, somewhat bashfully, "Thank you, Senior Sister."
"Thank me for what?"
"Thank you, Senior Sister, for accommodating me, believing in me."
"Nonsense, I’m your Senior Sister, after all." Si Jiuyou was somewhat speechless. She didn’t quite understand what Fan Wubing was thanking her for.
Fan Wubing asked quietly, "Can I hug you?"
Si Jiuyou laughed, opening her arms, "Of course! Didn’t we just hug?"
"Hmm."
Fan Wubing cautiously embraced Si Jiuyou.
Si Jiuyou, however, felt something was amiss. Her heart inexplicably skipped a beat, making her wonder... How strange, what is this about? Why do I feel a bit embarrassed, I used to embrace him a lot, and it never felt like this before... What’s happening to me?
She inexplicably became conscious of Fan Wubing’s breath, body temperature, and the scent on him.
A peculiar feeling she had never experienced before, like a tender shoot breaking through the earth, seeing sunlight for the first time.
This can’t be right, the earlier embrace didn’t feel like this at all! Why... Si Jiuyou was vexed, forcing herself to think about what was different. Fan Wubing’s earnest reading posture flashed through her mind.
She was startled, immediately pushing away Fan Wubing who was hugging her, and said angrily,
"Don’t intrude into my mind!"
Fan Wubing was a bit confused, "What’s wrong? What intruded into your mind?"
Si Jiuyou was taken aback, turning her head, "Nothing."
"Alright then."
The more Si Jiuyou looked at Fan Wubing, the more restless she became. She couldn’t help but feel afraid... This is not the feeling one should have towards family! Towards family, one should feel utmost affection, cherish, and want to protect and love.
How can one feel restless towards family!
Something must be wrong! Si Jiuyou was determined to protect the familial bond between her and Fan Wubing.
That must have been an illusion! I couldn’t possibly feel restless towards Junior Brother!
Desperate to prove herself, she opened her arms again,
"Wubing, hug me!"
Fan Wubing blinked, "Senior Sister, are you really feeling okay?"
"Stop talking, hug me!"
"Alright."
Fan Wubing didn’t understand what was happening, but he was always ready to oblige such a request.
Then, he held Si Jiuyou in his arms once more.
His breath was on Si Jiuyou’s neck. She clearly felt Fan Wubing’s body heat, smelled the scent on him, which was somewhat pleasant. Many feelings she had never paid attention to before now became very intense.
Si Jiuyou couldn’t prove her innocence; instead, she became even more restless.
Terrified, she hastily pushed Fan Wubing away and fled without looking back.
"Senior Sister!" Fan Wubing was completely bewildered, murmuring, "What is going on?"