Chapter 380: The True Donkey
Luca was honestly impressed with her challenging words. He would have given it a perfect ten out of ten on the introduction scale.
It was exactly the sort of theatrical bravado he himself might have employed.
But there was only one problem.
The one delivering those devastating words was Mavis herself, a figure so small that her tiny, pony-like frame barely reached his own height.
Standing next to the towering centaurs who surrounded her, she looked less like a fearsome warrior and more like a child who had wandered onto a battlefield.
The effect was endearing rather than intimidating.
But as Luca considered that, a mischievous thought struck him.
He met her sapphire gaze with a taunting smirk, his eyes narrowing with calculated provocation.
"Honestly, I couldn’t see it clearly before—you were standing too far back. But now that you’re right here in front of me..."
He tilted his head, making a show of studying her form. "You’re actually quite small, aren’t you?"
Her eyebrows twitched. Just barely. A flicker of irritation that she suppressed almost before it surfaced.
"If I didn’t already know you were a centaur." Luca continued, his smirk widening. "I would have assumed you belonged to a donkey race instead."
Gasps rippled through the brigade like a shockwave.
"Oh my god—the Hero just insulted Mavis! That’s quite literally the worst thing he could have possibly said!"
"She’s going to explode! She’s absolutely going to explode!"
Every centaur present knew that Mavis had precisely zero tolerance for insults.
So, they braced themselves for the inevitable eruption, certain she would verbally tear into Luca with that razor tongue of hers.
Yet that was exactly what Luca wanted.
He had provoked her deliberately, curious to see whether she would hold nothing back against the Hero—just as she never held back against her queen or her fellow centaurs.
But to everyone’s astonishment, Mavis didn’t flare up.
She simply studied him for a long moment, something flickering in those intelligent sapphire eyes.
Understanding, perhaps. Amusement, definitely. Then she nodded slowly and let out a chuckle.
"Even if you call me a donkey, Hero, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest." She lifted her chin with pride. "In fact, I’ll take it as a compliment."
Luca blinked, genuinely baffled. "How in the world is being compared to a donkey a compliment?"
Mavis raised a single finger, her expression taking on that haughty quality again—the look of someone explaining something obvious to a slow student.
"Because donkeys are extremely intelligent." She spoke with absolute conviction. "A horse can only run fast and carry riders into battle. It follows commands without question. But a donkey?"
"A donkey has its own mind. If it decides not to move, it will not move—no matter how much you pull or push or shout. It thinks for itself." Her smirk sharpened. "Unlike a horse, which simply obeys."
The remark carried a subtle but unmistakable jab at the other centaurs—horse-bodied creatures who prided themselves on their obedience and discipline.
None of them seemed particularly offended, however. They were far too accustomed to Mavis’s barbs to take genuine umbrage.
She pointed at herself, her expression earnest.
"I’ve always valued my intelligence and my mind far more than physical strength. That’s how it’s been my entire life—from the moment I could think, I knew my brain was my greatest weapon."
"So being compared to a donkey isn’t an insult." She smiled, and it was surprisingly genuine. "It’s a compliment. One of the highest order."
Luca couldn’t help but admire her attitude. She had taken his insult and transformed it into something positive through sheer force of perspective.
And her sincerity was obvious—she wasn’t acting or trying to conceal hurt feelings beneath bravado.
She genuinely seemed to regard the comparison as praise, placing infinitely greater worth on intellect than on the brute strength the rest of the centaurs prized above all else.
But just as Luca thought he had been let off the hook, a dangerous glint kindled in Mavis’s sapphire eyes.
Her smile curved into something considerably more sinister.
"However." She said, her voice taking on a silky, predatory quality. "Even though I don’t mind being called a donkey...you have absolutely no right to call me one."
Luca raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why not?"
"Because." Mavis said, her gaze sharpening with intent as she looked him up and down. "If anyone here is a donkey, it’s most certainly you!"
Confusion rippled through the assembled centaurs.
"Huh? Why is Mavis calling the Hero a donkey?"
"I mean, she could insult him in plenty of other ways—heaven knows she has enough material—but what does a donkey have to do with anything?"
One centaur scratched her head, her brow furrowed.
"This doesn’t make any sense at all. It’s not like Mavis to make random, meaningless comments. She always has a point, even when we wish she didn’t."
Luca himself was equally perplexed. "How in the world could I possibly resemble a donkey?"
He chuckled, genuinely amused by the strange turn in conversation.
"I don’t have any fur on my back. I don’t have a tail." He flapped his blade-hands together, the swords clanking. "Look—I don’t even have hooves. I just have swords for hands. So tell me—"
Genuine curiosity colored his voice
"—how exactly can you call me a donkey, of all people?"
Mavis gave him a rather devious chuckle, covering her mouth with one hand in a gesture of mock modesty.
"Have you forgotten, Hero?"
Luca’s brow furrowed. "Forgotten what?"
"You know..." Her voice trailed off suggestively.
Then, slowly, she lowered her gaze from his face. Down past his chest. Past his stomach. Lower and lower until her eyes came to rest at his crotch.
She pointed at it.
"Have you forgotten." She purred. "About the part in your pants that most definitely resembles a donkey?"
For a moment, no one understood what Mavis was implying. Murmurs of confusion fluttered through the crowd.
"What’s she talking about?"
"I don’t understand. What’s inside his pants?"
Sigrid herself looked baffled for a heartbeat—and then understanding struck her like a thunderbolt.
Poof!
Her face ignited. Not merely blushed—ignited!
The crimson spread from her cheeks to her ears to her neck, and steam practically rose from her skin as mortification consumed her entire being.
One by one, the older, more experienced ones pieced together exactly what Mavis was referencing.
Their faces also underwent similar transformations, shock and embarrassment warring for dominance across their features.
One of the more innocent younger centaurs turned to her friend, who was blushing furiously, and tugged on her sleeve.
"What’s going on?" She whispered, genuinely bewildered. "Why is everyone blushing so much? What did she say that’s so embarrassing?"
Her friend turned slowly, her face the color of a sunset. "She’s talking about...you know..."
"Know what?"
Mavis, overhearing the exchange, decided to intervene directly.
"Have you seen a donkey’s...penis before?"
The young centaur, immediately flushed crimson but managed to stammer out a confirmation.
"Y-Yes..."
"Then what do you think about it?" Mavis pressed.
Her brain seemed to short-circuit entirely. Why was she being asked such questions? In front of everyone!?
But under Mavis’s expectant gaze, she forced herself to conjure the image of a donkey’s member and, in a very small voice, answered:
"Big. Very...very big."
Mavis friend nodded knowingly.
"Now. From those dreams you’ve had...the ones where you’re...with the Hero..." She leaned in conspiratorially. "How big do you think his place is?"
A look of dawning, horrified realization spread across the innocent centaur’s face.
Her face went from pink to scarlet in a matter of seconds, and she muttered under her breath, barely audible over the growing commotion.
"Big...Very big!"
The whispers exploded across the crowd.
"OH MAVIS! HOW DARE SHE BRING THAT UP RIGHT NOW!"
"THIS GIRL HAS NO BOUNDARIES AT ALL! SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE SHOULD AND SHOULDN’T SAY!"
"HOW CAN SHE BE SO SHAMELESS?!"
But then another voice chimed in, shyly.
"But...she does have a point. I mean...I kind of agree with her."
"Most definitely." Another centaur agreed, her voice taking on a dreamy, embarrassed quality. "That part of the Hero...it definitely rivals a donkey, if not surpasses it."
"I was just thinking the same thing!" A third added with a nervous giggle. "I didn’t want to say anything, but—"
Suddenly, every gaze in the entire assembly, including Sigrid’s, who was attempting to sneak glances while pretending she absolutely was not drifted toward Luca’s crotch.
Luca himself felt heat creep up his own neck. He had faced down monsters, demons, and gods.
He had dueled the mightiest warriors of every era.
But he had never been quite prepared for the sensation of a dozens centaurs openly trying to measure the size of his member through his pants as if they were sizing up a slab of meat at the market.
He quickly doubled over, covering himself with his blade-arms as best he could, trying to preserve at least a shred of dignity.
"Now, now." He managed, his voice slightly strained. "Let’s not get carried away here—"
But the centaurs were having none of it. They had already gone well past the point of decorum.
Sigrid, meanwhile, finally managed to snap herself out of her daze. Her face still burning, she shouted with all the authority she could muster:
"Mavis! How could you bring up such a crude topic in this setting? I explicitly told everyone not to mention what happened in those dreams—especially not in the presence of the queen!"
She glanced pointedly at Poppy, who currently had her ears covered by Thea’s hands.
"What’s happening?" Poppy asked, her voice carrying across the suddenly tense field.
"Why is everyone so red? Did something happen? Is the Hero sick?!"
Thea, her face a similar shade of crimson, said nothing.
She simply continued to hold her hands over her queen’s ears and stare resolutely at the sky.
Mavis, for her part, showed absolutely no signs of shame or guilt.
"It’s not like I’m lying, or trying to throw false accusations against the Hero." She said airily.
Then she took a step forward, her taunting gaze fixed on Luca like a predator sizing up her prey.
"After all, everyone here with the sole exception of our dear Queen Poppy has experienced those dreams. We’ve all seen the Hero completely naked without a single scrap of cloth on him."
She paused, letting the weight of her words settle over the crowd.
Then her eyes grew keener, sharper, more dangerous.
"Which also means...that we’ve all seen exactly how big he is down there!"
The fluster in the crowd intensified. Mavis pressed on relentlessly, a grin spreading across her face.
"So there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me comparing him to a donkey! In fact, I’d argue it’s the perfect comparison. Any other animal simply doesn’t fit. A horse? Too small. A bull? Not quite right. No, no—only a donkey can truly comprehend just how powerful the Hero is down there."
One centaur tried desperately to intervene. "Mavis, you—you can’t just—"
But Mavis had already turned back to Luca, her smirk taking on a distinctly devilish quality.
"How does it feel, Hero?"
"What?" Luca said, still awkwardly shielding himself.
"To have such a massive member." She clarified, her gaze dropping pointedly downward once again.
"How does something that large even fit into your pants? Or does it simply...spill out of your underwear?"
She rubbed her chin with a thoughtful expression, as though genuinely pondering the engineering challenge.
"Or perhaps you wrap it around and tuck it into your back pocket? Or maybe—" Her eyes sparkled with wicked delight. "—you tie it in a knot?! It’s certainly long enough for that. Or perhaps you could even wear it as a belt."
She burst into a fit of giggles. "Oh, imagine—our great and powerful Hero, belted with his own enormous—"
"Mavis!"
"Shut up!"
"Enough please!"
Several centaurs shouted in unison.
But she was utterly unstoppable now.
"Honestly, Hero, I’ve been wondering about this ever since those dreams. How on earth do your wives back in the elf village survive you?"
"Elves are so frail! They eat leaves and nuts! They’re lean, delicate, dignified creatures!"
She shook her head with theatrical sympathy.
"So, how does a monster of that scale even...fit inside an elf without breaking her in half?"