Chapter 1830 - 1833: Absurdity
Lu Xiaobu finally still asked for directions.
He followed the direction 179 pointed all the way forward!
And then!
He saw two groups of people in a massive brawl!
Yes, you’re not seeing things, and he wasn’t talking nonsense either.
Right here in this place called the Spirit Realm, the first thing he saw was two groups of people having a group fight!
And every single one of them was an old man with a beard hanging down to his chest.
Lu Xiaobu saw with his own eyes an old man whose beard was dragging on the ground; the old guy flipped his beard back over his neck, rolled up his sleeves, cursing and swearing as he got ready to throw down!
The way he did it was just like those duels in Qing Dynasty dramas where they wrap their big queue around their neck before fighting, full of ritual!
It left Lu Xiaobu completely speechless!
No matter whether you looked at this scene from Lu Xiaobu’s worldview or from a cultivator’s worldview, it was enough to make someone mentally collapse!
In Lu Xiaobu’s original Heavenly Dynasty worldview, how could he ever have imagined a bunch of seventy- or eighty-year-old geezers getting into a group brawl?!
Even in a cultivator’s worldview, age doesn’t represent cultivation.
But where the hell is this?!
This is the Spirit Realm; everyone who can come here is basically a Mahayana existence!
A group of Mahayana old monsters, instead of collapsing mountains with a flick of a finger, are flipping their beards and getting into a group street fight—if their disciples and grand-disciples saw this, wouldn’t they be scared half to death?
He walked closer to listen.
Lu Xiaobu got even more mentally wrecked!
You’d never guess why these people were fighting!
"I’m telling you, Xiao Ying is ours. If you dare lay a finger on her again, I’ll chop you into pieces!"
This was what that beard-flipping old man Lu Xiaobu had just seen was shouting.
The other side refused to back down: "Fuck your grandpa! I’ve taken a fancy to Xiao Ying! You can get the hell out! Life and death, whatever, if you’re not convinced then fight, I’m not scared of you!"
"You still dare act cocky?!"
"Yeah I’m cocky, what can you do about it?!"
"What’s the big deal showing off in the Spirit Realm? If you’ve got guts, report your coordinates, I’ll bring my people over and hack you to death right now!"
"No need! You drop your coordinates, I’ll come find you!"
"Fuck! A dumbass who only knows how to win with his mouth!"
"cnn, you’re the fucking dumbass!"
"..."
And then, Lu Xiaobu saw the two sides start swinging.
The way they fought, it was brutal as hell!
Not brutal as in blood spraying everywhere, but that kind of brutality you feel when you see a bunch of seventy- or eighty-year-old geezers getting into a group brawl!
What made Lu Xiaobu even more speechless was that from the way they were talking, they were actually fighting out of jealousy over a woman called Xiao Ying?
Don’t ask how Lu Xiaobu knew right away it was a woman.
These two groups were all big grown-ass men; could they really be having a group fight over some guy?!
Seriously!
Lu Xiaobu suddenly felt this place was exactly like the online world; relying on its unique anonymity, it completely released all those dark sides of people’s hearts they normally wouldn’t dare say out loud!
It’s just that online trolls only use their mouths, while here, besides trash talk, you can also use your fists!
Anyway, it doesn’t affect their real bodies!
Lu Xiaobu shook his head and was about to leave.
And then!
Someone spotted him!
Two old men who were in the middle of beating on each other saw Lu Xiaobu and immediately flew into a rage!
"Kid, what the hell are you looking at?! What are you shaking your head for?! What’s that supposed to mean, you saying Xiao Ying isn’t good enough?!"
"Fuck, look at how young he looks at this age—clearly he’s here for Xiao Ying!"
"Beat him to death!"
"Fuck, we haven’t even decided the winner yet, and there’s already someone trying to take advantage?!"
"..."
Just like that, for no reason at all, Lu Xiaobu became the public enemy of both sides, with one after another shouting that they were going to kill him!
"Fuck! What the hell is wrong with you people?!"
Lu Xiaobu felt exactly like those people online who watch two sides flame each other, can’t take it anymore, say one fair sentence, and then get attacked by both sides together!
No, he was even more wronged than the people trying to be fair!
Because he had only shaken his head, okay!
So!
Three minutes later, Lu Xiaobu had one old man in each hand, yanking on their beards and tying them together in a hard knot!
A dead knot!
If it came down to pure cultivation, he might be a bit weaker!
But in a group brawl?! The kind where you pull hair and gouge eyes?!
No brag, he’d challenge everyone here!
With beards that long, those things were basically their fatal weak points!
And even like this, these old geezers were still trash talking!
"Kid, if you’ve got guts, let me go! I’ll fight you for three hundred rounds!"
"Fuck! If you’ve got guts, tell me your coordinates, I’ll kill you in real life!"
Just listen to that, doesn’t it sound exactly like the usual tactics internet trolls use?!
Lu Xiaobu, a seasoned veteran in this area, decided to teach them a lesson!
So!
He gave them another beating!
If something can be solved with fists, he absolutely won’t waste words!
In the end he beat this bunch until they were screaming nonstop.
Looking at their wrinkled old faces, Lu Xiaobu almost felt a surge of respect-the-elderly-protect-the-children coming on!
Amid the pleas for mercy from this group of old men, Lu Xiaobu twisted all their beards together, then turned around and left.
As he walked, he cursed, "What the hell kind of shitty place is this Spirit Realm!"
As he walked, Lu Xiaobu saw two more people.
Yeah, these two were a lot more refined; they were playing chess!
Lu Xiaobu was a bit interested and went over to take a look!
Yeah, fucking checkers!
Fuck you both, with your immortal-aura looks, exactly like those Immortals playing chess on TV, and then when he took a look—fucking checkers?!
Can you assholes at least act a little serious?!
Especially since both of them were total scrub players!
I bet you wouldn’t believe it!
Two scrub players playing checkers, this was absolutely the first game of its kind in all of history!
Cursing under his breath, Lu Xiaobu walked off.
He kept walking!
He finally saw something a bit proper!
Alchemy!
Now this, this was what proper cultivators should look like!
Cultivate the Dao, refine Elixirs, seek immortality!
With a humble desire to learn, Lu Xiaobu stepped forward...
After asking a few questions, Lu Xiaobu found out the name of the Elixir the other guy wanted to refine!
Tomato-and-Egg Elixir!
After that!
Lu Xiaobu kicked over the Alchemy Furnace and walked off cursing!
Tomato-and-Egg Elixir?!
Why don’t you just refine a Buddha-Jumps-Over-the-Wall Elixir while you’re at it?!
At least that would sound more high-end than Tomato-and-Egg Elixir!
The old man doing the Alchemy stood there cursing up a storm in place from anger!
He kept walking.
Lu Xiaobu saw...
Five shameless old geezers drawing Erotic Paintings!
An old lady holding a concert, along with a whole crowd of her rabid fans!
Yeah, that old lady’s name was Xiao Ying!
Lu Xiaobu even got hit with a flirtatious side-eye!
Her fans jumped up, ready to beat him!
Lu Xiaobu fled in utter panic!
In the end!
Lu Xiaobu stopped seeing anything at all!
Because the beard-brawling old men, the checkers-playing old men, the Alchemy old man, the Erotic-Painting old men, and the fans of the old lady named Xiao Ying had all joined up and were now madly chasing him down to kill him!
Upholding the profound truth that "two fists can’t beat four hands," Lu Xiaobu ducked his head and just ran forward!
Someone might ask, why didn’t he fight back?!
Are you kidding, he’d already discovered that he couldn’t use Energy here, and even this body’s Strength wasn’t much; how the hell was he supposed to fight back!
However, because of this he finally reached the core area; there were finally no more of those absurd things here!