Chapter 43
Julien ran straight for us when we rounded the trail that entered into basecamp. I couldn’t hide the hurt in my eyes as he took me in.
"What happened? Is she ok?"
There was panic in his tone and I curled into Marek’s chest as he took me to warm by the fire.
Marek I had expected to lie, his loyalty had always been with Dominic. Jax I could forgive too. He was a troublemaker but avoided any conflict that he couldn’t turn into a joke.
But Julien... Julien I thought loved me.
He had been the one who had said he buried Grayson. Who dug a grave and didn’t want to speak further of it. I actually felt sorry for him when he told me. He had acted like doing such a thing pained him, then he comforted me in my grief. His betrayal and deception bit into my feelings for him.
"Why’d you do it Julien? Why did you lie to me?"
Marek had set me on a bench in front of the blazing fire. Jax found a blanket to wrap around my shoulders. Julien sat beside me, hand on my knee that he pulled away the instant I asked the questions.
His eyes lowered and face fell as he recoiled away from me.
"You sat exactly where you are right now and told me you buried his dead body."
My pain grew as I held back tears. He held his guilty gaze, directed at his feet like a child.
"You comforted me while I felt a loss that wasn’t there," I pushed harder, each word cutting like a knife through butter.
He remained quiet, avoiding my anger, and making my voice turn to a shout.
"Why?"
His voice came small but deep, "I just wanted to keep you safe."
"That’s bullshit," I hissed. "Grayson was never a threat to me. You were. You all were. To me and to Grayson."
"Dominic made me, made all of us lie," he defended. His eyes finally matched with mine and I saw his fear.
"But you were the one who said it to my face," I accused.
"I had to. Dominic said it was the only way you would believe it. It was the only way you wouldn’t run off looking for him."
"Because I trusted you!" I cried out.
His hands wrapped around mine. "When you holed yourself away in Dominic’s room after the full moon, Grayson kept striking the perimeter. It was like he was stuck in his wolf-form. I had no idea what he would do if he found you. You’re not bonded anymore, Rebel."
His voice was rising as he spoke and I scrunched my nose in thought and disgust.
"His attacks were relentless. Every night we were defending the base against him. He nearly ripped Jax’s head off one night!"
His eyes searched mine for forgiveness and understanding, pleading with me with every blink.
"He has no reason not to hurt you, you belong to Dominic now."
I ripped my hand away, appalled by him.
Julien didn’t want to protect me, he wanted to keep me. Whether I was with him or Dominic, I would always be forced to stay here.
The whole time I had been pretending I was fine and playing with my powers, Grayson had been searching for me. Fighting for me. And they kept me from him.
"I hate you, Julien." My voice cracked with quiet anguish and I pressed my eyelids together.
"You don’t mean that. Please, Rebel. Try to understand."
The desperation on his face was that of a man who had already lost, but was still hoping for my mercy.
I stood abruptly, glaring at him from beneath my nose. "Stay away from me, Julien. I’ll make you wish you had if you don’t."
My eyes flared with my warning, the devastation making me unhinged with emotions.
I escaped to Dominic’s room, the only place I could lock myself away. Julien didn’t follow and I slammed the door with a hard thud.
Sitting on the edge of my old cot, I gripped the edge and squeezed until my nerves had calmed. My heartbeat loud against the sides of my head.
A light tapping came from the door.
"Go away!" I yelled. I didn’t think of who it could be, I didn’t care.
Birds noises whistled beyond the barrier. My head jerked up with a new direction to direct my fury.
I unlocked and opened the door. Grabbing Jax’s arm, I yanked him inside and let the door fly shut behind him.
I sat back on the bed and crossed my arms, glaring up at him.
"You’re so cute when you’re mad," he grinned.
"You’re not off the hook either, Jax. Why didn’t you tell me Grayson was alive and trying to take me back?" I pouted, trying to resist the urge to let my anger slide for him.
"What? And get struck down by purple lighting?"
The jokes that usually made me feel better were now starting to infuriate me.
"So you kept me as a prisoner here instead? It was selfish of you all."
"Of course it was," his smile faded. "It was selfish, I was selfish. I don’t want you to go. Can you really blame any of us for not wanting to let you leave us?"
His words were breaking down my barricades. He sat next to me on the bed, eyes soft and heart gentle.
"You’re the best thing that’s happened to this place. Why would we just let that go?"
"Because it isn’t right." My eyes shifted to his, my tone transitioning into seriousness.
"I’m not your toy, Jax. I have feelings. You all treat me like property, like I have no choice over my own life."
Dust hung in the quiet air, catching the light that leaked through the splits of leaves that made up the tiny windows. The space carried a whisper of Dominic’s scent. The memory was stale, tangled with mildew and neglect.
"And when you choose Grayson? Are we supposed to just let you go?"
A hint of malice touched his features that I hadn’t seen on him before, the look shocking me.
"The first day we met you, he was trying to force you into something you didn’t want but we’re the bad guys?"
A ball had formed in my throat, tears dripped from their edges. He was right, Grayson was no better than they were. He deceived me and rejected me and abused me, yet I still held a flame for him.
It was Grayson who flooded my thoughts and feelings, bonded or not. Grayson who my mind and my powers searched for even when I thought he was gone for good.
"Why does he hold such power over you?" His voice was gentle with the question, like he was truly trying to understand.
"I don’t know," I answered honestly. "But I intend to ask him when I see him again."
The gravity of the declaration settled into my soul. Now that I knew he was out there and knew he was looking for me, I would do whatever it took to escape this place. To return to him.
With the full moon looming, it was more important than ever that I reunite with Grayson. He would protect me from the eternal damnation under Dominic’s bond. Only he could break my spell and claim me as his. Except this time, I could hold the hope that he wouldn’t reject me.
"I have to find him, Jax."
Now it was my eyes that were pleading. Jax was the only one who would do something so wild as to help me escape. He had hid me from Marek, cut me free from Dominic’s bed, and dared to kiss me when I was already claimed.
"Will you help me?"
It was dangerous to trust any of them now, but I needed Jax’s help. He studied me with restraint, his mouth bending with uncertainty.
I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow at him, challenging his dubious nature.
He clicked his tongue against his cheek and his wicked smile spread.
"What the hell, why not? Let’s go find some trouble."
A squeal jumped from my throat through closed teeth and I lunged into his arms, hugging him tight.
I didn’t know where Grayson was. I also didn’t know where Dominic was. To find one without the other was riskier than choosing which wolf to trust in the dark.
To stay here was to be caged, but leaving before Dominic’s return might be worse. Every step would need to be a careful one. Every decision carefully plotted.
The plan couldn’t be reckless like it was last time. If Dominic caught me before I found Grayson then I may not survive whatever he choosed to do next. The purpose needed to be stonger than the doubt, though, and with Jax’s help, I may actually make it.
My stomach leaped, hope hitting me so hard it hurt. The idea of seeing him again was a surge of emotion. Hot, urgent, and filling me until I felt ready to burst.